shred party

Mount Up (part 3, final)

we were tracking down a large dire wolf to become the mount of our goliath, seeing as he was quite large and couldn’t ride the mule we had gotten. we managed to get to the cave and had it trapped and all the other wolves had been wiped out, and were now trying to get the wolf to come with us.

Druid: I use my spell to speak to it. “Hello-”

Wolf (played by the DM): “WHAT THE F- I’LL RIP YOU GUYS TO SHREDS!”

Druid: To the party “he’s upset.”

Wolf: “UPSET!?! YOU JUST MURDERED MY FAMILY AND BEAT ME!”

Druid: “He’s really upset.”

we get the wolf secured and bring him with us to break in so he doesn’t try to murder us while we travel.

Paladin: “So, Tiny, what’re you gonna name him?”

Goliath: “HORSE.”

Tea Party, You Had One Job
  • Tea Party 2008 mission: the deficit is all that matters.
  • Tea Party 2008-2015: Congress should not increase the deficit, ever. Adding debt is the worst thing, ever. We will shut down the government over this principle!
  • Tea Party 2015: House Republicans vote to add $270 billion to deficit. Tea Party shreds own mission, happily adds to deficit.