sigh this is probably getting old already but whatever

Nightmare (Luke Imagine)

This was requested. Includes ot4 angst. Slight suicide trigger warning, but it’s in a dream!

***

Failure. Hatred. Loneliness.

It was always the same for Luke. While most people had nightmares involving monsters and death, his were full of depression and rage and being abandoned. Full of loveless nights and broken promises; washed up has-been’s and ruined relationships. Luke vividly remembers his nightmare issues starting when he was eight, and the boys in his class bullied him because of his weight. He remembers crying out for his mum, and laying in the bed between his two parents. He remembers being eleven and his dad sitting next to him as the doctor explained that Luke got nightmares probably due to stress. He remembers switching schools, and having such terrible nightmares that he would stay up entire nights, listening as Jack would sneak into the house well past midnight. He remembers everything. He always does.

When he got too old to cry to his mum, he dealt with it by making music. He would sit in his room and quietly sketch lyrics and melodies down. Once he became friends with Michael and Calum, though, things got better. And Ashton, well, sometimes Luke felt like Ashton was a ray of light. None of them knew about how his nightmare disorder, but the four of them talked about their stresses of tour and the band aloud, leaving Luke with a clear mind before bed.

At least, it used to be that way.

There was a time when all the boys were treated equally, more or less. Sure, some of them got shit occasionally, but it was never really a big deal. They had each other, spent every waking moment together, and that was enough. Luke’s nightmares had even taken a backseat. Their tour was like a giant party.

Everything was fine.

And then everything wasn’t.

It started with Luke’s immunity taking a hit. He couldn’t catch a break and was up almost every night for a week, trying to smother his coughs and sniffles. Some nights he would wake everyone up as he vomited into the toilet on the bus. The band and crew knew it wasn’t his fault, obviously, but after so many nights of no one getting sleep, everyone became testy. Nothing settled quite like Luke’s exhaustion though.

The next hit came with pictures of him walking around with some girl in a club. He couldn’t remember her much, but apparently the fans had done their homework and deemed her as a terrible person. So, that was the second.

The third came from within his own band. The best friends were slipping due to stress, and Luke noticed. He noticed everything. He could tell the days when Michael’s depression was especially bad, knew when Ashton was over exhausted because he would get plain mean, and Calum was smoking more than ever. Everything was plaguing them. The tour is too long. Over a hundred shows. They were tired.

When the nightmares started back up again, Luke would wake in a cold sweat, breathing heavily and stuffing his fist into his mouth to muffle his sobs on the nights he awoke in tears. His bunk entirely too small, and he was trapped with the fear of waking up everyone on the bus. Every day was packed with activities, and there was simply no time to lose sleep. So, he kept it to himself.

Mostly.

It was an early morning when Liz called, checking in with her boy and sharing her usual complaints about how Luke had forgotten to call, again, and it had been close to three weeks since any of his family had heard from him. He muttered a half-assed apology, letting silence fill in as Liz didn’t respond for a moment.

“Luke?” She finally asked, voice sounding how it used to when he was much, much smaller.

“Hm?”

“Have you been alright?”

Luke rolled his eyes, trying to choke his irritation down. “Yes,” he bit out. “Just fucking tired.”

“… is it nightmares again?” Luke groaned. Liz knew, of course she knew. He wanted to die.

“I’m fucking twenty, mum,” he bit out. “I don’t need you worrying about me.”

He knew she was only trying to help, but he couldn’t stop the irritation from rolling off him in waves. He was exhausted.

“I know you’re upset, but please let someone know. Do the boys know-”

And just like that, Luke hung up. He hung up on his mum, then abruptly smashed his phone repeatedly on the counter top of the bus while swearing loudly, causing everyone to stumble in.

“What the hell’s wrong with you?” Their manager asked, rubbing at his eyes in irritation.

“Did you sleep at all last night?” Calum asked, eyes red from sleep. “You look like shit.”

“Yeah, well you smell like shit,” Luke snarled, bristling as they seemed to attack him. “Always smoking your fucking death sticks. It’s like we live on a fucking tobacco farm these days.”

The hurt that surfaced briefly in Calum’s eyes was almost instantly replaced with disgust, and Ashton came to his defense, shoving Luke lightly on the shoulder.

“What the fuck, man?” Ashton said, rolling his eyes. “First you throw some tantrum and break your phone, then you take it out on us? Grow up, Luke.”

And there it was again, the overwhelming feeling that Luke would never be good enough and never be needed. That he was on his way out. His whole dream was ticking on a clock, and time had run out.

“Listen, as much as I love waking up to yelling, I fucking hate it,” Michael grumbled, slouching on the couch and looking hungover. He picked up Luke’s broken phone and they all watched as a shard of glass fell from the screen and onto the table nearby. “Fuck, you really are a monster without your morning coffee.”

“More than that,” Ashton huffed. “Princess here is being a straight up bitch.”

“Just go back bed, Luke,” his manager sighed, already texting something into his phone, probably to get Luke a new one.

“Sleep for the rest of eternity if you want. Whatever it takes,” Calum grumbled, making Michael and Ashton let out shorts barks of laughter. Luke felt angry tears sting in his eyes and turned quickly, stomping back to his bunk like an eight year old and wishing he had a door to slam. He felt like the world was against him. And honestly, it was. He was sure of it.

Once in the confines of his bunk, Luke started to cry. Really cry. He felt his shoulders heave and dug his nails into his palms, wishing he could suffocate himself and just end it. He was so tired. So fucking exhausted.

He eventually fell asleep, which he definitely had not wanted to do. And just like he had feared, his dreams soon morphed into ugly, disgusting things that had him in tears all over again. It was blurred, but he felt every horrible emotion run its course through his body. He was so afraid.

And then it stopped.

The dream shifted, and Luke suddenly became aware that he was on a ledge. Or something. His feet were bare and there was metal beneath them, and his ears echoed a strange sound akin to screaming. When he looked down, he saw a sea of people, but none looking at him. They were looking directly below him. He followed their gaze to see Michael, Ashton, and Calum performing, seemingly flawless with Luke not there anymore. His heart pained as he got an impossibly close view of their smiling faces. He was at least two hundred feet up, and Luke realized he was standing precariously on the bridge that let the light crew do their magic. But he was alone up here. No one was with him.

There was no railing or anything. He could fall at any moment.

“We are 5 Seconds of Summer!” Luke heard Calum shout from below, the crowd erupting in cheers. No one missed him. No one would. What was left for him?

Nothing.

Luke didn’t think much as he let a sob rip from his chest. He watched his ex-bandmates for a moment longer before throwing himself off the platform, screaming as the ground rushed up.

*

Michael hadn’t really done anything productive that day. After Luke’s episode, him and Calum had resorted to sitting in the front of the bus quietly conversing about different music they’ve been into. Ashton eventually joined them, and their manager came up with the schedule. The next day was full of interviews.

“Okay,” Calum conceded quietly. None of them had a choice either way, no matter how tired they were.

Just as their manager was ready to check on the driver, a loud whimper sounded from the closed off section of the bunks. Everyone bristled at the noise, feeling strangely vulnerable suddenly.

“Was that Luke?” Ashton asked as another sounded, this one louder. It sounded like he was in pain.

“He must be having a nightmare…” Michael trailed off as their tour manager started towards the back, ignoring Calum’s snort.

“Let him live it out,” Calum rolled his eyes. “He deserves it.”

Ashton shot him a look as their manager opened the door to the bunk section. But as soon as he started in, he stumbled back as an ear-splitting scream pierced the air, and Ashton watched in horror as Luke’s body rolled off his top bunk and fell the several feet to the ground, his head smacking against the ground harshly.

“What the fuck?!” Michael yelled, bounding over and pushing a stunned Ashton away and shoving his manager out of the way. Luke was writhing on the ground on his back, his lips and face shiny with spit and tears. Michael knelt next to him and shook his shoulder. “Luke, wake up!”

Luke’s eyes sprang open as soon as Michael’s hands had made contact with him, but what happened next scared everyone even more. Luke brought his hands up to his throat and seemed to be choking.

“Holy shit, fuck, call, like, a fucking ambulance!” Michael swore, trying to sit Luke up. Their manager ran to the front of the bus to get his phone and Calum and Ashton came forward, squeezing themselves into the small area.

“What’s- what the fuck?” Calum breathed, trying to get Luke’s red eyes to focus on him. All of the sudden, Luke’s choking seemed to stop, and he leaned forward and curled his knees up so his head was in between them, breathing ragged.

“Holy fuck, are you okay?” Ashton asked, rubbing Luke’s back and trying to get his heart to chill the hell out.

“It was- it wasn’t real. Jus’ a nightmare,” Luke mumbled quietly, more to himself than anyone.

“Should the ambulance still come?” Their manager asked from the door way with wide eyes, phone pressed to his ear.

“No!” Luke gasped, coughing on his mucus from crying so much.

Yes,” Ashton insisted, using his hand to brush up Luke’s sweaty forehead to show the large bump once the hair was lifted up. “Dude, you fell, like, five feet. You might have a concussion or something.”

“Luke, how long has it been since you slept?” Their manager asked, hanging up and apparently opting out of an ambulance for now. “Like, really slept?”

Luke wanted to lie and just shrug, say something like ‘oh, this hasn’t happened before’. But he couldn’t. He was so tired. He started crying.

“I-I… maybe two weeks? I can’t remember.”

“Fuck.” Their manager’s phone started to ring. When he looked down, he looked up quickly at Luke. “It’s Liz.”

Luke didn’t reply, just shrunk into himself as he shuddered with sobs. He heard their manager take the call and walk out of the bus. He couldn’t even look at his bandmates.

“What’s going on, Luke?” Michael finally asked, hesitantly. “Be honest. Please.”

“I… I used to get nightmares. A lot,” Luke finally said, his eyes in shadows due to the dim lighting and his hair. They still hadn’t moved from the floor, but Calum took a seat on the edge of his bunk. “It got bad, so my parents got me checked. They’re stress related.”

Ashton squeezed his bicep, a signal that they were listening and were there. After a second, Luke continued.

“They started again, a bit ago,” Luke sniffled, wiping his snot on his arm. “They’ve gotten worse. So lately, I’ve just… stopped. I don’t go to sleep anymore. I’m so… so fucking tired.”

“You’ve gotta sleep, Luke,” Michael spoke quietly, standing up. “You look wrecked, man. You’ve gotta go see a specialist about this, or something.”

Luke nodded softly, scrubbing at his eyes in an attempt to calm himself. He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve them being so nice to him.

“It’s stress related, so maybe we’ve just gotta…like… de-stress you. I think we’ve all been kind of shit to each other so we’ve been bottling up our issues. Maybe it will help if we start talking about them again.” Ashton’s hand was on Luke’s back again, just resting there.

“Yeah,” Luke spoke quietly. “That would help, probably.” He looked up at Calum, who had been fairly quiet. “I’m sorry. I know you can’t help smoking. Sorry I’ve been a dick.”

Calum shrugged. “It’s fine. I know it’s not good for any of us. I’ll try harder to quit.”

Luke felt placated at that, and Ashton and Michael helped him stand and they made their way to the back of the bus. Calum started the Xbox and turned on Fifa, leaving the second controller out. When Luke didn’t grab it, Michael did, so they sat crammed together on the couch, not talking but just relaxing together, like they used to.

“Hey.” Their manager walked in and Calum paused the game. “Just got off the phone with Liz. She wants you to call her later.” Luke nodded. “Nightmares, huh?”

“Sucks,” Luke replied.

“I’ll try to schedule less promo. It might hurt the song charts-wise, but you’ll still make more than enough of a profit. It’ll give you more down time. And I think the choking bit was sleep paralysis. Apparently, quite common.”

“According to who?” Michael asked.

“Web MD,” Their manager grinned, flashing his phone.

“Thanks,” Luke said. He nodded and walked off, leaving the four boys together once again.

“From now on, we tell each other if we aren’t okay, alright?” Ashton asked, not having to look at his boys to know they were all nodding.

Calum and Michael ended up playing the game for hours, and eventually Luke just couldn’t keep his eyes open. His head still kind of hurt so Ashton gave him some medicine (along with a cookie and a glass of milk) and Luke fell asleep in the now-dark lounge area of the bus. When Calum finally called it quits, Michael looked upon his sleeping best friend.

“What do we do if he has another?” He asked, light brushing Luke’s hair away from his eyes.

“We’ll stay here with him through the night and wake him up,” Ashton simply states. “Because that’s what best mates do.”

Haunting Past- Part 2

Heyyyyy! Part 2 is finally here!! Hope you enjoy it babes! Love you!

Part 1

Word count: 1.5K

Warnings: None (i think)


The last time you were in an airport was more than a year ago, when you decided to leave your life as an Avenger behind and scape to California. Looking at the bright screens hanging off the walls, you hold Ewan’s hand tighter.

“Are you sure you will be fine? I can stay here if you want.” You kiss his lips and smile.

“Ewan is fine, this travel is important. Your boss asked you to replace him on a reunion, that’s amazing.”

“I feel bad for leaving you here alone while you are sick.”

“I told you I’m fine!” You bit your bottom lip. “I probably got food poison or something. Now go, you’ll miss the plane.” You let go of his hand and push him playfully.

Ewan turns around and looks at you while laughing.

“Take care, baby.”

“I will.” He leans in and kisses your lips softly.

“I love you.” Ewan mumbles against your lips and you smile.

“I love you, too.”

Driving to Starbucks, you look at the phone carefully placed on the co-pilot seat. Ewan gave it to you this morning, it’s his old one. You sigh, Nat’s words still fumbling around your head. Should you call her back? Probably not. Whatever it is, they can work it out on their own. And if it’s really urgent, then they will find their way to contact with you.

Entering the shop, you meet with Michael’s green eyes, your partner. He smiles at you while you enter the warehouse. Quickly changing into your work outfit, you get out and go behind the bar, already beginning to take orders.

“Hey, (Y/N)! How’s Ewan? He left this morning, right?”

“Yeah, I went with him to the airport.”

“How are you? Already feeling better?”

“Well, I spent yesterday throwing up, basically. But yes, I’m fine now.” Michael smiles at you and walks to the tables to clean some of them.

It’s been a few hours now and you look at the clock, realizing that you still have two more hours to go. You sigh and take the plastic cup Michael passes you. Looking at the order you prepare a caffè latte with ice and then you turn the cup to look at the name. You bit your bottom lip when you read it, your mind drifting away for a brief moment.

“James?” You clear your throat and look around, but no one demands the coffee.

“James?” You say it louder, maybe they didn’t hear you.

Again, no answer. You shrug your shoulders and leave the transparent plastic cup on top of the bar, turning around to keep doing your work. You grab the cleaning clothe to clean some of the tables, but when you turn around, your eyes grow wide. The coffee is no longer on the bar. Quickly, you look around the shop, stopping at the door. A man is leaving. He is tall and he’s wearing a blue cap, but you can perfectly see the dark, shoulder length hair underneath.

Your breath hitches at the back of your throat while you see the man leaving the cafeteria. Still with the cleaning clothe in your hand, you walk to get out of the shop and go find that man. Someone grabs your elbow and you turn your head, your mouth still hanging open.

“Are you okay, (Y/N)?” Michael looks at you with concern on his eyes and you smile politely at him.

“I think so, yes. My imagination is just running wild these past few days.”

“Okay… Uhm, someone just called asking for you, you should go and check it out. I can handle this alone for a few minutes.”

You look back at the door and then at Michael. Walking to the storage, you take a deep breath. It’s impossible that that man was Bucky, he can’t be here. And even if he is, he would have said something to you.

You pick up the phone still thinking about what just happened.

“Yes?”

“(Y/N)?” You froze in your spot, your mouth hanging open. How did Nat find you again? “(Y/N), let’s stop playing this stupid game. I know you can hear me and I know you are alive.” You don’t say anything, making Nat sigh. “Look, I don’t have any idea of the reason why you left and I’m truly sorry for calling you, but I need you. We are confronting a real danger here and even though you are not part of The Avengers anymore, you are also in danger, (Y/N). I’m not asking you to leave all your life behind, I’m just asking you to be with us during this one. Please, (Y/N).”

You swallow and close your eyes, what are you supposed to do?

“Nat, I don’t know.” You can feel her sigh in relief when she hears your voice. “I have a life here.”

“I know and I am so sorry for bringing you back to all of this, but please (Y/N), you are our last option.”

You can hear how desperate Nat is and it really worries you, Black Widow is not one to beg for help. You bit your lip trying to make a decision.

“Let me think about it.”

“We have almost no time, (Y/N). This is more serious than you can imagine.”

“Come pick me up tomorrow at nine, you know where to find me.”

You hang up the phone before she can say anything to you. Rubbing your face with your hands you bit your lip, you are leaving all of this. Maybe just for a few days, but who knows if you’re ever coming back.

When your shift is over, you quickly drive back home. You know you have to call Ewan and tell him about it, make up an excuse or a lie, but you just can’t. Not right now. The moonlight peeks through the curtains and you sit on the sofa. Your mind is exhausted and you feel as bad as ever. How are you supposed to help The Avengers? You haven’t been in a fight since you left New York and you can barely remember how to use your powers. A knock on your door startles you and, slowly, you make your way to the front door.

You open it and your mouth drops at the sight. Bucky is standing right in front of you, a little smile on his face.

“Seeing your face I’m going to guess that Nat hasn’t told you anything about me, right?” You don’t answer him, still shocked that he is here. “Can I come in?”

You snap back to reality and move out of the way.

“Yes, ye-sure, come in.” You choke out the words and he enters your apartment.

“Nice house.”

“Thank you.” You follow him into the living room. “What are you doing here?” He turns around to look at you.

“I came here to talk to you.”

“Why? Nat’s already on my ass, don’t worry.”

“That’s the problem.” You furrow your brows at him. “During this two years things have changed, a lot. The Avengers is not what it was anymore. Tony and Steve had a big, massive fight and the team was teared apart. After that, it was just not the same. Nat has been trying to reunite us together again, but we can’t be in the same room without fighting anymore.”

“Okay, Bucky, Nat needs me and I don’t think she is just trying to do a stupid reunion. It sounded serious.”

“Has she told you what was all this about? Has she told you what are you going to fight against?”

You close your mouth, knowing that Nat didn’t give you any information.

“I trust her.”

“I did that, too. But right now, you can’t trust anyone. (Y/N), it’s Hydra.”

Your heartbeat raises at Bucky’s words and you feel your throat drying.

“Hydra?”

“Yes, we thought you ended them when you left, but it wasn’t true. They are back and they are more strong. Nat wants you to reunite The Avengers and then, she wants to fight Hydra. That’s not a good idea. But, I want to fight Hydra. I know I can’t do it alone and that’s why I’m here. When I found out you were alive, it was like a dream. Please, come with me (Y/N). We can defeat Hydra together, you know you can trust me, doll.” You feel a shiver run down your spine at the pet name.

You want to tell him that Nat is coming to pick you up tomorrow, but when his hand grabs yours, you can’t think of anything else. You both get out of the apartment and you look down at your hands. Bucky’s hand doesn’t feel as warm as you remember, but still, it gives you chills just to know that he’s here with you.

You and Bucky enter an old car and he quickly starts to drive through the busy city. You rest your head against the window and close your eyes. You need to call Ewan, but you’ll do it tomorrow. Turning your head, you look at Bucky and a small smile creeps on your face. It makes you nervous to leave California, but when his eyes meet yours for a brief moment, the fear leaves your body. It doesn’t matter where you are, because with Bucky every place feels like home to you.