show your epic is showing

Can you even conceive of the magnitude of Kitsowitz’s dumbfuckery?


You are running an aging, dying TV show. You know you have a couple that was, in your show’s glory days, by far the most popular thing you’ve ever offered, and they are portrayed by two incredible actors with incendiary chemistry. (Sure, you’ve backburnered and deconstructed them for the last two seasons, but you’re starting to plot your sixth season with them in a pretty good place. They’re even having a longed-for baby.)

And this couple has a tie-in to an upcoming movie that has every sign of becoming a genuine cultural phenomenon–it’s a high-budget live-action version of an animated classic, starring an adored child star in her first leading adult major film and a guy who participated in driving another cultural phenomenon. It’s going to get SO MUCH PROMOTION for months before it’s even released.

AND! The male half of your couple is concurrently starring as an iconic and unforgettable character in the sequel to a cult classic, helmed by a now universally acclaimed director. Sure, the common audience between the cult classic and your flimsy piece of crap is almost nonexistent, but your actor has a very good chance of being award bait, and the cult classic’s audience now has kids who might watch your show.

Has any TV show in memory been handed such incredible good fortune? Maybe Downton Abbey and/or Sherlock (whose leads were making blockbusters). At best a handful of shows have been remotely as lucky.

So what do you do? Do you make the most of this windfall? Do you put your couple at the forefront of your show in an “epic adventure full of danger and romance”? Do you show them fighting for their child and each other? 

Nah. Let’s spend ten episodes destroying both characters in increasingly OOC ways in order to prop a one-note Gary Stu (a Stu who, btw, helped lead your show into the pit it’s in) and let’s have their pregnancy be nothing but misery and horror, leaching away much of the fanbase’s enthusiasm for the baby, culminating in an adult child who’s a odisposable villain given the thankless task of propping the Stu’s codependent relationship.

It’s just …flabbergasting. 

How many brain cells have to have shriveled and died for you to consider that a good idea?


Ψ(`▽´)Ψ Bonus:

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