since george on dead like me

For the past year there’s been more and more people talking about Marcia Lucas and how important she was to Star Wars and how it’s because of her the series is what it is but

It also makes me sad because we talk about her like she’s dead but she’s still alive

After the divorce George didn’t just take Star Wars from her he took EVERYTHING from her

She won an Oscar for Best Editing for Star Wars and she hasn’t worked since the divorce.

He blacklisted her.

People she thought were her friends stopped talking to her

She dropped off the face of the planet.

Literally I wrote a little essay on her a few months ago and the only recent news about her was that there was a house in Southern California up for sale under her name

And I just think about how fucking unfair it is that this woman who made Star Wars no longer gets to be involved and the redemption arc for the new trilogy that I REALLY want is Marcia Lucas coming back to edit again.

Interviewer: Are you guys willing to say your real names?

J-Dog: No. At least I’m not…

Me: Your name is Jorel Decker, you were born May 1, 1984. You’re engaged to Vanessa James . You’ve been in 3 bands including, 3 Tears, Dead Planets and now currently, Hollywood Undead. You went to boarding school for 4 years, and you’ve known both Johnny and Charlie (also known as George and Jordon) since pre-school. Would you like me to continue? 

This, again

Tonight I remembered that my mom’s birthday is a couple weeks away. It’s weird that I forgot, but then again, it’s not. She’s been dead since 2007, almost as long as I’ve been on Tumblr. George Bush was President in 2007. Drake was Aubrey. I had yet to scream “GET IT THE FUCK OUT OF ME” during childbirth. Time goes and goes and goes. 

My mom would be turning 65 on November 15.

I feel sad, but I don’t. I just feel…something. It’s an empty feeling, I think. A spot in your gut where the memories would have gone had she lived. 

I googled “Dreading my dead mom’s death” in Google image search because it’s 10:39 and I don’t feel like going to sleep. Most of the pictures were of other dead moms, but this wonderful photo of Wendy Williams marveling at Jillian Michaels’s ass was wedged in there, between the dead moms and pictures of birthday cakes with sad quotes pasted above them. 

I love this. My mom would love this. So if I do start to get sad, if instead of sleeping I think about how I would be flying out to Boston to surprise her at a party with all her friends and she’d still have that same old bob but with more grey and she’d probably be wearing all black and patent leather clogs and she’d smell good, that Dolce and Gabbana Light Blue spritzed on her hair…I will look at this picture, and I’ll laugh. I will think of her laughing, too. And I’ll keep on going and going and going.