signs i'm going to hell

The Signs in Group Projects

Organizes all the shit but doesn’t actually do anything themselves: Leo, Aquarius, Cancer, Gemini

Isn’t there: Taurus, Scorpio, Libra

Saves everybody’s ass the night before: PISCES, Virgo, Capricorn

Does literally fuck all: Sagittarius, Aries

*desends into hell wearing*
  • Aries: lipstick the color of the blood of thine enemies
  • Taurus: potato chip crumbs
  • Gemini: high heeled boots that they keep tripping over
  • Cancer: a sweater of tears
  • Leo: The Dress (whatever that means for you)
  • Virgo: their pajamas
  • Libra: a playboy bunny costume
  • Scorpio: Full body armor
  • Sagittarius: the fires of all their rage
  • Capricorn: sweatpants and a shirt
  • Aquarius: nothing
  • Pisces: cotton candy
  • {~MJ}
The Signs as Winter Scents

Aries: Cinammon, Clove and Orange
Taurus: Rose and Sandlewood
Gemini: White Jasmine and Winter rose
Cancer: Caramel, Vanilla and Jasmine
Leo: Clove and Cedarwood
Virgo: Cinammon, Clove and Lemongrass
Libra: Almond, Raspberry and Strawberry
Scorpio: Black Pepper and Citrus
Sagittarius: Sandlewood, Vetiver and Patchouli
Capricorn: Silver Fir, White Pepper and Amber
Aquarius: Lime and Pine
Pisces: Berries, Orange Blossom, Nutmeg and Cinammon

The Signs as Romeo and Juliet Characters

**slightly salty edition due to me writing an essay on this

Aries: Mercutio (enjoys provoking people for no fucking reason)

Taurus: Count Paris (can be presumptuous like no m8 we’re not married)

Gemini: The Nurse (v v chatty and inappropriate at times)

Cancer: Romeo (has courage of a wet tissue jUST sAYIN)

Leo: Capulet (random rages???? why??? can you not??)

Virgo: Juliet (shuts you out of their life if you two disagree on a tiny thing)

Libra: Rosaline (you never really see them but you hear things idk who are they)

Scorpio: Tybalt (weirdly fashionable but you’d never expect it)

Sagittarius: Lady Capulet (relies on others for pragmatic/moral support because they can’t even deal with e m o t i o n s)

Capricorn: Friar Lawrence (unwanted advice js and expert on herbs ??)

Aquarius: Prince Escalus (only ever appears if there’s a big ol’ fight because they love the drama rly)

Pisces: Benvolio (you never see it but actually has a huge temper because they’re so done with everyone)

Why the Signs are Cute Af

Based off people I know

Aries: Literally defends anyone who they think is morally right. Like they’ll stand up for someone no questions asked

Taurus: Has a weakness for dogs omg literally never take one to a shelter you’ll come out with like 20 dogs

Gemini:  They probably have like 200 secret talents omg and you’ll just discover one day they can do something and it’s always something random but amazing

Cancer: Might seem like a wallflower but omg if someone treats you unfairly they like explode like wow #beveryafraid

Leo: They always have gum. And spray. And hand cream. Literally everything. And they need some recognition for that.

Virgo: Subconscious hair twirling?

Libra: They always stand with their legs crossed??? How ????????????

Scorpio: They have big opinions. They don’t often share them, but when they do it’s like listening to God. You feel insignificant.

Sagittarius: They can manage max. 1.5 cups of coffee then they’re off. Just gone. Good luck trying to get them to focus.

Capricorn: They’re ALWAYS on time it’s convenient if not fucking magical

Aquarius: Is constantly quoting rly cute phrases from movies/books like how do you guys remember so many??? how???? 

Pisces: They’re always unintentionally funny, in a cute way. 

The Signs on Valentine's Day

Aries: playing with their food probs???? Spaghetti????? Really?????
Taurus: eating away their feelings
Gemini: avoiding telling their date their sun sign
Cancer: crying over their non-existent love life
Leo: talking about themselves, ignores their date
Virgo: doesn’t wanna pay for the meal tbh
Libra: being a hoe
Scorpio: sex
Sagittarius:lol who even knows
Capricorn: still working at the office
Aquarius: high in some alleyway, maybe with their date??
Pisces: 200 dates with 200 different people lol wot a hoe

**based off stereotypes guys I love you all**

The Signs as Heart-Rending Steven Universe Dialogue

Aries: “What do YOU know about my mom? I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW MY MOM!

Taurus: “Everything I did, I did for her.”

Gemini: “I’m gonna disappear without ever making a single friend.”

Cancer: “I see so many things that can hurt you. I should never have let one of them be me.”

Leo: “I’m not gonna let you stand there and remind me of everything I HATE ABOUT MYSELF!”

Virgo: “And now I’m gonna die a tired, frozen, little sadsack…”

Libra: “You…can’t understand how I feel. None of you had what we had!…What do you know!? You’ve never even met her!”

Scorpio: “I never asked to be this way! I never asked to be made!

Sagittarius: “I don’t know how to feel about you. I wish I could have met you, then this place would make me sad and I could cry healing tears, like you…”

Capricorn: “Woopsie daisy! Steven, it’s okay, I’m gonna be just-”

Aquarius: “I want to be friends again. I really do. But I can’t let you do this to me again!”

Pisces: “Oh, look, I have, um, what appears to be a delicious pie. I sincerely hope nothing happens to… - Oh, Steven!…”