single housing

You Can’t Find My House

I just got off the phone with mom, and we came to the realization that my family has lived in a series of unplottable houses for a couple generations now.

-The First Unplottable House is on my dad’s side of the family, in Delphi, Iowa.  The directions to it are the stuff of Buried Treasure:  Turn off the county road with a fraction in it’s name, to the Named Dirt Road, then turn at The Discount Eggs Sign on to the Unnamed dirt road that takes a meandering path THROUGH a corn field, DO NOT take any forks on that road or the farmer will shoot your ass, then take the paved road that dead-ends on ALL the way to the end- No, farther, the road keeps going it’s not a cliff-The only indication that You Have Arrived At The Correct Driveway is that a fat gray pony will charge the car, screaming, then escort you the rest of the way there.

It’s on the side of an enormous river, they’ve owned the property since 1911, and that’s the ONLY route there.

-The Second Unplottable house is in Bedford, Ohio and belonged to my mother’s parents.  It’s at the corner of two side-streets, right across from the tiny Italian grocery store.  Due to strange development decisions, the house is about 30 feet above street level and rendered invisible by a chestnut tree so majestic Hyao Myazaki would probably put it in a movie.  The driveway, however, is VERY visible from any of the surrounding houses, the grocer, or the street.  

At least in theory and old photos, becuase if you actually GO there,  your eyes slide right past it to the neighbor’s lillac bush, or to the retro neons of the grocery store or up the Chestnut tree.  it is literally HARD to look at that driveway, all the world around it wants to pull you away.

-The Third Unplottable house is in Salinas, CA, home of my paternal grandparents.  It is the single most BORING house possible- like, if you were to ask a third-grader to draw a prototypical house, they would draw my grandparent’s house.  Utterly Unremarkable. 

Except for the part where my Grandfather, spurred by his success with the “non-fruiting” peach tree, decided to plant a California Redwood Tree, and it grew to approximately 150 feet over the course of a few short decades.  It is the tallest damn thing for miles around, and SOMEHOW deliveries keep being missed, mail is delivered to the neighbors, and any non-blood family that tried to visit would end up on the other side of town.

-The Fourth Unplottable House was the one I grew up in CA.  The Directions to it are as follows:  It’s the Bright Orange house Right Across From The School.  You know, the one with six flamingos and the Volunteer Avacado Tree.

SOMEHOW, we got everyone’s mail but OURS (we still wonder about the letter from Fort Knox for Mr. Thomas Saxophone), the other kids got lost trying to visit and ended up in Mr.Phan’s yard on the other end of the block.  Officer Brown, Mom and Dad’s friend, who had GPS back in the early 90′s becuase silicon valley, regularly got lost looking for our place.  The Flamingos did nothing.

-My parent’s current house is the second house on the right  after two right turns off the state highway that runs through town.  Sounds easy, right?  

Except that due to a couple small trees and a bend in the road, the house is invisible from the road.  I have to stand out in the road if i want my pizza delivered.  The Mailman is the only person who could reliably find the box, but he drives a subaru that’s older than my sister from the passenger side by leaning over, and delivers mail based on the aztec lunar calendar, so he’s probably not actually human.  I tried to host a party, tied rainbow balloons to the mailbox, and all nine friends had to be waved in from the street.

-My current apartment building Does Not Exist, according to my Bank, medicaid, Google, and City Hall which was a bit exciting when I first moved in and had to call everyone that yes, I was sitting in a building that really exists.   

Unless it’s my classmates, becuase they can apparently come to parties I don’t host. This Friday I had a friend telling me she had a great time at my place last Teusday… when I was home alone.  She assures me that I held a houseparty with “Those polish things you make” (I make great mini klatchky, but haven’t served them to her) and that “You were definitely there, we talked about Carvaggio and you drive me home”

Hey there, Reggie here. Welcome to this Nintendo Direct. Soon I will simultaneously appear in every single house across the planet and consume all your food. If you can stop me I will give you a Nintendo Switch. But lets face it you can’t stop me, you and I both know you can’t.

Voltron Ghost Adventures AU where all five of them are just a mess of clunky camera gear and nerves and they constantly have the weirdest experiences as they stumble into haunted houses just hoping for the best

  • “Pidge, you brought the night vision goggles right???” “No, you said grab provisions. I got some Skittles and a Twinkie. Why, do you want the Twinkie?” “Pidge, you had one job.”
  • For some reason, spirits in almost every single house grab Lance’s ass and no one can figure out why
  • “Jesus, Hunk, take me to dinner first” “Lance, I’m across the hall” “Ohhhh my gooooood GUUUYS A SPIRIT JUST GRABBED MY ASS”
  • Shiro always gets things thrown at him. like, every single time. It’s where he’s gotten most of his scars because they’ll be walking into a kitchen and a chair will come skrrrrting around the corner and fly at his face
    • “But why is it always me?” “Probably because you’re so offensively good-looking” 
  • If there’s a scary doll in the house, it will find Keith. It always does.
    • *somewhere, Keith shrieks* “haha guess you could call Keith a chick magnet” “Lance, I hope a spirit pushes you down the stairs just because you said that stupid pun” “Y’know, Pidge, you’re always so sweet to me”
  • Hunk screams at any movement or creak in the house, every single time
  • Pidge gets into the habit of talking with the spirits like they’re her best friends and ignores imminent danger because she just explains it as them having a nice conversation
    • “Hunk, put me down, I’m fine, Charlene just wants to point me to where her body is” “PIDGE, THERE IS A KNIFE FLYING TOWARDS YOUR FACE I DON’T THINK SHE CARES IF YOU FIND HER BODY”
  • Most of the time, they just end up recording them creeping around abandoned shacks really carefully
  • Hunk always uses too much zoom so when he and Lance are exploring the west side of a mansion and Lance turns around and whispers “did you hear that”, all that Hunk sees on his night vision camera is Lance’s huge glowy eyes and his gigantic nostrils
  • At least once a week, they get locked in the basement of wherever they’re exploring and it always becomes a situation of life or death for them to escape yet they forget to plan for how to prevent it for the next time

Alex said she’s going to punch Ramses if he wins veto, Paul said he is going to break Ramses’ glasses and shove them up his ass, Mark and Paul are planning on screaming at/intimidating Ramses during the veto competition. This is garbage and unnecessary aggression. Ramses is being treated like shit and threatened because his appearance made people think he is a “liar” and “dangerous”… I hate these people.

i love it when i’m reading a book and the sexual tension between two characters it’s so strong that i literally feel the need to put some distance between me and the words.. like… my mom is in the next room can u two chill

Modern Day Hogwarts!AU

Originally posted by rose-wexsley

  • Oh my GOD being a Witch/Wizard in the 2010-2017 era would be so much fucking fun I swear I’ve never wanted to be a modern witch more than I do now
  •  Imagine every Friday night to celebrate the weekend, whatever year you’re in has a battle of the bands tradition, where everyone gathers in the Hufflepuff common room to rock tf out.
  • Pureblood student’s learning muggle music and instruments and LOVING it.
  • Every person in the year having mad hangovers the next day, and being dragged to the Quidditch pitch. All of the older students who attended the battle the previous night would all be dying, some of them even conjuring their own potions in an attempt to stop their hangovers.
  • FUCKING FIRST/SECOND YEARS DABBING 
  • “10 points to Ravenclaw” *AGGRESSIVELY DABS* 
  • If you weren’t in Hufflepuff yourself, the Hufflepuffs would be so fucking annoying. In EVERY SINGLE HOUSE EVENT they would all be chanting this song. (Even better if there was a Hufflepuff vs Slytherin Quidditch match and all the fucking Hufflepuff’s start shrieking the snake part)
  • I’m convinced there would be a Wizarding equivalent to social media apps like vine, instagram etc. Imagine the fucking vines that would be made through the school year im dyigreqdasiuf
  • Some Ravenclaw students using the room of requirement as a gym, because they know not only the importance of a healthy mind, but a healthy body too. Some Gryffindor students tagging along too when they notice what they’re up to, interested in muggle ‘leg day’, as they call it.
  • Piercing’s getting banned but most students being like lol fuck ya, wearing nose rings, septums etc all the time without fail.
  • Skater kids would enchant their skateboards to be able to hover, riding them in the corridor to their classes. Some teachers like Professor Longbottom would let it slide, others such as Filch wouldn’t be as forgiving.
  • Voldemort would become a meme.
  • He would definitely be a meme oh my god I am CONVINCED of this
  • In the History of Magic studies, the selected teacher would be expressing how dangerous and fearful the Dark Lord had once looked, one of the Slytherin students yelling out, ‘He doesn’t even have a bloody nose?! Dark Lord my arse.”
  • Muggle born students would take their pureblood friends to Muggle music festivals like Glastonbury and Reading Leeds, and they would go OFF. 
  • Wizards/Witches enchanting their camping tents so it’s like a small cabin, so it wasn’t uncomfortable to sleep in after a long day of seeing all the bands.
  • Kids who stay over the Christmas holidays would so stay up and play beer pong for New Years- all the Ravenclaws using advanced magic to cheat.
  • In Charms class, the students in their last year would do the mannequin challenge, making objects levitate while someone records it all.
  • Gryffindor students being annoying little fucks and trying to see how many teachers they could get to dab over the year. This turns into an annual house event for students, Slytherin always winning.
  • For Halloween all the older students enchanting their image to look like professors, which may become problematic through the day.
  • Hufflepuffs coming to class stoned, but never get told off for it. Sure, the odd point or two will be taken away if it’s that obvious, but those little shits always get away with it. Bonus points because their common room is so close to the kitchen.
  • If you haven’t heard this song before, I believe the Gryffindor would change the lyrics to “Gryffindor sound, we aint fucken around, fuck our classes man so we keep it underground, cause potions each day got me feeling like shit but it’s all worth while when the weekend hits.”
  • Slytherin students playing odds on, getting their Gryffindor mates to jump into the black lake to see the giant squid. 
  • Muggle borns taking their pureblood friends to rugby/hockey/soccer games, and them not having a fucking clue what’s going on.
  • KIDS IN THE CHOIR USING THEIR FUCKING FROG’S TO DO DUBSTEP AND TRAP BEATS FUCK 
  • Students using Snapchat to record small snippets of Mandrakes screaming then slow it down- Professor Longbottom finds this hillarious.

    FEEL FREE TO ADD TO THIS LET ME SEE WHAT YA’LL GOT
7

Spread House in Nagano

The single-story house designed by Makoto Takei + Chie Nabeshima / TNA is held above its hillside clearing on cedar-clad steel columns. The 10.85 meters (35.6 feet) square residence contains a 4.4 meter (14.4 feet) square central opening. The roof slopes upwards from the inner courtyard, so the home’s profile is box-like from the outside.

Some things I forget about Carry On

- Simon gets travel sick in cars

- Sometimes when the Mage looks at Simon, he’ll be reminded of Lucy

- Most of the guys in their year are scared of Penny

- “Damned to Slough”

- Simon thinks Baz looks like a gangster in the mornings

- Miss Possibelf uses a walking stick as a magical instrument

- Simon thought Baz jumping off the ramparts was the prettiest thing he’d ever seen

- Baz likens Simon and Penny to Ant and Dec

- Half of Simon’s sentences are shrugs

- Baz was willing to put the time in to block every. Single. Chimney. at his house just to annoy his little sister

- Young Baz liked Paddington Bear, and older Baz possibly still does