CLYDE: CAN’T WE JUST GIVE HIM A WEDGIE INSTEAD OR SOMETHING?
CLYDE: Why do I have to be the one to do this?!
CRAIG: Do you really expect Jimmy to go all the way up there?
CRAIG: He has crutches, Clyde.
JIMMY: And Timmy is in a wh-wh-wheelchair.
CRAIG: You’re so inconsiderate of others, Clyde.
CLYDE: But if I move I’m gonna fall off and what if I break my neck or what if I DON’T fall but I get a bunch of SPLINTERS in my FEET because the top of the doorway really isn’t a place I should be STANDING on, I already FEEL like I’m getting splinters–
CRAIG: Look, all you have to do is jump down onto Token when he walks in.
CLYDE: This is taking jumpscaring to a whole new meaning, dude.
JIMMY: I think I hear him coming up.
CRAIG: Okay Clyde, shut up.
CRAIG: When the door opens, just jump down. You’ll be fine I think.
JIMMY: Whoa, that’s spooky. N-no-nobody’s there!
CLYDE: I… hate you guys.
CLYDE: I don’t actually mean that, but my 589385 broken bones hate you.
JIMMY: Di-did the door open by itself?
CRAIG: That’s impossible.
JIMMY: I agree. Maybe we should check it out.
CRAIG: I’m out.
CLYDE: Wait what?
CRAIG: Yeah, I’m not doing it.
CRAIG: If this house is suddenly haunted, I want no part in it.
CRAIG: You guys can go get murdered by ghosts or whatever, I’m just going to sit on this bed and wait for it all to be over.
JIMMY: B-but what if–
CRAIG: But nothing.
CRAIG: I’m not doing it.
CRAIG: This is probably just Token trying to pull a prank on us anyways.
CLYDE: WHAT IF TOKEN IS DOWNSTAIRS FLAYED ACROSS THE KITCHEN TABLE LIKE A SCARY GHOST DINNER???
CLYDE: GHOSTS ARE NO LAUGHING MATTER, YOU.
CRAIG: I don’t care.
CRAIG: I’m going to wait it out.
CLYDE: You would be the worst character in a horror film, you know that?
CRAIG: Oh no. Whatever will I do. You’ve burned me so bad.
CLYDE: So you’re totally fine with Token and Tweek being haunted by ghosts downstairs, then.
CRAIG: If they were being haunted, you can bet your ass that we’d hear Tweek from all the way up here.
CLYDE: UNLESS HE WAS SPOOKILY KILLED BY GHOSTS.
JIMMY: W-w-wow, the logic all adds up.
JIMMY: I can’t believe it-it’s a real life haunting.
CLYDE: GO DOWNSTAIRS, BE A BRAVE LITTLE 10 YEAR OLD BOY AND SAVE TOKEN AND TWEEK FROM BEING STRUNG LIKE GHOSTLY STRING BEANS YOU ULTIMATE FUCK.
CRAIG: Fine! If I go will you stop yelling? Your voice is cracking and it’s kind of pathetic.
CLYDE: His money. TOKEN: … Thanks. CLYDE: Just kidding! I, uh, don’t know? He’s cool, he’s my best friend, man. I can spend so much time with him without getting bored. CLYDE: And unlike everyone else he doesn’t tease me for crying too much. And he’s super smart and usually the voice of reason whenever the rest of us does something stupid-
CLYDE: Aw, are you flustered cause I’m praising you? TOKEN: Shut up. CLYDE: You can praise me too! TOKEN: Well, Clyde’s… He’s an idiot. CLYDE: Your definition of praising is different than mine. TOKEN: But he’s like, you know, our idiot. Everyone needs a Clyde. He can make me laugh and he’s actually not as stupid as many people think. CLYDE: Okay, you can stop now, you’re making me blush- TOKEN: And you’re nice. You stand up for others and don’t care when people tease you for it. And I like that you’re not afraid of your emotions and-
TOKEN: Please forget I said any of these things. CLYDE: Dude, what? No way! That’s like the nicest thing anyone has said to me. You’re so in love with me. TOKEN: Oh my god. CLYDE: I should tell this Craig, maybe he’ll be nicer to me too. TOKEN: Don’t you dare.
CRAIG: What could possibly give you that impression. CLYDE: Yeah, Craig doesn’t mind! He’s totally cool with it! CLYDE: Right, dude? CRAIG: I don’t care about a lot of things you do. CLYDE: See? That’s just how he is. CLYDE: “I’m Craig, I don’t care about things.” CLYDE: “Clyde shut up, you’re so annoying.” CLYDE: “Clyde you can’t eat an entire pizza in one bite.” CRAIG: You can’t. CLYDE: “You can’t, I’m Craig and I’m grumpy and I suck.” CRAIG: Fuck you, I don’t talk like that. CLYDE: “I don’t talk like that, I’m Craig, I’ll do whatever I want.” CRAIG: You wanna bet, fucker.
CRAIG: “Check it out you guys, I’m Clyde! My sunny disposition is offset by the asinine and terrible shit that I say!” CRAIG: “Now watch me do something stupid for attention, because I want to imitate every single frat boy, ever!” CRAIG: “I’m going to tell people I care about them and then treat them like absolute fucking garbage! I treat relationships like disposable commodities! I’m Clyde Donovan!” CLYDE: Ha, oh my God! That’s so me, though! CLYDE: You’re so good at that, Craig! CRAIG: Fucking unbelievable.
CLYDE: Hey! CLYDE: How’d it go? CRAIG: Fine. CLYDE: So, nobody beat the shit out of you? CRAIG: No. CRAIG: Just. It’s over. CRAIG: I did it, okay? CLYDE: Yeah, I’m proud of you, man! CLYDE: You faced your fear! CRAIG: I wasn’t afraid, shut up. CLYDE: That’s not what you told me. CRAIG: I hate you.
CLYDE: Hey, come on. You said you quit. CRAIG: Trying. Trying to quit. CLYDE: That doesn’t look like trying to me. CRAIG: Leave me alone. CRAIG: I need this. CLYDE: You said that about the last one. CRAIG: Knock it off. CRAIG: Just. Please. CLYDE: … CLYDE: Sure, dude.