shriinkingviolets

I am only apologizing if I mean it. Like recently me and my friend were having a little disagreement and she wanted to show me something and I said I don’t care, I was not saying I didn’t care about her and there was no opinion in the disagreement for me to dismiss I was really just saying that it was not important enough for her to provide proof. She’s like “you don’t have to say I dont care, I don’t like people saying that” I apoligized but really just so she wouldn’t expand the conversation. I really hate that I told her sorry cause I didn’t care like at all, I wasn’t trying to dismiss you or your opinion but there was no like weight or real whatever to the convo/disagreement. I maybe should of said “I’m sorry that you don’t like the words, but I’m not sorry I said them.” Like I’m sorry I said something you don’t like or maybe made you uncomfortable but if I don’t regret using them.

I feel like everyone thinks im like this clueless, no depth, no sustenance having person. I hate it and it makes me doubt myself, and if i think everyone else see’s this about me do i believe it myself?

Im really trying to stay positive but its hard. Its crazy how one test can make me feel so bad about myself. Like if it was math or something that i know im bad at than it wouldnt affect me so much but its english, thats like the only class that i believe im truly good at and then to have some stupid test tell me that im actually shit at it, really ruins all of that confidence you had.

I have the worst fucking room in the house. Below me my fucking cousin is playing music from 2000 which isnt bad just annoying cause its loud, then i got my fucking neighbor listening to tv at fucking volume 10000. Wtf is this!

Damn when I look back at myself from just last year I’ve changed so much. I’ve gained so much confidence, last year I would of never even thought of going after a guy and now I may suck at it and be nervous but I’m actually attempting. Or I never would of thought I would wear a bikini but a bish did. I never would of thought I would try out aerial for the first time at my size in front of my crush knowing that it could possibly end horrible and embarrassing but I did and I did a pretty damn good job. Im proud of myself. All I wish is too continue growing and I hope that all the people with low confidence realize that (I hate to say it) yolo, so what if you’re scared to do something, go for it cause life is full of surprises. Open yourself up to new experiences cause trust me they help. If I would have been so open to moving yo NYC I would still be scared of my own shadow and panicking when a guy talks to me (though I’ll always still panic a little). Good luck. I’ve become so positive. Dont listen to everything tumblr says, being antisocial and saying you hate people when you don’t isn’t cute . be yourself