I’m posting this story because I don’t want you all to make the mistakes that I’ve made. I apologize ahead of time for getting oddly personal.
I have never been good with words. That may seem strange because on Tumblr I don’t shut up, but in person, and especially when emotional, I have a hard time getting words out of my mouth. My shrink said that’s a common symptom of people who’ve dealt with trauma. I don’t know. What I do know is that when I left my boyfriend’s car after an argument five months ago, I did not know how to ask for help. I messaged a group chat of best friends who have been there for me before. I could manage to type out that I left my boyfriend’s car, that I’m emotional and can’t convey it over text, and that need to be picked up.
Long-story-short, one friend answered, and said she couldn’t pick me up because she was going to a club with another friend. Now, there are a lot of details here that I’m leaving out, and the fact that I probably wasn’t making any sense beyond the fact that I was sad and needed someone probably has to do with it. Of course I got mad at her for not taking the time to help me. She said something along the lines of, why should she cancel plans for someone who “couldn’t even bother to tell me what was wrong”.
I know, poor me, blah blah, how hurt and victimized I was. Why am I telling you this? Because even though my best friends at the time wouldn’t help me, people DID help me. I asked one person I had only talked to in meetings to pick me up. She dropped what she was doing and got me. She didn’t ask me to explain, or require me to be peppy around her or talk to her about it; she took me home because I asked. I had another friend who was not close to me at the time come over to talk to me, and all I had to tell her was that I had had a horrible night. I had friends who couldn’t meet me offer to take me to lunch, and talk to me over text or the phone. Although it was a hard beginning of the end for me and my “best friends” at the time (which only got worse later on), it was a hard lesson that I needed to learn.
This isn’t me looking at the situation with rose-colored glasses. This is what actually happened. For every one person who wouldn’t help me, four people took the time to reach out. All they required of me was that I asked them for help.
So I ask you, followers, because I know many that many of you are good and kind people, to take in the lessons that I learned too late:
A true friend will never ask you to prove that you are worth their time;
You need to believe that you are worth peoples’ time. You are. You are worth peoples’ time for just being you, for being human and flawed, for needing help, for being alive. Please believe that you are worth peoples’ time, and you will find others who are worth your time, too.