since-I-made-this-I-might-as-well-post-it

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So the super magic pigeon friends were part of an earlier version of that one comic I’m working on before it was overhauled (again). I found a folder full of concept stuff and thought I might as well post some! Their names were Hide and Swift/Juniper and Bee. Hide/Juniper was changed to a treecreeper since she only has one arm/wing so a climbing bird made more sense. But super magic pigeon friends is more fun to say…Super magic witchy bird friends?!

Positives of BPD

(Borderline personality disorder/emotional regulation disorder).
I made a post like this a while ago when I first started to use tumblr. It was pretty brief and choppily written (in my opinion) so as I’ve said, I decided to remake this with more explanation/research included for more understanding and since lots found it and really liked it. Might as well start 2015 off focusing on these positives.

This is important for awareness/understanding and for those of you who have it, as it really helped me overcome feelings of guilt towards having BPD/ERD and the horrible stigma. It helped me gain self-acceptance. That is why I decided to share it here.

Emotional Regulation Disorder (BPD) is a chronic mental disorder of emotional hypersensitivity and dysregulation.
In BPD, neurobiological emotion and systematic reactions fire off rapidly, longer, easily, and with more intensity as they are hypersensitivity and do not regulate, balance out, or process well and the same as others.
This results in its many symptoms in such behavior, moods, reactions, identity, perception, dissociation, thought patterns, etc.
(The fight/flight system is easily triggered, while the system responsible to regulate that is underactive. There are brain structural differences that are responsible for emotions, decisions, behavior, learning, instincts thoughts, perception, stimuli, relations, etc. Additionally, emotions have been shown to fire off longer and hormones, chemicals, transmitters, all play its part in the hypersensitivity and dysregulation. And so on).
It then causes a wide range of symptoms (depressive, dissociative, anxiety, hallucinations, delusions, anger, aggression, suicidal ideations, extreme reactions to real or perceived rejection, abandonment and criticism, etc.) as there are hundreds of ways to recognize ERD/BPD reactions, symptoms, and features.

As the condition influences ‘all’ emotional reactions and functioning, and there is such a wide range of symptoms, it is often described as a version of multiple mental disorders combined. (borderline of multiple conditions)
However, these neurobiological reactions mean the hypersensitivity can affect positive reactions as well.
-For those of you who read this and suddenly think that you have a chronic condition because it says something positive and you say you have them all, stop. It is incredibly disrespect to those of us that have it. You can’t just tell you have it from being able to relate to a post because it says something positive. Posts aren’t some checklist.

Some of the main symptoms of BPD may generate some positive responses or features.
Specifically, with research, analysis, and observations, some hallmark features may be:

-Passionate: As the level of psychological reactions highly differ in those with BPD compared to those without, individuals with the condition experience a higher extremity scale and baseline. For instance, this includes: Depression instead of sadness, humiliation instead of embarrassment, panic instead of nervousness, rage instead of anger, and euphoria instead of happiness, to name a few. Individuals with BPD have been observed to be especially very passionate and reactive as they often react and express this passion and euphoria.

-Lively:
Intense reactions may also result in high euphoria and engaging/active behavior and energy.

-Insightful: Studies on BPD indicated that because of their own hypersensitivity and pain, some people with BPD may easily connect to what is around them. For instance, they were able to easily read facial expressions, behavior, and emotions of those around them in an expression test. People with BPD may take experiences like these and emotions and turn it into insight and understanding, for one example.

-Curious: Observations and studies show unusually high curiosity is common in some people with BPD from the hypersensitivity and connectivity with their emotions, senses, and surroundings.

-High awareness: As a result of being hypersensitive and easily connected to surroundings and outside stimuli, some people with BPD have been observed have high awareness.
Such strong emotions and connections may call for or reinforce high awareness.
For other examples, Marsha Linehan also states they may have higher levels of spiritual experiences more often. Furthermore, people with BPD have been observed to have a high level of comfort, security, and connection to nature and animals, such as pets, as stated by the DSM.

-Compassionate/empathetic: As a result of their own hypersensitivity and pain, many with BPD may portray a high level of empathy and understanding to others.

-Dependent: Dependency is a hallmark symptom of BPD. One main reason for this is the extremity of the hypersensitive emotions, which often generate a huge fear of being alone and abandonment and rejection. Identity symptoms, such as a lack of sense of self, may also result in dependency. Yet, dependency can be a good thing with the proper balance, like for support, closeness, affection, and interconnectivity.

-Protective: This reaction may be common as a result of the intensity and care someone with BPD feels towards a situation or person. It also relates to the high aggression noted in BPD symptoms. Aggression isn’t always a bad thing- aggression can mean protective of someone or the self.

-Loving/appreciative:
Idealization is a main symptom of BPD. Some people with BPD may idealize and glorify another individual in their life because of such strong emotions, reactions, and needs, and they may also be very appreciative because of hypersensitivity and painful experiences.

-Loyal: Idealization, dependency, hypersensitivity, etc- such reactions and features may prompt strong loyalty and devotion.

-Creative: The intensity and hypersensitive highs and lows may generate creativity and expression. An unusually high amount of writers have BPD. High levels of creativity were linked to some individuals with BPD in research cases- new ideas, artistic or musical ability, writing, or other areas of creativity. Fantasizing is a common feature in BPD as well as daydreaming.

-High nociception (pain tolerance): Studies indicate alterations between pain processing in over half of those with BPD, as opposed to individuals without. It has shown an alteration in acute pain processing- they have a higher tolerance for such. Individuals with BPD were far more likely to tolerate it, despite being hypersensitive psychologically. The result of this comes from different systematic responses and antinociception and may be a result of long-term self harm behavior in some cases.

-Discipline: Obsessive compulsive features are on a spectrum amongst many disorders, and some are quite common in BPD. This includes intrusive thoughts in the thought pattern/processes, repetitive behavior as a result of anxiety and distress, and perfectionism, to name a few.
Research observes that with the proper balance and use, people with BPD may also display high levels of self-discipline, work orientation, and drive connected to these features of perfectionism, repetition, etc.

-Sarcastic/funny:
The DSM and other observations state some people with BPD may often express sarcasm and humor.

-Bold:
One of the main symptoms of BPD is impulsiveness; however, research states this may be tied to a positive trait in some individuals with BPD- boldness, bravery, and ability to speak their mind.

-Spontaneous: Living free, acting on the moment, open minded, adventurousness, which is all related to the connections, reactions, and impulsiveness.

-Alluring/Interesting: Such extreme reactions and expressions are shown or felt to others. Because of the intensity, many people note the interesting and/or alluring behavior or energy of someone with BPD in observation.
There are books and other psych writings noting individuals with BPD as “sirens”- Interesting and intense, yet, impulsive, aggressive, and hypersensitive.
Other studies have stated foundings of “physical attractiveness” patterns-however, not entirely realistic, hormonal differences found amongst BPD individuals may relate.

-Individualistic: BPD is a complex disorder that has hundreds of symptoms and features. There is a lot of depth, changeability, intensity, and reactions.
Furthermore, some features may allow one to cultivate such individuality.

-Strong: On a psychological level, people with BPD are often described as feeling the some of the most intense, agonizing reactions, and one needs to be quite strong to handle them.

-Intense: Overall, people with BPD are intense and hypersensitive individuals. The listed^ features may be noted with intensity.  BPD is also called, “Emotional Intensity Disorder.”

Marsha Linehan
states, “Although it is likely that emotion dysregulation is most pronounced in negative emotions, borderline individuals also seem to have difficulty regulating positive emotions and their sequelae.”

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falling: a dramione mix about falling in, out of, and back in love.
[listen]

You know what’s great about fairy tales that haven’t been made into Disney movies?  How completely bullshit they are.  Like, if it’s a popular enough fairy tale that it’s gotten its own movie, a lot of the completely random-seeming shit has probably been excised from that version.  If it’s just been left to molder since people stopped drinking beer for breakfast, started being able to read on a massive scale, and learned how not to give themselves ergot poisoning every winter…well, it might just sound like something a sleep-deprived kindergartener made up.


“Here, dearest sister, take this vial of water.  If it turns cloudy, you’ll know I’m sick.  If it turns red as blood, you’ll know I’m dead.”

“This is a very useful thing, dearest brother, as reliable post hasn’t been invented yet, and you’re going to just wander around until you make your fortune.  I have only one question.”

“Yes?”

“Where the hell did you get this?”

“What?”

“Where did you get a vial of water that magically knows if you’re sick or dead?  Like, did you just pick it up at the market?  Did you have to go see a witch?  How much did you pay for this?  The whole reason you’re leaving is that we’re fucking broke.”

“I just…it was just lying around.”

“What, in the attic?”

“I guess?”

“Why would we have a vial of water that can tell if you’re sick or dead just lying around in the attic?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe we can ask those animals that tricked the robbers out of their cabin in the woods.  They seem to know what they’re doing.”

“The animals…that tricked the robbers…out of their cabin.”

“Yes.”

“I hate this town.”


“Young man, if you let me sit by your fire, I’ll give you a sack of gold that can never be emptied.”

“Why would you be just wandering around alone dressed like a beggar if you have a sack of gold that can never be emptied?”

“I just…am.  Fuck you.  You want the sack or not?  Because I am dog tired, and freezing cold, and offering you a magic money-sack if I can just take a load off.”

“This is the sort of magic sack that’s going to make me really happy for like six weeks and then I’m going to get murdered in my sleep by trolls, isn’t it?”

“…yes.  Do you want it or not?”

“What the hell, with plague going around again, I’m probably not going to live more than another few months, anyway.”

“That’s the sort of can-do spirit murder-trolls love to see!”

“What?”

“Nothing.”


“Young lady, I’m very hungry, won’t you please share your bread with me?”

“Shit.  Are you the sort of stray dwarf I’m supposed to help, or are you going to murder me unless I start hitting you with a stick right now?”

“…what?”

“Those are my two options, right?  I mean, I can’t just say nah, I only have enough for me, and keep on walking.  I have to either feed you or beat the hell out of you.  So which is it?  I don’t want to get magic-murdered for picking wrong.  The last person you turned into a stone or a goat or whatever, what’d they do?”

Why is every traveler on this road so fucking weird?  I just want a hunk of bread, lady.“

“So you’re not magic?”

“Oh, well.  Yeah, of course I’m magic.”

“But you’re not going to do anything magic right now.”

“Are you on some bizarre quest to marry a prince even though you have absolutely no idea how to run a kingdom?”

“No, of course not.  Jesus.”

“Then–”

“I’m trying to figure out how to turn my seven brothers from dead swans back into humans permanently.”

“Your brothers were turned into dead swans.”

“I mean, I don’t really mind, because they transform back into men at night, but my fiance won’t get married until the mill’s courtyard isn’t full of dead swans all day.  He thinks it’s gruesome.”

“Why would anyone turn your brothers into dead swans?”

“We think the local witch was just trying to turn them into swans.  Or maybe kill them.  She was on a bender, so she can’t really remember.”

“Okay, but why?”

“My brothers were kind of dicks, before they got stuck as dead swans all day.“

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but if you give me half your bread, I’ll tell you how to turn them back into people full-time.”

“Why are you being so nice all the sudden?”

“Because I now really need a beer, and I hate drinking on an empty stomach.”


“Young woman, who is coincidentally very beautiful and very virtuous even though you grew up very poor in a time when that very well may have meant chronic malnutrition and seeing family members literally die of hunger, you may have the hand of the prince in marriage if you can lift his curse.”

“Okay, yeah, I’m pretty sure I can do that.  I’ve got some good fairies backing me up, and also half the animal kingdom.”

“That’s very impressive.”

“Yeah, I did a lot of really random stuff and went vegan for a while, and now apparently everything under the sun owes me.“

“Well, you’ll enjoy your time as a princess, then!”

“Well, before we do that, I thought maybe we should talk about why the curse was put on him in the first place.  Maybe you could tell me who did it, and why, and if we know where they are now.  Maybe we could sort of come up with a plan for dealing with them.  You know, after I break the curse.”

“Why would we do that?”

“Well, somebody sort of turned the prince into a giant fish and made it so fishermen can’t stop trying to catch him, so it seems like they might just try something else if we undo that.  I want to be ready.”

“Nonsense.  This curse was a one-time thing.”

“The witch still lives like right next door, yes?”

“Yes, but she’s calmed down a lot since she did this.”

“She just turned a guy into a newt last week.”

“But she likes us now.”

“Not enough to undo the curse, though.”

“Well, no.”

“So, we should probably have a plan, right?”

“Nooooooo?”

“Okay, I’m going to keep walking until I find an enchanted prince with more sensible parents.  Peace out, your majesties.”

Since there’s a lot of Kingdom Hearts 3 hype on my dash from E3, I thought that this little animation I made for my good friend vazquezillustrationas secret santa back this past year would be good to share!

it says “to: Phil” cause that’s his name haha!

Please don’t use, repost or edit this animation on here or other sites, it was a special and personal gift. Thank you.

gofundme.com
Click Here To Support A Trans Boy In An Abusive Situation Who Is In DESPERATE Need Of Your Help
(UPDATED VERSION AS OF 7/20/2015)

Well, I made a gofundme in an attempt to help with my situation because I was encouraged to. And now I’ve also been encouraged to post it. So since I’ve been encouraged to do so, I decided I might as well. 

For those of you who haven’t seen my previous posts floating around, here is a rundown of why I made this. (This is also mostly the description on the gofundme page, with a few edits/tweaks.)

Hello. I am Roman. I currently live in Michigan. I am a 27 year old FtM transgender guy, who is struggling to be able to afford the basic things needed for my transition. I am currently unable to work due to my current life situation as well as other medical/health issues, (severe anxiety, severe ADHD, depression, PTSD from my life thus far, immune issues, etc. {{and there are more I’ve chosen not to list}}). I was also denied disability multiple times when I applied for it, though I am fighting that decision already, however there is no guarantee that I will ever get it, and I could end up having to go to court for anywhere from a year to three years to try to get what I am owed, and also am unable to even afford healthcare without help. This has left me with no current means of income. I manage to get by and keep my pets fed simply because I am living in my parents house, even though this living environment is highly unhealthy for me. My dysphoria has also been getting much worse by the week, as have my panic and anxiety attacks due to me feeling so uncomfortable in my physical body and the way others view me because of it. My hatred of my voice, and also myself because of it has also been slowly but steadily increasing, which is a terrible thing to me, since I never in my life thought I would ever be able to begin hating myself, however it is starting to become that way. I am even beginning to see more of why so many transgender people who are unable to make their transition end up committing suicide because they end up being so miserable they can’t see the point in living anymore.

I cannot afford new clothes, even though I have literally about 5 shirts and like 3 pairs of pants that I am comfortable wearing. I live on a budget of about $20-30 a MONTH, to cover the cost of food for myself and my pets, and even that amount is unstable and unreliable, and at times I have to make that last for 2 or 3 months instead of one. Otherwise, I mostly live off of leftovers and scraps from my family, other than the times I’m actually able to get proper food, such as ordering pizza since pizza will actually last me several days or a week. My parents idea of enough food for me for the entire day is three small bites of food, while they have entire meals and platefuls of food.

Currently I am attempting to earn enough money to be able to at least start hormones, since beginning my transition would be extremely beneficial and positive to my emotional stability and state of mind, and then hopefully continue them for a long enough period to at least start getting results (over a year at least). The cheapest price for hormones is about $50 per vial for the shots (which is per month), and for the pills, it can get as high as $200 a month. The goal I set is also as high as it is, because it is taking into account future planning for top surgery, and starting to save at least a little for that as well since that can get to be extremely expensive, and for someone who is stuck in the situation I am, that is an almost impossible thing to save up for without help from others. Costs for top surgery can run anywhere from $5,000 to $10,000 or more, depending, plus the cost of hospital bills and aftercare and medical expenses and everything else. It is also to help me to get out of my parents house, since I am stuck here for the same reasons as being unable to get a job, and the emotional (and physical) environment here is extremely abusive and toxic, and has been slowly causing my physical health to decline as well. I have been hit before (across the face and other places), on several occasions, as well as insulted and abused verbally on a daily basis. I also often only eat once a day because of my family situation, and due to the amount of stress I am under causing me to be unable to keep food down a lot of the time. My family is also unsupporting of my being transgender on top of the already unhealthy environment here, and choose to try to undermine it and fight against it as much as possible. However I have nowhere else to go, so I am dealing with it as best I can.

External image
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(Note:  These photos are somewhat older however this shows the worst it has gotten here physically before, though currently it has gotten to be less as my mother has figured out that she can get in trouble for it and that I am willing to expose her if she continues, though it still happens from time to time. It has gotten much worse however, verbally and emotionally in place of that.)

I usually prefer to do things myself, as I have always tried to be very independent and self reliant so as not to bother others or be a burden, however some things I simply cannot do on my own. So this is why I am asking you all please, to help me with this, as I would like to avoid any further emotional damage to myself over this. Those of you who do choose to help, even $1 is a miracle to me, and know that to each and every one of you who give anything, I can never thank you enough and I will be forever grateful to you. You are making my dream come true, and saving me from all the emotional pain and stress, and quite possibly even saving my life.

And for those of you who find donating by those means difficult, I also have a paypal account for donations as well that you are more than welcome to use instead, simply ask for the email address.

And please please please. Even if you can’t donate at the moment, I am begging you to please signal boost / reblog this, because this is really not a small issue. As much as I appreciate people “liking” the post as well, and the support that shows, it doesn’t help much, so please REBLOG it. I have been left with no other options which is why right now I am literally begging you guys for help. I have great faith in you, tumblr community, so please help me make at least part of my dream come true?


UPDATE (as of 7/20/2015): It has been over a year now since I originally posted this, and this is as far as I have gotten with this.

My emotional state is deteriorating fast now, which is why I haven’t been online here much, and my parents have been even worse to me lately than usual. Honestly I’m not sure how much longer I can do this. I’m feeling like I’m wanting to disappear, and not exist for a while. I haven’t quite reached the point of being suicidal but how I’m feeling scares me. I’ve even had breakdowns to the point I’ve totally lost it and hurt myself (much to my own disgust afterwards that I’ve done so), though I’m trying really hard to keep that from getting any worse and to keep from doing it again. I hate the person I’m becoming. I seriously need your help so I can afford to talk to a doctor and get the help I need, to be able to be more stable and happy again.

Please. I am BEGGING for your help. I am a very very proud person, and I hate asking anyone for anything. however I cannot do this without your help. I have no other options, which is why I have turned to you all. Please don’t let me down. I have great faith in you all.

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Just a few sketches I made today after realizing that I’ve never actually made a study of them before, and that’s why I kept drawing them differently every time :I Anyway, I think this is the most accurate representation of how I really imagine them in the books? maybe? oh well, and since this is all Percy, Annabeth and Nico (with their respective ages in the bubbles) I might try this with the other characters as well later ʘ‿ʘ

Happy Saturday Everyone! Crappy week is over and another crappy week is about to begin but not until Saturday is over (─‿─) Anyhow, I made the Follow Saturday because it’s been a long time since my last Follow Friday but Follow Friday’s are kinda getting old for me so I do it on Saturday lool. I hope you like it! Oh and I’m sorry I couldn’t include the urls on the bottom. It might annoy so people when scrolling on their dash and seeing this post multiple times a day with a whole bunch of urls. Trust me, I know that feeling. Anyhow, all blogs I follow are on here! (please ignore the ugly graphic. I only had 30 minutes to do it and I rushed through everything OTL)