-Today I have been entrusted with the responsibility of being the operator. This seems like an oversight as I have next to no idea of how to be the operator. We will see how this goes.
-I found a pair of Valentine’s Day socks depicting a glorious Norse warrior with the caption, “I’ve taken a great Viking to you.” This is the single greatest seasonal item I have ever seen in my expansive seasonal item-hunting life.
-I inadvertently stumbled upon a solid stock of doomsday-ready supplies on a shelf in the hanger room. Hand-powered radios. Flashlights. Baby lotion. Everything one could ever need for armageddon.
-When given the phone, I was told to expect very few calls. This was a relief. I received many calls. I crossed my fingers I had been forwarding the calls correctly and not simply hanging up on confused callers. I still have no proof either way.
-I watched a toddler sprint off to the end of an aisle, wait for his mother to get close, and then sprint off again. This continued through the entirety of the store until he eventually sat down and let her catch up. Never again will I believe video game chase sequences to be unrealistic.
-A decidedly-creepy man asked a female coworker for a spare print ad. After being handed one, he walked off for five minutes to then return to her. He pressed a clipping from a Valentines page against her stomach. The cut-out paper read, “Let’s be friends.” I cannot be sure, but something in me says that this may not be the most effective method.
-From across the store, I heard the voice of a young boy chant, “Let me have my boobies back.” I cannot even begin to imagine the sort of monster who would take them from him.