silky (family)

Sofa King: A Nurseydex Flashfic

After graduation, Derek and Will moved to Maine together. Now, it’s time for a change.
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The couch had to go. Once a helpful donation from Dex’s army of cousins (who didn’t want it back), it wasn’t in bad shape, but it was time for something new. He and Nurse had pooled enough of their mutually meager salaries in a little furniture fund and Dex looked forward to having something that was just theirs. He had a plan. A quick picture. A post to the local classifieds. Then cha-ching.Wicked easy.

There was only one problem.

“Nurse, get off the couch. I gotta take a picture.”

“Mmm…Nope.”

Nurse is sprawled on his stomach, Claude McKay in hand, completely chill.

“It’s for the classifieds, you can’t be on it.”

Nurse rolls onto his back, one leg bent the other stretched way out. He resumes his reading and looks for all the world like a model. (Fuck him and his good looks.)

“Nurse get off the fucking couch.”

Nurse answers by tossing his shirt in Dex’s direction.

Oh great he’s topless now. And all that freshly exposed skin practically glows in the golden afternoon light.

“Get off loser.“

Nurse slides a plate of grapes over and begins eating them. Slowly. Gorgeously extending his throat. Licking the sweet juice off his lips.

Dex felt his traitorous ears flush. Damn them.

“Nursey!… Come on be serious. I wanna get the ad up tonight.”

Nurse turns on his side striking a seductive pose.

“I swear to G-”

“Willy, don’t blaspheme.” Nurse says, silky smooth, mimicking Dex’s family, but in his super chill voice. That voice does things to Dex. Like making him feel all melty and loose. It’s distracting. Using all his mental fortitude, he shakes it off. He has a goal. Get this ad up so the couch can sell ASAP and they can shop in Bar Harbor with the little fund they’d saved. He has to stick to the plan.

His voice is thick as he utters each word with purpose. “Will. You. Please. Get off. The couch.”

Nurse looks at him, green eyes smoldering, book lying open in front of him, seductively eating grapes with a rose cradled against his chest-

Dex’s eyes go wide.

“Wait where the fuck did that rose come from?!?”

Nursey just grins.

Blushing furiously, and incredibly flustered, and very not chill, Dex snaps the pic.

Ad: Couch, $100, cash only, can move for you, asshole roommate not included.

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Thanks @randomnoteforfuturereference for prereading and ideating. And my brother who came up with a title :D

anonymous asked:

Dear Eddie ,if you want a vagina so badly,invest in a Fleshlight. XDDDD

“Fleshlight…? What in the world is that? Darling!” Eddie turned and Waylon poked his head in from the hallway.

“Yes, honey?” Waylon asked.

“This person vulgarly said if I wish to partake in a woman’s part, I must invest in a fleshlight. As you are a woman, you must know what that is.” Eddie said.

Waylon stood there, silent as a mouse. Slowly his face began turning red. He kept getting redder and redder until he finally just blurted, “You don’t want to know!” And ran for it.

“D-darling?! Darling! Come back here and tell me!” Eddie quickly ran after his wife.

nothing irks me more than mermaids being depicted as heteronormative cis normative thin white silky hair nuclear family all that hegemonic bullshit like yo the mermaids I know are dark and fat and spill over all your petty boundaries and they can be deep and terrifying as the sea and sweet and fresh as a spring and everything in between and they can fuck you up by seeing straight through your bullshit or rock you gently for hours on end while you dream a new life for yourself like, come with me give me your hand get your feet wet let the river drown you and the ocean teach you please leave ur emma watson looking mermaids behind