short.smart

Hades!Harry pt. 1

  A/N: “Could you write about Hades!Harry??xx” I’ve never written anything like this before but i was so excited to step out of my comfort zone. I got a bit carried away so there will be a Part 2. Enjoy!


    Y/n didn’t find herself in scary situations that often. Her days consisted of tending to the crops, making sure her younger siblings are fed three times a day, and treading the two hour journey to the nearest market to sell anything she possibly could for extra cash. Her routine had been this way since her parents were killed out at sea a year ago. That’s all she knows; no major details or even a chance to bid them farewell.  

   They left, one morning, with the intention to trade goods with villagers that resided a couple hundred miles east of the Atlantic. They promised her and her two younger brothers that they would return in a month’s time. Unfortunately, the day after they departed, Y/n received a knock at the door and an unsealed letter with no return address stating that her Mother and Father had died. 

  “Ship caught fire. There were no survivors, sorry for you loss” 

    Y/n had been only seventeen at the time, but her wisdom was well beyond her years. It was that very wisdom that allowed her to take charge of the household and become the new guardian for her brothers. She wouldn’t call the death of her Parents ‘scary’. Incredibly tragic? Yes. But she had been raised to take on challenges when they’re thrown at her.

   The girl always stood by that, even when she found herself being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night by two dark figures. She kicked, flailed and scratched every chance she got. There was no way they would take her without a fight. The brawny black figures had managed to pin her down to the bed and tie her hands behind her back with chains. She blew a stray strand of hair from her face as they picked her up and made their way towards the door. She began to wonder how she had not heard them break the door down. 

 'God I’m so stupid’ she thought to herself, though she knew very well that even if she had heard them break into the cottage, she would’ve ended up in the very same position.

   Just before they carried her passed the boys’ room, she was able to peek in and see that they were staring back at her in sheer terror. Her heart broke. She was helpless and she knew they felt the same. It was obvious that whoever these people were, didn’t take an interest in the children and that was the only bright side she could find in this predicament. They throw her in the back of a horse-pulled carriage, one of the men stayed in the back to make sure she didn’t escape somehow. The floor of the carriage was covered in dirt and hay, the walls of it were just high enough to hide her from anyone passing by.

   The man beside her, who she could now see was wearing all black armor, proceeded to tie a cloth of some sort across her mouth to prevent any screaming. He left her nose exposed, which gave her the idea that they wanted her alive for some reason. 

 Numerous hours later

 The sun began to rise and she regained consciousness. She didn’t remember falling asleep but she couldn’t blame herself, she’s human.  The carriage came to an abrupt halt, which caused her to hit the top of her head on the wooden barrier. “mmh!” She groaned in pain; the man that had sat with her the entire night, flashed her an unapologetic smile. A few seconds later she was being lifted once again and pulled out of the cart. 

  She took this opportunity to look around and try to figure out where the hell they had taken her. It was like nothing she’d ever seen.

 Before her, stood a castle, bathed in charcoal colored bricks and dressed with Gargoyles at the large, Redwood double-doors. Her feet were still bare and she couldn’t help but wince every time she stepped on a pebble. The armor clad men showed no remorse as they pushed and pulled her every which way. The doors opened slowly, almost as if the structure itself had been expecting her.

  Once inside, her feet were brought relief by the cold marble flooring in the corridor; her eyes darting across the room. She spied million dollar paintings, two grand stair cases, and several stone pillars that kept the manor standing. It was hard to miss the other knight-like men who were posted at just about every corner. Without a moment to think she was, yet again, being guided rather roughly to a location that remained unknown to her. She gave up fighting a long time ago, figuring that if she kept her sanity in tact, she may be able to think up a way to save herself or find someone who can.

  They dragged her up the set of stairs to the left, and through a massive hallway. The walls in this particular area were made, not of wood or stone, but of skulls. Hundreds, possibly thousands of skulls, bound together to form a wall. She wondered how they did it, and if those people had been killed for that dumb reason. Y/n couldn’t help but wonder if her head would be an addition to the foyer. After examining the enclosure, she decided to look straight ahead. 

There at the end of the hallway, was another set of cherry colored doors. one door was slightly ajar and it allowed her to peek inside, the same way she did as she passed the room of her brothers not so long ago. She saw what looked to be a bed, a big one; garmented in a duvet the color of blood.

A bedroom?

They dropped her, upon their arrival to the room. They finally removed the chains from her arms as well as the cloth from her mouth. She fell to the floor, her arms covered in bruises and welts. She turned to face the men and opened her mouth to demand answers but was cut off off by the sound of another. A deep, raspy voice; coming from somewhere in the spacious room. 

“So glad you could make it”

She turned back to face the front, eyes locking with a man. He was tall and fit. He was someone she had seen before, she just couldn’t put her finger on where. “do i- hmm” she started but had stop and clear her throat, it had been hours since she had some water. “do i know you?” she asked, sheepishly. Something about his presence intimidated her.

“Yes and no” he smirked. He sauntered over to where she was sitting on the ground, rubbing at her sore arms. He crouched down to her level “you’ve probably seen me in an old carving or something of the sort” he ran his index finger across her jaw. Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. 

‘i’m Harry. Although, if we’re being cordial I should give you my real name” he sighed. “Hades, lord of the underworld”. He studied the blank expression she was giving him. 

“I mean I added that bit about the underworld. Has a nice ring to it” he stated She still said nothing. “I’m not fond of it either, that’s why I make people call me Harry” he smiled before standing. She stared up at him, swallowing what moisture she had left in her dry mouth. 

“oooh don’t look at me like that” he chuckled. biting his bottom lip.

She clears her throat again “Why am I here?” her voice is smaller than its ever been. Part of her hoped he didn’t hear, afraid of how he would react. “Well, doll” He breathed. “I’ve been lonely for quite some time now. I used to have a lovely wife but….let’s just say….I let my temper get the best of me one evening” he snickered. She heard the men behind her stifle their laughter as well. 

“Anyways, i want another but I have standards. I’m five thousand years old, i’m not getting any younger and I know what you’re going to say ‘Harry you don’t look a day over twenty-three!’” he shrilled in a high pitched nasally voice. 

“I wasn’t going to say any-”

“Shh! I haven’t finished my monologue” he interjects. She, boldly, rolled her eyes.

“Long story short, you’re a smart, headstrong, young woman. I started watching you after your parents died…sorry about that by the way it wasn’t my intention” he confessed. Her eyes widened but she was frozen in shock by what she  had just heard. She waited for him to explain what he meant by that.

“I had gotten in a fight with Poseidon and it got a little out of hand I really am sorry, darling” his voice was filled with atonement. He looked back to her, searching for any sign of forgiveness. Even though was was the god of all things bad, he still possessed somewhat of a heart. She nodded, sensing a little bit of guilt in his words.

“What i’m trying to say here is, You’re my new Wife!” he declared. 

{Reaction} BlackPink as the mafia

okay sooo i need to say that i love Mafia! EXO very much and i was thinking how cool would be if you made a blackpink mafia concept, like badass girls you know would be amazing

Note: Well shit, now I live for BlackPink mafia AU. If anyone writes this kind of thing please link me to it~ I’d love to read! This was very fun to do, and I am definitely on board of this AU. I hope you also like references used ;) Enjoy~!

Disclaimer: I don’t own the gifs/images used

Kim Jennie

Originally posted by lalisani

Jennie is very skillful in the mafia and certainly should not be underestimated. If you think she’s dangerous with a gun, then you’re hardly to ready to see her short range combat. She’s smart, witty and feared by a lot of big names in the mafia. She notorious for killing, assassinations and some of the most cleverly worked out murder’s in the world. It isn’t just other gangs that are scared of this incredible woman, but also the government and the police. But in spite all of that, she still somehow manages to keep herself hidden away and only seen by those she wants to see her.

The first time she met you was in a casino, her lips blood red with lipstick that curled into a beautifully cruel smirk as she pinned her eyes on you. It was that moment that she decided that it was you that she wanted. She strolled over, heels clicking against the floor importantly as though she was on a mission. She stole your attention away from Monsta X’s gang member Yoo Kihyun swiftly, placing a hand on your cheek, raising her chin to give her an appearance of authority as she calmly told you what she wanted.

Jennie: “How beautiful, you look like my next significant other.”


Park Chae- Young/ Rose

Originally posted by pchaeyoung

Rose is the master of the sweetheart scam in the mafia. She appears to be a ditzy, sweet little girl. Hell to the no, this woman could kill you with a mere look, or so that’s what said. She can captivate any heart in the palm of her hand and crush it as quickly as she wants. It’s incredible how amazing she is when it comes to her work, how skillful she really is. She can get money, or secrets, her talents meet no end when it comes to manipulation, and she too is feared by many people in the mafia. A lot of people have tried to escape her enchanting eyes and have failed miserably.

The first time you crossed paths with Rose was when you’d been brought into her gang by Jennie. Rose had grown an attachment to you very quickly, and it was hard not to fall for her too. Even though she was such a crucial part of the mafia, she jumped at the chance to fall in love with you when you not so subtly hinted that you may like her. That day forward, she found it harder to sweet talk other people because the guilt rode inside of her knowing it should be only you she should be like this with - but with reassurance, she became stronger and stronger by your side.

Rose: “I love you Jagiya.”


Lalisa Manoban/ Lisa

Originally posted by hyunasus

Lisa is the glue of the gang, and sets the mood the majority of the time. BlackPink don’t have a leader, and that’s what sets them apart from any other group. But with no official leader, of course there are going to be clashes of opinion, and Lisa is the best for solving them. But it isn’t just her mood making skills that make her a skillful mafia worker, she is also very strong, and very talented in the field. it’s surprising at how such a young girl can be so precise with long range shooting. She never misses, not with the bullet of a gun or the sharp point of a knife.

The first time Lisa met you she happened to be passing by when she heard your calls for help. She had considered leaving you, but when she heard the lethal voice of BTS’ Jungkook antagonising you she had to take action, she couldn’t leave you at the hand of such a cruel man from such a cruel gang. She of course, sprung to your rescue and that was the start of a very beautiful relationship. When you joined BlackPink’s gang, you came to realise that Lisa wasn’t everything that she bigged herself up to be. They say that happiest people are often the saddest inside, and Lisa felt just that way. Her lone work became tiresome and it was straining what little she had inside. But that all got better when you confessed to her. When the two of you started your relationship she told you on how much more stronger she felt with you at her side, she didn’t have to cry alone anymore.

Lisa: “Now I have you, I don’t need to suffer anymore.”


Kim Ji- soo

Originally posted by hbi-n

Ji-soo is amazing at making deals, this can be with weapons, drugs etc. her talents in this area never fail. But don’t be fooled by this woman, this isn’t where her skills only lie. She is also incredibly skilled at combat fighting, and with the simple flick of the wrist, she can have the strongest man writhing on the floor before her. She’s been known to take on many dangerous men that have ran away terrified of her devilish wrath, even the likes of BTS’ leader, Namjoon have been known to show fear towards this woman. It’s fair to say that no one is going to be messing with her any time soon.

Jisoo met you for the first time while she was running from Monsta X’s members Shownu and Wonho. You had been sitting on your motorbike, innocently leaving after leaving a long day at work. Your life was changed forever from the moment that Jisoo leaped on the back of your bike and screamed for you to kickstart the engine. From that moment, a lot has happened and now, you are the escape for BlackPink’s gang. Romance blossomed between you and Jisoo, and you’re known as the power couple, together you’re like the dream team - unbeatable.

Jisoo: “What did I do to deserve you, Jagi?”

Strange Introductions (Sherlock x Reader)

WEDIM -Day Six

Sherlock x Reader

Word Count: 1404

Warnings: None 

Summary: After months of living in 221B you finally decide to introduce yourself to the consulting detective and his blogger upstairs. 

ENJOY!

For a girl my age, I knew an awful amount of stuff about everything. I was clever than everyone my age, could read people in an instant and could tell you within fifteen seconds who the father was on Jeremy Kyle. It wasn’t hard.

Most of my family thought I was a freak, they’d told me multiple times. I’d been to multiple psychiatry wards, been tested for every mental disorder under the sun but none of them were right. Psychosis, Schizophrenic, Bipolar, sociopathic, I could carry on, the list was nearly endless.

I was moved from school to school from age four to eighteen. Never fitting in, always outsmarting the teachers. It’s not my fault they can’t do their jobs correctly! I never had friends, only distracted me from what I liked doing best. Solving crime.

I was good at it, it helped people, I was happy. But apparently taking delight in serial murders is not something normal fourteen-year-olds do. No, I should be fawning over stupid boys, singing along to pop songs with my group of tweenage girlfriends and talking about how much I want to snog each member of One Direction.

Keep reading

MY FAVOURITE USUK ONESHOTS 3 (new)

Part 1 & 2

FF.net:

That’s the Way the Cookie Crumbles by Iggycat 

grapefruit, rosemary, and rain by aphbirdie

Deceptive Suits and Misleading Jackets by Yura-chan 

Red Sky at Morning by natcat5

Transgenesis by OutToGarden

Emerald Orbs by LovelyToMeetYou

Casablanca, Cowboys, and Cards by A Vampires Butterfly

Tell Me More by Tamer Lorika 

What Friends Are For by OutToGarden

Consideration by DarthAnimus

My Skin by Skadiyoko 

Now You’re Dancin’ With a Swing by binnibeans

Homecoming Confessions by Half Demon Alchemist

Promises, Promises by Mooncatcher

Observation by chibitalex  

does he cry through broken sentences by scabsthekid

Small Stuck Sorries by Meadowlark 9 

The Chocolate Dilemma by Shatterdoll

Definitions  by Mistflyer1102

Synchronization by varetyr

The Rebel & The Redcoat by Formidonis

Disturbing the dead by zubateatscakes

How Not to Seduce an Englishman by Busby’s Teapot

With You by Skadiyoko

Don’t Like Parties by Semebay

Aeronauts are a Danger to Gardens by Whymsical

Victory March by pineapple desu  

Butterflies by danceonthebrink

Stitch by Stitch by USxArthurxKirklandxUK

Exchanging Pleasantries by Gosangoku

Whatever It Takes by TheShatteredRose

Emotions Never Lie by the-literalist

Good and British by Deactivated Nostalgian

I’ll Be Seeing You by Hannaadi88

Purely Educational by Melpomene-the-Tragic-Parody

When Love Walks In by DnKS-giRLs

England’s Eyes by purplenerd777 

As Long As We’re Here by Lifeisforlivingoutloud

When a Heart Must Go Where It Belongs by savory pie

Where the Wild Things Are by DestinyShiva

Somnium by Haro

A Change of Habit by Muragaragah

As American as Apple Pie by icearrows1200

War by axisofadorable

You by Reminscees

Rejection Hurts by Hakusamia 

Jar of Hearts by CuttleMeFish

The First Time by TsundereRose

The Red Road by Lost Duck Inc

The Gentleman’s Story of Utopian Love by Smart-chan 

Short stories and drabbles:

USUK writings by arthuhr

The Hero and The Gentleman by Crimson Zephyr

100 Themes of Love by USxArthurxKirklandxUK

Collected Ficlets and Drabbles by spiralingdown

anonymous asked:

If you're still taking prompts- a little Benarmie where Ben has been the star player on the most popular sports team at his school since he was a freshman and Hux has a perfect GPA and is the president of all the academic clubs. Whenever they come within range of each other Ben's friends tease him about how he can't seem to keep his eyes off the nerdiest kid in school and Hux's friends insist Ben must be doing it just to embarrass him. Hux isn't so sure and decides to talk to Ben about it.

Why do you let him get away with that? Armie’s friends would ask all the time. The star of the Knights football team, Ben–every time he had a class or a lunch shift with Armie, he’d keep glancing over at Armie, and if they made eye contact, he’d hold it for just a second before looking away. Armie’s friends were sure that it was the lead-up to some great game, some Carrie-like plot to embarrass Armie. Their theory was supported by the way the other members of the football team, Ben’s lackeys, would tease Ben for it. “You’re making eyes at the nerd again,” they’d say, too loud. 

But Armie doubted that Ben was in on some conspiracy against him. Whenever that happened, Ben, not particularly annoyed, would just tell them to fuck off, he could do whatever he liked, look wherever he wanted. Armie didn’t have a ton of experience with flirtation in his direction, but it seemed like Ben was watching him like he was waiting for Armie to make the first move. 

What was Armie supposed to do, though? Shouldn’t Ben be the one to approach him–he had the better social credit to do so. If Armie just went up and asked him out, and he was wrong, he’d have to ride that particular disaster out until graduation. So he just didn’t.

Winter became spring, and the college acceptance letters choked Armie’s mailbox. His first choice was a small private college on the other side of the state, which had offered him a hefty scholarship and a sticker to put on his car announcing how much smarter he was than everybody else. He read the letter over and over, wondering how he could possibly be happier than he was in the moment.

Until lunch the next day. He was getting a bottle of water from the vending machine, not really trying to overhear Ben and his football friends talking, but they were all so loud that there was no helping it.

“But that school’s so small, man! And like, two hours off–!”

“Doesn’t matter,” Ben responded. “They gave me a full ride for football, I’d be crazy to not take it. Plus that’s where all the really smart kids go, so I can tell everybody that I’m like, elite.”

The water bottle clunked to the bottom of the machine and Armie took it back to his seat, his heart pounding. Had Ben accepted an offer at the same school as him?

He’d find out. By this point, even if he made an ass of himself, there wasn’t that much time left to spend at this school anyway. Armie just found himself caring less and less. He got his chance before the literature class they took together in the afternoon, while everyone was milling in the hallway or texting under their desks and the teacher was checking her emails. 

“Heard you got a scholarship,” Armie offered. “Full ride?”

“For football, yeah. At First Order College.”

“That was my first choice.”

“Did you get in? Wait, what a stupid question. Of course you did.” Ben grinned. “So you’re going there too?”

“If I don’t, my car’s lying now.”

“You got the sticker too? That’s too much.” Ben’s grin was so boyish and cocky and appealing that it made Armie grin, too. “Well, look. If they give us the option to pick roommates, we could maybe room together, yeah?” 

“Oh, absolutely.  Like, I know we’re supposed to meet new people, and we will….but it’s nice to be around people you know.”

Ben nodded. “God, I can’t believe I’m at the same college as you. You’re so smart, holy shit.”

“I think you’re selling yourself short. You’re smart and good at, you know, all the athletic stuff.”

Ben opened his mouth to say something else, but the class was starting and this teacher had no qualms with chewing out a football star for not being in his seat, so he walked off, still watching Armie in that same adoring way, adoring, yes, that was what it had been all along. 

The Smallest Moment Makes The Biggest Difference

A/n: This is a new Newt Scamander fic upon the request of @afusadakmun, “Can I have a fic, where the reader is short but smart and cute?” Well here it is and I hope you like it!

You’ve heard all the jokes before, short stop, fun size even travel size. Everyone thought it was hilarious but you just found it annoying. No one listened to you because you were so small, even when you were on of the top students at Hogwarts. So when you finally graduated and started working at the Ministry of Magic and in the Care For Magical Creatures department, you figured things would be different. A few months into commencing your work you heard from the head of the department thay you’d be entering the field with Newton Scamander.You were beyond extatic at the prospect of working with the man you had a crush on since school as well as the first reason you chose this particular field to work in, you of course loved creatures as well but you loved him more. You were going completely mad just thinking about the amount of time you’d be spending with him.
When you met him officially he looked quite surprised that a tiny thing like you could possibly handle some of his biggest creatures. He was quite hesitant, insisting that he was quite adequate in dealing with the creatures on his own but soon he relented when you proved that you had sufficient knowledge to be his aid. Before you knew it you were packing a charmed suitcase with all the necessary items and meeting Newt at the Ministry.
After a while of being in the field with Newt, you two had created a system, every morning you’d wake up in whatever hotel room you two had gotten for the night, you would wake up before Newt and feed the creatures, mostly because Newt would stay up till early hours of the morning writing his book, by the time you were finished he was walking out of the bathroom freshly showered, which happened to make you blush even though this happened everyday for the past few months. Then you’d make breakfast for the both of you, and you’d eat while making small talk, sometimes you’d talk about how the creatures would be doing that particular day. If you had a suggestion or a question Newt always made it a point to listen to you, he valued your opinion and concerns. It was the first time in your life that you felt a part of something, you finally found your place with this beautiful ginger man.
After a year of being in the field with Newt, you often found yourself amazed at how caring he was to his creatures and how close you two had grown. You two never had to speak much, you just understood each other. You couldn’t deny it any longer, you had fallen in love with him.You didn’t think there was anyway he could feel the same for you so you tried to act as you normally did.
Then you started noticing little things he would do, like when you fell asleep in the case you’d wake up with his peacock coat lying over your small frame, and when a creature was particularly aggressive he’d rush over and pull you behind him.
You once asked him, “Why do you do that? ”
He’d just brush it off with a short, “Habit I guess?”
Once you were working in one of the habitats and one of the creatures lovingly knocked you over into the pond. Newt found you swimming out of the pond and he huffed while running towards you and out stretching a hand to help you out, you could’ve sworn you heard him mutter, “She’s too damn small,” while conjuring a towel to wrap you up and get you dry. You often would stare at him just to see any sign of what he said before, but there was never anything there. He would often ask you for your opinion on certain things and pat your head when he agreed. He would make sure that if you two were in a pub together, he’d sit a tad closer to you just to make sure no man would attempt to get close. Just these small little moments made you wonder if he cared for you deeply.
One day you were in your tent writing some notes on the rare dragon that you had rescued and Newt wandered inside, you glanced up at him for a second then turned back to finish writing.
Where you were done you looked up and smiled, “Hey Newt, is there anything you need? ” “
He looked nervous and he wasn’t looking at me directly, “W-well not particularly, I was just wondering if you wanted to go out for dinner with me t-tonight?”
You were shocked and it took you a few seconds to recover, “I-I would love to have dinner you, what’s the occasion? ” you asked breathlessly.
“T-the occasion? Yes, well I suppose that the occasion is that I-I fancy you and would like to take you on a date,” he gazed down to look at you, “I-If that is fine with you?”
You smiled widely at the man you’ve loved, “That is more than fine with me.”
-End

A/n: This Fic was requested by @afusadakmun

Uscite dalle vostre gabbie mentali e vivete la vita anziché subirla!

“Questa è la TUA vita,fai ciò che ami e fallo spesso. Se qualcosa non ti piace CAMBIALO,se non ami il tuo lavoro,lascialo. Se non hai abbastanza tempo,smetti di guardare la TV,se stai cercando l'amore della tua vita,smetti di cercarlo perché ti troverà quando inizierai a fare le cose che AMI. Smettila di Analizzare ogni cosa. TUTTE le emozioni sono belle! Quando mangi,apprezza ogni singolo morso. LA VITA È SEMPLICE. Apri il tuo CUORE la tua MENTE e le tue BRACCIA alle cose nuove e alle nuove PERSONE,siamo uniti anche nelle nostre differenze! Chiedi alla prossima persona che incontrerai quali siano le sue passioni e condividi i tuoi sogni e le tue aspirazioni con lei. VIAGGIA spesso,e perditi,perché ti aiuterà a trovare te stesso! Certe opportunità le hai UNA VOLTA SOLTANTO,sappi dar loro la giusta misura! La vita si basa sulle persone che incontri e sulle cose che CREI con loro,quindi vai là fuori e INIZIA A CREARE!!! VIVI IL TUO SOGNO E CONDIVIDI LE TUE PASSIONI….LA VITA È BREVE!!! ”

S t o p there is so much more to Sasuke than his beauty, his features, his allure. Don’t use Sasuke as a means of what your dream lover l o o k s like. Because Sasuke is also fiercely determined. He’s secretly silly. He blushes and gets embarrassed, he cries. Family meant so much it broke him, friendship and love was always in him, Naruto only helped bring it outward. It was always there. Sasuke is beautiful, oh yes. But don’t you dare sell him short. He is analytical, smart, well spoken, willful, intense. Not just a pretty face on a brat.

2

((As promised, I made a reference sheet of Sweep Slick. The fluffy chest is part of my art style and not part of Sweep Slick. 

Sweep Slick is hard to get along with. She’s pretty lazy and extremely greedy! Though she can be nice when given good compliments. Asking possessions from her will end up in a short friendship. She’s also smart, even though it might not look like it and is really good at twisting others words. 

Age 24 (Basically the same as the mod)

(I’ll explain later about the cutie mark, so hold your horses!) ))

Oh my god, this is my childhood. It was always blamed on me being short or smart, but I knew there was something else to it.

I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 24/25 (informal, formal). This shit continued into early adulthood.

While it still happens now, it’s much less pronounced. I have a valid excuse for things people don’t like and most leave it at that– some even defending me now.

I wish I had been diagnosed as a girl.

Let’s talk about the depiction of female characters in Scooby-Doo! and Kiss: Rock and Roll Mystery.

…I swear, the movie’s official title gets funnier every time I read it.

Now, the first thing I want to make clear is that I’m not saying characters shouldn’t be attractive in cartoons, or any other media for that matter.

A character being cute isn’t a bad thing, even in entertainment that’s accessible to a younger audience. It’s natural and healthy – heck, from the stories I hear via running SDM, a lot of people first discovered a childhood attraction through fictional characters. It’s a nice, safe place for those feelings to begin when you’re little.

I also have no issue with characters’ design growing more realistic and attractive over the years. Going from this episode from 1969, to–

–this movie from 2015, I don’t think Warner-Brothers did anything inappropriate with Velma and Daphne’s depiction. 

Sure, they’re made to look a little more feminine and real, but a lot of that is just due to the animation getting better over time. Hard to say what the original show would have looked like if they had access to these modern tools, and a real budget.

However, early in the movie, when Velm and Daph put on their KISS-inspired outfits?

…welp.

This is where I start to have issues with the movie. 

Sure, Daphne’s always had her trademark hourglass, ok – but here, the sexualization of both of them is intense enough to be tacky. There’s no reason for it to be ramped up to such a distracting extent.

Daphne was always the ‘tall, ditzy, and hot’ one, and Velma was the ‘short, plain, and smart’ one – and that differentiation made Velma beloved by fans. It’s nice for little girls to have a female character that’s more realistic, and has some real traits to identify with.

Is all that ruined by her gaining Daphne’s insane figure in a few scenes? No, but the principle of it is a little weird… it feels like it goes against what made the character who she was in the first place.

Now, onto the larger subject: the way all the main characters of the movie are presented.

As seen above, yes, the movie features ‘80s-ideal Paul Stanley, in all his barely-shirted glory.

Having not experienced the ‘80s myself, I can’t really judge his attractiveness in human or cartoon form, but judging by the reaction of every female alive in that decade, I’m guessing he’s pretty hot stuff.

…even if from behind it really looks like he’s wearing a bra.

So, he’s hot, and that’s part of his character, and the plot of the movie. Cool! 

I mean, it’s not like the other members are randomly super sexualized. Gene Simmons isn’t exactly–

–being used as eye candy in this, lemme tell ya. 

The male characters are quite normal and varied in the movie. The females, though….

Daphne? Perfect hourglass, a skin-tight costume (or later, her standard super short and tight dress)

Villain? Perfect hourglass, revealing clothing… weird metal breast seashell-things I can’t explain.

Though I’ll make no objection to the stockings. Those are darn nice.

Oh, a female scientist character? Hey, maybe she’ll be more–

…oh. Nope, exactly the same as the others, plus some… interesting… posture.

Voodoo shaman lady? Identical again, only with even larger breasts, because apparently the character design team thought the others just weren’t sufficient.

This is the real problem – handling female attractiveness in such a gratuitous way. A ‘hot’ character of a gender is one thing, but every single one being ramped up to 11 in such a pandering way is insulting to the audience.

Pandering is the key word, here. Targeting the classic 12-year-old boy demographic so shamelessly, while not technically having any inappropriate content so the parents can’t complain… while still dishing out–

–butt shots that are ‘entirely accidental.’

Want to make a movie with constant eye candy and fanservice just for the sake of it? Hey, sure, there’s a place for that, and it can be used well – it just has to be honest about what it is.

Be tacky, be shameless, appeal to whatever group you want… but don’t try to hide it and act innocent. A tongue-in-cheek vibe shows the audience you know exactly what you’re doing, and they can take it or leave it. 

But trying to slip in–

–bikini gargoyles? Nuh-uh. 12-year-old boys or not, the audience isn’t that blind to your motives.

In conclusion: have some restraint, Warner-Brothers. 

Look, I’ll be the last person in the world to say butts aren’t awesome, but know what really isn’t awesome? Pandering, immaturity, and sexualization that’s inappropriate within a movie’s context.

I’m onto you, WB… get your act together, and no buts about it.

…pun intended.