Stories I can’t make up #3; Baptizing the Dough/Cash/Money/Moola/In jesus name.
-customer walks in-
-Senior associate J see’s a certain person about to park in front the store-
J: Oh for fucks sake.
J: This fucking lady man, the church woman. Whatever you do, do not speak she won’t notice you. Let me handle this.
-ChurchLady (CL) walk’s in-
CL: SHALOM SHALOM IS THE OWNER HERE? (Quick backstory, she is black, and from the Caribbean she is not Jewish, but wears a shirt that says I <3 Israel. Proclaims she is Jewish, Russian, German. She is as much of these things as I am a real life epic level dark elf that rolls natural 20s in all things I do.<–Sarcasm
J: Nah he’s not here (lie he is hiding in the back from her) what can we do for you?
CL: OH I WANTED TO PAY THE BILL ON THIS BLESSED HOLY DAY OF THE FATHER (Being loud is her default voice volume by the way)
J: Alright let’s get that handled -pulls the bill up- total will be $57.00
CL:-pulls out the money before handing it she prays for 10 minutes on the money. mentioning how thanks to the lord this bread is here to feed us the employees and we should be thankful. Mind you she came in 5 minutes after closing.-
Me: -pointing at the watch to J that it’s beyond closing time.-
J: Uhhm…Mam we need to hurry this up…we have to close the store.
CL: AND IN JESUS NAME AMEN!
-before J can take the money out of her hands.-
CL: WHAT DO YOU SAY? :)
CL: NO NO NOT TO ME BUT TO THE ONE WHO PROVIDED IT TO YOU :) -looks up and winks back at J-
J: Thank you Jesus?
CL: THAT WILL DO :)
CL: GOODBYE EVERYONE SHALOM SHALOM (once again not Jewish) -leaves-
Me: Did…did I just witness money getting a baptized? Or was I day dreaming and none of that happened?
J: Yea man…get use to her you’ll see her a whole lot more.
-owner finally comes out from the back-
Owner: Is it safe?