shut up gin

anonymous asked:

Nashville got cancelled last year and then a month later was brought back... Veronica Mars ended and then SEVEN years later (I think?!) a film was made! So... is it wrong that I still have hope for Pitch? I think I became too attached to the show, I'm not ready to say goodbye :'(

God please!!! I just feel very drained from fox dragging it out so I feel like I have no hope left :(

“Ugh why did I end up with an idiot like you for a brother?”

“Shut up, Gin, you’re just jealous.”

“OOOOHHH Akutagawa-senpai, that split is perfect!!”

“Someone hurry up and take a photo so we can prove shitty Dazai wrong. I told him that we could do this, bastard didn’t believe me.”

Long live the draw your squad meme
What if Byakuya and Aizen swapped powers?


As requested by @the-hyrule-shinigami. :)


Aizen has the power to control the five senses, making any and all of his opponents experience whatever Aizen damn well pleases. Byakuya has the power to make lots and lots of flower petals. So what if their powers were and had always been swapped? How would Bleach be different then?


1. Aizen would have a harder time stalking Shinji.

Back when Aizen was a little lieutenant, he loved to stalk his captain Shinji. He did this partly by hiding himself with his zanpakuto power, but mostly by creating a fake Aizen as a decoy. Aizen would be able to do none of those things if he just had flower power. He’d have to hide in bushes and create decoy Aizen using nothing but a fake wig and some glasses.

Shinji: Come along, Sosuke!

Fake Aizen, wearing a wig and glasses: Yes Captain.

Shinji: …

Shinji: There’s something different about you…

Shinji: Did you get new glasses?

Shinji: Well, whatever! Come on!

Real Aizen (from the bushes): OH COME ON YOU COULD AT LEAST BE A LITTLE SUSPICIOUS 


2. Byakuya would hide his power.

Not in an evil way, like Aizen. But back in the day everybody hid their powers (remember when Matsumoto and Kira had no idea of each other’s shikai? Those were strange times). Byakuya wouldn’t show his powers, and so wouldn’t put the entirety of Soul Society under his spell. 

Byakuya: My power is to create a lot of pollen in the air.

Byakuya: Their shifting patterns make the enemy see things.

Ukitake: And probably sneeze a lot too!

Byakuya: …I should have picked a better lie.

Ukitake: What?

Byakuya: Nothing.


3. Aizen would need to fake his death another way.

Feeling even more betrayed by Shinji’s inability to tell the difference between him and a guy in a wig, Aizen would of course go forward with his evil plans. But when it came time to fake his death, Aizen would be unable to create a super realistic dead body. So he’d have to go about it another way.

Gin: Well, I found Aizen’s glasses in a pile of blood. I think he’s dead.

Hitsugaya: …or he got a nosebleed and dropped his glasses.

Gin: I had a huge “he’s dead” feeling, to be honest.

Hitsugaya: Could you be any more suspicious?!


4. The scene between Ichigo and Byakuya on the bridge would be different.

It was on the bridge outside of Rukia’s prison that Byakuya first revealed his shikai. In this universe. But here, instead of flower petals, Ichigo would be faced with…I dunno. Probably a fake Byakuya. Aizen loved that trick.

Ichigo: I have defeated you!

Byakuya (from behind him): Have you though?


5. Renji would be under Byakuay’s hypnosis.

Since they also fight each other. 

(much later)

Hinamori: Is it…weird having a captain who can control your five senses whenever he wants?

Renji: So far he’s just made me believe that he cuts his hair with his zanpakuto.

Renji: It was a joke.

Renji: …which was way more disturbing than the hypnosis, to be honest.


6. Tosen’s betrayal would be much harder to guess.

In canon Bleach, people were able to guess Tosen’s allegiance to Aizen because he was blind, and Aizen’s shikai only works on people who can see. But in this universe…

Aizen: My power…is lots of cherry blossoms that are really swords.

Aizen: And you know what that means.

Unohana: So Yumichika has been with you this whole time.

Unohana: He loves flowers.

Aizen: What? No! Tosen!

Unohana: That does not make even a little sense.


7. We’d see the bankai when Byakuya fought Ichigo again.

In Ichigo’s fight against Byakuya, Byakuya revealed his bankai. Ichigo basically begged him until he did. Aizen, on the other hand, never revealed his bankai (if he even has one). So we don’t know what bankai goes with Aizen’s sword. But in this universe, we totally would. I wonder what it might be…

Byakuya: Very well. Then I will reveal a true bankai.

Byakuya: My shikai controls the five senses. But my bankai…

Byakuya: Controls all SIX senses!

Ichigo: WHY ARE THE HAIRS ON THE BACK OF MY NECK RISING?!

Byakuya: I have your sixth sense now, Kurosaki Ichigo.


8. Byakuya would get to mess with Zommari.

In canon, Byakuya’s fight with Zommari made thematic sense because Byakuya had lots of flower petals, just like Zommari had lots of eyes. In this universe, their powers would still be parallel. Just in a different way.

Zommari: I am the fastest of the espada. Therefore I have these clones.

Byakuya: I can make clones too. Way more than you.

Byakuya: Just look at all of those clones.

Byakuya: They are doing the clone dance.

Zommari: STOP OUTDOING ME


9. Aizen wouldn’t be able to swap in Hinamori during the Karakura Town fight.

During the fake Karakura Town fight, Aizen swapped in Hinamori for himself, so that all of the remaining fighters stabbed her a lot. In this universe, Aizen would be unable to do that. He’d have to defeat all of the fighters using only his massive spiritual pressure and then mess with Hinamori some other way. Because Aizen is a dick like that.

Aizen: All of you are falling thanks to my deadly petals.

Aizen: Also I sent one petal to slap Hinamori in the face, just because.

Gin: Yeah, that sure makes you seem unaffected by her.

Aizen: Shut up, Gin.


10. Aizen’s climactic fight with Ichigo would be…different.

I mean, to be fair. Aizen didn’t use his zanpakuto powers in that fight anyway because he had absorbed his sword. So nothing about the actual fight choreography would change. Just, maybe, Ichigo’s reaction.

Aizen: I am evolving!

Ichigo: Into a butterfly?

Ichigo: That makes so much sense.

Ichigo: Flowers, butterflies…

Ichigo: I really like that you have a consistent theme going.

Aizen: …

Ichigo: Sorry, should I be screaming or something?

What if the Quincy did the Hueco Mundo arc?


As requested by anon. :)


In canon, the Hueco Mundo arc was all about hollows and Aizen, of course. Aizen kidnaps Orihime, and Ichigo and company go and get her back. Fights happen. Friendship lessons are learned. Grimmjow is there. But what if the Quincy took over that kidnapping-in-Hueco-Mundo arc? What would have happened then?


1. Yhwach would send Haschwalth to kidnap Ishida.

Because if there’s one member of the company whose power Yhwach is interested in (other than Ichigo’s, of course), it’s Ishida’s. So naturally Yhwach would send his right-hand man, Haschwalth, to kidnap Ishida and bring him to Hueco Mundo.

Haschwalth: You must come with me or all your friends will die.

Ishida: Or I could come with you because holy shit the Quincy are alive???

Haschwalth: Oh okay.

Haschwalth: I guess I prepared that noose speech for nothing.


2. Soul Society would refuse to help.

In canon, Soul Society refuses to help because they claim that Orihime super wanted to be kidnapped. It was dumb. Their refusal would make *slightly* more sense in this case.

Yamamoto: Ishida is a Quincy. He went and joined the Quincy.

Ichigo: No, he was KIDNAPPED by the Quincy!

Yamamoto: He left a note that said, “See ya! The Quincy are alive and that’s rad.”

Ichigo: And would Ishida EVER use the word “rad”?

Yamamoto: When you guys invaded Soul Society, Ishida spent the entire time saying he was Quincy and hated Soul Society.

Ichigo: That’s just Ishida being Ishida!

Yamamoto: Yeah…we’re not helping.

Ichigo: BUT WHY


3. So Ichigo, Orihime, and Chad would go to get Ishida back

Later to be joined by Rukia and Renji, of course. Because friendship.

Ichigo: Let’s go save Ishida!

Chad: Possibly from himself.

Ichigo: Same thing as far as I’m concerned!


4. In Hueco Mundo, they’d meet a mysterious child.

In canon, that’s Nel. In this case it’s Liltotto I guess. 

Ichigo: Look! A tiny child in the desert! Let’s rescue her!

Orihime: She’s so tiny and adorable!

Liltotto: Uh, okay. Whatever.

Ichigo: Success!


5. Meanwhile, Haschwalth and Ishida would bond.

You know, like Ulquiorra and Orihime in canon.

Haschwalth: I made you this Quincy uniform.

Haschwalth: You must put it on.

Haschwalth: And also you must eat this Quincy food or else I will force you to eat it.

Ishida: You know I’m on board with this, right? I came willingly and that uniform looks awesome.

Haschwalth: …

Haschwalth: I’m never going to get to shove you up against a wall at this rate.


6. But sadly, Ishida would also be tormented by Bazz-B and Bambietta.

Instead of Loly and Menoly, who torment Orihime in canon, Ishida would be tormented by two Quincy who are very unhappy about the interest Yhwach is showing in the visitor: Bazz-B and Bambietta. This is probably the time to remind us all that Ishida doesn’t have his powers, since he was kidnapped before his dad could help him regain them. So Ishida isn’t super able to defend himself.

Bazz-B: Fight back!

Ishida: I would LOVE to but I don’t have powers or weapons!

Bambietta: I am going to fucking cut you in half.

Haschwalth (from the doorway): …

Bazz-B: OH SHIT


7. Meanwhile, the friend group would split up and have their fights.

Only against various Quincy, rather than against various hollows, of course.

As Nodt: I will now show you visions of Kaien rotting away.

Rukia: That’s pretty traumatizing.

Rukia: I mean, not as traumatizing as it would have been if you had somehow convinced me you WERE Kaien.

As Nodt: I’m not that good at makeup.

As Nodt: Also - what?

Rukia: I’m just saying.


8. Ultimately, Ichigo would fight and kill Haschwalth.

For that is the fate of anyone playing Ulquiorra’s role.

Haschwalth (reaching out his hand to Ishida): I…understand…

Haschwalth: Balance…is here…in my palm…

Haschwalth: [dies]

Ichigo: Is it my imagination or did that last line not make any sense?

Ishida: Dude! Be cool!


9. Yhwach would take the opportunity to invade Soul Society.

Suddenly revealing that this was his plan all along!

Yhwach: Now that many of the captains are here in Hueco Mundo, and Kurosaki Ichigo is crushed, I will invade Soul Society.

Yhwach: A flawless plan.

Bazz-B: Aren’t you all-powerful? Why would you need to split their forces?

Yhwach: That doesn’t mean I don’t like to take it easy.


10. Aizen would be sad.

He ascended into the sky for nothing.

Gin: I still can’t believe you got scooped so utterly.

Aizen: Shut up, Gin.

Bleach characters! You have just learned that Hinamori and Hiyori are dating! How do you respond?


As requested by anon. :)


Shinji:


Shinji: I have to say I feel a little left out here.


Hiyori: If you’re hopin’ for a threesome, baldy, that ain’t happening!


Shinji: YOU WENT THERE VERY FAST


Matsumoto: So, uh, Hinamori. What attracted you to Hiyori?


Hinamori: I love how strong and confident she is!


Hinamori: And I especially love that she wears all of her emotions on her sleeve, so I don’t have to worry that she’s secretly plotting my destruction behind my back!


Shinji: Uh, Momo, if you’re hoping for a nonviolent partner, Hiyori really isn’t the way to go.


Hiyori: SHUT UP, BALDY!


Shinji: See?


Hinamori: Oh, Hiyori wouldn’t hit *me* with her shoe! She says she only does that to dumb people with dumb faces!


Shinji:


Shinji: Okay that seems legit.


Lisa: Why Hinamori, Hiyori? Isn’t she a little - sweet for you?


Hiyori: Hey! Just ‘cause I’m abrasive, doesn’t mean I’m looking for that in a partner!


Hiyori: Anyway, Momo isn’t all sweet, you know. She once tried to kill Gin. I like that in a woman.


Hiyori: I like it a lot.


Gin: I do bring people together, don’t I?


Tosen: I suppose this explains why you had Gin cut Hinamori in half, Aizen-sama.


Aizen: Um….what?


Tosen: You of course knew that Hinamori and Hiyori would date.


Tosen: And, having feelings for Hinamori as you did, you arranged for Gin to cut Hiyori in half.


Tosen: It is such a perfect plan, that it has 'you’ written all over it.


Aizen:


Gin: Torn between taking credit for the 'clever’ plan and protesting that you don’t have feelings for Hinamori?


Aizen: ….


Aizen: Shut up, Gin.

What kind of dog they'd be


As requested by anon. :)


Let’s say Bleach characters were breeds of dogs. What kind of dog would they be?


1. Gin: Bull Terrier

With their strange faces and beady eyes, bull terriers give off the vaguely-creepy-yet-adorable look that Gin pulls off so well. Plus, they are known to get overprotective to the point of being neurotic about it, and they walk with a “jaunty gait.”

Gin: Also they are playful!

Gin: Just like me!


2. Komamura: Shiba Inu

Because he looks like one. And also, Shiba Inu are so polite and filled with self-shame that they tend to housebreak themselves.

Komamura: But those dogs are too adorable to be me!


3. Yoruichi: Greyhound

Because they are super fast and sleek. 

Yoruichi: A dog?

Yoruichi: You assigned me to a DOG?!


4. Soi Fon: Doberman Pinscher

Doberman Pinschers have the reputation for being kinda mean, but mostly that’s just because they’re guard dogs: they are fiercely protective and good at their jobs. Just like Soi Fon.

Soi Fon: Although sometimes I throat stomp for fun.


5. Ulquiorra: Basset Hound

Because they have such a mournful howl. 

Ulquiorra:

Ulquiorra: But I’m not adorable.


6. Grimmjow: Bloodhound

Because Grimmjow, just like a bloodhound, never lets his prey get away once he’s fixated on it.

Grimmjow: You can go through running water, you can smear yourself with dung, you can climb a tree, but I will find you, Kurosaki!

Ichiog: I have no idea what’s going on. 


7. Ukitake: Afghan Hound

They have beautiful, long white hair. And also major health problems.

Ukitake: Poor puppies!


8. Renji: Pittbull

Here I will just go ahead and quote my roommate, who insisted on this pairing: “they’re loyal to the point of stupidity and are known for being terrifying but are actually complete dopes.”

Renji: Wow. It’s like looking in a canine mirror.


9. Hinamori: Irish Wolfhound

This may seem random, but mostly I was struck by the saying associated with this breed of dog: “Gentle when stroked, fierce when provoked.” Which is kind of a perfect motto for Hinamori.

Gin: Yeah that one kinda works.

Hinamori: GO AWAY GIN


10. Lilinette: Chihuahua

Tiny. Aggressive. Ineffectual at aggression.

Lilinette: HEY


11. Starrk: Whippet

This is dog is kinda like a greyhound. It gets used for racing a lot. Only listen to this description from the wikipedia article: “When they are not running around, they’re usually asleep.” Yup.

Starrk: Sounds like me except for the running around business.


12. Orihime: Saint Bernard

Because even if you are near death, lost in the snow, Orihime will come trotting to find you, carrying delicious healing with her.

Orihime: Me? A saint?


13. Hanataro: Corgi

Tiny. Adorable. Energetic. Clumsy.

Rukia: YOU ARE THE CUTEST

Hanataro: M-me?


14. Unohana: Akita

These are beautiful dogs  elegant and impressive. But at the same time, they are territorial and can be quite aggressive.

Unohana: And they are very loyal to their leaders. 


15. Nel: Australian Shepherd

This breed is a little…large for Nel, of course, but they are also the only type of dog I know of that invents its own games. Plus, as a guard dog, they are very protective. And Nel changed forms and recovered her memories to protect Ichigo.

Nel: But mostly the playing thing!


16. Byakuya: White Shepherd

A white shepherd is a beautiful white dog that is “self-confident” and “aloof.” That just felt right, for Byakuya.

Byakuya: I look so elegant.

Byakuya: Except perhaps when I’m running. Then I look a little silly.


17. Ichigo: Golden Retriever

Because the golden retriever’s notable golden coat is the canine answer to Ichigo’s anime orange hair. And besides, Ichigo’s basic role in the anime is “Go! Find the captured woman! Find the bad guy! Fetch!”

Ichigo: Oooh, the golden retriever is one of the most intelligent dogs!

Ichigo: ….in terms of learning to follow commands….

Ichigo:

Ichigo: Oh.


18. Chad: Great Dane

Giant. Solid. Strong. Adorable.

Chad: And very interested in cuddles.


19. Haschwalth: German Shepherd

The German Shepherd is best known for being a police dog, helping to bring criminals to justice and being a source of fear for baddies everywhere. And that’s kind of Haschwalth’s role for the Quincy - if you do something wrong, he takes you out.

Haschwalth: Only unlike the German Shepherds, I’m likely to come after you if you don't kill someone.


20. Aizen: Chow Chow

Chow Chows are stubborn and can be quite aggressive. They’re not always easy to train, ‘cause they don’t like authority. Oh, and I’m just gonna quote wikipedia here: “When Chow Chows have reached adolescence they reject authority from any other owner who failed to earn its admiration.” Yup.

Aizen: You think I’m a dog called a chow-chow?

Aizen: A chow-chow?

Gin: I think it’s perfect, Aizen-sama!

Aizen: Shut up, Gin.

fav lines from gintama eng dub
  • air steward: safe travels to you
  • bansai: whatever
  • shinpachi: elizabeth! i brought you your favourite bun for your intense enjoyment!
  • nizou: what do you say we take ourselves a little breaky poo
  • ???: lets bust a move biatches
  • shinpachi: look out motherscratchers(???)
  • gintoki: what?! MASAKA

anonymous asked:

Halibel tapped Gin on his shoulder. "Gin. I have a question for you. It concerns the Espada, and well, it's been bugging me for quite some time." she stated, glancing away as he turned around. --- la-tiburon

     He has the decency to act startled when she comes up behind him, turning to face her with arched brows and a perfectly fabricated expression of pleasant surprise. How strange, that she would be the one seeking him!

     “Ah, Halibel-san!” His hands move to slide into the wide sleeves of his white haori, grinning lips stretching further as though the width of the smile measured the honesty of it. “Whatever could be buggin’ ya?”  

What if Gin never joined Aizen?


As requested by riko-chan-san. :)


In today’s “what if” post, we are going to think about what would have happened in Bleach if Gin never joined Aizen!


1. Gin would be planning some other revenge.

We’re going to assume that Gin still figures out that Aizen is responsible for hurting Matsumoto, for reasons of “we’re trying to keep things as close to canon Bleach as possible.” But in this universe, Gin doesn’t immediately conclude that the only sensible course of action is to pretend to be Aizen’s friend forever so as to kill him much much later. Instead, he’d bide his time.

Gin: So….he’s the boss.

Gin: I think I’ll stay as far from him as possible while I get strong, so that he doesn’t see my revenge coming.

Gin: Which I’m pretty sure is the only plan that makes sense.


2. Gin would stay with Matsumoto longer.

This means that Gin would not immediately abandon Matsumoto to become the Seireitei’s tiniest psychopath. Instead, he and Matsumoto could grow up together. Perhaps even join the Gotei-13 together.

Gin: Rangiku, want to become soul reapers?

Masumoto: Sure I’m kinda tired of the woods.


3. Gin wouldn’t have to pretend to be evil.

He’d just be evil. For real. As he is.

Matsumoto: Pssst! Gin! Try to smile less when you’re killing things!

Gin: Is this one of those ‘normal people’ things you keep telling me about?


4. During the first Soul Society arc, Gin would keep things to himself (for reasons).

So there Gin is. A captain of the Gotei-13. A captain who happens to know that Aizen is bad news. When Aizen is mysteriously “killed” right around the time shit starts going down, Gin would of course know that Aizen was just plotting something big. But would he tell the other captains? Of course not! Because Gin is a bastard. And also he wants to kill Aizen himself.

Gin: So sad that Aizen is dead. So dead. So very and non-suspiciously dead.

Hitsugaya:

Hitsugaya: I am suspicious.


5. Tosen would have to do ALL of the legwork for Aizen.

And let’s not forget that as Aizen’s only subordinate, poor Tosen would have to (a) pose as Aizen’s killer and (b) do all the other legwork I assume was going on in the background. While still being a captain. Being Tosen would suck, basically.

Tosen: I seek the path with the least blood.

Tosen:

Tosen: Which sometimes requires bloody murder, of course.

Tosen: Just FYI.

Tosen: If anyone is wondering.

Hisagi: Um captain are you okay?


6. Hitsugaya’s suspicions of Gin would be less (?) well-founded.

Hitsugaya, for his part, would still be suspicious of Gin. Despite being told to “Beware Squad 9.” Despite overhearing Tosen saying some shady things. 

Hitsugaya: Yeah I’m pretty sure Ichimaru is our guy.

Matsumoto: On what evidence??

Hitsugaya: His face, mostly.


7. In Hueco Mundo……………………Aizen would be sassed less.

……..okay but seriously did Gin do anything in Hueco Mundo other than sass Aizen and make videos? I’m drawing a blank here.

Aizen (to the empty air): Well. Good thing Tosen cut off Grimmjow’s arm for me.

Aizen (to the empty air): Someone might think I manipulated him into it or something. If they were paying attention. To my genius.

Aizen:

Aizen: I knew I should have hired more guys.


8. In fake Karakura Town, Hitsugaya and Gin would fight for the chance to off Aizen.

Later, when the Gotei-13 assembled to fight Aizen, Gin would be there. And, like Hitsugaya, he’d be calling dibs on the right to off Aizen.

Hitsugaya: I am here to kill Aizen Sosuke.

Gin: Me too!

Gin: But as the guy who’s your senior in height and age, I get first crack at him, okay?

Gin: Good talk!

Hitsugaya:  HOW ARE YOU STILL ON THE GOOD SIDE?!


9. Hiyori wouldn’t be cut in half.

Not that Hiyori wouldn’t make a run at Aizen and be cut down for her trouble. It’s just that Aizen personally doesn’t go in so much for cutting people in half. He’s more a “vague midsection slash” guy.

Shinji: NOOOOO! NOT AN INDETERMINATE WOUND!!

Aizen: What are you trying to say?


10. After Tosen’s death, Aizen would be alone.

After Tosen was killed by spontaneous explosion (seriously what was up with that?), Aizen would be left alone. After he cut down all the remaining espada, I mean. Which means that he’d have to go to real Karakura Town all by his lonesome, and chase around kids with no company. How sad for him.

Aizen (to the empty air): Oh look. Kurosaki Ichigo’s friends. I think I will chase them.

Keigo: W-who is he talking to?

Tatsuki: Less talking more fleeing!


11. Aizen would have to find some other way to evolve.

In canon Bleach, Gin’s attempt on Aizen’s life had two important effects: Gin died, and Aizen evolved into a better butterfly creature. With no Gin, Aizen would have to seek out some other threat to his life to motivate his not-quite-final evolution.

Aizen: Kurosaki Ichigo….grab my sword.

Ichigo:

Ichigo: Wow this got gay faster than I expected.

Aizen:  IT’S NOT A EUPHEMISM


12. Gin would still be alive.

It’s like not joining Aizen would have been a better plan.

Gin:

Gin: Oh, shut up.