shut up alan

evidence that I actually live in a video game

  • I always wear the same clothing
  • idle animation
  • awkward dialog
  • sometimes I get stuck on doors and have to back up and try again
  • yesterday I tried to stand up and my entire body stopped working and I ended up in a T-pose on the floor
Houses as things I've Said

Gryffindor: *listens to news report on how our phones give off the same chemicals as marijuana in the brain* Ha! Yo Chris, pass the phone.

Hufflepuff: If I’m not up by 11:40 make sure the fishes have a balanced breakfast.

Ravenclaw: Got water?
Yeah I’m 65% water.
Okay, but how do I drink you?

Slytherin: *Me buying 3 packs of 72 ego waffles* Shut up Alan! I have needs that you’ll never understand! You could never understand.

how the fuck did all of those renaissance dilettantes learn so much crap? Like they spoke 3 languages and were foremost in several branches of science, plus they wrote poetry, played the violin, and were master artists? And they still had time to be gay? 

anonymous asked:

Mal doesn't apologize for anything! She just puts on a pouty face and people forgive her. It's weird that she never has to face any consequences for her actions. On the Isle and in Auradon. That's Mal's character. She's the same kid that left the Isle thinking she could do whatever she wanted She's a brat that expects everything to go her way and when they don't, she runs. What's worse is that there's always a loophole to giving her fake character development.

I might just go with Films verse here- mainly as im assuming it is as Mal never seems to run per say in the books….

But this is true- in the movies we expected Mal to say sorry for:

*Love-Spelling Ben and in the process not caring that cause of her spell, Audrey was humiliated.

*ALL OF THE SHIT SHE DID TO UMA- WTF- WHAT MAL DID TO UMA FUCKING ALMOST REMINDED ME OF MY EX-FRIEND, OH GOD-

*Fucking trying to spell Bens memories so that she can control what he remembers and she can continue lying to him.

*Leaving Uma and co on the isle despite their motivations being inspired by being left on the isle in the first place.

*Basically treating her friends like shit cause she can.

*Treating anyone like shit tbh.

BUT WE NEVER GOT APOLOGYS!

Like, everyone thinks its cute that Ben humiliated Uma and Belle thinks Mals a better choice then Audrey by the looks of things meaning she gets away with love spelling and lying to their son cause they think its a cute couple.

And Mal reminds me of Bill Cipher tbh, a manipulative person who will throw tantrums if shes taken down and will go out of her way to gain a persons trust only to treat them like shit afterwards- hell, is she Bills daughter? Shes similar to him.

Like, she is a brat- and when she doesn’t get her way? Runs like the baby she is cause wah wah, Ben wont let me lie to him, wah wah, Umas rightfully pissed at me for doing all this to her, wah wah, its my friends fault this happened and totally not mine, wah wah, Ben doesn’t love me despite all hes done for me, wah wah- I think you get the point here.

And there is? In film 1, everyones horrified and backing off when shes taken the wand but everyone forgets the love spell CAUSE TIME TO PARTY AND CAUSE LOVE- and in film 2, THIS IS LITERALLY THE MAL MOVIE, SHES GETTING WHAT SHE WANTS, EVERYONES ON HER SIDE MEANING BEN CANT ESCAPE THE RELATIONSHIP AND UMAS TREATED LIKE A VILLAIN WHEN THIS IS THE SHIT MAL PULLED IN FILM 1! AND YET, MAL GETS AWAY WITH IT CAUSE AW, LOOK, SHES SMILING.

You know who else smiled? Manipulative villains.

Mals actions have no consequences and that’s disturbing as hell, considering Bens trapped in a toxic/abusive relationship now and her friends just let her walk all over them and Belle just considers Mal perfect despite probably knowing Audrey longer then Mal at this point- like on the Isle, daughter of Maleficent, in Auradon, manipulative person who gets away with everything while everyone else receives the blame.

Character development? Uh….she won the award of whining from TOS!Alan Tracy? At least he knew when to shut up and actually be a decent person now and then….

Today I was talking to my therapist and we came across some of the shitty things I’ve had to deal with and I went into my very habitual “it could have been worse” routine, and he said something that no one else EVER has. Thank god it wasn’t.

Thank god it wasn’t. 

No one has ever said that to me before. No one has even said anything similar. People love “it could have been worse” because it gives them an excuse to move away from an uncomfortable topic. They love to move on and forget. But in those four words, he conveyed to me that he cared, that the things I went through were valid, and that I didn’t have to talk about it any more than I wanted to.

Thank god it wasn’t

That’s how you should respond when people say that it could have been worse. That’s how you validate someone’s trauma without being invasive. 

Thank god it wasn’t 

acceptable ways to correct yourself if you misgender a trans person

  • “I went to the store with her–him”
  • “He and I–sorry she and I went to the movies”
  • “He’s–I mean they’re a big fan of Marvel Comics”

not acceptable ways to correct yourself if you misgender a trans person

  • “She really likes–oh my god I mean he, I’m so sorry, I just don’t have it down yet, you need to give me time, I mean, I’m getting it, I promise, it’s just so hard sometimes, and I don’t even know where that came from, and I’m so sorry, I really didn’t mean to, you just have to go easy on me, I’ve never done this before, it’s just, I’m getting it, it won’t happen again, it’s just hard, you get it, right?”

this has been a psa

Virgil: Don’t tell anyone, but we’re having Scott’s goat for dinner

Gordon: Virgil… you do realize… this is the group chat…

Scott: OH MY GHANDI

Alan:

John: That is some serious shade on Virgil’s part.

Virgil: Shut up John.

Kayo: lmao

I have no idea why people don’t like listening to infodumps. 

Like? Can’t you feel the sheer fucking happiness that is a person telling you about a special interest? Can’t you see the way people’s entire faces light up when they tell you about their favorite things? 

Come tell me about your stuff! Tell me about rocks or Minecraft or your OCs!! 

I love hearing it. No one should ever have told you that people wouldn’t.

If you’re aromantic you gotta remember that 

  • you don’t need a romantic relationship to be happy 
  • you don’t need to have something that approximates a romantic relationship to be happy
  • someone being attracted to you romantically doesn’t mean that you have to reciprocate
  • or “meet them halfway”
  • or force yourself to accept romance because you feel like you should and you’ll just get used to it
  • (you probably won’t just get used to it) 
  • ((I mean you might and if you do that’s great for you but don’t force yourself to be uncomfortable because you feel like you should get used to it))
  • not everyone needs or wants a qpp 
  • not needing or wanting any sort of partner is okay
  • don’t let anyone tell you otherwise
  • especially someone who wants to be your partner
  • there’s nothing wrong with being aromantic
  • ur cool