I don't understand how people do it
How they find people who love them and want to spend their lives with them. My longest relationship was 6 and a half years. But Michael was different. I saw a future with him. But I was so wrong. This is the message I got from him this morning. How my day started. What I woke up to.
No I’m sorry Mel, you aren’t being silly at all, I should have said something but I needed a little time to think. You’ve been asking where I stand on us and I’ve been thinking, I just find it hard to say. Who would have thought I’d find it hard to say something. It’s not fair I keep dragging you along without a response and I apologise…
You’re a beautiful soul, warm and caring, fucking wicked in the bedroom and great fun to be around, it’s awesome to see you being who you are and getting things done considering the cards you’ve been dealt. The way you adore me is beautiful. I’ve grown to care for you a lot but I’m just not feeling that click, that chemistry, that burning passion you’re meant to feel when you fall in love with someone and it’d be selfish of me to keep this going without feeling the way you do. I’m deeply sorry I can find the courage to do this face to face but I think we should stop seeing each other.
You deserve someone who loves you the way you do me, not me dragging you along without giving you what you need.
I am truly sorry Mel and hope you find someone who can give to you like you give me.
I’m NEVER going to find that person. I’m 38 years old. I have 3 kids. How the fuck am I meant to find that person? I thought I’d found him. I thought we had something amazing. I wanted it all with him. I saw a future with him. And until I woke up this morning, I had no fucking clue that I was so fucking wrong about what I felt. How can I ever trust my gut again? How do I move on from this? I’ll never be good enough.
I don’t want things to change between us. I was so happy.