shoted

I Found Myself / Michael Clifford

This is a song imagine based off of the song I Found Myself by anna Clendening, this is the song x

Trigger warning: mentioning of suicide, scars, cutting and mental health

My heart was beating, barely breathing but still alive.
Lost along the way I’d given up my fight.
Scattered to pieces all along the floor, within the brokenness
I found something more.

You had been in this place for a couple of months now, you were diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. Life was hell for you, it didn’t even feel like you were alive, you just woke up and stayed in bed all day whenever you could, and if you had to go somewhere you’d make up and excuse why you weren’t able to make it.

When you got admitted in the psychiatric institution you were at your lowest point. You had just given up and accepted that life wasn’t getting any better. But in this place, in this (what your first thought was) hell hole, you found something more.

He came in a couple days after you were admitted. He had coloured hair, tattoos and an eyebrow piercing, and let’s say he got your attention immediately. Fortunately for you, he was placed in the same activities group. In a psychiatric institution you have to participate in activities organised daily to make you think about your disorder and help you recover.

And day by day you and him got talking, both making sarcastic comments about the lame ass activities you had to do. One of them was “Here’s a list of 10 objects, you’re stranded on a deserted island alone, which 5 objects would you take with you”. Eventually you got to know that his name was Michael after you’ve both had been scolded at for not participating.

You think that maybe Michael was better therapy for you than the actual therapy sessions were. Whenever you were allowed you’d both sit in the corner of the main room and talk about what’s on your mind. How you have tried to kill yourself multiple times and how you just don’t feel worthy of being here, like you have no purpose. And that’s how you learned that Michael has bipolar disorder and that’s one of the reasons why he has bright coloured hair. He told you how he once was standing on top of his apartment block and wanted to jump and how he sometimes feel like he’s the most powerful human being in the world and he’d go do extremely dangerous and ridiculous things.

I found myself in a sea of busy places, in a world of blurry faces.
I found myself, on the edge of insanity, I found, I found me.

Somewhere along the way you got slightly better. Maybe it was the medication that started to kick in, maybe it was this place that helped you, maybe it was talking to Michael, or maybe it was you, just trying to get better. But you felt like you got to know yourself for the first time, like you had something interesting to say. In a place full of people who do not know who they are, or how to cope with what they feel, you felt like you were a little more content with who you were. Of course you weren’t happy about life and you didn’t know if that was actually going to happen, but it gave you some slight hope that maybe you could get out of this place someday and take Michael with you.

You would like to think that you helped Michael as much as he helped you, but the truth was, medication did most of the work with him. The meds kept his highs and lows under control. You promised each other that once you got out of this place you’d meet up multiple times a week and see how one another is doing. There was even a conversation about becoming roommates, and you weren’t really against the idea because Michael is definitely handsome.

“The therapist said that if I am still the same next week, I get to go home” you say as you rest your head on the table in the corner of the main room.

“Do you think she’ll say the same to me? I’m going to see her in a couple of hours” Michael asks as he also rests his head in the table facing you, his eyes meeting yours.

“I hope so”

“If I don’t get out as soon as you do, will you come visit me? I don’t think I can survive this hell hole without you here” Michael whispers so you’re the only one that can hear.

“Of course I will, I’ll be here every day. But I don’t see any reason why they wouldn’t release you too” I answer, softly resting my hand on his knee under the table.

I was broken, torn apart.
Scars line my arms, on my sleeve I wore my heart.
They remind me of what is real.
No longer needing pain to feel.

As you’re packing your bags you sit down on the bed and look at your arms, scattered with scars. You were still broken but slowly you were starting to heal again. If they told you a couple of months ago that you would recover, you would’ve probably slapped them in the face and told them to fuck off.

You still get sad, and sometimes you still feel like something isn’t right about the life you’re living but you do not longer need pain to feel that you’re alive.

There’s a knock on your room door and the door opens.

“Guess who’s bags are packed too?” One of the nurses you’ve quite grown to like asks as she comes in.

“Wait” You look up with big eyes, Michael never told you he was released, “Are you being serious?” You ask just to be sure and she just nods with a big smile on her face. You quickly zip up your bag and make sure you have everything when you rush out of the door rushing towards the main room where Michael is already standing with is bags and a huge grin on his face as he sees you running towards him.

“You asshole” You punch him against the chest but fling your arms around his neck laughing when you hug him tightly.

“I thought it’d be a nice surprise” Michael’s laugh vibrates through you.

“I can’t believe we’re both out of this place” You sigh, looking around, mentally saying goodbye

“Well I can” Michael picks up his bag, “How do you feel about becoming my roommate?” He smiles and eagerly you pick up your bag and rush towards the check out.

I found myself in a sea of busy places, in a world of blurry faces.
I found myself, on the edge of insanity, I found, I found me.

On the edge of insanity, you didn’t only find yourself, but you found each other.

instagram

Shoting for @realitykings today!!! #WLT #RK #WeLiveTogether ❤️❤️

It’s really disheartening to see people that I was acquainted with having unsavory opinions about the recent events, but it’s really great to know that the people I’m closer to have the right idea.

After USA will end up shoting ukraine and put it under ground they’ll provoke my country to be victim of 3 world war…again…they want us to have this shit…again….

And in thissunny day i’m not happy, i’m not calm,i’m not even in depression i have huge panic attack and huge anxiety…in this day i’m reading how to survive in war, ow to survive in civilian war,how to survive starvation,how to survive in forest in winter without food,how to escape city who is ander fly attack by bombs, i’m fucking reading how to survive in atomic radiation after attack, how to survive in atomic winter…

I’m literally not ok..and i’m angry as fuck…..if you still think your life is miserable thrn imagine yourself on my place

I onlyhave one question now : why should i survive?

Okay. So honesty time. I foud the black and white of this photo saved as a screenshot. I don’t remember where  I got it from, if I just paused a vid, or more likly if I screen shoted something someone else posted. SO. If this is yours, I appologise, and I would really like to know. :D 

Yeah, but uh, I added the sun glare thanger, and it looks pretty chill, I think. You know. Yeah. 

(Titling it, You Are My Sunshine, because that’s pretty cute.) 

So, please keep my irl, and if the origanal was yours, please, speak up!!! 

Love you all!

so fucking disappointed. why the hell would you say shit like that hly shit you just cause a lot of fucking hate dump onyourself is shoting yourself in the eye your fetish why would you do something so tstupid goddam
Oooo I’m pissed off...

Note! To anyone… If someone is fighting something and their health isn’t anywhere near below 50%… Don’t show up and kill the thing I’m fighting! I’m profing my swords on an alt Giant of mine, and just because she is a “green warrior” doesn’t mean she is weak. I don’t need anyone to save me! If you see me close to death! Just let me freaking DIE! Because cash shoting my kill is worse…

I don’t rant often… But I literally went from 25%prof to 80% real quick because my mind was focused on how stupid what happened was. 

And while I’m on this subject. I also hate! When I randomly go into town and help a new player out, then another new player comes up to me asking for “free stuff” And when I say no, they ask me to fight them like… *breaths* I help people who legit wanted real help, like with a quest or dungeon, and training a skill. HECK! If you just walk up to me and talk to me like I’m someone you want to know or be friends with, I probably help you out. But don’t get bitchy with me because I don’t pick you! to give all my old or not selling event gear too. I just started black listing people who start a fight with me because I want to give back to people. I have a lot of friends who look out for me and help me out, I’m not a pro player, I’m under 2k in total level, and I am in no way that great at anything. But when I have a really amazing Auction or Shop turn out or even if a friend is hand something of theirs off to me, I like to give stuff away. And I like to have some respect in on my “green” characters. 

People who are new, are not always new! And sometimes because people use alts to get free stuff because they throw a pity party for themselves leads to people assuming I need help when I don’t. = n = ) Just needed to right this out… Get it off my chest.

Much rather Die and res myself.   

Calendar Women of June

1st June, Edith Cavell, nurse

2nd June, Zsofia Torma, archaeologist

3rd June, Laura Bassi, physicist

4th June, Gwenllian ferch Gruffydd, warrior princess

5th June, Akazome Emon, poet

6th June, Celia Borromeo, mathematician

7th June, Gudrid Thorbjarnardottir, traveller

8th June, Marie Biheron, anatomist

9th June, Estela Barnes de Carlotto, activist

10th June, Rachel Ackerman, poet

11th June, Raziyya al-Din, Sultan

12th June, Hanna Hammarstrom, inventor

13th June, Dorothea Erxleben, doctor

14th June, Anne Askew, protestant martyr

15th June, Guiseppa Barbapicolla, philosopher

16th June, Shote Galica, freedom fighter

17th June, Ava of Melk, poet

18th June, Sophie Germain, mathematician

19th June, Pearl S Buck, author

20th June, Ella Maillart, adventurer

21st June, Anna Maria van Schurman, polymath

22nd June, Mandukhai Khatun, queen

23rd June, Laura Secord, informant

24th June, Malahayati, admiral

25th June, Kenau Simonsdochter Hasselaer, wood merchant

26th June, Regina Jonas, female rabbi

27th June, Nora of Kelmendi, warrior

28th June, Rani Rudrama Devi, queen

29th June, Sappho, poet

30th June, Vera Chirwa, lawyer and human rights activist

Ukraine

Stop this shitty propoganda of lie.I’m sick of it.

USA was secret sponsor of Ukrainian revolution , result was that 30% ukrainian neo nazi come to power. Welcone to new Hitler’s germany yeah. Thank you USA. 

Why its happenning? Because unlike your media says USA is guilty in self called “silent collonisation” the say scheme as in Iraq. Its absolute the same scheme.

And now ukrainian neo nazi who you are sponsoring are killing civilian people right in their homes. They travel in army’s bus and shot people in their houses for not being born as ukrainian. This people leave their houses and run without nothing in poket to Russia and Russia gives them safety. 

And nopw you are one who making propoganda of lies and blame Russia for what? for proitecting 70% of civilians from neo nazi who is shoting them ? Kids, woma, old people… they all are just killed ….

how fucking dare are you . Put your crap in your fucking ass there it belongs to be. Right now all your money goes for sponsoring new neo nazi germany. Congratulating you . Can you play saint now?