i need a list of all the stupid shit no one would expect Bitty to do other than trying to pick Tater up on the ice
okay so i had this half written and then didnt touch my computer for a week oops. so a list of stupid shit bitty has done that no one expects despite the fact he is a college student, a hockey player, a boy, and only 21:
shotgunned a beer at 10am the friday before finals bc fuck his life he’d been studying all week and if he aint ready now hes never gonna be
once nearly took out the legs of the dining room table trying to escape a post workout holster by sliding through the kitchen
ate a cold pizza straight from the box for breakfast because he was running late to class and it had been left on the table the night before
nearly fell off the roof while smoking with shitty and lardo
actually fell into the school swimming pool when the current seniors decided they wanted to break into the pool at 3am on a whim
nearly got arrested for trespassing in the park after dark bc shitty decided he wanted to play frisbee in the dark at 11pm
bitty actually was the least likely to get arrested considering he straight up vaulted over a short brick wall and tore down the side of hill away from the cop car
the others were honestly really impressed with his reaction time
did several chinese fire drills with the frogs the last time they drove to providence to see the falcs play (nursey nearly didn’t make it back into the car the very last time)
did a shot of absinthe to prove that his alcohol tolerence was amazing fuck you very much zack jimmermann
woke up the next morning on the cursed couch with a box of mickey d’s chicken nuggets sitting on his stomach and possibly a rash from said cursed couch
bus surfed (as in, balancing in the aisles without holding on not on top of the bus) on the local bus and nearly killed an old lady
rode down the Haus stairs in a laundry basket bc other than lardo and foxtrot he was the only one who would fit (lardo was too stressed and foxtrot has done some stupid shit with the boys but she at least has that much sense)
honestly i could probably come up with more but this was getting long
This man walks into your room and tells you to shotgun his beer or else he is going to tell Jason that you are the biggest pussy in the frat and you deserve to get hazed even though you aren’t a pledge wyd?
Since the Dadquisition post is taking off, I feel like I should put in “Dad Age: Origins”
Oghren is “better at braiding hair than all the parents of your classmates combined, once successfully built a deck while shotgunning beers (how?!?), saw you through the worst of your anime phase and validated your interests and ended up watching anime himself,” Dad.
Sten is “responded with ‘Obviously’ when you came out to him, primarily expresses affection and concern via copious baking, gave you a single thumbs-up when you were in the school play and you never felt more proud in your life,” Dad.
Zevran is “sang to you a LOT when you were a baby and still kind of mindlessly sings when you’re in the same room, always says ‘who’s that? They were cute’ when he picks you up from school and sees you talking to someone, taught you to swim when you still didn’t have walking 100% down yet, slips between two different languages while lecturing you,” Dad.
Alistair is “kept falling asleep while reading to you and your siblings, accidentally calls you by your siblings’ (And occasionally the dog’s) names, cheers louder than anyone else at your softball games, ‘breakfast-for-dinner,’” Dad.
You wake up. Someone is screaming. Someone is always screaming. “What are they celebrating?” you ask your roommate. They don’t know. No one ever knows.
It’s finals week. Your final begins at 8 AM in room 100 of the main hall. You finish your final and stand up, only to find yourself waiting outside of room 100 with other anxious students. It is 7:54 AM. You don’t remember walking here.
You buy another Red Bull with the last change in your pocket. “That’ll be $3.57″ the cashier says. You stare at her. She works here all the time. You cannot remember seeing another cashier.
It’s time to enroll in classes and the enrollment system is down. You call the school’s IT department. “But it says you’re already enrolled,” they say. You check your account. You are not enrolled. You have never been enrolled.
“Try the library,” the girl suggests when the study room is full. Exhausted, you wander around the study room for hours. When you finally find an empty seat, a girl in a lime green sweater rushes over and sits down. The chair creaks. She sat at the last empty desk you found. She’s sat at every empty desk you’ve found.
You pose for a picture with the school mascot. “Help me,” he whispers through his mask. You look startled, and the student holding the camera grimaces. The next week, the school unveils a new mascot uniform. It doesn’t have a mouth.
You’re shotgunning a beer when someone pushes it away and forces a new beer down your throat. You cannot stop drinking. You wait for dawn to come. You are suddenly 90% beer.
Summary: “…you knew that you could never deny, despite how much you’d tried, that you’d always thought of Park Jimin as more than both he and you had labeled it all those years… Friends.”
Notes: This story was inspired by a prompt from a master prompt list and can be seen as the very first line here. Credit to that list, one of which I cannot re-find for God’s sake. This took me a while and was left in drafts for a while, but I’ve decided to finally post this. I haven’t been writing much and I’ve gone to shit due to the lack of practice :( Hope this one isn’t that shitty… So enjoy!
“Can I tell my parents that I’m at your house, just in case they get suspicious?”
“Isn’t that what you always do?”
Jimin’s laugh echoed loudly from the other end of the line.
“True, true,” he admitted. “They trust you more than they trust me, Y/N-ah.”
“I can see why they would do that,” you sat leaned up against the window and watch as the sun cast its last golden rays before sinking into the skyline.
“Are you saying I’m not trustworthy?”
“I’m not saying that you’re not not-trustworthy.”
“Well as the person that has kept all your secrets for as long as both of us can remember,” he breathed. “I am extremely offended.”
“Whatever, Jimin,” you sang into the receiver. “Just go have fun tonight.”
“Fine, fine,” he spoke with an exhale. “I will have fun, Miss ‘it’s-Friday-night-and-I’m-going-to-stay-in.”
You let out a small chuckle, “That’s me.”
Jimin laughed as well, you could just imagine the grin he had plastered on his face that moment. Long seconds passed, comfortable silence filled the line, only the low static buzzing through the earpiece.
“Well,” Jimin began after a while. “I guess I’ll get going now. I’ll see you later.”
“Love you, Y/N.”
You removed your phone from the side of your face, knowing well that Jimin had already hung up by then. You sat still in your spot for a while, staring off into the fading sky. Even if the call had ended a long time ago, you still very much felt your heart race as if you have just run a mile.
Having felt the same damned feeling for seventeen years straight, you would think that you have come used to it by then. But as you had always proved yourself wrong, you knew that you could never deny, despite how much you’d tried, that you’d always thought of Park Jimin as more than both he and you had labeled it all those years.
The frat house was vibrating with the booming bass of loud music. Bodies mingled together, the air smelling of sweat, booze, and pot. You were leaning against the kitchen counter with your best friend Nicole, sipping your drinks and people watching. A game of beer-pong was happening on the dining table. Two guys were shotgunning beers by the fridge. Freshman girls in too-short skirts were grinding to the music in the living room, probably drunk for the first time in their lives. Most of the guys had lost their shirts by now–a couple of them were without pants, too–and were either running around, tripping over things or eyefucking the girls.
“Classy,” you said sarcastically, pointing out the girl in the living room giving a lapdance to a guy sitting on the couch.
“You’re literally drinking vanilla Pinnacle and coke,” your friend retorted. “You don’t get to talk about ‘classy.’”
“It’s not my fault they didn’t have any good mixers,” you mumbled into your cup.
a little Jon x Daenerys modern AU in time for Halloween. part 1 of 2 because i need to finesse the smut a little more. apologies for how meta this probably is :x
The odds of Dany getting laid tonight weren’t looking good.
Either the men at this Halloween party were already paired off, or they represented the worst of the male species: dressed in culturally insensitive costumes and shotgunning beers while calling each other hyper-masculine nicknames like “broski” and “Broseph.” There wasn’t a promising prospect among them.
“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else,” Missandei had told her when she’d suggested going to the party at the last minute, but surely even Missandei had to be appalled by the selection.
Damn Missandei for bringing her here. But, mostly, damn her ex Daario for cheating on her with his coworker and making his infidelity out to be her fault, like she wasn’t “sexually adventurous” enough for him.
If being sexually adventurous meant letting him fuck other women on the side, no thanks. She was still plenty sexual. And down to fuck. And there were plenty of men willing to take her up on that offer, even at this party.
If only she didn’t find most of them repulsive.
Abandoning her mission, Dany poured herself a glass of Merlot and left behind the sexy cats and Spartan warriors to seek refuge in the living room. Thankfully, it was mostly empty save for the couple making out in the corner. The others were congregating in the kitchen around the food and alcohol or outside where they could smoke freely.
Eager to get off her feet and the towering high-heeled boots she’d stupidly worn as part of her ensemble, Dany plopped down on the couch.
And promptly screamed when a giant white beast leapt at her, startling her so badly she spilled her glass of wine on the couch. A very white couch, at that.
“Holy shit,” she gasped, aware there was a monster at her side but too afraid to look it in the eye.
“Ghost. That wasn’t very nice.”
Spoken soft and low, the words were almost lost among the distant chatter and bass-heavy house music thumping through the speakers. Dany looked up at the voice–and was promptly distracted from her impending death-by-unknown-demon-creature. The man who’d spoken was dark-haired and of average height, yet…there was something oddly arresting about him.
Probably the leather armor he wore and the thick fur cloak draped over his shoulders.
Casual reminder not to thank me for my service on veteran’s day (or ever).
There is no comfortable way to complete that conversation. I mean, do I flippantly respond with “You’re welcome,” and come across as a condescending ass? Or do I act all mercenary and say, “Well, I got paid”? Am I supposed to thank you… for thanking me? Break down crying at the injustice of civilian casualties and loss of human life and dignity? Or perhaps I’m expected to scream “Murica, WHOOOO!” and shotgun a beer?
Let’s just skip my nervous foot-shuffling and avoiding eye-contact and not make it weird, okay? Okay.