It’s not so much the graduation announcement that bugs me, though. I’d seen it coming for a long time.
It’s more of…
You know; When you’ve been told all your life that you can achieve something as long as you work hard and work smart, and you do just that, and everything works out just fine for you for a while. You put in effort, play by the rules, and things go swimmingly well for the first ten, twenty years of your life. You trip up a few times along the way, but you’re smart enough to pick yourself up, learn from your mistakes, and move on a better person.
And then here comes this one obstacle that blocks your way. Your conventional methods don’t work against it. You fail once, maybe twice to overcome it. You think to yourself, “Alright, this isn’t the first time I’ve failed. Let me modify my approach and try again.”
But no. You fail again. And again. And again. And again. And again. No matter how many alternative methods you try, nothing works. Can’t get over, under or around it no matter what you do. For every bit of experience you’ve picked up over your years of problem-solving and troubleshooting, nothing works against it.
And for once, you are truly broken. You’ve thrown yourself against this immovable object again and again and again and again so many times, that you are left shattered, disillusioned, and simply on the brink.
And for once, you truly give up. You throw your hands up in exhaustion, your mind, body and spirit absolutely demolished. You have never felt more like a failure in your life.
I’ve been there before. And while I can’t claim to know what Mayu is thinking right now, I know the feeling isn’t pleasant at all.
I’m sorry for the long rant. I just needed some time to clear my head.
Depending on who you ask, last night was either the best
Sousenkyo in 48G history, or the worst, or in my case, a little bit of both. Starting
from the atrocious beachside weather, down to the final speech in that concert
hall in Okinawa, the events of the past 48 hours were so polarizing, that it made
Dai Sokaku Matsuri 2014 look like a birthday party. This is the first time a
48G event has left me with so many more questions than answers. As much as I
try to make sense of the numbers, I am still left in this state of confusion.
But let’s try to see if we can find the order in this chaos.
First of all, to everyone who voted for me, everyone who supported me, truly thank you very much。
Last year, receiving 6th, I cried for the first time in a Sousenkyo, so I won’t cry this year。
However, last year, I raised my rank because of the people higher than me not joining, and likewise, this year I still couldn’t pass the wall, so I’m frustrated but, I strongly felt that it isn’t a result of me passing the Senbatsu Sousenkyo, but is a process that will lead to my own self confidence。
I’m sure people see nothing but the result, but what I’m seeing the most is the process, that’s why, in the Senbatsu Sousenkyo, there are many members who aren’t selected, but if you don’t only focus on the result and have the confidence that you did your best, next year there will definitely be another chance, so I want to move along with everyone without giving up。
I think I’m mostly seen by the people I’m loved as a normal, free from fault girl, with a honor student, serious character, but to me, always succeeding without having any failures is the most frightening thing。
People grow by making mistakes, falling down and learning pain。 That’s why, from now on I want to challenge many different things, challenge things anyone can think to be absolutely impossible, and I want to grow while making mistakes。
Instead of taking the average point, I think even 0 is better。 That’s why, from now on too, I will do my best。
And then, I don’t know if there will be a Sousenkyo next year, but Tokumitsu-san, please let me make a prediction for next year’s Sousenkyo。
In next year’s Sousenkyo, the first place is Miyawaki Sakura！
In order for my prediction to be true, even if you say I’m digging my own grave, I’m not making an exaggeration, so from now, I want to do my very best with all of my power, have a good result next year, to be the next after Sasshi。