silenced rain

Playlist Poem

Hi! I was tagged by @happilyheartbroken13 to do this tag!

rules: put your playlist on shuffle and make a poem out of the first 8 songs that come on. Take the first sentence or line in the song, and see what you come with!

For those days we felt like a mistake, for those days when love’s what you hate
Do i look lonely? I see the shadows on my face
I think ive been telling lies, cause ive never been in love
Sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise
Im here to collect your hearts, its the only reason that i sing
Glow is low and its dimming, and the silence is raining
Skin, heat, hand in your mouth, feet, touching feet
And wait- dont tell me, heaven is a place on earth

Well this is a weird poem lol enjoy (thank you so much for tagging me omg i discovered this isnt the best tag to do at 11 pm lmao it was v fun tho)

i tag: @phanicatthefalloutboystuff @cloverlester @fireflies-in-the-sky @sinningforpanic @datrandomone @princessdan @boys-talk-gay to do this!

“After the final… let’s end this.”

The words hang in the air between them, suspended in the silence like rain-heavy clouds in an otherwise-empty sky.

Yuri isn’t sure what sort of expression he expects to see written across Viktor’s face when he looks up—confusion? Anger? Relief? Any one of them would make perfect sense to Yuri. But then, Viktor Nikiforov has never made much sense in anything he’s done, including but not limited to leaving behind his country and career in the hope of bringing a hopeless reject like Yuri Katsuki back to the world of competitive figure skating. So Yuri shouldn’t be as surprised as he is to lift his gaze and find those clear blue eyes devoid of any and all emotion, neutrality playing on Viktor’s face like the most comfortable of masks. When he speaks, his tone is calm, even.

“Are you saying that because it’s what you want? Or because you think it’s what I want?”

Once more, the question sits between them like a loaded gun. Two chambers, one bullet. One bleeding heart once the shot is made.

To tell the truth is to chase Viktor away, to willingly fire that bullet straight into Yuri’s own chest at point-blank range and bleed out, taking comfort only in the knowledge that Viktor may return to the ice without having to bear the burden of Yuri Katsuki any longer than he already has. To lie is to drive away the single most important presence in his life—the very definition and embodiment of the love that has driven him to the decision waiting to be made.

And what’s worse… Yuri can’t tell which is which.

The longer the two of them stand in silence, that metaphorical revolver sitting between them and awaiting its role in Yuri’s own anxiety-fueled version of Russian roulette, the more difficult it becomes to breathe. Emotions—hundreds, maybe even thousands of them, differing from one another only in subtle increments, constrict his chest, force the breath from him in a sudden, broken sob.

In that moment, Viktor steps forward, enveloping Yuri in an embrace that’s meant to keep the glass heart of a skater, already cracked from months of pressure and struggle, from shattering.

“Your silence is enough…” he whispers, his lips close enough to Yuri’s ear that Yuri can feel his breath, hear the subtle undertone of amusement that would seem cruel and out of place coming from anyone but Viktor Nikiforov. “You’re so easy to read, Yuri. But I can’t help but feel insulted.”

Gentle, comforting, Viktor’s open palm smooths its way down the curve of Yuri’s back. “Assuming that I want to leave insinuates that you think I’ve made a mistake. Not only in coaching you, but in falling in love with you as well.” The chuckle that escapes him then is somewhat of a humorless one. “Do you truly believe that I could ever live to see a day where I’d regret that? Shh—don’t answer that.”

Yuri, lips parted in an attempt to protest, closes his eyes and rests his forehead against Viktor’s shoulder in reply. Shame overwhelms him, steals his voice from his throat and pours down his cheeks in a torrent of tears that he hasn’t the slightest hope of reining in. He’s terrible. He’s gone and messed up again, allowed his own anxiety-riddled thoughts to force their way between him and Viktor and somehow convince him that this, more heartbreak, is the only way to right the wrong that never existed in the first place. It should be more than Viktor is willing to put up with. Anyone else would have left him behind, grown fed up with the constant frustration of tolerating someone whose outlook on life and love is as bleak as a storm-filled horizon.

And yet…

Viktor cradles him through it all, carries him through the fire that Yuri’s fears have ignited within his own heart without so much as flinching at the heat. He’s there to kiss away tears and sooth wounds both physical and emotional, even if Yuri himself is the one inflicting them. Viktor has never minded nor complained about being caught in the crosshairs of Yuri’s inner turmoil.

He meets me where I am.

Yuri can feel the chill of metal resting against the back of his neck, made even more prominent by the surrounding warmth of Viktor’s hand. When he finally lifts his head to rest his chin on Viktor’s shoulder, damp strands of silver hair tickling his cheek, he can see the shimmering gold of his own ring against Viktor’s back in the hotel mirror across from him.

“I’m sorry.”

There’s somewhat of a peculiar quirk that Viktor has. Yuri noticed it only few short months ago back in Moscow, at the very end of the Rostelecom Cup’s free skate. Despite everything, he’d ended up apologizing to Viktor for not sticking the landing of his impromptu quadruple flip. Part of him had expected laughter at the absurdity of the apology itself, another part scolding, and another still anticipating words of forgiveness and encouragement.

What he’d received instead was a warm, fond smile, those blue eyes filled to the brim with something Yuri couldn’t quite put words to until Viktor himself did it for him.

“I love you.”

Even now, hearing it whispered into the delicate silence of their hotel room brings back that indescribable warmth that he remembers feeling as they’d left the arena hand in hand. It starts in his very core and spreads through him with each beat of his heart. Viktor never answers an apology with forgiveness. He answers it with love—an all-encompassing emotion that carries within itself a myriad of sentiments to go above and beyond what an apology could ever hope to be met with. Compassion, understanding, reassurance, encouragement. All of these and more come together in that soft, three-word promise that Viktor whispers to Yuri whenever his fragile skater’s heart begins to break.

Slowly, Yuri draws away to look up at Viktor, tear-filled eyes locking with smiling ones. And then Yuri is smiling too, through the tears, laughing at how silly he feels until Viktor silences him with the soft press of his lips. In that moment, anxiety means nothing to Yuri. Fear is but a problem for another day, and Yuri knows for a fact that when it rears its ugly head once more, patient, tolerant Viktor will be there to hold him, to lead him through it with tender kisses and softly-whispered “I love you”s.

Stay by my side, he thinks as he brings both hands up, one to cup Viktor’s face and the other to rest against the smooth column of his neck. The ring on Yuri’s finger glints in the soft lamplight of the room, gold against ivory.

And never, ever leave.

You used to have a crush on me
when we were freshman and still part of the same group and
you can deny it all you want but I swear to god there must have been one second where you really did like me
like that.

and now we don’t talk because
i think you think I’m fucking crazy and maybe you’re right but
that doesn’t have anything to do with you that’s more
to do with how scared I get that
everyone’s going to leave me because
if we’re being honest
a lot of people have left me
it’s not like it’s much of a stretch to think you would too.

i guess im just sorry about all the poems and
all the things I say when I get drunk.
im sorry you cared so little and
i cared way too fucking much.

—  how long do you need because I can’t be the one to break this silence– lily rain

Halsey lyrics // aesthetic things