Paleo Jumbalaya!!!! F-ing amazing! Ever since I saw Applegate Farms made an organic Andouille sausage I’ve been planning this. Using cauliflower instead of grain rice of course, this dish feels just like the real thing in your mouth. I made mine extra spicy by replacing traditional okra and bell peppers with straight up red and green jalapeños! Combined with the cayenne, I’m blowing my nose after every bite and loving it! Here’s how I made mine (notice the bits of sausage, chicken and shrimp mixed in), but pick your favorite jambalaya recipe and paleo-rize it yourself! Just make sure to make it all organic like mine:
First I chop 2 onions and 3 garlic cloves in the food processor. Then in a deep pot or dutch oven, I sweat them in olive oil under low heat. As it cooks, I coarsely chop 4 large stalks of celery, add it to the pan, and then do the same with 4 red and 4 green jalapeños (but if you want to use okra and/or bell pepper instead or in addition to, go ahead). Then I push the veggies to the side and turn up the heat slightly. I add a jar of organic tomato paste (ingredients: tomato). I brown that a little, and then return the heat to low. I add some of my spice mix, and stir it all together.
I cut up a package (4) of organic Andouille sausage (the only salt in my whole dish is in the sausage, so season everything else liberally). Then in a cast iron skillet I brown the sausage. While it cooks I throw the skinless boneless chicken thighs and the peeled and clean shrimp in a bowl and add more spices and olive oil, and mix.
Once the sausage is browned I add it to the veggie pot, and stir. I then brown the chicken in the same cast iron skillet as the sausage. Once brown, I add to the pot and stir.
I fill the jar the tomato paste came in with strained tomato (you can use chopped tomatoes instead) and add to the mix. Then I add chicken stock to the same jar and add that, giving it all a good stir.
I then add the chopped cauliflower rice to the pot, and season that as well. I give it all a good stir, and finally rest the shrimp on top. I cover the pot and raise the heat a touch higher. In 10 minutes, I uncover, and turn off the heat. The rice should be tender and the shrimp should be cooked. Give it all a good stir, mixing everything thoroughly and you’re ready to eat.
Date a girl who eats. Date a girl who spends her money on fancy food instead of clothes, who has problems with refrigerator space because she has so many variations of mustard (and don’t even start with all the hot sauces). Date a girl who keeps a list of faraway restaurants she wants to visit..
Find a girl who eats. You’ll know that she does because she will always have a half-eaten bar of Milky Wacy chocolate in her bag. She’s the girl eating while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the heavy cream has coagulated on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in the scrumptious world of a buttery, flaky croissant. Sit down.
Buy her a ferrero rocher.
Lie to her about picking out all the shrimp and sausage from the jambalaya. If she understands food, she will understand your greedy urge to horde the tastiest morsels for yourself. She will make due with an extra helping of rice, and whatever shrimp and sausage you’ve left behind. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail to leave her the last slice of cake. Because a girl who eats knows that the last slice is the bittersweet slice. Because girls who eat understand that the last piece of cake may have been a little stale anyhow, and that the promise of cutting into a brand new cake is really the best part. And that reminds her — she has a raspberry tart stashed in that closet where you never look. Sucker.
Why be frightened of foods you have never tried? Girls who eat understand that someone, somewhere, had to eat the first oyster.
If you find a girl who eats, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a slice of cold pizza and daydreaming, offer her a napkin and hold her. You may lose her for a few minutes but she will always come back to you. She’ll mention that sometimes, cold pizza can taste even better than oven-fresh pizza, because sometimes, it just does.
You will eat so much that you will wonder why your heart hasn’t already congealed with butterfat and seized up in revolt (don’t worry — it’s the French paradox). You will talk about lunch during breakfast, and dinner during lunch. She will introduce your children to braised pork belly and duck confit, maybe during the same meal.
Date a girl who eats because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most delicious life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale bread, and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone (and hungry). If you want to taste the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who eats.