It is a scientific and mathematical fact that Madonna invented almost every mode of transportation known to mankind. The Beatles, in the contrary, did not invent anything in their lifetimes (unless you count stealing as “inventing”). In fact, these men have built their careers based on what they’ve stolen from The Queen. I know it’s very hard to believe that this group of brainless men could even formulate the thought to plagiarize a patent created exclusively by Madonna. That is why I’ve provided photographic evidence of The Cockroaches copying The Queen’s iconicbi-circular compound machine, commonly known as the bicycle.
After dinner you showed Peter to his room and you sat up the air mattress for Felix in your room. Which had all but blew his mind.
‘You’re saying this isn’t magic? Anyone can do this?’ Felix asked.
‘Yes, all you need is the equipment and know how to use it, wanna try it?’ you offered.
Felix sat on the floor next to you and you showed him the button you were holding down to fill the mattress.
He held down the button and tilted his head in confusion.
‘Yeah, the machine does all the real work, all you have to do is know how to use it.’ you explained.
‘Alright I think that’s enough.’ you said as you turned the machine off and closed the little air seal.
You placed a blanket and pillow on the air mattress for him.
‘Get some sleep, tomorrow is gonna be a big day.’ you said as you settled in your own bed.
The Next Day
You woke up earlier than usual and started on breakfast. Just a simple scrambled eggs, bacon and toast.
You saw a note on the fridge saying your dad had went to work early since he had a rather demanding client at the moment. So you only made enough for two, you weren’t big on breakfast, only a piece of toast while you scrambled the eggs.
As you sat the table you heard your bedroom door open.
You look up as Felix comes into the kitchen.
‘Morning.’ he says as he sits.
‘Morning, dig in.’ you said.
After a few minutes Peter came in, and sat sat down, without speaking you noticed.
‘Good morning, I made breakfast.’ you said.
‘I can see that.’ he scoffed as he pulled a plate toward himself and began eating.
‘Would it kill you to be civil, the only one acting like an ass here is you. And the way I see it you should be the one doing the most ass kissing.’ you snapped.
You were tired of Peter being childish.
‘And how do you figure that, because you think you took me in? You’re just my prison guard, I owe you nothing.’ Peter said as he stood up.
‘I don’t need your gratitude, but I won’t tolerate disrespect. Just remember that outside of me, there is absolutely no one in your corner. No magic, no Lost Boys, no shadow.’ you glared.
‘And as for the ass kissing I was referring to Felix.’ you said as you crossed your arms over your chest.
At that Felix’s eyebrows raised.
‘From what I’ve been told, he followed your every demand for centuries in Neverland, and when the other Lost Boys all but handed you over to the Charmings he was the only one who remained faithful. He got on the Jolly Roger against his will. And you paid back his loyalty how?’ you asked.
‘By not hesitating to rip his heart out of his chest? If I hadn’t stopped you he’d be dead and you would feel no remorse whatsoever.’
At that Peter’s jaw locked, and he looked anywhere but at you or Felix.
‘Now, until you are ready to apologize I don’t want lip from you. That means no snide remarks, no back talk, no subtle threats, nothing. Do I make myself clear?’ you said firmly.
Peter sat down and began angrily picking at his food.
‘Good, now finish eating, after I take my shower we’re going into town to get you some clothes.’ you said.
As you left you didn’t see that Felix’s eyes following you in amazement. No one, not even Pan, had stood up for him before.
I was taking a look into “The EURON Roboethics Roadmap”, a fascinating writeup of the benefits and problems with creating next generation robots. On the “What is a Robot” section (the text in the pics is ripped from the paper), I couldn’t help but think of Mega Man and how closely it related to the different viewpoints.
I feel like the basic robots are a great example for the thought that robots are simple machines, along with the Reploids for robots being seen as a separate species. There’s a few clashes between the Robot Masters and moral agent one, since they clearly have some sort of mental state and sense of responsibility, but I still think it suits them.
Emarosa -Miracle -People Like Me, We Just Don’t Play -Helpless -A Hundred Crowns -Blue -Mad -Cloud 9
Falling In Reverse -Roling Stone -I’m Not A Vampire -Bad Girls Club -Alone -The Drug In Me Is You -Situations (Cover) -Just Like You
Four Year Strong -We All Float Down Here -What The Hell Is A Gigawatt -Maniac -Go Down In History -Find My Way Back -Who Cares? -It Must Really Suck To Be Four Year Strong Right Now -Wasting Time
I See Stars -Mobbin’ Out -Ten Thousand Feet -Filth Friends Unite -Running With Scissors -New Demons -Break -Murder Mitten
Ice Nine Kills -Me, Myself, nnd Hyde -The Nature Of The Beast -Let’s Bury The Hatchet…In Your Head -Bloodbath & Beyond -Communion Of The Cursed -Hell In Hallways -The Coffin Is Moving
In Hearts Wake -Gaia -Earthwalker -Badlands -Survival -Skydancer -Divine -Breakaway
ISSUES -Pokemon Theme Song -Coma -Flojo -Young And Dumb -The Realest -Mad At Myself -Blue Wall -Hooligans
Knuckle Puck -Disdain -Fences -But Why Would You Care? -Evergreen -Bedford Falls -No Good -Untitled -Pretense
Less Than Jake(?) -The Ghost Of You And Me -Gainesville Rock City -Automatic -Good Enough -The Science Of Selling Yourself Short -Great American Sharpshooter -Goodbye Mr. Personality -Look What Happened -All My Best Friends Are Metalheads
Masked Intruder -The Most Beautiful Girl -25 To Life -Unrequited love -I Fought The Law -How Do I Get To You -If Only -Beyond A Shadow Of Doubt -Hey Girl -Why Don’t You Love Me In Real Life -Crime Spree -Wish You Were Mine -Stick‘em Up
Mayday Parade -Jersey -Keep In Mind, Transmogrification -Is A New Technology -Oh Well, Oh Well -Black Cat -Lets Be Honest -When You See My Friends -Jamie All Over
Motionless In White -Reincarnate -Devil’s Night -Abigail -S70 -Immaculate Misconception -Break The Cycle
New Found Glory -Understatement -Selfless -All Downhill From Here -Hit Or Miss -Ready & Willing -Failure’s Not Flattering -Vicious Love -My Friends Over You
Oceans Ate Alaska -Fourthirtytwo -Vultures & Sharks -Floorboards -High Horse -To Catch A Flame -Clocks
Real Big Fish -241 -Another F.U. Song -Beer -S.R. -Sell Out -Take On Me
Real Friends -Lat Nights In My Car -I Don’t Love You Anymore -Skin Deep -Stay In One Place -Cold Quicker -Summer -Mess -Loose Ends
Set It Off -Uncontainable -Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing -Forever Stuck In Our Youth -Bleak December -Something New -Ancient History -The Haunting -Why Worry
Sleeping With Sirens -We Like It Loud -Kick Me -Do It Now, Remember It Later -Better Off Dead -Go Go Go -If I’m James Dean, You’re Audrey Hepburn -If You Can’t Hang
State Champs -Shape Up -Elevated -Perfect Score -Simple Existence -All You Are Is History -Remedy -Losing Myself -Secrets
The Maine -English Girls -Girls Do What They Want -Diet Soda Society -Am I Pretty? -Like We Did -Everything I Ask For -Growing Up
The Story So Far -Heavy Gloom -Empty Space -Quicksand -Nerve -All Wrong -Distate -Solo -The Glass -Roam
The Word Alive -Made This Way -Sellout -Face To Face -Lighthouse -Life Cycles -Trapped
Tonight Alive -To Be Free -Lonely Girl -I Defy -Power Of One -Drive -The Edge -How It Feel
Too Close To Touch -Pretty Little Thing -Someday -The Air In Me -Hell To Pay -Sinking So Long -Nerve Ending
Vanna -Toxic Pretender -Year Of The Rat -Piss Up A Rope -Pretty Grim -We Ate The Horse You Rode On -Holy Hell -Digging
Volumes -91367 -The Mixture -Vahle -Feels Good -Erased -Wormholes
Waterparks -Mad -Crave -Silver -Pink -Natural Blue
We The Kings -Say You Like Me -Love Again -I Feel Alive -Just Keep Breathing -Skyway Avenue -Check Yes Juliet
Whitechapel -Mark Of The Blade -Elitist Ones -Our Endless War -The Saw Is The Law -Possession -This Is Exile
With Confidence -Voldemort -Tonight -London Lights -Higher -Godzilla -We’ll Be Okay -Keeper
Yellowcard -With You Around -Lights And Sounds -Fave Becomes Four -Way Away -Breathing -Only One -Ocean Avenue
Young Guns -Bulletproof -I Want Out -Brother In Arms -Daylight -Rising Up -Winter Kiss -Bones
They hoped it’d be worth the investment, but if they really
thought about it, they knew they didn’t have any kind of doubt that it was.
It was really a very simple machine, although it was very
large. But most of its size came from its enormous, semi-transparent tank; the
attached tube and pumping mechanism were only a quarter of its size. The kit
had also come with a remote control, with an on/off switch and speed meter,
with settings from 1-7.
My little power-hammer is 70 years old this year… I love all these mechanical hammers not that I don’t appreciate the air hammers but the mechanical hammers are such simple and amazing machines … Mine is very temperamental and if it’s too cold or wet she will give me a lot of attitude. But with enough love she runs great… #littlegiantpowerhammer and @iamtessparks cd playing #somedays it took me 3 months to get that CD in the USA but finally have it…❤️
“Stardate 7112…It’s been three days since I entered this strange collaborative design project with the Crystal Gems, and my horror at the tools I’ve been left to work with just keeps mounting higher. Can you believe the humans haven’t even discovered the rudiments of antigrav technology? Granted, their workarounds are impressive, and some of their simple machines have been refined to the point that they might do the job almost as well as Gem technology, but every day I have to sift through a dusty barn and the stench of decades-old fecal matter is a day I long for the sterile laboratories of Homeworld.”
“Peridot, if you’re going to try to establish yourself here on Earth, you should really stop stealing my gimmicks. I pioneered being snootily disdainful of humanity’s accomplishments, and I’ve spent the last few millennia sifting through dusty barns and the stench of biology.”
“Look, can you just get your triangles over here and double-check my design work? The sooner we’re done with this, the happier all of us will be.”
“…of course, it’s only been three days, but it feels like two months have passed since that first day at the barn…”
——————————————————————————————————————- SEIS MÚSICAS PARA DIZER ADEUS
1. Coldplay - The Scientist 2. Eagle-Eye Cherry - Save Tonight 3. Gorillaz - On Melancholy Hill 4. Oasis - Don’t Look Back In Anger 5. Florence + The Machine - You’ve Got The Love 6. Simple Minds - Don’t You (Forget About Me) ——————————————————————————————————————-
i’ve been trying to unclog a toilet for seven hours. that’s longer than it took for me to be born. i could have been born twice in the amount of time it’s taken me to fail at unclogging this toilet.
so the toilet clogged, right? you can use your imagination. it’s like the superhero origin story. we know how it started, show me what happens next. so what happened next was i started to plunge. and plunge, and plunge. and usually i’m pretty good at plunging. i mean, it’s simple, right? it should be one of those simple machines you learn about in school. pulley, crank, lever? right? plunger is like their weird cousin on their dad’s side. anyways the plunger wasn’t working and i started to ask myself, “maybe i’m doing it all wrong, maybe all those other times were flukes and i have no idea how to use a plunger.” so, living in the information age that we do, i searched on my phone, “how to use a plunger” i also had to leave the bathroom to do this because, and you might find this hard to believe, i’ve never in my life used my phone in the bathroom. i just stare straight ahead when i’m in there like a crazy person i guess. i don’t think my phone even knows what bathrooms are. it’s like how your cat doesn’t know what the garage is, or the supermarket, or the ocean.
anyways i was searching for how to use a plunger and i loaded up this video and i had to watch an ad first. and this is the wonder that is targeted advertising at work, because before i could watch a one minute long video on plungers i had to watch a 20 second long commercial for steak. just like, steak in general. steak as a concept. “hey you freak trapped in the bathroom, why aren’t you buying steaks right now?"
"steaks can’t help me,” i thought. and then the video started and boy oh boy do i know jack shit about plungers. really? no, i know everything you could ever know about plungers. i was making insightful comments the lady in the video wasn’t even mentioning. like how you should always hold the plunger with toilet paper wrapped around the handle because it’s gross. the gist of the video was, “there’s the stick, the other part, you add the plunge, and it’s a plunger. can you believe steak bought ad space on this?”
so the plunger wasn’t working and i had blisters all over my hands from working it too hard so i gave up. or at least i wanted to. i mean i kind of did. like you know how sometimes you can clog a toilet but it doesn’t look clogged? and you’re like, “it looks fine! it looks fine, but i’m its prisoner. let me go! i pass the curse onto the next person who unknowingly uses you.” i walked out into the living room just to get a feel for what the real world used to be like and i was so done with the toilet i was in super denial about the future of all toilet use in the apartment. “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it,” i thought, “god knows when that’ll be.” but i felt bad, so i called my mom to get her opinion. i didn’t lead with the toilet. i was like, “hey what’s up, anyways i clogged this toilet and i tried to fix it for an hour and i’m tired so i’m just going to leave it for the next person to discover isn’t that great and moral and okay for me to do anyways how are you doing?” but she didn’t think it was great, she told me to go out and buy something to fix it, which is what i was going to do anyways, i just didn’t want to. so i got dressed and walked to the train and the whole time i was like, “i can’t get murdered. i can’t let a clogged toilet be the butterfly effect inciting incident catalyst that ends up with me dying on the pavement.” since you’re reading this now, clearly i made it so i’ll have to save dying over a toilet for some other night.
i got to the store and found what i needed. liquid, gel, drain whatever. the stuff where on the bottle the clog is depicted as this golden honey colored substance like it’s ambrosia, food of the gods, and not literal shit. so i picked that stuff up and also a pint of ice cream. because why not.
when i got off the train i was kind of in a super panicked rush to get back home. one, because i didn’t leave a note like, “don’t use this even though it looks fine, please read the toilet’s aura first,” and two, because the ice cream was melting. so i ran off the train and, well, okay if you’ve never used the subway before there are two kinds of turnstiles you can exit through, the regular kind that you can probably picture where the bar is right at dick or phone-in-front pocket smashing height, and this other kind that’s like a revolving door only instead of segments divided by glass panels it’s like, metal bars. like a big spinning cage. i got in line behind all these other people and i was in such a blind rush to get through i fucking, i’m cringing as i write this, i fucking followed somebody too closely and got trapped in their segment with them. like literally trapped in a one foot wide space. and you can’t go backwards in those things either it’s just one way, and like i said it’s not a smooth glass panel you can push against, it’s like, bars of a cage. so this lady, she couldn’t even turn around to be like, “the FUCK??” i just kept going, “i’m sorry! i’m sorry!” as we shuffled forward in a weird, torturey, too close conga line formation.
so i got out and i ran to avoid letting that lady see my face and as i was opening the door to my apartment guess what i heard, guess what i heard. did you guess my roommate flushing the toilet as i was opening the door? because that’s what it was. i’ve spoken to this roommate twice. i said hi when she moved in a month ago, and i explained tonight, through heavy, labored breaths, how i clogged the toilet and ran home to try and fix it before anyone else could find out. i literally ran up to the bathroom door as she was watching the water rise and held up the bottle of drain stuff like it was a bottle of expensive wine i had just pulled out of a paper bag. “let’s celebrate this night. what do you mean you’re going to your boyfriend’s place?”
so, yeah, i was back in the ring with the toilet, but now i had a piece of broken glass hidden in my glove, so to speak. i started to read the instructions on the back of the bottle of drain stuff and it said something like, in case of ingestion, do not induce vomiting, drink a glass of water or milk. which i’m sure makes sense, milk is like, basic or acidic or neutral or something like that, but it just sounds so…culinary. “for a creamier poison control, use warm milk instead of water.” like that’s what you use to neutralize poison when you want to treat yourself.
so i’m bored with this story that’s been the past seven hours of my life, and i’m sad to say it’s still going on. because the drain stuff didn’t work. and the tank keeps filling up and i was going in there every 15 minutes to check on the water level like a new parent peeking in at their baby in its crib before i just remembered i could turn the water off. i guess i’ll call the super or buy a snake or, i don’t know. i’m eating ice cream right now that was in the same bag as the drain stuff. am i going to die? ice cream is dairy, maybe i’m good. you know this is going to sound like i’m just saying it, but i kind of want steak.