Requested by anon: Hi author nim! Can you please write a
scenario where the reader sleeps with either Xiumin, Baekhyun or Chen and they
act like they are the best sex she’ll ever have but they actually suck in bed?
I think your sarcasm would fit this perfectly.
Ok so I love you anon. I have had the best time writing this
because I keep laughing at how mean I’m being and it’s just been so much fun.
<3 I’m so mean omg.(Might have written half of this while drunk so I’m hoping it turned out alright!)
Reader x Baekhyun
Warnings: Fuckboy Baekhyun, smut, teasing.
Word Count: 4752
“I gave her the best sex of her life, she should thank
me!” You didn’t think you could roll your eyes any harder even if your
life depended on it. The guy at the booth behind you had been bragging about
his sexual prowess the entire time you’d been in the club. You’d come out to
celebrate your friend getting a promotion at work, not to hear about how
magical some dude’s dick was and all the adventures it had been on.
Send me a character and I’ll tell you my 5 favorite headcanons about them.
I know it says my favorite 5 but goddamn I could go on all day abt my ffxv babies, so imma do top my 7.
Random Ignis Headcanons:
1. –Given his role as the prince/future king’s royal adviser, I wouldn’t be too surprised to see that he grew up with some pretty strict parenting, meaning he’d likely face a lot of pressure to exceed and excel in just about everything you can think of. Because the last thing they’d need is for someone to bring down the family name. JFC just leave my sweet bby alone he’s done nothing wrong.From studying and getting an education with top grades, skills involving healing and medical attention, combat, and even the more domestic and simple of things, like cooking. No room for failure what so ever.
2. This having been said, it’s likely he’d end up developing a sense of anxiety, and perhaps this underlying sense of insecurity and perfectionism, where everything has to be perfect or else it’s not good enough. Sweet Shiva someone pls hold and love this poor sweet man.
3. The poor man almost never gets any goddamn sleep. It’s why he drinks so much caffeine, especially Ebony. If he doesn’t have Ebony on him, he’ll likely settle for tea and other caffeinated drinks. Otherwise the man is a goddamn zombie until he gets some caffeine into his system. GET SOME REST, IGGY GODDAMMIT. He rarely gets any sleep as is, at most maybe four or five at most since he’s always either doing something work related or tending to Noctis. If you’re dating, chances are you’re gonna have to drag his sorry ass to bed. Iggy pls I love u but go to bed u need sleep, so help me Shiva.
4–Has sensitive hands. It’s part of the reason why he almost always wears gloves. Since he just about always wears gloves, the skin on his hands is actually quite smooth in comparison. Bonus: Also REALLY fucking good with his hands. And not just for combat and cooking purposes, if you catch my drift ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).
5. I feel like he’d definitely more of a cat person. Warm, loving, cuddly, calming and still fairly attention seeking, but not too demanding like that of a dog and quite independent. Nothing too high maintenance but probably some kind of short haired cat in order to deal with shedding. He has a short haired black cat named Ebony and he loves her to bits, you can’t tell me otherwise okay, it needs to happen.That, or possibly a bird person. And I’m totally not saying that b/c of his hair and I can’t unsee it okay, totally does not remind me of a cockatoo. NOPE NODDA. IDK WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABT.
6. His go-to pet names for his s/o would likely include something along the lines of: darling, dearest, and kitten.
7. He is the epitome of the phrase “Mom Friend.” If anything Ignis is not the Mom Friend. The Mom Friend is Ignis. I swear he takes better care of his friends and s/o than he does himself sometimes almost all of the time. Someone pls get this man a “Treat Yo Self” day. You’d probably have to drag him into it (w/ the help of Noct and the others) but he’d eventually give in w/ enough time, assuming you’re stubborn persistent enough. He works so hard and sacrifices so much...He deserves it.
In the spring of 2002, when I was a college junior, my family adopted Phil from our local animal shelter. Phil was between 6-8 weeks old, and he’s the only cat we’ve had whose birthday we know for a fact, as he was brought in with all of his litter mates after being weaned from his mother. Phil and his litter mates were all named after Rugrat characters. And believe it or not, when we adopted him, he was so small he could easily fit in the palm of one’s hand.
Over the years, he grew to be quite big, weighing between 10-12 pounds. He’s what cat folks call “a domestic shorthair”, which is cat lingo for “mutt”. We believe he has some Egyptian Mau in him, due to a flab of skin near his rear flanks (a characteristic unique to that breed) and definitely some Siamese, due to his very deep, guttural “meow” (and for being INCREDIBLY vocal).
Phil, bless him, was “a lover, not a fighter”, and easily allowed the two female cats in his life (the one before him and the one who came after her) to dominate him and be the head honcho. However, his laid back attitude always seemed to win favor with the other cats, and it was not uncommon to find him curled into a ball with them close beside, sharing some surface to sleep on.
He loved getting his back rubbed early in the morning. He loved curling up beside your hip or thigh should you happen to be sitting on his favorite bed (yes, he had a favorite bed). He also loved to be brushed, and my goodness for such a short-haired cat, he certainly produced a lot of fur. And oh yes, he loved catnip toys; not so much to play with, but certainly to rub against his face.
In the fall of 2016, the vet found a tumor in Phil’s bladder. Between Christmas and New Years, Phil had the tumor removed, but we also knew that it was only a delay in what would inevitably happen. There are several *wonderful* people here who offered financial assistance and contributed to Phil’s “gofundme” campaign. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your generosity, as it gave us six more months to have him in our lives and see his 15th birthday. I honestly do not think that would happened if it hadn’t been for your help, so thank you, thank you, thank you.
I have met people who have “confessed” that they are always surprised at how much they grieve over the loss of a pet. There is no shame in grief, whether it’s for a person or an animal. Pets are family, and we love them and I do believe love us in return, regardless of species. For anyone who has ever lost a pet, or who is going through a hard time due to a pet’s health, my hope and prayer for you is to be comforted in knowing that they feel and felt your love for them.