MMM MMM, MOTHERFUCKER. This slick ass side dish should keep everyone’s mouths stuffed without all the sodium in those shitty stovetop mixes. Don’t fuck around with that bland boxed bullshit because if everyone is sitting around the table chatting during Thanksgiving dinner, SOMEONE FUCKED UP.

HERB AND MUSHROOM STUFFING

9 cups diced, stale bread (about 1 medium loaf of crusty bread)

2 sweet onions, slightly larger than your fist

2 large ribs of celery

8 ounces of mushrooms (button mushrooms, cremini, or whateverthefuck you can find at the store is fine)

1 ½ tablespoons chopped fresh rosemary

2 teaspoons dried thyme

3-4 cloves of garlic

1/8 teaspoon salt

pepper to taste

1/3 cup white wine (you can use broth if you don’t have wine)

1 cup vegetable broth

2 tablespoons olive oil, divided

juice of 1 lemon (about 3 tablespoons)

Cut up the bread into cubes no bigger than a bottle cap. I used a combo of sourdough and whole-wheat loaves because that is just the shit I had available at the time. Use whateverthefuck you want. Just make sure it’s stale as a motherfucker, almost like croutons. You could cut it up the day before to speed up the staleness. If your bread is too soft, toss that shit in the oven around 250 degrees and stir it around every 10 minutes while you cut up the veggies. In about 20 minutes the bread should be choice.

Heat the oven to 375 degrees. Lightly oil a 9 by 13 baking dish and set that shit aside. Chop up the onions, celery, and mushrooms so that all the pieces are about the size of a chickpea. You wanna aim for about 3 cups of chopped onions, 1 ½ cup chopped celery, and 2 ½ cups chopped mushrooms. In a skillet or wok heat up the first tablespoon of olive oil over a medium heat and sauté the onions for about 3 minutes or until they look translucent and shit. Add the celery and mushrooms and cook for another 5 minutes until all the veggies start getting soft. Add the herbs, garlic, salt, and pepper and cook for another minute. Add the white wine and let all that shit simmer for 4 more minutes so the flavors can all mix together. Turn off the heat.

In a big ass bowl, add all the veggies and liquid from the skillet to the bread and mix it all together. Pour the vegetable broth and the remaining 1 tablespoon of olive oil over the whole thing and mix that shit up good so that everything is coated. Pour all that into the baking sheet. Cover that with foil and bake it for 20 minutes. Your place will start smelling pretty fucking dope. After 20 minutes, remove the foil, gently stir that shit around, and bake it for another 10-12 minutes until there are some crispy parts. Take it out, add the lemon juice over the whole thing, mix it up, and taste. Add more thyme, salt, pepper, whatever you need to get it right by you. Serve warm.

Serves 4-6 people as a side