Slipping Away- Newt Scamander x Reader
Request: Your writing is my life. Can I request something hella angsty. i dont care what it is but i need angst. Also can it be a happy ending? thanks
A/n: I love writing angst, also sorry this is kind of late
Warnings: insecurities, implied emotional breakdowns, angsty themes everywhere, slight swearing
You sat combing your wet hair in the bathroom as drops of water from the faucet still echoed throughout, breaking the eerie silence. You allowed the comb to weave and untangle the messy locks of your hair before you hung the towel back up on its rack. With a sigh, you turned back towards the mirror, which was now fogging slightly. Your eyes were tired and your face lacked its usual perky smile, for its existence had long been faded. The water drops ceased, leaving you in silence once more, a sound you were far too accustomed to in recent times.
Newt had been spending so much time away in his habitats recently, and it was beginning to have a negative effect on you. You knew in your heart that the beasts were important to him, they were important to you as well, but he had spent days working constantly on his book, and you longed for some sort of affection besides a brief hug or kiss every now and then. Even now he was hard at work inside of his case, probably watching the occamies again since they had just hatched.
All you wanted was some attention, a sign that he was still there. The two of you had been dating for about a year or so now, and you thought he still loved you. If he did, then he wasn’t showing it or even really making an attempt to. You felt a dull throbbing ache in your chest on a daily basis. It often worsened as you prepared breakfast by yourself in your empty kitchen with nothing but a light jazz record to accompany you, or when you would end up falling asleep in a cold bed, only to wake up the next morning in the same state. You just needed someone to love, someone to talk to. By now you were starting to wonder as to what would happen if you just disappeared, if you just vanished into thin air or ceased to exist. He didn’t really need you anyways. If anything you stood in his way, he could easily live without you.
You readjusted your sweater collar before unlocking the door and heading out into the main room, only to stop in your tracks at the sight before you.
Newt was standing in your shared bedroom doorway, holding what appeared to be a worn blue notebook.
‘Oh no,’ you thought as a wave of anxiety washed over your form. You wanted to shrink away into a darkened hole and never come back out.
Newt stood slightly hunched over as he flipped through the pages of the notebook. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, shock, and hurt. What he didn’t know is that this notebook just so happened to be the one where his love wrote all of their deepest and darkest feelings. Tear stains and ink splotches dotted the page margins and creased lay darkened. His oceanic eyes scanned each word, stabbing his heart with a jagged knife. The entries all varied, but each had been written with a common theme.
October 2, 1925
Today I am feeling more lonely than usual, and the feeling itself is rather unsettling. I’m trying to occupy myself, but I still think that the pain would subside if Newt were here. However, I can’t interrupt is work, even though he’s been so busy with it. Sometimes I wish he would just take a break for once…
October 19, 1925
Another empty bed, and another sleepless night.
October 27, 1925
Newt and I got into a small disagreement today, and we haven’t spoken for a bit. I hope our relationship, or whatever is left of it, can survive. He’s been a bit more distant, and I know that he’s off working on his novel, but I really do miss him. Sometimes I wonder if he would be happier if I were gone, so that he could maybe be with someone else who isn’t as annoying or clingy or stupid. Maybe he can find another pretty and kind person to snuggle up to at night.
I wonder if he still cares or thinks about me. I prepared his favorite tea, hoping he would come back up for dinner, but he didn’t. I miss him, but I guess I can’t interrupt him.
He paused, and then looked at the most recent entry, which was dated to yesterday.
November 3, 1925
I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I know he doesn’t hate me, but I can’t take being alone anymore. Maybe he’s purposely avoiding me, and maybe that’s why he doesn’t talk or hug or kiss me as much as he used to. If I had been better or smarter, or perhaps more beautiful would he have stayed? Am I that annoying and hard to be around to the point where my own boyfriend may not love me anymore?
Newt wasn’t able to make it through the final passage. It stung his heart and eyes too much. Sobs were choked back as his hands began to shake violently out of anger, not really towards you, but towards himself. Just then, a thud brought him back out of his thoughts.
You had accidentally dropped the comb in your hand, causing it to create a sound causing Newt’s worries and concerned expression to face towards you. He closed the book softly as if it were fashioned out of glass and he moved towards you. Your heartrate and breathing raced in panic as the world swirled around you.
Newt was probably furious, angry and packed with rage that you thought or said things like that about him, and not even towards his face. You had been selfish, he was only trying to write his book, but oh no, you had to be a pathetic person and desire attention at all hours of the day. You wanted to rip your hair out and scream, as you felt slightly betrayed that he had found the book from its hidden space under your side of the bed and read it, scanning over each word with his own two crystal eyes. You feared his reaction. If your relationship wasn’t over yet, it soon would be for sure. His eyes and face were already turning red and you braced yourself for the worst. You prepared for him to scream and yell and spit words furiously at you. You expected a full blown fight like never before. Your heart shattered into smaller remains, stabbing you from the inside out and pricking your chest. Your lungs became filled with toxic smoke, and all you needed was oxygen, but its freedom was nowhere to be found. You feared for darkness. You feared for a dark storm cloud. You feared for hell itself as you shut your eyes and covered your waterfalls of flowing tears with your tingling and shaking hands.
The darkness never came, but was instead, replaced with a warm embrace. The icy atmosphere and tension were slowing thawing away, like winter into spring as daisies and daffodils began to sprout through the last frost.
Newt had started to cry, and not just a few tears, but audible bawling surrounded by pain and aches. His voice was strangled, like someone was clutching his throat, forbidding speech from escaping his lips. His freckles glistened from the rivers that passed over them. He held you as if trying to keep all of your pieces together before sinking to the ground with you still in his arms. By now, all of the emotions and tears that had been locked up in your caged heart for weeks began to escape through the cracks, and your body trembled. Newts hand held your head as the coolness of your damp hair splashed onto his hands and cheeks, mixing with his salty tears.
“Y/n, why in the name of bloody Merlin didn’t you tell me that y-you felt like t-this? Why m-my darling? W-why!?” he choked out loudly, as he was now cross with himself for making you revel in this much pain and suffering for so long. He wasn’t wearing his coat, but he was still warm, as opposed to your shivering and shaking body.
“I-I didn’t want to bother you. Besides Newt, w-we’re so distant now.”
“Darling we aren’t that distant though-,”
“Newt when was the last time we had any time together huh? When was the last time you said I love you like you genuinely meant it?”
Newt opened his mouth to speak, but words didn’t come out. Instead another round of tears followed as he still continued to hold you as if you were going to disappear away from him.
“I am the shittiest boyfriend to ever live. Y/n I’m so sorry that I’ve d-done this to you, you must hate me! I don’t deserve you, oh what have I done! I’ve broken you. I need to fix you, How can I fix you!?” he panicked, and all he wanted to do was capture your lips, but he knew he shouldn’t cross that line right now. Hell, he may not even be able to call himself your boyfriend after this.
Your sobbing mixed with the sound of his, and you didn’t mean to sound so angry or snappy. Carefully, you brought your thumb under his eye to wipe a tear stream away, the touch causing him to look up from where he had buried his face in your chest.
“N-Newt?” you asked in a silenced whisper and almost ghostlike.
“Yes m-my dar-, yes Y/n?” he responded, pausing before he could say the word ‘darling’ as he wasn’t sure if he deserved the allowance to do so.
“Do you still love me?”
Newt’s heart crashed and splintered, like glass thrown against a wall. This was all his fault. He made you feel this way, he made you feel unloved and undesirable. This was all his doing, and he had been so involved in his life and where it was going that he didn’t realize that he was harming himself in the process.
“Of c-course I do. I love you so much Y/n. a simple apology won’t m-m-make this go away, I know that. But love I am sorry, I am so sorry that I have put you through this hell. I understand if you don’t love me though, I wouldn’t love me either right n-now.”
The notebook was long discarded as you pulled yourself closer into Newt’s chest, which began to rise and fall irregularly from all of his painful sobs. He reacted by grabbing your waits and pulling you closer and shielding you, as if he needed to protect your from the world.
“I still love you Newt.”
“Of course, I was just upset, and it was my fault anyway-,”
“Don’t even finish that sentence Y/n. This had nothing to do with you. I was the idiot who was too stupid and blind to see that my own darling was suffering alone. I love you my dear and I’ll do anything and everything to fix this, please. Please Y/n I can’t lose you. This is all my fault and I can only hope that you’ll forgive me.”
Your breathing had begun to fall back to a normal rate, and you wrapped your arms around him, pulling him into a gentle, yet still desired kiss. Newt hesitated to kiss back at first, not because he didn’t want to, but because he was scared of hurting you more. His lips smoothed over yours and sweetly massaged against yours, as the passion within him ignited. He held onto you still, afraid that you would break if he let you go. Your hand graced his stubble, and he brushed his hand through your wet hair, sending a shiver down both of your spines. He began to move his hands back down to your waist to scoop you up into his firm arms, and this movement made you break the kiss.
“Newt what are you doing?”
He kissed your lips again, shuffling the notebook away as it slid across the floor.
“I’m taking my love for some alone time.”
“No, this is long overdue, and I was an idiot. You deserve this, and I shouldn’t have made you hurt like I did. Now please, I need you in my arms right now, I need to show you how much I love you.”
You pressed your head against his chest and you nodded sleepily, as the emotional breakdown had worn you out a bit. Newt noticed and kissed you hair before proceeding to wrap you in a blanket from off of your shared couch. His heartbeat echoed in your ears, as it began to lull you into an aura of comfort once more.
The two of you may have hit a bumpy road, but the two of you were strong. He didn’t mean to hurt you, you understood that, and you knew that everything would be okay. You heard him mutter an ‘I love you’ as he carried and set you onto your shared bed before he curled up next to you. His arms wrapped around you after he kicked his boots off, and the two of you made up for lost cuddles as you each dozed off on the protection of each other.