single buy

okay so, me and a friend were talking about lush and they saw that one of their facemasks contained garlic as the main ingredient and we started to wonder if lush had like, something against vampires or something so i sent an email to lush askin if they r pro-vampire and they actually replied back lmao

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

UPDATE:

lots of people have been asking me if I ever figured out where the kiwi came from. So to provide an update on the magical kiwi … one day I took a nap and had a dream about those creepy spiders that hide in bananas and I thought like oh my god this kiwi is gonna be full of spiders. So I woke up and promptly put the kiwi in a ziploc bag. To contain the dream spiders.

The kiwi sat on the counter for a few days, then got moved to the top of the fridge to get it out of the way. It sat there for a couple weeks. It never appeared to go bad? I did eventually throw it out, just because I was confused about it and neither of us were ever going to eat the kiwi.

Never found out why the kiwi was in my kitchen. I guess we’ll never know.

UPDATE UPDATE:

Kiwiny is following me on twitter now.

85 tips for language learners
  1. You like a language, learn it. Don’t give up on learning it only because it’s not popular, “useful” or your friends don’t like it.
  2. Sticky notes, sticky notes everywhere. If you can’t remember a grammar rule or a word/structure, use sticky notes.
  3. Study daily, even if it’s for 5 min or less.
  4. Learn the first 100-300 most common words, they are like everywhere.
  5. Duolingo, Memrise and Forvo are the holy trinity for every language learner; everyone uses them at some point.
  6. HiNative will save your ass when you have questions.
  7. “Hakuna matata mais quelle phrase magnifique” Disney is your friend, sing disney songs to improve your pronuniation.
  8. Also, watch disney movies. You know the story already so you can focus on the language.
  9. Watch movies with subs in your target language.
  10. Write daily a short text about whatever you want, even about your socks. In 1 month you’d have learned a lot of new vocab.
  11. Talk, talk, talk. If you aren’t a soial person, talk to yourself, to your pet, to a wall; it doesn’t matter. Just force yourself to think in your target language.
  12. If you are busy, Semper is a good app for learning vocab while doing your daily activities.
  13. Use your target language for basic stuff like counting, groceries, complaining etc.
  14. Change your settings on social media. Many people learned English through twitter, facebook, tumblr etc. This can work for other languages too.
  15. Change the settings of your phone too. You use it 24/24, you know what every thing does there so you could learn the name of those setting in your target language.
  16. If you lost motivation, take a break and remember why you started.
  17. If you hit a plateau, that’s most probably because you don’t know enough vocab.
  18. Understand that your progress will be slow after a while. Accept it and keep going.
  19. Lang-8 is a great place if you want natives to correct your texts.
  20. Langblr community is amazing, if you need any advice/explanation, ask a langblr.
  21. Try out many resources but choose a handful that you’ll use daily.
  22. If you don’t know a word in your native language, you don’t need it in your target language.
  23. Accept the fact that you can’t translate every word one by one. There are special structures, word order, particles etc. your target language might not be as your native one.
  24. If you’re bored, look around and name in your target language what you see.
  25. Try to find a language/motivation partner. You will support and help eah other.
  26. You’ll make mistakes, love that! That means you’re learning and you’ll have funny stories to tell in a couple of years.
  27. If you don’t remember a word, make a mnemonic or write it with your other hand; you’ll focus more then.
  28. Learn words in context; you’ll remember them easily after. Clozemaster and WordBrewery are 2 great sites for this.
  29. When you want to read if you are a beginner, choose a book you know. If you are an advanced learner, choose a new book.
  30. Find online a native to talk to. Tumblr is full of natives and langblrs will love to help. Another choice is to find a chat group.
  31. For slang words check out the youtube comment section. Twitter is a good alternative though.
  32. Don’t waste money on fancy programs. Some can be found for free and some aren’t so good as they claim they are.
  33. When you learn a new word, try to make a couple of examples in your head.
  34. Read articles. They use simple structures and actual expressions; also, they aren’t boring.
  35. Youtube is your friend, don’t be afraid to use it. Watch movies in your target language so you can get used to how real people talk; most programs/apps speak slowly and they try to make themselves clear but that’s not real life.
  36. You’ll have an accent; don’t worry, it will go away after a while.
  37. Age doesn’t matter, everyone can learn a language; you can be 5 or 50, the only difference is how you learn.
  38. Don’t just learn, revise as well.
  39. As a beginner you will translate everything from your native language and that’s okay. People will correct you and you will learn.
  40. If you like to read fanfiction, read it in your target language and use the ReadLang extension when you don’t know a word; it’s faster than google translate.
  41. Beware of those vocab lists you see on tumblr. Not everything might be right.
  42. Flewent is an extension that translates a certain % of what you read in your target language. It’s a fast way to learn new words while doing your homework or whatever.
  43. Prepositions are a nightmare to everyone. To have a more pleasant life, try to find a list with verbs and what prepositions they require.
  44. Children songs are catchy, use them to learn vocab faster.
  45. Pay attention to false friends. They might look the same with a familiar word but they have another meaning.
  46. Try not to learn 2 languages at the same time, especially if they are from the same family. (e.g. French and Spanish)
  47. If you decide to study 2 languages at the same time, try to study in different places and use different colors for your notes.
  48. You learn faster if you use your target language than if you learn Nth vocab lists.
  49. Try to avoid making the same mistake until it becomes a habit.
  50. Idioms can impress anyone but don’t start learning them too early or too late.
  51. If you have to learn irregular verbs, try to find patterns and part them in groups.
  52. Hard work beats talent but when it comes to learning a language, there’s no one who has talent. There are people who have a good memory or can figure out patterns but that can be improved so no need to worry if you progress slowly.
  53. Don’t compare yourself to someone who studied a language for years. Everyone progresses in their own way.
  54. Everyone has another method, if it doesn’t work for you, it’s not the end of the world. Just experiment and figure out what works for you. 
  55. Classes are a waste of time, don’t think to pay for one.
  56. Try to learn vocab that interests you. You’re a Harry Potter fan? Learn magic terms. You like cooking? Learn cooking terms. etc.
  57. Flashcards are a nice way to learn vocab. Make some and study them before going to bed.
  58. Learn chunks of vocab, not single words. (e.g. Buy a bottle of milk; Brush your teeth; Wash the red car.)
  59. Learn cognates.
  60. Use the diglot weave technique. Basically you  insert foreign words into a sentence of a language you already know
  61. Taking breaks is fine but try not to take a break of Nth months.
  62. Decide what skill you want to improve first. You can never improve everything equally so try to focus on what you need/want the most.
  63. Set a big goal (e.g be advanced in French) but remember to have small goals too. (e.g. read Harry Potter by the end of this season)
  64. Watch people talking. Join a chat and “spy” others if you don’t feel like talking yet.
  65. Associate word - image - sound. Don’t just learn plain words, if you learn the word for tree, think of a tree or search an image with one.
  66. Learning a language takes time, don’t expect to know it perfectly after only 1 week.
  67. Immersion is hella frustrating but it pays off in the end.
  68. Don’t study when you are too tired. You have many chances to learn nothing then.
  69. Find someone you admire so they can motivate you.
  70. Use a bilingual dictionary not only for finding specific words but just for the sake of reading.
  71. After you’ve read 1 page/chapter from a book, try to make a summary in your target language.
  72. When you read books, try to see if you can find the audiobook as well. (Youtube might have it) In this way you know the correct way of saying certain words.
  73. Try to make it fun. If it’s fun to have a schedule do that, if you enjoy more watching movies, do that. Don’t make your learning journey a burden.
  74. Break study time into smaller chunks
  75. Know your learning style.
  76. Try to have a notebook/diary/agenda where you write down what you did daily to improve.
  77. When you feel like giving up, think how many new stuff you have learned.
  78. Your attitude plays an import role. Try to avoid thinking how “difficult” a language is, instead think how good you will feel after you learn it.
  79. ReadLang and Linguarana have videos with subs in many languages, if you like learning with videos, give them a try.
  80. Anki is an amazing app with flashcards for several languages so you don’t waste time making them and they have a daily limit of cards so you don’t burnout.
  81. Physically writing down a word can help seal it in your memory. 
  82. Say new words out loud and pay attention to your pronunciation.
  83.  If your target language has another alphabet or a writing system, don’t be afraid to learn it. Take a couple of days and master it.
  84. Always have an app or a dictionary/notebook with you. While you wait for a taxi you can study a bit.
  85. If you don’t understand a grammar rule, search some articles about it, take 2-3 days to understand that concept.
Rick Riordan and Diversity

People complain about Rick Riordan “beating a dead horse” but HE CAN BEAT ALL THE DEAD HORSES HE LIKES.

Rick Riordan has actively added diverse characters in all of his books to represent more kids. Characters in his books include:

  • a Arab-American, Muslim Valkyrie (Magnus Chase)
  • a deaf/mute elf who uses sign language (Magnus Chase)
  • a Hispanic son of Hephaestus (Heroes of Olympus)
  • a half-Cherokee daughter of Aphrodite (Heroes of Olympus)
  • a Chinese son of Mars (Heroes of Olympus)
  • a bisexual God/Teen (Trials of Apollo)
  • a happy and loving gay couple, Nico and Will (Trials of Apollo)
  • a black male dwarf that loves fashion and design (Magnus Chase)
  • a black daughter of Hades (Heroes of Olympus)
  • a genderfluid, transgender warrior of Odin (Magnus Chase) 
  • kids with ADHD and dyslexia (All greek/roman demigods in Percy Jackson and Heroes of Olympus)
  • POC siblings of mixed heritage, Carter and Sadie Kane (The Kane Chronicles)

and that’s just off the top of my head! This is not at all a conclusive list!!

When Rick Riordan first revealed Nico, a son of Hades in his best-selling Heroes of Olympus series, as gay people asked him “why?” and he said because he wanted kids to see themselves in his books and that all kids need to be able to see themselves in literature and find reassurance that they’re fine just the way they are. HE PORTRAYS ALL OF THESE KIDS AS HEROES. This is SO SO IMPORTANT

So unlike some people who beat dead horses and don’t even try to be diverse (*cough*JKROWLING*cough*) at least Riordan is constantly adding more and more young heroes and heroines that are diverse, well-rounded, and important. 

THAT’S GREAT AND I WILL BUY EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HIS DEAD HORSE BEATING NOVELS FIGHT ME

You know how people working in retail always have ‘weird customer stories?’

Sam and Dean Winchester are those weird customers.

There are probably whole online forums dedicated to this, now that I think about it. Started as a joke on reddit and then people from all over the country start to chime in.

Two huge guys came in today and bought 20 cartons of Morton’s salt and a box of Hello Kitty bandaids. Nothing else.

Had a similar experience! Two guys come in: one guy buys a ton of salt and like 50 pocket-sized lighters, the other puts a divider between them and buys a single slice of cherry pie from the bakery. They leave together.

Lol same here. Salt and bandaids. Did one of em have long hair? XD

I work at the butcher’s downtown. We had two super buff scary dudes come in asking for any buckets of lamb’s blood we might have “lying around.” Past closing time. I gave it to them but it was freaky as hell.

Omg what’s with the salt conspiracy? But yeah same I work at a Christmas tree farm and sometimes we catch these two guys cutting down trees at night. It’s always the same two guys and they only cut the stumps off. Why.
EDIT: one of them did have long hair actually!!

This is unrelated but I once had a guy in a trench coat physically assault me because we were out of pie. This was AFTER he cracked an egg onto the floor and knocked over everything in sight.

10

the war : the power of music tracklist  °☆ :*

I love how everyone thinks bts are rich men who can buy every single Gucci product and doesn’t care if drinks spill on their $2000 suits when in reality jungkook ran away with jimin’s money faster than the flash and yoongi almost went into the ocean to save like $20 or $10

sentient-teapot  asked:

"Accidentally capture the wrong base"? .....tell us more? Please?

this was before we got agent agent back as our handler, and part of the reason why he finally turned up for work again. 

so the thing about clint is that hes 1. not a good listener and 2. hes deaf. mostly. these are separate issues because being mostly deaf doesnt stop him from understanding what people are saying most of the time, it just means that you have to be sure he knows youre trying to communicate with him before you say something. (and also that you should make sure your mask doesnt cover your mouth so he can lipread, but whatever.)

we had this agent—incredibly boring guy in the worst sort of way–who’d requested clint, nat, and i for an op. nat and i were supposed to hit two of the leaders of a crime syndicate while clint got the third. easy peasy, kill some guys, free some hostages, small country liberated, total cakewalk. but the agent running the op and the briefing took FOREVER. he was talking us through like none of us had ever overthrown a country before, explaining every minute detail. nat and i could just kinda zone out and let things wash over us, picking up the pertinent details, but clint cant really do that. his hearing aids help but they weren’t perfect, so he also had to be kinda lipreading just to keep up. which takes a lot of focus for incredibly boring info. naturally he zoned out too.

which was how he missed the fact that his guy was not actually staying in his incredibly fortified base-slash-villa. his hostages were, but he wasn’t. 

luckily, they covered this in the briefing packet we were each provided with, which was a mere 362 pages. 

so obviously none of us actually read it.

we poked through, got blueprints, guard schedules, alarm systems and so on, but didnt bother with most of the rest of it. 

they dropped us in the air over each of our respective targets, clint last. i had the cliffside resort, nat had the downtown headquarters, and clint had the base-villa. nat and i handled ours like pros, of course, corpses everywhere, and clint did too–mowed right through the security, got the hostages, and then called in that his syndicate leader wasnt there, what the hell, who gave me this bad intel.

which was when he was informed that the big bad wasnt IN the villa, he was on the ISLAND ACROSS from the villa, and that hed been supposed to covertly infiltrate the beach house there and quietly capture him. ideally without ever setting foot in the villa; he was just supposed to steal a boat from the villa docks and not get spotted by security. 

unfortunately, clint had blown up all the watercraft at the villa’s docks to keep syndicate members from escaping. which meant he still had to get to the island and capture this guy, but now there were no motorboats left. and if this syndicate jerkoff got away, fury was gonna have his hide.

and thats how clint wound up launching a one-man amphibious assault on an international crime syndicate from a paddleboat.

and also why clint reads his briefings now. 

A Yuuri Katsuki #Relatable Anxiety Feel:

Viktor, as they’re loading the groceries into the trunk, says, “Oh, we forgot sour cream.”

“Oh well,” says Yuuri, who is already planning how to work around the absence of sour cream in their fridge for the next week.

“Let’s go back in and get it,” says Viktor, closing the trunk with a decisive bang. 

“Um…no, that’s okay,” Yuuri says. “We don’t–do we need sour cream? I don’t think we need sour cream.” Half of Viktor’s recipes require sour cream. It’s a Russian thing. Yuuri has a What I don’t know can’t hurt me policy with regards to how much sour cream the typical Russian consumes in a week.

“Yuuri,” Viktor laughs, taking Yuuri’s hand, “Come on. The store is right there–it’ll take two minutes. It’s not like we’re in a hurry.”

“We’ve left the store,” Yuuri says. “We have to live with the purchase we’ve made. At least until another shift. We can come back in a few hours?”

“But we’re here now,” Viktor says, utterly perplexed.

“But the same person who just checked us out will probably check us out again,” says Yuuri, “and the only thing we’ll have to buy is two family-sized cartons of sour cream. They’ll know that we were just in there. And that we forgot something. And that our family eats a ridiculous amount of sour cream. Viktor, they’ll want to ask us about it.”

“Okay,” Viktor says. “Would it be better if…I went in and got it myself?”

“No. We go to this store every week. They know we’re married. The next time I’m here they’ll ask me Why did your husband buy all that sour cream.”

Viktor, gently, laughs and says, “Darling, I really don’t think cashiers pay that much attention to what people buy.”

“I know,” Yuuri groans. “But what if they do?”

“It’ll be fine,” Viktor says, and starts towards the store. “I’ll buy something other than the sour cream. I’ll be back in two minutes.”

When Viktor settles into the car, passing the single shopping bag with two huge containers of sour cream and one singular pack of gum in it, Yuuri releases a mournful bleat and says with the gravity normally reserved for funerals, “We can never come back to this store”

some of the best customers I’ve had at Dollar General
  • the woman who comes in every day and buys a single can of cat food. The brand she buys has the deal that if you buy 5 cans, you get them for $2. When I told her that she said “I don’t need five at once. Terrence only needs one a day.”
  • The old man who came in and asked me “Why do you think McDonalds doesn’t sell hotdogs?” When I told him I didn’t know, he said “Well, I guess it would be hard to keep a straight face and order a McWeenie.”
  • The teenage girl whose boyfriend held her foot up as she hopped around the store to get her things. Come to find out that she had lost her flip flop and didn’t want to step on the floor with her bare foot.
  • The elderly spanish man who comes in every day to get a pack of Marlboro Lights. His english isn’t very good, so when I asked him if he wanted shorts or 100s, he looked at me confused. Realizing he didn’t understand, I said “Pequeño ?” His face lit up and nodded enthusiastically. Now every time he leaves, he smiles and says “Hasta mañana” and I say it back.
  • The other day when I was outside on a smoke break, he was riding on a bike and yelled ”HASTA MANANAAAAAA” as he rode by.
  • The old woman who came in and bought 24 air fresheners. I asked her if she was stocking up, and she told me about how she got a new boyfriend who lived in a mansion, and that she was putting one in each of the rooms. She then proceeded to tell me about how the mansion is haunted.
  • The little kid who was probably around 4 or 5 who ripped open a pack of skittles. As me and the people in line watched the skittles scatter across the floor, he looked up and said. “It wasn’t me.” 

German Culture is buying single bottles only bc youre a student living by your damn self; then standing in front of a pfandflaschenautomat with a giant sack of empty pfandbottles, putting them in, one after the other. sometimes you have to try multiple times to get the hell-o-mat to accept your damn bottle. the queue behind you is growing and growing but you still have 56 bottles left. one bottle just wont go in. just wont. you put it on top of the automat, sweating profusely. the people behind you are coughing impatiently. you apologise, laughing awkwardly. the hell machine beeps suddenly. She’s Full. the whole queue groans. a woman is so kind and gets a shop assistant to empty the automat. you say thank you. the shop assistant rolls their eyes and leaves. you continue your darstardly deed.