after susan "stops believing" edmund is the most understanding because he knows what's like to stray byeeeee
yes thank you for this Meredith, I appreciate your effort to try and kill me. I should brace yourself. this is going to be long and angsty.
I absolutely see this happening. I think Peter is the harshest on her because he’s always had a problem really empathising. he can forgive, but somehow he can never understand how Susan can deny something that she spent basically all of her formative years in, once upon a time. he doesn’t want to lose his relationship with Susan, but he can’t control his emotions enough to be able to talk rationally to her. somehow the topic of her “idiocy”, as he views it, always comes up, and he always gets angry or upset. so, as much as it hurts him, he withdraws from his sister and only has minimal dealings with her, even though it breaks his heart with every passing day.
Lucy, on the other hand, tries to understand and reason with Su, but she flat-out cannot comprehend what Susan is saying. for Lucy, Narnia is such an enormous part of her that the thought of denying it is so inconceivable that she simply cannot understand. she never gives up on Susan, though, to the point where Susan has to keep reminding her not to keep bringing up “those silly stories”, and that she thought, at Lucy’s age, she would know better than to believe in magic and fairy tales. and sometimes Lucy is so tortured by Susan’s words, haunted by the undeniable memories of ruling together as the two Queens for fifteen years, that she cries silently to herself in the small hours of the night, some memory or other stirred by something silly she’s seen during the day.
sometimes Edmund finds her, because he knows what it’s like to cry by yourself, and he wouldn’t wish it on anyone, much less his baby sister, the most precious person in his whole world. he still has trouble sleeping and sometimes wanders down to Lucy’s room, wondering if she’s upset tonight. and if she is, he crawls into her bed and wraps her in his arms, holding her as tight as he possibly can. he soothes her by stroking her hair and rocking her back and forth, and sometimes he can recall a distant memory of a Narnian lullaby, which he hums. mostly out of tune, but neither one cares. and Edmund spends more nights in Lucy’s room than he does in his own, when she falls asleep in his arms and he stays awake all night to watch over her. he has to sneak away in the morning, though, before Peter waks up, because he doesn’t want Peter to see the heartbreak of his little sister.
and now that I’ve upset myself over the siblings, I should actually get onto your headcanon! Edmund is 100% the most understanding; in fact, he’s the only one who doesn’t reject Susan, or she doesn’t reject him. he understands what it’s like to deny something you know to be true, and to deny it so wholeheartedly that you convince yourself that you’re right. and he’s never forgotten that feeling. so when he’s with Susan, he doesn’t try to bring the topic of Narnia up because he knows it will just cause ruptures in their relationship, so he tries to continue just as normal: teasing her about her latest beau, going shopping with her (even though he thinks it’s terribly dull)…but there’s a sadness in his eyes that was never there before. he sees his younger, immature self reflected in Susan, and he wants nothing better than to help her to stop denying. but he doesn’t know how, so he doesn’t try. he thinks that, with time, she’ll come round, a notion which Pete and Lu cannot understand. Edmund never gives up on Susan, for he’s never forgotten his ordeal in Calormen, and his immortal counsel that “even a traitor may mend”. he hopes every day that she will come to her senses, but as time wears on, even he begins to lose hope, and he ages prematurely. he gets worry lines between his eyebrows, and his hair thins because he’s always running his hands through it. but through all this, Susan still relies on him and loves his company, which he views as an achievement in itself. he doesn’t want to lose her, and through his understanding, he doesn’t, although their relationship is never the same.
that’s why the loss of Edmund breaks Susan the most. it’s the loss of a baby brother who was too good to her, who sacrificed his own youth and vigour to comfort Lucy and to be with her…and she never truly appreciates him until he is gone. and Edmund has to mourn for her, too, even in Aslan’s country, when he sees flowers in her favourite colour that he knows she would love. he watches the sunset every evening and thinks of a lost and forgotten sister, whose fate he will perhaps never know. the other two don’t know what he’s doing; they’re too overcome with their new lives to really give Susan a thought. but Edmund always wonders what happened to Su after they left, and every evening for many, many years, he stands on the clifftops and whispers a parting message to the setting sun.
You could feel the pain strike through you, as the doctors surrounded you, trying to hold you down and give you more medicine to calm you. But it was all too much. You screeched in agony, wishing not only you were going through the pain, but you wished you werent alone through all of this.
“Jared!” You yelped.
He snapped his gaze back to you, the nurse stared at him for a moment, but allowed him to run to your side.
He slipped his hand into yours, his eyes averting down to the blood and back up to your eyes.
“Hey, Hey I’m here Y/N.” He whispered, Using his free hand to push your hair back from your face.
You have never cried, let alone been so vulnerable in front of anyone. And it was something you weren’t used to.
You arched your back, feeling sharp pain near your lower abdomen.
“Make it stop! Please make it stop” You cried out.
Jared ran his hand over your head, reminding you to breathe as he tried to keep his composure.
“It will stop, I promise.”
You felt your body slowly calm as the medicine kicked in. The doctors mumbled something to Jared, words you couldn’t grasp on to.
“He can’t know.” You whispered. But before you knew it, Your eyes slowly fluttered shut.
Jared pursed his lips, tears silently falling as he stared intently at you. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. Watching you scream in agony, losing a part of you.
“I’ll be back, I promise.” Though he knew you were out, he still felt the need to tell you. He pressed his lips to your head.
“Hang in there okay?”
Gen sat near Jensen’s bed. Watching the tv as they sat patiently for Jared.
He stormed in, his eyes blood shot.
“Hey what happened?” Jensen muttered sitting up in his bed.
Jared took in a deep breath and cleared his throat, pretending everything was okay.
“Oh nothing. She’s fine.” He forced a smile. “Hey Gen can I-can I talk to you really quick?“
She nodded and followed him out of the room. Leaving Jensen alone to his thoughts.
He noticed Jared was acting strange, and he wasn’t telling him everything. Which made him even more nervous.
Gen’s eyes widened as she listened the Jared.
"She miscarried? I didn’t even know she was pregnant!” She whispered loudly.
Jared nodded and felt his eyes begin to well with tears. “She was so scared.”
Gen pulled her husband into her as tears streamed down her puffy cheeks. “Is she okay?"
"Yea, she is resting now. The doctors gave her more medicine for the pain. But before I left-” he met his wife’s gaze. “The doctor told me that, she may never be able to have a child."
"Wait what?” Jensen muttered.
Both Jared and gen snapped their gaze back to him. Jared stood straighter, feeling a lump form in his throat.
“She’s pregnant?” He croaked.
—————- You fluttered your eyes open, your head pounding, making it unbearable to look into the light. You felt something tug at your left hand, making you jerk in the bed.
“Shit, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Jensen whispered. “I’m sorry.”
You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out only a soft whimper as you lost it. Tears fell everywhere as you cried hard into your hands. Feeling as if you couldn’t breathe.
Jensen pulled you in. His arms caressing you as he cried silently with you.
“I’m so sorry.” You finally let out.
With everything that has happened. With losing something so precious, you felt ashamed. You felt as if you have done wrong.
A part of you has died a long with it.
“Dont be sorry baby.” Jensen stammered. “It’s not your fault.”
He was exactly what you needed. He made you feel safe. He made every thing seem as if it were going to be okay.
But you took this as a sign. A sign that you and Jensen were in two seperate worlds. You knew that he could have anyone he wanted. He shouldn’t be wasting his time on you.
“Go.” You exhaled, pushing away from him.
Jensen furrowed his eye brows, and tilted his head. “What?” He muttered.
“I said GO!” Your voice grew loud. “Leave! Get out now. I’m not good for you J. I never was, so we can stop pretending.”
His lips quivered and a lump formed in his throat. “Y/N, please stop. You’re more than good enough for me, You’re-”
“J, the Doctor said I might not be able to have kids. Ever. And I am going to have to live with that for the rest of my life. But you dont.” You sat up in the bed, your voice was stern. “You deserve to have a wife who can bear your children. You deserve the family you and I have talked about. But if you stay with me, You wont ever get that.”
Jensen shook his head, battling his breathing as he tried to focus on one thought. “No, I’m not leaving Y/N. I’m not leaving you.”
You wiped your tears away and cleared your throat. This was something you knew you were going to regret for the rest of your life, but it had to be done. “Well, I dont want to be with you. So please go.” You felt sick, your stomach churning as you immediately felt ashamed.
Jensen stared intently at you. Your words echoing in his head. He felt as if his heart dropped to the pit of his stomach.
“Go.” You whispered.
He clenched his jaw shut, and left the room without a single word.
You watched as he left, tears falling as you feigned for him to look back, at least once.
The ice mage finally confessed, after hesitating countless times. He never stop looking at the rain woman, not caring about how embarrassing or silly he was looking. He was certain of his feelings now, and he did not plan to run away from it. No, not anymore.
“I know I’m late,” he continued on. “I know I’ve kept you waiting, and your wait is over, Juvia.” Gray faced down slightly and due to embarrassment, wanted to hide so badly. But he refrained himself from doing so, for he wanted her to see his expression; let her know that he was not faking it. He then looked at her once again, longing to know her response. Dying to, if you wanted to be exact. It really made him marvel at her, wondering how was she able to persevere, hold and press on for so long. Gray only affirmed his own few weeks ago, and he was already going desperate on her.
Juvia could not look at him. Was she too shy to look at him? The Juvia we all know is straightforward and open. Open till the point that it makes Gray uncomfortable at times. So why isn’t she hugging him and accepting his love right now? In fact, why isn’t she even saying anything? Maybe Juvia was probably too shock to answer, just maybe. Gray started to wonder as to whether she was alright. He was about to say something when she finally uttered.
“Sorry.” It was short and brief. Nothing more and nothing less after that. She then turn around and started to walk away from him, leaving a speechless Gray. He wanted to run and chase after her, ask her what was the matter. But somewhere in his heart told him to let it go for now. This time, he turned around and walked away, clenching his fist. A “darn it,” slipped out of his mouth. Gray did not notice that he did so.
Surprisingly, there were a lot of people in Fairy Tail that day when the water user entered the building. There were not any special events to be held. Juvia never noticed how popular the guild was sometimes. Due to the amount of people, it took her long before she could find a table with nobody at it. She sat down and sighed to herself, thinking about her beloved Gray-sama. Her thoughts were soon interrupted when someone called out to her. “Hey, you don’t seem like yourself today.” The lady in knight armor said as she sat beside her. Juvia had nothing against Erza, but at that moment, she wished she could leave her alone. Still, she did not want to do so, and replied her. “You’re right.” she said as she sighed again.
Titania herself could not help but ask on what happened, even though it may not have been a wise decision, for she knows how badly can the bluenette rage. It was really strange to her that the bubbly and cheery girl she knew being upset. Something was definitely wrong. And Juvia knew that she could not hide it from Erza, and so, she told her everything. The scarlet hair maiden stayed solemn the whole time.
“Still,” the aforementioned lady started speaking after hearing her friend poured her heart out. “You should give him your reply. You didn’t, right?” Juvia shook before nodding her head and fiddled with her fingers a little, obviously worried. She knew that she had to do so. She cannot keep on running away from him. But… “Juvia does not know how to start.” Erza smiled gently and knowingly at her. Her eyes were then dilated to the right a little, as her smile grew wider. “Well, you can always do so now.”
Juvia then saw that she was not looking at her, but looking at something behind her. Puzzled, Juvia decided to turn around and her eyes widened when she saw what was happening. “Gray-sama…?” She could not help but utter at that moment, for the ice mage was doing something that she believed, was totally out of his character. He was holding out a bouquet of flowers, and he could not look at her, but she could see that he was blushing. Hard. Well, of course he would. Again, there were a lot of people in the guild right now looking at him and Juvia at the moment she realized, blushed as well. Suddenly, after not saying a word for a while, Gray made eye contact with her. Juvia often had her heart wavered when it happens but this time around, it felt different.
“I’m only going to do this kind of thing once.” Flushed Gray said aloud — the whole time looking up at the ever so confused woman, allowing more people to turn and see what was happening. “So you better hear me out properly this time, Juvia!” Relaxing his shoulders and letting out a relief sigh, he then continued talking. “You’re… really a handful. And sometimes your antics do make me uncomfortable. I can’t say that it doesn’t.” He then paused for a moment, and everyone in the room held their breath. They knew that there was more to what he said for he did not explain about the bunch of flowers in his hand. “But sometimes, you make me smile. You cheer my day up. You’re always there for me. Always. Even when I don’t want you to. Now, I smile all the time because of you. Yes, I’m talking about you, Juvia. Get it? I like you. I really, really like you. And because I don’t do this kind of thing, I hope you can see my sincerity. I like you. Please.. let me be with you. For real.”
Gray blushed even more and he was going crazy, thinking about how much of a fool he must look right now. Whistling from the crowd was soon heard and it also died down not too long after that. They were all still waiting on the water mage’s answer. The aforementioned woman was silent and quiet and to Gray, he felt that deja vu was going to happen. Erza then nudged her and it made Juvia flinched a little. The rain woman looked down and once again, made a worried expression. Finally, she uttered quickly,
“Juvia is nervous.”
It was done softly and thus, the people in there could not hear what she was saying and started talking among themselves, asking each other on whether they heard. Only those in the scene — Gray and Erza — did. His eyes slightly widened in surprise when she said so, for he was confused on why she did. Soon his expression slightly soften and when he wanted to ask, he read Juvia body language and could tell that she planned to continue so he refrained himself from speaking. Soon, after finding the words to say, she went on. “Juvia loves Gray-sama, she doesn’t deny that. But at the same time, Juvia is glad that Gray-sama didn’t return her love. Because if he didn’t, we wouldn’t need to have something together — a relationship for instance.” The ice mage could not help but be confused at what she was trying to imply.
Soon, he knew. “Because in a relationship, both of them would have to be committed to one another; love one another; treasure one another; protect one another. Juvia is scared that one of us will break one of those things one day. And when that happens, one of us will suffer from heartbreak. Juvia doesn’t want that. She’s scared; too nervous to lose you, Gray-sama. Worry that one day, Juvia — no, I won’t be by your side anymore.” She stopped, and Gray had the softest expression laid on him and started replying her. Then, they began interacting properly after so long.
“Didn’t I tell you my feelings?”
“I like you.”
She stopped for a moment or two, a little caught off guard that he said it again, and she finally countered back by going away from that topic.
“Juvia doesn’t think that she can always protect you.”
“You do, and I plan to protect you, too.”
She was already tearing up at this point.
“You’re Juvia’s most valuable treasure, Gray-sama.”
“And you’re my precious treasure too, Juvia.”
She then paused before saying,
“Can I hug you?”
Gray was surprised at the way she spoke, but he just smiled and silently opened his arms wide, welcoming her. She then went to him and cried as she hugged him. Gray gave out a little sigh and stroked her hair. By this time, even though the crowd was a little lost at first, they understood immediately when they saw what happened. Soon, there was an uproar in Fairy Tail. The fire dragon slayer went wild. The celestial mage and her best bookworm buddy held hands in glee and Erza gave out the biggest and most gentle smile that the guild has ever seen.
After a while, Gray suddenly realised what they were doing in front of everyone and blushed furiously. “What the?! Go away!” He cried out loud, embarrassed at being the centre of attention. He did not make eye contact with any of the people in the audience, for he was way too shy to do so. And during all this time, Juvia was still hiding her face on his chest.
“Juvia is still nervous.”
Gray then smiled and hugged her back again.
The bluenette at last looked up — causing their foreheads to be in contact — and returned his smile. She knew that she did not need to worry anymore for from now on, she was not alone.
This is not a plea for help, but merely a journey I have planned to share for quite a long time. The words never seemed to make sense, but I figured I would write until my heart quit aching, and who knows, maybe I will understand everything in the end. Please, just bear with me.
Ashton loved you to pieces. Hell, how could he not? When you walked down the aisle with your father by your side, everyone could not help but watch you. You were beautiful, but I mean, this is news to no one. As you ambled toward him, I beat myself up for letting those precious curves walk away from me. He was marrying an angel, and I… well, I never knew anything. When you said those two words, I cried. No, not cried. I fucking sobbed. You were no longer mine. You were his. The thought hurt like hell.
“If anyone objects to this marriage, let them speak now or forever hold their peace,” the pastor announced. I object, I thought, but I remained silent and swallowed the lump in my throat instead. You seemed happy, and how could I take away your happiness?
The church erupted in applause as you gave him those lips which once belonged to me. Ashton was happy. You were happy. And me? Well, you know. The moment you passed me when you left the church, I promise our eyes met. You round eyes begged me to move on and find happiness, but you were my happiness. I let you go because you deserved to be happy. Ashton made you happy. I did not.
Your smile took me to another special night. After a long day of painting the nursery, you speckled my nose with a light shade of pink paint. Our daughter would have loved the color. You were only five months pregnant, but you were still fit as ever. I loved the feeling of your body against me. You immersed your finger into the paint and traced painted hearts over my hands. Fuck, I can actually remember your touch.
“What are you doing?” I asked as you unbuttoned my black flannel.
“Making you mine,” you sexily smirked. You brushed your initials in paint on the left side of my chest. I watched as your name rose and fell in the rhythm of my heart. The paint would eventually fade, but I knew you would love me tomorrow. You always did.
Do you remember Christmas? After death, as humans, we sort of just lose sense of who we are. We never fought before, but the miscarriage left us confused and hurt. We wanted to love our daughter, but God had his reasons, and I never understood why. I never made love to any woman the way I did with you that night.Instead of jumping your bones, I took my sweet time and gave my body to yours. I think after fighting so much, we just needed to love as best as we could again. I knew I loved you, but I reminded you too much of the pain from losing our precious baby. The next morning, you were gone.
Not much longer, you fell in love with Ashton. I understood why. He treated you much better than I did. He distracted you of the miscarriage, and I only reminded you of the pain. He loved you, but I still did, too.
An encouraging pat on the back from your brother interrupted my thoughts. He knew I still loved you, but he lacked the decency to interfere with my personal life. A month after the wedding, I found you on my doorstep in tears. I asked you what was wrong, but you pressed your lips to mine and begged me to make love to you. And I couldn’t say no.
Before you left, you kissed me one last time and promised to be back. You said you needed to find yourself for a while. I let you go because I loved you, but you promised to be back. You promised.
Seven years later, you were still gone. You were somewhere no one knew. You were finding happiness again. Ashton asked about you, but hell, just remembering you made me feel like shit. The next week, your mother told me you crashed your car. You died. I never believed her. You couldn’t have died. You promised. You promised to be back. Dammit, you promised.
A promise is a promise, right? A promise is not paint, right? A promise never washed away, right? You promised to be back. Then, where the hell are you?
I hope this journey is something you can share. Teach people to fight, but most importantly, teach them to love. Teach them to love tomorrow and always do. We need someone who can make that promise. Even the toughest of us need love. I needed her love, but I lacked the strength to say one measly word. One word. Object. One word that could have changed my life and saved… well, yours.
Note: my friend sent this to me, and she doesn’t know who wrote it. So, credit to the author!