THERE IS NO XF WRITERS’ ROOM, NONE OF THEM KNOW WHAT ANY OF THE OTHER ONES ARE WRITING
YOU SEE WHERE I’M GOING WITH THIS YES
Does anyone really know what those two writers’ assistants look like???
HERE’S HOW IT’S GOING DOWN
1. Agree on a fanfic. (This is going to be the hard part.)
2. Get the script to David and Gillian. You guys, they don’t know what’s going on half the time anyway. And they will be so happy to have dialogue that makes sense.
3. Find a trustworthy man to direct.@h0ldthiscat suggests Matthew Rhys in a mustache. (kcat: “He would be like ‘I’ve totally directed for this show before!’ And Gillian would be like 'oh yeah, I remember you!'” FOOLPROOF)
4. Distract Chris Carter during the week one of his episodes is supposed to shoot. I recommend luring him through the woods to a magical surfing beach a la Nimue in Camelot. Please do not drown him. We don’t do that. Show him a nice time.
5. Get to work with David, Gillian, the script, and “Todd Johnson” or whatever name we select. No one’s gonna remember.
6. Once it’s in the can, get it to Fox before anyone is the wiser. We can always shuffle all the episodes around to cover our tracks. It’s going to make about the same amount of sense regardless.
7. It airs! Mulder and Scully make out a lot and have emotionally fulfilling interactions, domestic sweetness and affectionate familiarity, a plot that involves them as people and is therefore engaging to the audience, subtle but beautiful angst courtesy of Matthew “The Americans” Rhys aka Todd Johnson, and a satisfying ending. David and Gillian never know that anything went awry but they may have the vaguely pleasant sense that their characters got some emotional closure. Glen Morgan is a little suspicious. Chris Carter blithely takes credit for the episode which is obviously a huge hit. Anne Simon cheers him on. People like The X-Files again and Fox makes money. Todd Johnson has a flourishing second career directing television in a mustache. Everyone is happy. Myassbrokethefall is released from her two-plus decades of torment and becomes a goat farmer in the Faroe Islands.
what possesses people to wear 4+ different Sports™️ branded pieces of apparel at once?? we get it, you can do things with a ball, now pls slow down and buy a shirt that isn’t 90% logo and 10% neon green cloth