August 16th, 2015: I have come to learn that Anorie identifies as genderqueer. Per their Tumblr and their Twitter, they prefer the pronouns she/her if they like someone (or if they have “no problem” with someone), and they/them if they don’t like someone (or have a problem with someone).
They have been using this distinction, which they first made publicly on Twitter on August 9th, 2015 (screenshot / screenshot), knowing full well that I was not aware of their Twitter presence, to label me transphobic and accuse me of purposefully misgendering them.
On August 16th, Anorie used the prefix Mx in their first harassing Facebook message to my business page. I had not known at the time that this prefix denotes a genderqueer identity.
Considering Anorie themself, Anorie’s (assuming?) boyfriend, and pretty much everyone else I’d seen reference Anorie on the web had used feminine pronouns (and Anorie specifically referenced being a woman), it hadn’t even occurred to me at the time that “Mx” was a prefix that had to do with trans* and genderqueer identities. Well, now I know. I should note that this is the sum total of the interaction Anorie and I have had regarding their gender identity, as they blocked me from viewing their public Twitter account right after the interaction (and I blocked them as well), and I have been regularly blocking those that they sent to harass me, for obvious reasons.
They are also accusing me of “outing” them somehow, even though they made their pronoun preference known on their public Twitter a full week before they resumed their harassment of me, and specifically called me out for misgendering them. That’s… not how time works. Here is a screenshot of Anorie themselves saying on August 16th that they “came out almost a week ago on [their] own accord”: Screenshot. Therefore, I did not out them in any way on the 16th by switching to gender neutral pronouns in response to their assertion that I was misgendering them by using feminine ones.
Overall, my best guess is that they have a faulty understanding of what is public and what is private– ie, all screenshots documenting the timeline and their harassment of me were taken of public social media interactions (or, in some cases, at a time when said social media was public), but they continue to erroneously assert I have posted screenshots of their “private” social media.
Anorie has been behaving appallingly, but in good faith, I’m going to fix my mistakes and apologize for unintentionally misgendering them in my initial post, and in some of my tweets about this situation.
I will be using only they/them, going forward.
I will also only be using “Anorie”, and will continue blank out any name that may be their legal name. For the time being, I am even blanking out any other screennames associated with Anorie, to prevent others from engaging them directly over this matter.
In any case, I am editing this post for clarity and correct pronouns.
Anorie is continuing to be really, really mad that we had a disagreement about a fictional elf nearly two years ago. To the point where they have tried to cause problems with my real life job. This is wholly unacceptable.
Later, Anorie, a user I was not following, and who was not following me (to my knowledge) sent me several messages through the Tumblr ask system expressing strong dislike of Tauriel based on several speculative things (as the movie in which she first appeared had not yet been released). Some of it was pretty baiting– they insinuated that I, a perfect stranger who had never interacted with them before, would call them a misogynist. It was all in a pretty condescending tone.
I gave back as good as I got re: snark, and mostly it boiled down to, “the movie isn’t even out yet. How about we see the movie before deciding she’s only in the movie to find a boyfriend.” Here’s that whole back-and-forth. It ended when I was basically like, “uh, cool. Well, I have a pizza in the oven, and that’s more important to me than arguing with you.” I deleted their asks, posted to twitter how hilarious it was that someone was this upset about fictional elves, and ate my pizza.
Not content to just let it die, Anorie purposefully sought out my other social media to continue what I can only imagine to them was a Big Deal Argument. They Tumblr messaged me again to rage at me for referencing our spat on twitter. Here’s a screencap of that interaction, complete with some pretty hilariously over the top rage on their part.
(Also hilarious? Anorie trying to call me out for “Middle Eastern Appropriation” because my handle is Sihaya. “Sihaya” is from Dune, a novel by Frank Herbert. He created it for his novel. It did not exist, to my knowledge, before his novel, and is not an actual Arabic name. What’s doubly hilarious is that this person, whose screenname is FREAKING ELVEN, is accusing anyone of using a screenname from a sci fi novel to “sound exotic.”)
Now, I can’t find my exact tweets from Dec 9th, 2013, because Twitter Advanced Search won’t let me go back nearly two years. To the best of my recollection, I basically obliquely posted about the hilarity of the situation. I don’t think I used any names, but if I had, the only name I would have used is “Anorie,” since “Anorie” is the only name I knew this total stranger by. I did not use their name, screenname or otherwise.
If someone out there knows twitter better than I do and can pull up tweets from that far back, please let me know how, and I will add them.
ETA: thanks to Tumblr user Take-Liberties (thank you again!), I downloaded my Twitter archives. Here’s what I tweeted related to the exchange:
1. “Truefacts: nothing makes me think you’re a misogynist faster than the phrase ‘and before you go and accuse me of being a misogynist…’”
2. ”Like, it doesn’t say good things about you if you just EXPECT me to think you’re one based on your own words. Eek.”
3. “Folks on Tumblr need to take more naps. Forreals.”
I’m super mean, you guys.
Anyway, years pass. I have more or less forgotten about the tiff, because who lets a tumblr spat over a fictional elf fester?
Well, Anorie, that’s who.
I do a lot of wholesale for a specific magazine. Whenever said magazine posts my work to their facebook page, I check the threads to answer customer questions about materials, size, etc.
It reads: “Sihaya is actually a really problematic person, please don’t support her. She’s nasty and slanderous on various websites.”
I replied something to the effect of, “do you have me confused with someone else?”
I then screenshotted it, sent it to the FB page manager, and it was unceremoniously deleted. Anorie was also banned from posting on that page again.
Then I looked again, and the Legolas icon set off a lightbulb in my brain. I googled the name of the person who had left the comment. It led me right to Anorie’s blog, and a secondary blog where they have their full name on display and mention being Anorie, at length.
‘OMG,’ I thought. ‘That person is still SUPER MAD about Tauriel.’
Like. How does one stay THAT MAD about a one-time back-and-forth about a FICTIONAL ELF? HOW?
And what self-respecting adult would be so mad over a fandom disagreement that they would try to hurt someone’s real life job?
Anorie, that’s who.
I posted to my personal fb about the situation, never once using the person’s real name (or what I assume to be their real name). And I went to bed. Because fandom drama is silly and not worth losing sleep over.
So, imagine my extreme facepalm when I woke up to find that Anorie was STILL trying to get my attention, this time via my business fb page. Here’s the screenshot of that:
Anorie: My comment was removed from the picture, but rest assured I did not "confuse” you with anyone. Unless there happens to be another Christina Allen Page running another Sihaya Designs, then you are the correct person. I know because you have slandered me personally on at least two social media websites. You’re still on my Twitter block list. Refrain from further use of my first name as if you and I are besties. It’s Mx. [redacted last name] to you.
Me: I have not used your personal name anywhere, because I would consider that doxxing. I have never referred to you on any of my social media as [first name redacted], although it was SUPER easy to figure out who you are by simply googling the name you used to make the comment, which led me back to two of your blogs, one of which I was previously familiar with.
Anyhow– we had a disagreement about a fictional elf nearly two years ago. I made two tweets about how this level of vitriol over a FICTIONAL ELF is ridiculous. It remains, to this day, ridiculous. It is also not slander.
I have made screenshots of all of our interactions, minus some harassing Tumblr PMs that I deleted in Dec ‘13, because who would have thought that someone would be so upset over the discussion of a fictional elf that they would try to harm my real life job? Apparently, I misjudged you.
So, to be clear: you will be blocked from Sihaya Designs. You are already blocked from the business page where you tried to create drama. Now that I have screenshotted all relevant posts from your blog where we interacted or you made reference to me, you are blocked there as well. I don’t have the faintest idea what your twitter handle is, but if you’ve already blocked me, then it makes no difference.
Do not contact me again. We had one hilariously sad disagreement about a fictional elf nearly two years ago. Find a better use of your time. Let it go.
Now, looking back on it, I did use this person’s first name once. When I responded on the magazine page with, “Hi [name]! Do you think you have me confused with someone else?” Which was before I had my lightbulb moment and connected their Legolas icon with someone I’d had a one-time spat with over a a fictional elf, almost two years ago. The comment (and my reply) was deleted from the magazine page before I even put two and two together. I have never, and will never, use this person’s name in conjunction with their screenname, and will block out or redact first and last names in our correspondence.
Annnnnyway. I blocked Anorie on tumblr, from my personal fb page, and from the Sihaya Designs business page. I am posting this here as public record that I have asked this person to stop contacting me. Any further contact will be considered harassment, and be treated as such.
To sum up: Imagine a world where people can disagree about fandom and not try to hurt that person’s real life job. That world is called 'adulthood.’ Strive for adulthood.
Now, let’s get back to talking about stuff we like.
UPDATE: As of 2:15pm on Sunday, August 16th, 2015, Anorie is still harassing me. Not sure HOW, as they are blocked, which is why they show up as “Facebook User,” but they are still contacting me against my clear wishes. Here are screencaps:
In it, Anorie admits that they reported me to Facebook for “stalking” them under both my personal and work account. Because I google searched the name they made their Facebook comment/messages under. That’s not how that works. An internet search for publicly-posted information is not stalking under any stretch of the law. Also, that’s not what slander means either, but. I don’t exactly think we’re dealing with someone here who is particularly interested in what words actually mean.
First, I’m going to figure out why they aren’t blocked, despite as showing up as blocked on my end.
Then I’m going to contact Facebook and figure out WTF is going on. I’m not particularly worried that they’ll take any action against me because, well, Anorie continues to sound like a toddler in need of a nap.
But seriously, this is not the behavior of a grown up.
UPDATE 2:33pm: Since they had never “liked” my business page, I had to go through and report them through the messages link, which gave me the opportunity to ban them from messaging me either on my business page, as well as my personal page, where they are also blocked. This /should/ prohibit them from contacting me in any way on Facebook.
…and their cavalry has arrived in the form of friends and/or sockpuppets on twitter.
UPDATE: 3:36 pm: Tumblr user Anorie is now using Twitter to ask her followers to report my business web page for abuse.
To sum up: I have only ever used the name Anorie with this poster in posts documenting their behavior.
The “stalking” they refer to is me googling the name they contacted me with on Facebook and realizing that this is the same person who harassed me on Dec 9th, 2013.
The screenshots came from Anorie’s twitter while the posts were still public. I figured out who they were on twitter because some of their supporters were @’ing me and Anorie in the same tweet, which meant I was getting notifications.
I have zero understanding of what they mean by “publicly outing them.” I have been using gender neutral pronouns here. I had previously been using “she,” and Anorie has not told me that this is incorrect or clarified their pronouns. Regardless, I will be using “they/them” on all platforms from here on out. If I have misgendered Anorie at any point, I sincerely apologize– it was done out of ignorance and not malice. (And if someone updates me on what the correct pronouns are, I will of course use them going forward.)
I explicitly said on facebook & twitter that no one should contact Anorie on my behalf, but feel free to flag inappropriate/abusive content if they see it.
…all the screenshots are here. One of us has proof.
Okay, so! Thing I learned: Mx is a genderqueer prefix in the UK. I will go back and correct my initial post. (I can’t edit the reblogged portions of new posts.) I thought I had used all “they/them” initially, but I slipped up on some. So I’m going to fix that.
Going forward, I will be using all they/them.
UPDATE: Since my last update, Anorie has created a duplicate Facebook account to harass me and the magazine I work for. Anorie and another user on Twitter have continued to call me transphobic and threatened to call the police on me. All of this is screenshotted and documented.This is now a matter for my legal counsel.
I’m going radio silent while we work on a way to stem Anorie’s harassment issues. I will still be documenting, just not posting it publicly.
If you see something Anorie is saying about me that should be documented, please contact me, as I’d like it for my ever-growing file. If you have your own story where Anorie has harassed you, please contact me, because my lawyer has told me that those things are relevant to my case.
To reiterate: do not contact Anorie on any social media platform regarding this matter. I do not condone or endorse such action. This is a matter for the lawyers at this point.
To those of you who have hit up my inbox with words of encouragement and commiseration, thank you! This is a stressful time, but this too shall pass, and I’m confident that those on the side of right will win the day.