“It’s one of these moments where you see Alex, one by one, having to cross this road and see how people react,” Leigh says. “She hasn’t seen him in over a decade and, ‘Guess what? I’m gay!’ It’s great. His reaction is so wonderful. It’s a great, sweet, endearing moment: ‘OK, I’m being accepted for where I am.‘”
Um… okay Chyler, but have you seen your own face in this scene…..?
every UD Chris kin ever: Ashley cucked me into a forced heterosexual relationship when I really wanted to be with my one true love, Josh (who did nothing wrong). I was a prisoner of this horrible girl character I secretly hated. she spit on me and poked me in the eyes every single day. girls are icky and Bad
Compensation, The Abyss of Executive Dysfunction and why I will never tell my coworkers why I can't sit on any another chair
The thing with compensation mechanisms is that they tend to confuse people.
“You? Do *you* have ADHD? No, you can’t; you’re so incredibly organised!”
“Are you a bit OCD? I mean, it seems like it’s problematic for you to sit anywhere but on that one chair, and that isn’t… healthy?”
First; the reason I am incredibly organised (at work) is *because* I have ADHD. I have a very poor sense of time and space and I have working memory of a cognitively impaired goldfish (yes, I know that it’s partially a myth, according to some goldfish research) and I often feel like I’m moving through an indistinguishable tangle of time, noise, direction and demands. I need to structure *everything* in a very precise and exact manner, because if I don’t write exactly everything down, if I let one detail slide… then it’s like a slow but steady slide into an abyss of chaos, where I get an intense anxiety over the fact that of that if one thing could slip, how do I know that there are not more things slipping too? It’s like opening the Pandora’s box of executive dysfunction - one slide means loss of control, means chaos. And I can take that in my spare time (I have to, because I can’t compensate both at home and at work - there’s no chance my energy would last), but at work? I’m terrified of what would happen. Lives are at stake, literally, at times. And I love my job, and I would very much like to keep it, too. I want people to feel safe when I work. And if I don’t overcompensate to a frankly obsessive degree… well. I’ll be staring into the abyss of fragmented thoughts and schedules that don’t add up and things I forgot to do for my patients and– So yeah. I’m incredibly organised. Because I know the consequences of not being so. Not because it’s my natural state. And if you take my notebook or my schedule away, I will panic. If my post-its move, it feels like I’m staring into the Abyss of Executive Dysfunction. Because the ice is very thin…
Secondly; I don’t have OCD. I did, when I was younger. I know the difference. What is making me unable to cope with sitting anywhere but in two particular chairs at our meetings room isn’t OCD. It’s… me choosing not to fight my brain on this one thing. As is me, sorting everything when I’m overly tired. I’m obsessive, yes. But it’s not a disorder, in my case; it’s a symptom. The more tired I am from compensating and/or going against my “instincts” (not liking to be touched certain ways, loud noises, not snapping at interruptions, refraining from stimming, not interrupting others when I have an impulse to say something…), the more my brain seeks comfort in “rituals”. It’s very dependent on my current state of exhaustion/stress. The less stressed/exhausted I am, the less obsessive I am. That’s not how OCD works, in my experience. And saying that it is would be to diminish the suffering of those who actually have OCD, because that’s a whole other level than being a bit obsessive. When things get bad, I will scream and tap (compulsion) over sounds that are unbearable (misophonia in varying degrees). That’s a sign that things are too much. Simple as that.
I need things to be in a certain order, because if they’re not, i sometimes lose the ability to navigate, because if it doesn’t look the same, i won’t recognise that it is the same thing, seen from another angle. I hate it when i don’t sit in “my chair” when we have reports and plan the day, because I feel like I’m not at the same place as usual, and that means that i have to figure out how to do the same things i usually do over and over again, because my brain won’t recognise that everything is in fact the same, only seen from another chair. Usually it’s not this bad, but this is where i sit when i need to organise and keep a lot of things in my short-term memory at once. It’s when i need rituals. It’s not a sign of additional disorders. On the spectrum of neuropsychiatric conditions, things tend to bleed into one another. Pushed far enough, you’ll start to display symptoms that have seemingly very little to do with your primary diagnosis. But in many cases, as in mine, it’s a consequence of not being able to cope with the primary condition during certain circumstances. And when we compensate hard enough, that tends to happen every now and then, because it’s draining to compensate. It costs more than anyone will willingly admit when they try to ensure that they’re not seen as “unfit” for their jobs because of the inferno inside their brains.
Lastly; we simplify what we tell you about how we work. There’s no point in me telling people that I have “ADHD with autistic traits” - and trying to explain sensory processing at work– no. One word is quite enough to explain. Additional words that no one really have heard of… nope. So we will likely not tell you things in detail, because one thing is quite enough when it comes to explaining and having to consider how people perceive. So if our explanation doesn’t seem to cover it all… well; it’s sometimes because it’s not the full explanation. And that if of we’re lucky enough to know the full explanation ourselves - most of us feel like we don’t.
So yes. It’s confusing to people around, this compensation thing. But please do take our words for things concerning our diagnoses, instead of questioning and/or adding to them. Because we’re confused as it is, thank you. But we’re getting by, and that’s a lot more than some of us dared to dream of.
The con was awesome, although it was really tiny and apparently quieter than it had been in previous years (something to do with a new location?) but people bought things! Really unexpected things tbh, but they bought things!
Here’s our table at the start of the day before the con opened (almost entirely dominated by the tons of merchandise Neon brought haha!)
Honestly though the highlight for me was the guy who had a table opposite who was watching us set up, then immediately came over and bought the ALC print and the other one of Caesar then spent the entire con staring at us until he finally came over and asked “does one of you draw Ask Lord Caesar?” Apparently he follows the blog and was super nice and said that if someone had told him a few years ago he’d have a table opposite the person who drew ALC, he’d laugh at them. That kind of made my day/year/whatever :)
Everyone’s congratulating PBG for his upset outburst towards Jontron, but nobody’s congratulating him for apologizing for it after and showing political disagreements shouldn’t be what destroys friendships.
I have a lot more respect for him because of this and he deserves more credit for it imo.
can you imagine if we ever got to see our ladies training together?? picture it.
- a steady green glow emanating from the walls to put kara at a level playing field with the others.
-alex and sara sparring, both in sports bras and dripping with sweat because neither of them is willing to bow out.
-maggie cheering alex on and telling her to kick sara’s ass.
-sara showing alex some new moves because yeah alex is a total badass, but sara is still a literal assassin.
-and oh jesus. can you imagine the salmon ladder?? alex doing the salmon ladder?!and poor maggie. just drowning in a puddle of her own drool while she watches.
-and then lena walks in because she was helping winn with some science thing and wanted to say hey to kara before she left.
-so she walks in the training room only to be slapped in the face with kara’s shoulders and back muscles flexing while she jumps up the salmon ladder.
-lena literally can’t even form words until she hears maggie walk by and snicker, “breathe, luthor.”
-and kara must’ve heard her come in cuz she jumps down and runs over still panting from the exertion and doesn’t seem to notice the red in lena’s face.
-so she acts cool and says “hi” and “bye” and is almost out the door when she remembers kara can hear her heartbeat and that she wasn’t actually fooling anyone.
-kara blushing as she goes back to training because she knows how hot lena is for her.
-sara coming over like, “so you tap that yet, supergirl?” and kara bumbling like an idiot because how did she know that’s literally all she ever thinks about??
-okay and maggie and alex at the shooting range? competing against each other and alex is furious because, unlike pool, maggie is a total dead shot and keeps. beating. her.
-maggie coming up behind alex all like, “here let me help” and adjusts alex’s arms but when she moves her hands to her waist alex completely loses her focus and misses the target so they just makeout instead.
-sara attempting to show kara how to throw knives but kara would rather just watch her do it so she starts showing off.
-someone having to resuscitate me because i would die.