shut up donut

I think baby boomers’ tendency to get very mad at slow service goes hand in hand with their dislike of smart phones. Every situation I’ve been in where service is slow? I just whip out my phone and browse apps for the extra 30 seconds. It’s not a big deal. Meanwhile Landline Howard behind me in line who’s never held a smartphone in his life is bored with nothing to occupy his time so he yells at minimum wage workers instead.

there is a particular type of emptiness that comes on a person between the hours of 11pm and 4am wherein your body sends steadily more confusing signals about what it wants, which you dutifully try to interpret. do we want a pink donut, you ask yourself? dutifully, a pink donut is procured and eaten, but the emptiness persists. do we want a toasted ham and cheese sandwich instead, perhaps to eat while reading a suitable fanfic, curled up in the kind of comfortable window-seat our house does not, in fact, possess? what do we want, brain-body?

here is the answer: what we crave in these moments isn’t nourishment, but acknowledgement freely offered, as opposed to covertly solicited. we sit awake while others sleep and hope our distant friends will sense, by some animal gnosis apart from us, that we want their company; will know to reassure us that we’re not wasting their time, that they’re thinking of us, that we’re valued and wanted. it’s a complex sort of hunger, and one the human body is evidently ill-equipped to convey to its resident ghost in any clearly distinguished fashion. 

so instead, we make terrible decisions involving carbohydrates while squinting at unsatisfactory literature. because existential crises.

Okay but imagine that whenever Amon would buy donuts, Hide would steal some and one day Amon catches him

Amon: Nagachika-kun. You’re the one taking my donuts?!

Hide: I’m just trying to help you stay fit, Amon-san! 

Amon: *offended, looks down at himself* 

Are you calling me fat?!

Hide: Well, no!  not yet. *looks at him innocently*

Amon: I am NOT fat!

Hide: See? It’s working! You’re welcome!

 *runs away with a donut in his mouth*

i’ve been trying to get a volunteer position at the local theater and i finally heard back from them; looks like i’m going to be involved in a production of Avenue Q. it’s basically sesame street for adults, featuring hits such as “It Sucks To Be Me”, “If You Were Gay”, and “The Internet Is For Porn”

so that’s !!!! yay

less yay is trying to find a second job for the summer i’ve filled out like five applications and i feel so inadequate

So I was thinking. Grif was drafted. the only one part of the reds and blues to be so. but what if Donut chose it because he HAD to?

what I’m saying is Delinquent!Donut who ends up faking a lot of shit in front of them until it starts becoming who he wants to be and then by Chorus that’s actually who he is and he’s so afraid the others are going to find out.

But turns out Wash and Carolina knew the whole time.

Alternatively, Freelancer!Donut.

Just imagine with me if you will:

The Reds and Blues performing uptown funk Feat. Lavernius Tucker who’s doing an entire musical number so he can get out of doing training while Wash is just sitting there waiting for it to end like

anonymous asked:

I just wanted to say that... Ahem... BLUE RULES! SUCK IT RED!

What the fuck did you just fucking say about Red Team, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in being good at identifying better teams, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret spying missions from Sarge on blue base, and I have seen over 300 confirmed team-kills in blue base. I am trained in better team identification and I’m the top best friend in the entire Red Team secret friend meetings. You are nothing to me but just another dirty blue. I will make you like red better with facts the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of Red Command across the all of space and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the subtle lesson in proper team acknowledgement, maggot. The storm that shows you why it’s bad to like the pathetic little thing you call blue team. You’re fucking about to like red team, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can teach you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my red team adoration. Not only am I extensively trained in collecting information about how cute the reds are, but I have access to the entire arsenal of Donut’s red team family picture albums and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable blue team off the front of your brain, you little shit. If only you could have known what absolute love and adoration for reds your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit love and red team friendship all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking about to love Red team, kiddo.