Dating Lin head canons- * small peck kisses * “Is this a good rhyme? Here let me sing it!” * falling asleep to the sound of his fingers on his laptop * always getting to use the chapstick he carries in his pocket * the small prick of his beard when you kiss * him playing subtly with your hands and running his fingers along the lines of your palm * really bad on-the-spot puns * NYC pizza dinner dates with leftovers * taking your hand when its cold and saying that his hand was cold as an excuse * random photos from his day * he’d bring home flowers for you and put them in a vase by the kitchen sink * listening to him mutter to himself * him loving when you wear his t shirts and sweaters
We’ll be talking about galaxies even if I don’t know all of their names. We’ll be naming all the stars we’ll see while pointing our fingers to the sky. We’ll be staring at the sunset even if people see us standing in one place for several minutes. We’ll be laughing at our own jokes after we shared some serious stories. We’ll be singing rhymes for kids and smile brightly like one. We’ll do things people thought we would never do. The cutest things that tickle our hearts and made our cheeks ache because they bring happiness to our souls. Things we always wished we could do from the very beginning. We’ll be happy together—genuinely. We’ll let our surroundings blur as long as we’re not hurting other people. Baby, we could be the characters in our favorite books, but I want you to know that we could always be our own selves—in the story of our own life. And that’s what I wanted us to do.
If you click around on YouTube long enough, you’ll stumble across a weirdly specific genre of videos with absurdly high view counts. Like this one, which opens with a crudely rendered Spider-Man standing atop a building while a woman recites “Itsy-Bitsy Spider” over and over and over.
Keep watching the video, and you’ll soon feel like you’ve fallen out of the world and right into some strange, Dadaist nightmare. Feast your eyes on Spider-Man seducing Lightning McQueen before taking him out for a spin around town.
It appears the video was made using a GTA IV mod, but the way all the pieces are put together is unnerving, to say the least. It’s more than the fact that the walking animation they used for Spider-Man is clearly a female one, or the unblinking presence of the Lightning McQueen car, or that Spider-Man’s main mission in the video is to go shit his tights in a Cluckin’ Bell restaurant with that sing-song nursery rhyme playing the whole time.
But let’s not stop there – we’ve come so far. Here’s the Hulk performing an exotic dance for Spider-Man, Batman, and Superman to the tune of “Do You Know The Muffin Man,” before he realizes the madness of the situation and throws a couple of Cars characters off a roof, because why the shit not:
And there are so very many of these freaking things, each one an orgy of infantile earworms and copyright violations.
T-Minus 9 sleeps to BMAM-Mass my lieblings and in celebration of the upcoming festive season I give you:
Campwolfe Twelve Days of Christmas
Sung of course from Serena’s perspective with accompanying bonus lyric notes/commentary from Ms. Campbell herself.
On the first day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me, a lin-ger-ing look in the LIFT.
<she thinks she can woo me but bugger it if I’ll succumb>
On the second day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me, two nesting dolls and a lingering look in the LIFT.
<Nesting dolls?! As if I’d want any of that claptrap to remind me she took off to the Ukraine. The silly pillock labeled them “Fräulein” and “Army Medic”. She’s not putting them on my bloody side of the desk>
On the third day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me three vodka shots, two nesting dolls, and a lingering look in the lift
<Vodka. Finally something I can work with. She left the bottle on her desk. I shared it with Morven and Raf. HA!>
On the fourth day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me four coffees strong ’n’ hot, three vodka shots, two nesting dolls and a lingering look in the lift.
<After the vodka shots from yesterday I need all the coffee I can get. She’s doing this on purpose. Currently taking the caffeine shots but ignoring puppy dog eyes telegraphing her need for a ‘chat’>
On the fifth day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me five whiskey flasks, four coffees strong ’n’ hot, three vodka shots, two nesting dolls and a lingering look in the lift.
<She filled all of them with top shelf scotch. I informed her that I’ve switched to bourbon and her face went all mopey. Glorious.>
On the sixth day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me six leopard print caps, five whiskey flasks, four coffees strong ’n’ hot, three vodka shots, two nesting dolls and a lingering look in the lift
<Ok I’ll grudgingly admit these are quite a lovely peace offering……IT WILL STILL BE A COLD DAY IN HELL BEFORE WE ARE IN THEATRE TOGETHER!>
On the seventh day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me, seven crates of shiraz, six leopard print caps, five whiskey flasks, four coffees strong ’n’ hot, three vodka shots, two nesting dolls and a lingering look in the lift.
<Chateauneuf du pape?!?!? Seven crates? What did she do sell her left kidney? Perhaps there is something to this forgiveness thing after all. It wouldn’t hurt to allow her just one teensy glass would it?
On the eighth day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me, eight helpful F1’s, seven crates of shiraz, six leopard print caps, five whiskey flasks, four coffees strong ’n’ hot, three vodka shots, two nesting dolls, and a lingering look in the lift.
<I’ve never been able to find even one F1 who could do a spinal puncture on the first go and she’s found eight who haven’t made my life hell. She also followed up on all their paperwork. And ran interference with Ric Griffin for me. Fast losing my grip on fury. Damn sneaky tactic Major. Well played.>
On the ninth day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me nine ‘please forgive me’s’, eight helpful F1’s, seven crates of shiraz, six leopard print caps, five whiskey flasks, four coffees strong ’n’ hot, three vodka shots, two nesting dolls and a lingering look in the lift.
<She used complete sentences. That voice! And her lower lip even quivered a bit. Came dangerously close to accepting her apologies. Settled for wiping away her tears. I may be losing this campaign.>
On the tenth day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me ten evenings she’s minding Jason, nine ‘please forgive me’s’, eight helpful F1’s, seven crates of shiraz, six leopard print caps, five whiskey flasks, four coffees strong ’n’ hot, three vodka shots, two nesting dolls and a lingering look in the lift.
<She’s offered to watch Mary Beard with him for the next 10 weeks so I can get paperwork done for the trauma unit. Or garden. Whichever I prefer. Apparently. Not quite ready to tell her but; I’m screwed.>
On the eleventh day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me, eleven medicinal breakfast pastries, ten evenings she’s minding Jason, nine ‘please forgive me’s’, eight helpful F1’s seven crates of shiraz, six leopard print caps, five whiskey flasks, four coffees strong ’n’ hot, three vodka shots, two nesting dolls and a lingering look in the lift.
<Jason had her come to fish n chips take away. Sneaky sod. Since when does he bugger off to bed a half eight? It was a conspiracy. A bottle or two of Chateauneuf du pape later and suddenly there she was splayed out on the Egyptian cotton. What was I supposed to do, allow her to drive home? That would have been frightfully irresponsible. There aren’t enough pastries in Pulses to get me through the sleep deprivation…..>
On the twelfth day of Christmas that Blonde Job gave to me twelve office kisses, eleven medicinal breakfast pastries, ten evening’s she’s minding Jason, nine ‘please forgive me’s’, eight helpful F1’s, seven crates of shiraz, six leopard print caps, five whiskey flasks, four coffees strong ’n’ hot, three vodka shots, two nesting dolls and a lingering look in the lift.
<Yes all right, fine, I’ve given in. I took the strategic hills but she won the war. I suppose it was a losing battle right from the start going up against the army. In her defence she’s promised no more Club Screw Up and in my defence her lips are exceedingly convincing. Turns out full sentences weren’t really needed after all…..>
If anyone is at all interested I could be arm twisted in to actually scratching these lyrics out into some sheet music and posting it. I draw the line at singing - but if someone else wanted to have a go……
‘Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing,
Oh wasn’t that a dainty dish to set before the king?
The king was in his counting house counting out his money,
The queen was in the parlour eating bread and honey
The maid was in the garden hanging out the clothes,
When down came a blackbird and pecked off her nose!’
Hey guys!! I had to make a Twitter Bot for one of my classes at Tech. It’s called “Misremembered Lyrics”. You tweet some song lyrics at the bot (@wronglyricsbot) and it responds by trying to sing along, but mixes up some of the words with other rhyming words. Some pretty good ones so far:
It’s Over, Isn’t It?
That they didn’t really matter, until slew I was fine when you fraim
Now everyone give it up for the maid of goner, Angelica wyler! A toast to the broom!
Anyways, please tweet at @wronglyricsbot with some song lyrics, it’ll help me get a good grade in my class!! Thank you so so much!!
A traditional Halloween custom which was practised across Britain (particularly in rural areas) in the Victorian period was for groups of people (of all ages) to don strange costumes and go door-to-door in the hopes of receiving food or gifts, or of causing a bit of mischief. This custom had a huge number of regional variations. On the Shetland Islands the ‘skeklers’ wore tall pointy hats and voluminous costumes made of straw. In Montgomeryshire in Wales men dressed themselves as ‘gwrachod’ (an ancient Welsh hag-like monster) by putting on ragged clothes, sheepskins and masks. They went through their neighbourhood frightening children and being rude to adults. Young people in Glamorgan cross-dressed and went from house to house singing riddles, while ‘guisers’ in Scotland with masked, blackened, or painted faces chanted rhymes like:
Tramp, tramp, the boys are marching
We are the guisers at the door,
If you dinna let us in, we will bash yer windows in,
And you’ll never see the guisers any more.
- she’s the biggest flirt on earth, but she also has really intense intimacy issues? like if anyone actually responds to her advances she gets all flustered and weird and suddenly stuck in her shell? it takes someone very kind and compassionate and patient to actually connect with her.
- nothing she does is ironic. EVERYTHING she does is ironic. peace signs, finger guns, rhyming, singing… who knows why she does it or what it means, but it’s funny and good and it’s holtzmann after all
- she nearly fatally injured a man in a lab accident once (canon), and that’s why she works with abby instead of nasa. she visits this man once a week with flowers and intense personal gossip.
- she has an extremely active brain. she’s so busy processing and reasoning and creating that she can only mutter out random jokes and comments once in a while. few things surprise her because she internally explores plausible future avenues long before anything actually happens. saying something slow and genuine is difficult for her because her emotions and fast and strong, but when she does, it’s awkward and adorable (the toast).
- she has the most supportive parents on earth! she comes from a crazy theater family, and by age 12 she was building crazy moving sets for her parents’ community productions. her wardrobe is also greatly inspired by crazy costumes and aesthetics. she came never officially “came out,” but by high school she was kissing girls. she’s never found a steady girlfriend before, though.
- she’s actually hella good at weird poetry? like sick rhymes and limmericks and especially slam stuff?
- of course she kills video games. she’s really good at video games.
- she spends two hours on her hair every morning. which means that she wakes up at, like, 4 am.
- she’s been keeping a secret pet dog in the lab since the beginning of her work with abby and kevin is only person who knows.
- she builds the best fucking float for nyc pride and has the other ghostbusters ride it with her. the nation notices and she becomes a gay icon.
- she learned her moves from That Scene from her tradition of playing intense laser tag every friday night in high school.
Me (in my head):
during the Addams family theme song, why do they say "petite"? I guess Wednesday and Pugsley are small since they're kids but like...Morticia and Gomez are average sized and Lurch is like 7 feet tall. And they show Lurch when they sing that line. Were they really desperate for a rhyme to "sweet" and "neat"? I just don't think that's a word anyone would associate with the Addams Family, and furthermore
Presenting: Scorpius…the rapper. (I’m so sorry - I don’t know what any of this is.)
Doodle inspired in part by the incredible works of @platinasi. 😄Wishing you luck on the upcoming national nursing license exams!! ✨
-Yes, that’s supposed to be the Time-Turner on his chain. Gleams like gold, just the way the Malfoys like it. True, only the adults use this one in Cursed Child, but let’s just ignore that, okay?
-So I like to think Scorpius’s propensity for singing + killer pun game + tendency toward wordiness in general = rapper potential.
-But you can’t deny that the boy who gave us “engorgimpressed” and “it’s time that time-turning became a thing of the past” wouldn’t be able to spit some clever rhymes. Plus he genuinely sings nearly every other line in the play so he’s clearly musically inclined.
-The biggest challenge he faces is choosing a rapper name to use during the one (1) week (albeit the longest week of poor Albus’s life) that he spends fixating on this potential career path. There are simply too many to choose from. I mean…
(Btw, Albus is normal, Scorpius is italics.)
-“Scorpius the Dreadless”
-“Malfoy the Unanxious”
-“Son of the Dark Lord” “Do you really want more people to call you that?” “I thought maybe I should just embrace it…”
-“Pepper Imp” “Scorpius, no, you can’t call yourself that.” “But there’s a Muggle rapper named after a Muggle candy! Have you ever tried Muggle candy? It’s fan-taaastic!”
-“$corpiu$” “We’re supposed to be English, remember?” “Oh, right…”
-“MC Awkward” (I shit you not, I took a rapper name quiz as Scorpius and this is what it came up with for him.)
-“Floorpius.It’ll make more sense when I’m famous for my breakdancing. I’m playing the long game, Albus.” “Please…no more-pius.” (Credit to @ohscorbus for coining “Floorpius.” Bless you for this gem.✨)
-“Hyper.i.on.am”“But you’ve changed it.” “So?” “So it’s technically not your middle name anymore.” “It’s close.” “It won’t make sense now, Scorpius.” “But I’m…so hyper…”
-“Master Malfoy…It’s what our House-elf calls me…”
-“Hyper Ion”“That’s not even clever.”
-“Lil Scorpy” “OKAY, ALBUS! THANK YOU FOR THE SUGGESTION.” “No, no, Scorpius, I was kidding - it was a joke!” “NOPE. I LIKE IT. CALL ME THAT.” “S-scorpius…p-please…I’m begging you…no.”
*12 hours later*
-“Scorpioncé”“Go to sleep, Scorpius.”
-He’s also definitely tried to commit the Twelve Uses of Dragon’s Blood to memory via rap.
-And on one hand, I think Scorpius probably listens to songs and is entirely oblivious to any and all innuendo present, but on the other hand…engorgimpressed.