the men who hate real women
I’ve been remembering a guy I used to see and all these things he used to say about women, and it got me thinking… so I thought I’d share my experience a bit.
This guy said that women with piercings, short hair, tattoos, coloured hair or scars were ugly. He hated those things on a woman. He said they weren’t “feminine”. If a woman was taller than him or had more muscle definition, he’d deride them. He expected women to have perfect bodies, but criticised women who exercised because it was “too manly.”
Yet he expected me to be interested in all his interests, and whenever I spoke about my own he ignored me. He would say I was “manly”, that my hair was too short for me to be feminine, and it really damaged the way I viewed myself. He wanted women who were blonde, petite, small, quiet, tanned, big-breasted, never shared their opinions, weren’t funnier than him, always wanted to have sex, and were interested in all his interests without sharing their own.
Only now do I realise that the woman he wanted was not a woman who existed. But the idea of a woman who existed just to please him. He didn’t want a real person. And the only way he could make himself feel like a man was by making me feel as if I was not good enough.
Real woman have scars. Scars are one of the sexiest things I can imagine - they show you’re a survivor. That you have survived. Why are men seen as sexy for having scars, but scars on women are seen as ugly? Weak men are afraid of women who are survivors. I once had a therapist who told me this, and it rings true.
Real women care about their health and treat their body well. Real women are passionate about fitness and work hard not because they want to look “beach body ready” but because sweating and running and working their asses off feels amazing. And having the strength to kick ass is sexy as hell.
Real woman have tattoos and piercings and coloured hair. Real woman take control of the way they look and decide what they want their body to be like. We can etch things that mean the world to us into our skin. We can cover ourselves with art and stories, and if that’s not beautiful, what is?
Real women have opinions. We don’t have to pretend to be interested in fucking Transformers if we’re not - we can love what we want. We can love video games or fashion or biomedical engineering or construction or art or politics. Or all of these. The world is not split into “pretty, stupid girls” and “clever, ugly girls.” We can be everything - we can be strong, intelligent, hilarious, kind and talented all at once.
Men who want their partners unscarred, opinionless, complaint, soft and pretty don’t want real women. They want a sexist’s fantasy of a woman. Not the reality. And if you hate the reality, you’re a misogynist and don’t deserve a woman to ever even look your way.