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How all Fraternities should do rush week. 

etherealalchemist  asked:

Hi Justine! For the five hcs thing, how about seungchuchu and a neighbors au? c:

ur such a saint, thank u for all that u do helping feed the hungry… (my seungchuchu apetitite)

also uhhh idk if u mean like neighbors as in they live next-door to each other or neighbors as in the film pero i’m going to go with the film because. i have needs

1. when they find out a fraternity is moving in next-door, seunggil’s immediate response is to file a complaint with the neighborhood land-planning community.
“of course this is unacceptable,” seunggil speaks into the phone. “me and my husband are going to be so bothered when…”
he trails off when he spots phichit outside, smiling into a camera for their group picture and holding one end of their ‘SIGMA NU’ banner.
phichit raises a hand to wave. “babe, i said we’d help them move in!”
seunggil sighs. “let me get back to you,” he says, and clicks off.

2. suddenly the fraternity boys are joining them for breakfast.
“bro, it’s really cool of you guys to, like. do this and all,” the one named cameron says. he is shirtless at 9am on a sunday morning. and how is he so tan? it is detroit in the middle of autumn.
“of course,” phichit says cheerfully. he flips a pancake in the air and the boys cheer obnoxiously. seunggil can’t decide whether or not to join in. “welcome to the neighborhood! oh this is so exciting. i never got to join a frat in college because i was always training.”
“brah, that will not fucking do.” the boys shake their heads pitifully.
phichit beams. he’s got them all eating out of the palm of his hand.

3. seunggil suddenly finds himself holding calculus tutoring workshops when a third of the boys find themselves under threat of academic probation, which “is totes not going to fly because the babes at chi zeta phi are holding that intramural thing later this month where they wear these bras made out of fruit, and have you ever seen melons so—”
seunggil raises a hand. “what was our deal?”
“oh, shit. sorry. no talking while you help us—which, is so fuckin cool of you, bro. you and uncle phi are the chillest mother—”
“karl.”
“omg, you called me by my name! dudes! i’m not musclehead no. 3 anymore!”

4. movie nights are held at their place, at phichit’s insistence, because why wouldn’t they take advantage of his expanded film screen and projector set-up?
“there is, of course, one condition,” he says.
the king and the skater, it turns out, catches on pretty popularly, despite being “kinda homo, dude. not that that’s a bad thing. we all pretty much agree that seunggil gives us confusion boners, anyway.”

5. when phichit and seunggil decide to have a child, kanya lee-chulanont finds herself at the center of a Best Uncle war when the skaters from their GPF cohort are invited and cannot stand to lose being any less of quality uncles than such a flagrant group of college boys. victor nikiforov is the first to break, of course, and soon the rest of them follow phichit and seunggil into being honorary brothers.

never forget becky from delta gamma @ umd, spring 2013

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough fucking ride.
For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been FUCKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu. I’ve been getting texts on texts about people LITERALLY being so fucking AWKWARD and so fucking BORING. If you’re reading this right now and saying to yourself “But oh em gee Rebecca, I’ve been having so much fun with my sisters this week!”, then punch yourself in the face right now so that I don’t have to fucking find you on campus to do it myself.


I do not give a flying fuck, and Sigma Nu does not give a flying fuck, about how much you fucking love to talk to your sisters. You have 361 days out of the fucking year to talk to sisters, and this week is NOT, I fucking repeat NOT ONE OF THEM. This week is about fostering relationships in the greek community, and that’s not fucking possible if you’re going to stand around and talk to each other and not our matchup. Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE FUCKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE FUCKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE FUCKING SUCK SO FAR. This also applies to you little shits that have talked openly about post gaming at a different frat IN FRONT OF SIGMA NU BROTHERS. Are you people fucking retarded? That’s not a rhetorical question, I LITERALLY want you to email me back telling me if you’re mentally slow so I can make sure you don’t go to anymore night time events. If Sigma Nu openly said “Yeah we’re gonna invite Zeta over”, would you be happy? WOULD YOU? No you wouldn’t, so WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DO IT TO THEM?? IN FRONT OF THEM?!! First of all, you SHOULDN’T be post gaming at other frats, I don’t give a FUCK if your boyfriend is in it, if your brother is in it, or if your entire family is in that frat. YOU DON’T GO. YOU. DON’T. GO. And you ESPECIALLY do fucking NOT convince other girls to leave with you.


“But Rebecca!”, you say in a whiny little bitch voice to your computer screen as you read this email, “I’ve been cheering on our teams at all the sports, doesn’t that count for something?” NO YOU STUPID FUCKING ASS HATS, IT FUCKING DOESN’T. DO YOU WANNA KNOW FUCKING WHY?!! IT DOESN’T COUNT BECAUSE YOU’VE BEEN FUCKING UP AT SOBER FUCKING EVENTS TOO. I’ve not only gotten texts about people being fucking WEIRD at sports (for example, being stupid shits and saying stuff like “durr what’s kickball?” is not fucking funny), but I’ve gotten texts about people actually cheering for the opposing team. The opposing. Fucking. Team. ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?!! I don’t give a SHIT about sportsmanship, YOU CHEER FOR OUR GODDAMN TEAM AND NOT THE OTHER ONE, HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A SPORTS GAME? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND? Or are you just so fucking dense about what it means to make people like you that you think being a good little supporter of the greek community is going to make our matchup happy? Well it’s time someone told you, NO ONE FUCKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR FUCKING MATCHUP. I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU.


“Ohhh Rebecca, I’m now crying because your email has made me oh so so sad”. Well good. If this email applies to you in any way, meaning if you are a little asswipe that stands in the corners at night or if you’re a weird shit that does weird shit during the day, this following message is for you:
DO NOT GO TO TONIGHT’S EVENT.


I’m not fucking kidding. Don’t go. Seriously, if you have done ANYTHING I’ve mentioned in this email and have some rare disease where you’re unable to NOT do these things, then you are HORRIBLE, I repeat, HORRIBLE PR FOR THIS CHAPTER. I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not fucking awkward than 80 that are fucking f—-. If you are one of the people that have told me “Oh nooo boo hoo I can’t talk to boys I’m too sober”, then I pity you because I don’t know how you got this far in life, and with that in mind don’t fucking show up unless you’re going to stop being a goddamn cock block for our chapter. Seriously. I swear to fucking God if I see anyone being a goddamn boner at tonight’s event, I will tell you to leave even if you’re sober. I’m not even kidding. Try me.


And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don’t give a fuck. Go fuck yourself.