I’m Sorry- Daryl Dixon

Plot/Request: @citizen_zombie on wattpad requested- “Daryl is my ex and we have been broken up for weeks but we still love each other and whenever the governor kidnaps Glenn &’ Maggie , he takes me too and when they group comes to save us , Daryl comes and saves me &’ he tells me his feelings because he was afraid of losing me &’ we get back together? if it is too hard that’s okay , I can think of something else . :) my name is alley , btw”

Word count: 2613


Warnings: swearing, violence, torture, 

Note:
 SORRY FOR BEING MIA RECENTLY. MY FAMILY HAD BEEN GOIGN THROUGH SOME THINGS. this is the first name insert i’ve done. I’m sticking with your POV but instead of seeing (Y/N) or (Y/E/C) I’ve changed it to Alley and her description. Sorry if this bothers anyone. 

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Things around the prison hadn’t been going so smoothly for you. For anyone for that matter. Lori was gone, dead. Judith taking her place. T-Dog and Carol were still missing and presumed dead. But you hadn’t taken any of that as hard as you should have.

Your mind was preoccupied with Daryl. The man you once believed you’d spend the rest of your life with. No matter how short it may be. But apparently he had other plans, as he ended the relationship abruptly and harshly. You were shocked at his words, but as you thought more about it– it made sense. You still loved him, yet he never loved you. It pained you to know all those sweet nothings were exactly that. Nothing.

Waking up was probably the hardest thing to do now. You used to sleep in his arms, or at least beside him. You always fell asleep to his small noises and heavy breaths. But now you fell into your abyss with no noises that you cherished greatly. It was quiet when you woke up, it was quiet when you fell asleep. Your nightmares had gotten worse since the start of this. Daryl was the only thing had helped keep them at bay– but whenever they got through he would be there to help you when you awoke in a sweat, hyperventilating.

Now that was wasn’t there, you didn’t have anyone to help you. Your mind would torture you in silence throughout the night. No one but Daryl knew about the nightmares, therefore, you were truly alone. And now as your blue eyes fluttered open softly you saw a light from the outside of your cell.

You were thankful it was morning because of the rumble in your stomach. You sat up, rubbing your eyes gently. Your hair was a mess from tossing and turning all night. Your mouth tasted gross from the lack of toothbrushes.

Standing up slowly– careful to avoid knocking your head on the upper bunk like last week– you walked with soft footsteps to your little desk. Sitting on the chair you’d asked Rick for from the common area, you looked to yourself in the small mirror. You had some scratches evident on your face. Probably from your own untrimmed nails. Reaching for the hairbrush you’d taken from Hershel’s farm, you brushed your dirty blonde hair. You fought with your tangles and soon enough your hair was back to it’s greasy but nevertheless brushed state. You tried to put your hair up but failed horribly. Sighing heavily you left it down, no longer caring about your dirty demeanor.

Leaving your small cell you walked to the common area where you heard soft voices. You saw people sitting around. Eating their breakfast. They all looked– except Daryl– as Glenn teased you,

“Looks like sleeping beauty finally got out of bed.” Some of the group chuckled along with you and Glenn.

As the laughter toned down you asked, “Was it really that long?” as you absentmindedly scratched the back of your neck. It did feel like forever due to the fact that you were up most of the night.

“Nah. Glenn’s just teasing you, Alley.” Maggie laughed sincerely. You smiled at her kindness. Grabbing your breakfast you walked to the nearest seat, ignoring the fact that Daryl wouldn’t even acknowledge you. Rick walked into the communal area of the prison and your head snapped in his direction. He stepped in, raising everyone’s attention as he asked with dazed eyes,

“Everybody okay?”

“Yeah, we are.” Maggie was the first to respond. Rick stepped forward more, walking toward his son.

“What about you?” Hershel asked, his voice soft.

“Cleared out the boiler block,” Rick answered roughly.

“How many were there?” Daryl spoke up. You felt your heart ting at his voice but calmed your emotions as Rick continued.

“I don’t know, a dozen, two dozen.” Rick looked at his new second in command. “I have to get back,” he stated, resting his hand on Carl’s shoulder, “Just wanted to check on Carl.” Daryl watched Rick’s movements intently and you felt yourself craving that same attention.

Glenn stood up, “Rick, we can handle taking the bodies, okay. You don’t have too.”

“No, I do,” Rick spoke, a smug look on his aging face. Before he allowed himself to leave, though, he wandered over to Daryl asking him a quick and simple question,

“Everyone have a gun and a knife?” Daryl responded, only moving to nod his head,

“Yeah. We’re running low on ammo, though.”

“Maggie and me were planning on making a run this afternoon,” Glenn spoke up, “Found a phone book with some places we can hit, look for bullets and formula.”

“I’ll go with you guys. You’ll need an extra pair of hands.” You volunteered. Glenn nodded to you while Daryl just glared in your direction. You didn’t let yourself look back at him.

“We cleared out the generator room.” Daryl interrupted, “Axel’s there trying to fix it, in case of emergency. We’re gonna sweep the lower levels as well.”

“Good. Good.” Rick spoke as he ran out once again, slamming the door behind him. He ignored Hershel as the older man called out his name. You looked to Maggie and Glenn,

“Wanna show me where we’re going?”

-

You were going to leave for your trip with Glenn and Maggie any moment now. You waited by the gate alone for them to come. You watched as the walkers growled at the fences. They tried to get inside but were unsuccessful. You breathed in the fresh air, happy to be alive. No matter how gruesome and tiring it was.

You were happy to be alone in this moment. So it felt appropriate when Daryl just happened to stroll your way. You made eye contact with him for a brief second. Before you could scan his face your blue eyes snapped back to the world outside of the fences. You didn’t dare look at him as he hesitantly made his way to you. He looked in your direction for what felt like the first time in forever. Even though he had done it just moments ago.

“You stupid or something?” He growled, you turned to him now. Eyes ablaze. He hadn’t talked to you since he ended it, and this is what he thought was a good idea to say?

“Are you serious? Are you fucking serious?” You asked with a harsh voice. He made eye contact with you, and this time, you didn’t dare to look away.

“Well, you must be if you think you’re going on that run.” He clarified. You looked at him like he was crazy. Because maybe he was, but that would mean you were too.

“Since when do you care?”

“I don’t. Just don’t want everyone crying to me when you get yourself killed.” He scoffed and you felt your eyes tingle. No matter how much you tried to ignore the pang in your heart at his words, it affected you. And you hated it.

“I can handle myself.” You uttered before you heard the creak of the door open. Glenn and Maggie exited and you quickly walked away from Daryl to them. You didn’t want to look at him anymore. You didn’t want to hear his voice anymore. You didn’t want him near you anymore. Because now you knew he merely thought of you as a weak burden.

-

“We just hit the powdered formula jackpot,” Glenn spoke with happiness in his voice. You smiled widely as you saw the basket filled to the brim with formula.

“Oh, thank God.” You and Maggie both uttered.

“I also got beans, batteries, cocktail wieners, many mustards. It’s a straight shot back to the prison from here. Probably make it in time for dinner.” Glenn revealed. He was proud of your findings.

“Everyone will be so happy.” You laughed with hopeful eyes. The group was sure to be excited at the news of good scavenging.

“I like the quiet,” Maggie spoke, narrowed eyes as she looked into the sun. “What do you mean?” You asked, slightly confused.

“Back there, back home, you can always hear them outside the fence no matter where you are.” She clarified. You instantly agreed with her. As you were about to say something else, a deep voice cut you off,

“And where is it y'all good people are calling home?” A man with a buzz-cut stepped from behind foliage. He had his gun raised, as did you, Maggie and Glenn. A knife stuck from his hands and you wondered how he’d lose it in the first place.

“Merle?” Your head snapped to Glenn at his question to the threatening man. You recognized the name– Merle had been Daryl’s brother. But they had left him on a roof in Atlanta.

“Wow!” Merle said with wide eyes. He walked forward but Maggie quickly cut him off,

“Hey, back the hell up!”

“Okay, okay, honey. Jesus.” He backed off, raising his hand and metal device in surrender.

“You made it,” Glenn mumbled quietly.

“Can you tell me, is my brother alive? Huh?” Merle questioned with eager eyes.

“Yeah,” Glenn spoke with a quick glance to you. The group wasn’t in the know about what exactly happened between you two. Just that it had ended.

“Hey, you take me to him and I’ll call it even on everything that happened up there in Atlanta. No hard feelings. Huh?” Merle tried reasoning with Glenn. He turned to face you and saw you inspecting his metal hand. “You like that? Yeah. Well, I found myself a medical supply warehouse. Fixed it up myself. Well, pretty cool, huh?” You glared our eyes at him as he finished. You wouldn’t let him see how impressed you were by it.

“We’ll tell Daryl you’re here and he’ll come out to meet you.” Glenn reasoned back. He didn’t feel good about bringing Merle back to the prison, but he couldn’t keep him from Daryl either.

“Hold on. Hey, the fact that we found each other is a miracle. Come on, now. You can trust me.” Merle argued. He didn’t want to go with Glenn’s plan. It was clear. “You trust us. You stay here.” Glenn tried reasoning once more. Merle scoffed, smiling before pulling out a gun and shooting the back window of the car. You ducked, dashing to Maggie’s side. He grabbed her, his knife at Maggie’s throat and his gun aimed at your head. You had dropped your gun and were now defenseless.

“Hey, hey, hold up, buddy, hold up.” Glenn turned the corner, seeing the two of you. He raised his gun at Merle at his words.

“Let go of her! Let go of her!” He yelled desperately, locking eyes with Maggie. He had yet to notice you.

“Put the gun in the car, son,” Merle said, nodding toward you. Glenn sighed and obeyed. “There you go. Now we’re gonna go for a little drive.”

“We’re not going back to our camp.” Glenn fought back, only to be corrected by Merle,

“No, we’re going somewhere else.”

-

“Tell me where they are, or you won’t be so pretty anymore, Darlin’.” Merle threatened with venom dripping from his words. You cringed at the thought of betraying the group. But you’d never been tortured before. You didn’t know how it would play out. But you liked to think it would end in you not breaking.

“Go fuck yourself.” You mumbled.

“Oh ho! Blondie’s got a mouth on her!” He almost yelled throughout the room. His accent strong– just like Daryl’s. But they weren’t anything alike. That’s what you kept telling yourself at least.

He leaned down to your eye level. For the first time, you touched the deep blue him and Daryl shared– and it hurt you. The man you loved and the man who was attacking you– related.

“What? Did I hurt your feelings?” Merle scoffed, making notice of your pain-filled blue eyes.  

You looked down, ignoring him. All you could wish for was to wake up to an empty cell in the prison. Daryl just down the hall.

“Look, I just need to find my little brother. He needs me.” Merle tried again, this time, you spoke back,

“No, he doesn’t.”

“You don’t know my brother–” You interrupted him.

“Yea I do. He doesn’t need you. You’ll just hurt him.” You screamed. Merle looked at you with fiery eyes.

“Hmm. Maybe my brother found a gal after all.” He laughed until an angry look made it’s way on his face. “Too bad she’s a bitch.”

Then the hits came.

-

Blood dripped in your vision. You felt the thick, crimson liquid make it way from your head to your feet. You sat in the chair, hands tied. Your head slouched in front of yourself. Blonde hair in your face. Your spine was curved and you breathed heavily. You felt everything in your body. The aching pain that radiated from your forehead, your left cheek, and your upper arm.

There had been hands that squeezed too hard, leaving bruises. Fists that threatened to hit you and did so. Knives that pushed too hard into your skin, blood dripping from the lines afterward.

Your heartbeat pounded in your ears. So when the door slammed open in front of you, you almost didn’t hear it. But for some reason, it drew your attention. Even thought you were sure it was just Merle coming back to hurt you.

When you looked up, you expected to see a Dixon. And you did. But not the one missing a hand.

No. You saw Daryl. He dashed toward you quickly, kneeling down to untie your ropes. You coughed weakly– craving water. He looked up to you at your sudden noise. His blue eyes meeting your own. You felt a small tear escape your right eye. You didn’t even realize you were close to crying.

Maybe it was relief of seeing him again. But you couldn’t help yourself from hugging him tightly after your ropes were removed. As you both made contact again, arms wrapping around each other, you felt that same warmth you felt during your first kiss.

It felt good, to say the least. You felt ecstatic in this moment. Not caring that danger was just a few steps away. Daryl didn’t seem to care either. You both pulled away at the same time. Him examining you. You admiring him. He made sure you weren’t about to die in his arms and you watched his eyes as the moved frantically. You noticed the vein in his neck pop out a few times as he made note of your injuries.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled as he touched a bruise by accident. Causing you to flinch away in pain. You knew he wasn’t just referring to the bruise. But to everything that had happened. You nodded softly– accepting his apology.

“I can’t lose you.” He mumbled. You looked up at him. “I need you.” You let a few more tears slip down your face. Because you knew this was hard for him. You understood now why he did what he did. It didn’t make it right. But you still understood.

“I need you too.”

Two unhappy women in the back yard by Nori (Nóra Mészöly)
Via Flickr:
See images in my first comment below. Photographer: Schnitzer Gyula, Budapest, Király utca 30. Activity: 1898-1908 Cabinet card, around 1900 The way as the young girl stands there is so heartbreaking .There must be a story behind it… A gift from my daughter - she found it poignant too. “Schnitzer Gyula fényképészeti és festészeti műintézete Budapest VI. Király-utcza 30.” Működése: 1898-1908 Schnitzert még nem találtam eddig a Flickren.

Volevo dimenticarti.
Volevo dimenticare tutto il male che mi avevi causato in questi mesi fatti solo di silenzi e di assenze.
All'inizio ho provato con una sigaretta. 
Il fumo quando attraversava la gola mi dava fastidio. 
Arrivava ai polmoni con violenza e altrettanto ci usciva. 
Due sigarette , tre , nei momenti in cui tu eri presente nella mia mente. Non ci sono mai riuscita a dimenticarti. 
Il sabato mi sono rinchiusa in uno dei tanti bar , con qualche persona che non mi interessava più di tanto. 
Uno shot , due shot , tre .. arrivavo persino a dieci. 
Lo stomaco in fiamme , la testa mi girava , non capivo più nulla. 
La gente attorno diventava sempre meno interessante.
In quel preciso istante , tra un capogiro e l'altro , avrei voluto vederti apparire avanti a me. 
Magari ti saresti arrabbiato o magari meravigliato per quello che ero diventata senza te. 
Magari mi avresti abbracciato , magari a casa mi avresti riportato tu.
Magari fosse successo. 
Volevo dimenticarti , non ci sono mai riuscita , perchè anche in quei momenti meno lucidi , ti ricordavo.
Ho dimenticato quante sigarette ho consumato e quanto alcol ho buttato giù..ma il tuo volto , i tuoi piccoli dettagli e i meravigliosi difetti che avevi , no , quelli non li ho dimenticati mai.
—  Inmensa y Fragil

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