“I found myself in Wonderland; get back on my feet again.”
You guys, I have some musical auditions coming up, and I have been preparing and working vocally, physically, and mentally for it. This has been a season where I’ve dealt with quite a bit of vocal rejection. That’s not meant to be like “oh poor me, poor me;” but as a singer who’s been trying and trying to make her musical career happen, it can be very disheartening when things don’t work out, especially when you surrounded by family, friends, teachers, professionals and unprofessionals who all have said and continue to say “you have what it takes! You can totally do this! I love your voice! You should sing this or that! They’d pick you up in a heartbeat!” It’s empowering and humbling to hear, but can really be a letdown when nothing happens after you follow other people’s advice in addition to pursuing your advice and heart’s desires. I know that it doesn’t mean I’m a bad singer, it just means the timing is different and I have yet to walk through the correct open door 😊 It’s good to deal with those moments, I know, because they train you and help you prepare for the future. Alas, it can still be difficult sometimes.
This past year, I’ve really been dealing with some insecurity and confidence issues, and I’m trying to overcome those hurdles, because fear does nothing but hold you back from reaching your greatest potential. It’s been frustrating, because I haven’t dealt with this kind of fear since I was 7; a lot of changes have happened, and most of them are good. But with those changes, there have also been new fears triggered that used to never bother me. I guess that’s to be expected when one deals with different levels of chemical and hormonal imbalances.
Therefore, I’m choosing to run head first into my fears and remind myself everyday when I wake up, that God gave me this gift for a reason, and that it will NOT and should NOT go to waste. I will not let it! Screw you fear and insecurities!!!
Anyway, If you guys wouldn’t mind, I would really appreciate any prayers, positive thoughts, and good vibes that you can spare.
I’m auditioning for the role of Mary Poppins in the “Mary Poppins” musical in March, and auditioning at the Palm Beach Opera house in April.
Some of you have known me and followed me for a while, and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate your guys’ love, support, and encouragement. It really blesses me and brings me peace and inspires my confidence. Thank you to my friends and followers, old and new, for your love. I hope you guys have a wonderfully blessed week, and if you ever need a friend to talk to, to rant to, to encourage you, to pray with you for anything, to comfort you, etc. my blog is ALWAYS open to you guys.
You sat in the car and fumbled with your fingers as Tyler ushered you out of the car. “We’re gonna be late.” He said. You looked at him harshly, and his face immediately softened. “Take your time.” He whispered and held your hand.
You walked into the mall anxiously, clutching at Tyler’s hand and glimpsing around at the many people making eye contact with you. You tried to shrug it off and just followed Tyler to the record store where you were supposed to meet up with Josh. Tyler let go of your hand and instead put his arm around you, bringing you closer. Your anxiety was getting the better of you by the time you were in the store, surrounded by people staring at you. Tyler tightened his grip around you and started running his hand through your hair comfortingly. You sighed against him and shrunk back into his side. Your breathing was quickening and your heart was beating rapidly as you tugged on Tyler’s sleeve frantically. “Shh.. Stay strong.” He whispered and pleaded as tears brimmed in your eyes. “There’s too many people.” You choked out. He sighed and scooped you up, carrying you outside and back to the car. By this time you were having a full on panic attack, gasping for breath every second. “Shh.. Y/N..” You both sat in the backseat, you sitting on Tyler’s lap miserably. You sobbed into his shoulder uncontrollably and choked out one tiny word. “S-Sing.” You had whispered. He nodded and ran his fingers through your tangled hair. “I know, where you stand.. Silent, in the trees. And that’s, where I am. Silent, in the trees.” He continued murmuring the pure lyrics of the melodic song as it slowly calmed you down. “Hush.. You wanna go back home?” He whispered and nuzzled into your hair lovingly. You nodded and kissed his jawline.
He drove you home in silence, murmuring sweet lyrics every now and then. You smiled slightly at his attempt to comfort you, because it was definitely working. Josh had agreed to just drive over when he had heard what happened. “Are you okay now?” He asked when you two walked into the house. You nodded a little and gripped his shirt collar. “What do you want?” He smirked and let you lead him to the bedroom. You pushed him slightly in the direction of the bed as you laid down and grabbed the covers. You snuggled under the covers as he wrapped his arms around you tightly and cuddled into your neck. “Let’s cuddle.” You whispered and kissed him. He kissed back and agreed immediately.
authors note: hey people. wow look, i actually updated lmao. i hope your having a wonderful weekend :)