shopping at whole foods

the vast majority of “vegan activism” i guess i would call it is essentially liberal idealist consumer activism (e.g. “vote with your dollar”) that places more importance on ending the use of animal products than… ending capitalism, which is literally the source of global warming, which has caused the extinction of countless species, which will never allow the cessation of the use of animal products because profit is prioritized above all else.

like how am i supposed to sympathize with a vegan who shops at whole foods for their “ethical” lifestyle while whole foods exploits the labor of prisoners? and, like, obviously this is not unique to whole foods; there literally is no ethical consumption under current capitalist conditions, the global economy and every government connected to it is reliant on exploitation.

but yeah i do use the term lifestyle, because the individualist ethical veganism lifestyle is seamlessly integrated into capitalism in the sense that, under capitalism, we are denied meaningful identities, and the identities that society allows us to have are identities defined either by consumption or production.

hence “vegan” is an identity defined by consumption; it is a market demographic. any type of consumer product can be positioned, marketed, designed to garner more sales from the Vegan Market.

anyway, moving on:

there’s the widespread racism and xenophobia towards cultures that have traditions of using animal products. Like i understand if you have a moral objection to, uh, Any Animal Being Killed For Any Reason (regardless of my inability to sympathize with that point of view) but that does not exempt you from the responsibility to exercise nuance and cultural sensitivity. you still have the capacity to express your animal rights beliefs in a racist, xenophobic, islamophobic, or antisemitic way.

it’s not that bigotry within activist circles is unique to animal rights groups, because it isn’t, but the way that it presents itself in animal rights groups reveals where their priorities lie…

and the oft-repeated phrase “they care more about the ‘rights’ of animals than they do about the oppression against people of color and the working class,” sums it up pretty darn well.

of course when talking about anarcho-primitivists and Animal Liberation anarchists, the conversation is slightly different. but a lot of the same fundamental problems are present in those circles as the ones I brought up here.

…side note: a prominent example of a shitshow from far-left animal rights activists is the Deep Green Resistance transphobia debacle. yikes.

guess who ;)

I am so confused.

Why do men on SA mention in their bios that they’re not “full of money” or “want a relationship that exchanges money” or that they “want to be loved for them.” It’s the same story I’ve heard from escorts who have clients who ask them to lower their rates. Or from POT salt daddies who don’t understand why a blanket $3,000 allowance is reasonable.

If you want a regular girlfriend to love you for who you are go to a regular site. Match, OK Cupid, Tinder, Bumble, Christian Mingle, your local neighbourhood coffee shop.

Is it because you want the gorgeous bombshell with the amazing style and the well-traveled look? That girl with the perfect skin, her face oil cost $72 and her eye cream is $40. That girl with the long flawless waves, her hair costs $100 to cut, easy $150 on products, blowout and style for $50. The one with the incredible body, she pays for a personal trainer and a nutritionist and shops exclusively at Whole Foods organic section. The one with the brilliant mind, her education is 30K.

You want EVERYTHING for NOTHING. The best of the best for zero. Then you’ll complain about feminism and expect her to go Dutch on dinner.

Get off SA, don’t approach the expensive-looking escort, don’t introduce yourself as a sugar daddy if you’re not going to pay for the fantasy you so desperately want.



Whole Foods Market appreciation post!

Whenever I come to London I take the opportunity to marvel at the glory of this shop. It really does stock a wonderful range of products and it’s a treat to see them so beautifully presented. Much of it is way out of my preferred price range but it’s gorgeous none the less. The freshly ground nut butters, produce, fresh juices and speciality/allergen free products are really wonderful.


My freestyling guide (feel free to add on)

~~What is freestyling?~~
Freestyling is sugaring in the real world without the use of any websites. It’s a great way to build confidence, keep you on your toes, and to perfect your online persona as well.

~~Pros of freestyling~~
Freestyling is great because you at least know that the person you’re communicating with is a real person. You’re a cute girl and men are going to treat you better when they see you’re cute Vs online when they don’t know if you’re who you say you are. You have the ability to meet a better variety of men then you would online. Why would a rich busy (especially single) professional spend his time sifting through an SD site? Not saying it’s impossible, I’m just saying it’s rare.

~~Cons of Freestyling~~
You may be dealing with someone who either doesn’t know what a sugaring relationship is or is a skeptic. You could still find salt daddies and sleazy or dangerous guys.

~~Where to Freestyle~~
This is very important. Many of the freestyling tips I have read say to look at Country clubs and horse races and charity events. Which are all good places, don’t get me wrong. But those are a little unrealistic for a modest (poor) college student such as myself. The best places I have used that work for me are expensive stores for men. I will say I’m looking for a watch for my dad or a tailored suit for my cousin. I don’t know. Get creative. Also, upscale coffee shops, breakfast places (like Whole Foods), happy hour at nice hotels, and even breakfast at expensive hotels. 

~~Who do you want to attract?~~
Remember, you’re looking for rich and generous men (duh). They often come in the forms of retired widowed or married old guys, middle-aged divorced business men (my favorite), and young married (30s) guys looking for mistresses.

~~What kind of relationship do you want?~~
Do you want to be a spoiled girlfriend or a part-time SB. Do you want a secret affair or shopping dates and fine dining around town? It’s important to know what you want, stick with it, and be direct about it because closed mouths don’t get fed. You want a man to take care of your rent? Ask. You want him to buy you a new wardrobe? Ask. And if he says no, then try to convince him or move on to someone who will take care of your needs.

~~The first encounter~~
Be cute and confident. Dress classy!! Show interest in your POT and even extend him an olive branch. But don’t look too desperate and only ask him for his number as a last resort and only if you can tell he is interested in you ( I would usually recommend not, but sometimes men are shy around cute girls or they feel too guilty to make the first move).

~Have confidence and Stick to what you want~
Some guys may initially not want a sugaring relationship. It is important to explain why he needs one and needs you. This is the most important, make it or break it step. And if anything, it makes you seem honest and unique. And because you’re asking for an allowance upfront, he will worry less about your authenticity.

~~Finding the right sugar daddy~~
Something I’ve learned from freestyling is that there are middle class guys who look rich, dress nicely, and still don’t make enough to support a sugaring relationship. And there are guys who don’t dress too nice but are rich. My SD for example looks like freaking bob the builder. I would never guess he was rich, but he is. And that’s how it is. Nice things such as an expensive watch, name brand clothes, and a nice car can be signs of wealth, but a lack of them isn’t a sign that they should be brushed off. However, if he looks dirty, and drives a beat up hoopty, he is likely not the SD you want. Your job is to look classy and upscale and sexy so rich guys will come to you. And if you do this all the time, you can turn even grocery shopping to a sugaring opportunity.

I hope this helped and happy sugaring

Jungkook: 50% Cotton

Genre: awkward shy Jungkook, 100% fluff, the lightest sprinkle of smut, based on this request


Word Count: 6.1k

A/N: AS PROMISED, BEFORE THE END OF THE WEEKEND. So because there was no setting suggested except “dorm,” which to me means uni is involved, I kind of took a little bit a lotta bit of creative liberty. I also added Hobi because… why not? Haha~ Hope you enjoy!!

Sequel: 50% Polyester (Rated M- as in, it’s literally just fluffy smut)

Originally posted by mrspreadinglegsjungkook

You stare at the silver, white, and gold fish as they lazily swim around the pillars, a sight that still leaves you with a small prickling feeling at the back of your neck. Although, the more you come here, the less you seem to notice.

Even though you go to school in the middle of a big city, it’s been a while since you’ve actually legitimately gone “out” in the conventional sense of the term. For the past couple years, all you’ve done is vault the turnstiles, sneak onto the train with a group of friends, and ride out to an abandoned, flooded mall. There’s nothing to do except sit, talk, drink, smoke, and watch as a few smart men occasionally come by to feed or collect a sizable portion of the trapped fish. It’s not glamorous, but it rarely costs money and it gives you somewhere to be that’s not your dorm.

Loud laughter draws your attention. You would recognize it anywhere. Jung Hoseok.

You can’t help but smirk as his new girlfriend yelps helplessly, almost slipping on a stray patch of slippery moss. It’s her… second time coming to the mall? If he keeps her around, she’ll get used to it, but by the look on her face, you’re starting to think she might not want to.

Is she prettier than you? You don’t think so. Smarter? Maybe, but judging by the name-brands she’s wearing, probably not. Better in bed? For the two years you’d been together, you’d only slept with Hoseok maybe five or six times due to complicated work and class schedules.

That might be why he chose her over you. Well, this is the third “her” so far, but you can’t ever seem to pinpoint the reason they would be more qualified-

Why are you thinking about this? You should be over him and his ridiculously attractive smile, contagious laugh, and genuinely caring personality. The two of you broke up half a year ago. Okay, he broke up with you and you are still a little put off by it, but he’s a good guy, a great friend. You want to hate how nice he is, but you really can’t.

Alright, confession time. Hoseok was the one who first brought you here and introduced you to your current group of friends, the fifteen or so that make the thirty minute ride to the mall every weekend. You secretly wish this wasn’t the case, namely because it makes you feel like you depend on him. But at this point, what can you do?

You love him, even if it’s no longer in the romantic sense of the term. It’s ridiculous, but you do love Jung-

“This seat taken?”

Keep reading

Cheap Vegan Grocery List 

Since the Cheap Vegan Pantry article has been so popular, I am (by request) following up with a Cheap Vegan Grocery List. Here I’ll explain the different strategies I use and items I buy to stay healthy on a budget.

When you go to the grocery store, have in mind what percentage of what types of food you plan to buy. This should mirror your ideal plate of food. My goal is to eat mostly whole foods (foods that have not been processed), as many organic foods as I can afford to splurge on, and as little sugar and processed foods as possible. Besides obvious sugar like corn syrup, sugars also include white bread/pasta, anything made with white flour.

Once you have mentally prepared yourself for grocery shopping, you start from the bottom up. I shop at a few different sources to get what I need for the best bargain. Luckily, all of these places are walking distance to my house. But do what works best for you! If you’d rather only go to only one place, that might be more valuable than the $10-20 bucks you save a week going to multiple stores.

Start Literally Dirt-cheap
To start, check your garden. Whether you’re just planting some herbs or you have a whole veggie garden, there’s nothing better than home-grown food. As Ron Finley says, “Planting your own food is like printing your own money …plus you get strawberries.”

If you happen to get to a farmers market, check out their $1 rack. Often times they’ll have good deals of food they have too much of.

Figuratively Dirt Cheap
Next I go to the 99cent and up store—and I know what you’re thinking, we just went from the garden to the dollar store, but I’m broke people! …plus they’re really not all that bad. Especially here in Los Angeles! People tend to get sketched out by the dollar store but you just have to use common sense. If something looks a little suspect, don’t buy it. A lot of the food is even the same brand as what you’d get at a grocery store, just overstock.

At the 99c store I buy:

  • Romaine Lettuce
  • Any pre-cut, easy to prepare veggies that look good (ex. Shredded purple cabbage, carrots, etc.)
  • Salsa
  • Tortilla Chips
  • Canned beans (at my location they have a variety of organic beans for a buck!)
  • Corn Tortillas
  • Canned Tomato Sauce/Diced tomatoes
  • Random canned goods I might need
  • Soy Milk
  • Brown Rice
  • Oatmeal

If I needed anything else I couldn’t find at the dollar store my next stop is usually my local…

The Mexican Super Market!
In LA I go to JON’s in Chicago I went to Devon Market, but most cities have their own Mexican supermarkets where you can get produce for a little cheaper.

Here I buy:

  • Apples
  • Cucumbers
  • Bell Peppers
  • Any other produce I have a recipe in mind for
  • Frozen Veggies
  • Almond Milk
  • Cereal
  • Nuts
  • Baking Items
  • Whole grain pastas

 Lastly, if I’m feeling a little fancy, having a craving, or just can’t find it at those two places, I go to…

The Bougie spots: Trader Joes and Whole Foods

Where I get…

  • Tempeh
  • Tofu
  • Low sugarGranola (a lot of times granola has just as much sugar as cereal like frosted flakes or cocoa pebbles)
    Dr. Praegers veggie burgers (where their motto is making the ingredients recognizable)
  • Trader Joe’s Tomatillo and Roasted Yellow Chilli Salsa (because it’s BOMB)
  • Nutritional Yeast
  • Natural Peanut Butter
  • Natural Almond Butter
  • Ezikiel Bread

…any little things that I can afford to splurge on

Extra tips…

Always look for bargains. If there is a discount rack, start there, then move to the sections you would usually go to and keep looking for deals. If you’re afraid you can’t eat the 2 for 1 case of fruit, remember freezing. You can always save it for a smoothie or banana whip later! Same goes for canned goods and non-perishable foods. Sometimes buying in bulk can save you some cash in the long run. 

I thought vegan food was expensive…
A big misconception about being vegan, and why many think it’s so expensive to eat a plant-based diet, is because of the processed foods that are catered to vegan consumers. Foods like Tofurky, Boca Burgers, Amy’s frozen dinners, daiya, and other pre-made vegan “meats” and “cheeses” are simply more expensive than produce AND worse than that, they’re not as healthy! It’s easy to be a healthy cheap vegan, but start throwing in processed foods and sugars and you start to dive into expensive territory. So make the healthier and less expensive choice and eat your whole fruits and veggies!

dkafterdark  asked:

TRC HC: Ronan lets his hair grow out enough for Opal to shave designs on his head. The rule is that he has to keep the design for at least 24 hours. They text or Skype with Adam every day and he rates the designs on a scale of 1-10.

This would be the purest headcanon to ever exist if it weren’t for the fact that the tiny adorable demon that is Opal is being raised by a very tall sailor mouthed Irish demon who teaches her all sorts of swear words.

The first thing she razors into the back of his head is “Fuk Off” (she hasn’t 100% got spelling down yet) and Adam rates it a 4 and tells Opal she can’t use those words. Ronan gives it a 10 and makes it a point to go grocery shopping that week in a white suburban mom Whole Foods. 

How To Eat Healthy While Living The Dorm Life

nahnah-loses-her-tahtahs asks… 

We’ve all heard about that dreaded “Freshmen 15,” and there’s nothing mythological about it. The biggest culprit of the first year weight gain is being forced to live in a dorm with relatively poor access to a kitchen, cooking supplies, pantry space or adequate funding. You typically can’t work full time (since, you know, you’re taking on 6 classes of gen-ed requirements and reliving high school all over again), so you’re stuck on whatever stipend the school or your parents can provide. 

Fear not! It is actually possible to come out of your freshmen year looking fit and fabulous and feeling like a million bucks. Impossibility is the champion of innovation.

Here’s a list of healthy food staples and preparation ideas for the microwave chef:


Unfortunately, most of the affordable stuff needs to be cooked on a grill, oven or stove, but there are some ways around it if you can stretch your dollars around.

  • Tuna - Canned tuna lasts forever, doesn’t require fridge space, and is packed with lean protein. You make a poor-man’s Salad Nicoise, mix it with hummus or olive oil and vinegar for a tuna wrap, or just eat it plain if you dig the taste.
  • Salmon - Did you know salmon comes canned too? A little pricer than it’s tuna cousin, but perfect for laying on a beg of spinach leaves with some balsamic vinegar.
  • Beans - You’ve got plenty of choices here. Black beans, garbanzo beans, white beans… they all go great in a salad, or you can microwave them together with some minute-rice for a  quick and filling Rice & Beans dinner.
  • Eggs - If you can’t afford the chicken, you can at least buy his eggs. Eggs are amazing. Did you know that you cook them in a microwave, too? Seriously, Buzzfeed lists 12 different ways to nuke them, so can have an omelet for breakfast every single day. 
  • Greek Yogurt - Opt for the plain yogurt or the kind that’s only sweetened with honey. Read the ingredients. A lot of the popular varieties are packed with sugar and high fructose corn syrup that you want to avoid.
  • Chicken Breast - You can buy it pre-grilled for a quick meal that just needs to be reheated, or even hit the deli and get some sliced chicken breast meat for your wrap or sammy. Deli meat is quick, 
  • Peanut Butter - PB is amazing on everything. On toast, on celery, on carrots, on a spoon. Just opt for the natural variety without all the added sugar. Read the ingredients. They should be: peanuts, salt. That’s all.


Veggies make great snacks and side dishes alike. 

  • Steam Bags - Pick up a box and you can steam anything in a microwave to go alongside your protein. 
  • Spinach leaves - Spinach is perfect for a salad, to fill out a wrap, or even steamed!
  • Fresh Celery, Carrots, Cherry Tomatoes, Baby Sweet Peppers, Bell Peppers, Broccoli, Cauliflower - There are so many things you can do with these veggies! Chop them up raw and make yourself a bunch of to-go snack bags for class. Add them to a salad or a wrap. Steam carrots, peppers or broccoli to accompany a hot dish. Also, celery and carrots are amazing when dipped in PB. These things obviously don’t keep forever, so make sure you only buy what you’ll use in the next few days.
  • Salsa - It’s so perfect, it works for everything. You can add it to chicken and make a taco, you can add it to scrambled eggs and have a breakfast burrito, you can use it as dressing for a salad, or you can spice up a veggie wrap.
  • Sweet Potatoes - It might take a good 15 minutes, but you can microwave a sweet potato and pretend it’s baked. Just make sure you poke holes in it first. Please.
  • Canned Veggies - I’m only a fan of corn or peas in the canned veggie department, but if you fancy any others then go ahead and grab them up. Just make sure you check the ingredients list and make sure nothing shady is hiding in the can.


  • Fresh Fruit - Go nuts. You like apples? Bananas? Oranges? Grapes? Strawberries? Fruit is awesome and you should eat it all. Opt for whatever is on sale and in season when you go shopping to save a few bucks. Off-season fruit can get a bit pricey.
  • Canned Fruit - Please, please, please read the ingredients. Do not get any fruit that its packaged in sugar syrups. Only purchase canned fruit that is packaged in water.
  • Raisins - They are practically the only dried fruit that hasn’t been rolled around in sugar. Raisins are great as a snack, in a salad, or eveb in your morning oatmeal.
  • Avocado - The king of healthy fats! Adding avocado to anything will make you 100% more full and keep you satisfied for hours.


  • Rice - You can cook minute-rice in a microwave, and its a great carb boost after an intense workout session.
  • Oatmeal - The breakfast of champions. Get yourself a box of plain, rolled or steel-cut oats. Read the ingredients! If there is anything more than “oats” listed, you should find a better brand. Oats can be microwaved with water, and you can add a sweetener like maple syrup, honey or fresh chopped fruit & raisins. My favorite way to prepare oatmeal is mixed with PB and maple syrup. You’ll be full forever.
  • Granola - Again, look at the ingredients. Granola can often come with a big price tag, but if you find it when it’s on sale, score! Try to opt for a brand that doesn’t list “sugar” as the second ingredient. I opt for the brands that sweeten granola naturally with maple syrup or honey.
  • Wraps - Sometimes a salad just is not convenient enough. Pick up some whole-wheat, whole-grain tortillas to wrap that up salad and make it to-go.


  • Water. Unsweetened iced or hot tea. 
  • Listen, I know you’re a college student and you need a lot of caffeine in your life. If you’re going to buy energy drinks, at least opt for the sugar-free, no-carb varieties. Just remember, they’re terrible for you. Coffee and tea can be your friend.

Other Stuff

  • Become a Slow-Cooker Maestro - I don’t know if you’re particular school will actually allow a crockpot on campus, but if they do, you’ve just opened up a world of possibilities.
  • Approach the Cafeteria with Caution - If you’ve got a loaded meal card, then you’re going to need to be extra careful when prowling the school cafeteria. Stay away from anything fried. Ask the chef how the grilled foods are prepared (so often they are bathed in butter beforehand). Stick with a protein + veggie formula and you’ll be golden. Don’t even look at the greasy hamburgers, hot dogs and fries.
  • Don’t Forget The Condiments and Spices - Spices make food taste good. Salt, Pepper, Cinnamon and Garlic are a good start. Balsamic Vinegar and Extra Virgin Olive Oil are perfect dressings for wraps and salads.

Good luck on your first college food shopping adventure!  Send me pics of your healthy carts and baskets, and I’ll share them on the blog.

Don’t Be This Guy:

Definitely Be That Guy:

What’s it like to spend a day with Miranda Kerr? More exciting than you’d think. Why merely grocery shop, after all, when you can stomp through the aisles at Whole Foods in thigh-high Ellery boots?  Get an exclusive glimpse into 24 hours of the supermodel’s world.

Read the full story.

geritafan96  asked:

Hi, just found your blog its amazing. Can you have 2d reacting to watching his s/o tell someone off?

This was actually quite amusing to write!😂👏🏻

You and 2D were out shopping with the band. The worst kind of shopping. Grocery shopping.
The whole band were so argumentative about what food they bought. They all had such different tastes! Although, its not as though they had a budget. But, there was only a certain amount of space in the fridge.
You were currently in the frozen section. You and 2D were looking at ice cream- trying to pick a flavour the entire group would compromise on, Russ was picking some frozen meats, and Noodle and Murdoc? Well, they were arguing about curly fries or straight cut.
“Curly fries are clearly the superior fries!” Noodle said, clearly annoyed as she tried to put them in the trolley.
“No! French fries!” He retorted, chucking the bag of curly fries out of the trolley, and putting in 3 bags if French fries.
“Give me one good reason that French fries are superior!” She shouted, pulling each bag out of the trolley.
“They’re just better! Everyone knows that!” He argued, pulling more bags of French fries out of the freezer.
After 5 minutes they were still arguing, and people were staring to stare. Bags of fries were all over the aisle, and employees were starting to receive complaints.
“This is getting ridiculous..” 2D said, shaking his head at the two.
“We should just walk away” Russ suggested, starting to pull the trolley backwards.
You’d had enough. And you were going to show this.
“ENOUGH!” You screamed, making the two jump.
They both stared at you, bags of fries in their hands.
“How old are the two of you?! You have been standing here for 15 minutes arguing over fucking fries!” You continued, gesturing to all of the bags of fries in the floor.
“Well-” Murdoc started. You interrupted him quickly.
“No!” You said, stopping him from continuing.
2D watched you shouting at the two. He’d never seen Murdoc shut up so quickly- it was actually quite scary how stern you were being. It was so different to how you usually acted. He had a slight smile on his face though. It was quite impressive.
“You know what?” You said, staring at the fear on the two peoples faces.
“Just get one of each! Problem solved! No. More. Arguing.” You said sternly, frowning at the two.
“Now clean up this mess.” This you ordered, before walking away.

Scared Hearts

Fifth of my new Soulmate au stories.

Tag list:  @rabidwrestlingfan @wrestlingnoob @anonwriter-lady @somehow-lovable-trash @youngandbiitter @meowmeowp @waystobcwickcd

Warnings: Hints at child abuse and, unfortunately, self harm. This is the most angsty thing I have ever written and I’m sorry for that, but this was something that had been in my head for a long time and felt it was time to write.

Summary: Bumps and bruises are all part of growing up, but sometimes you get bruises and cuts you don’t remember getting. What if that is because they are actually the injuries suffered by your soulmate? What is one day a cut appears that absolutely terrifies you and it finally leads you to finding the one person you are destined to be with?

Word Count: 3154


Keep reading

How to survive on minimal money

I’m so sick of reading all these “how to save money” articles that only tell you to stop buying a morning coffee that you don’t buy anyway because you can’t afford it in the fucking first place. 

ANYWAY, as a person who never seems to have any money, and nothing to show for my lack of money, here are my tips for people in similar situations so that you don’t die. 

1) Start a budget book. I bought mine about 3 years ago for £3 from WHSmith. When you get paid, write down how much money came into your account, then immediately deduct every single bill you have to pay from that amount. Now you know exactly how much money you have to spend for the rest of the month until the next pay day. Write down every single thing you buy and exactly how much it cost, including cash withdrawals. Yes it’s boring, but holy shit it will save your ass so many times knowing that you’ve already accounted for all your bills.

2) Stop shopping in Tesco/Sainsburys/Asda/Waitrose/etc etc. Just stop. Holy shit just stop it. Tesco sucks the life out of me just walking in there I swear to god. Switch to Aldi and/or Lidl. They’re cheap because they give you ONE option of each thing. One type of tinned chopped tomatoes. One type of washing up liquid. One type of ketchup etc etc you get the idea. Their toothpaste, shower gel and baby wipes are pretty damn good and cost about 50p. Like, for fuck sake stop paying £1 for one damn cabbage. YOU DONT NEED TO SPEND A WHOLE QUID ON A FUCKING CABBAGE. 

3) Aldi and Lidl post what their offers are going to be for that week on their websites. Read them before you go shopping then decide what you’re going to be eating for that week based around what’s on offer. Deals on diced chicken and microwave rice? BOOM you’ve got yourself a cheap ass curry to last you at least 2 meals. 

4) Pinterest is your friend. You can look up anything in the world. From budget meals to how to make your own washing powder (if you really wana risk that…I wouldn’t personally but you do you). 

5) Join a Facebook selling site. Find one that’s based where you live and turn on the notifications. You’d be shocked to know how many people give away free sofas and washing machines. Fucking LOADS. You never know what people might be chucking. 

6) If you drive, stop driving like an asshole. A happy car means less petrol usage and less repairs (I HAVE LEARNED THIS THE HARD WAY, TRUST ME THIS IS VALUABLE INFORMATION).

7) Turn your lights off when you’re not in a room. Turn your heating down and put on a jumper. Candles are effective ways of combating both of these things. Candles are your friends. Go to the poundshop and buy candles. You’d be surprised how quickly a small room heats up with a couple of lit candles. 

8) Stop going out. You can’t afford to go out. If you keep going out and then complaining that you’re skint, get off this list. This list is not for you. You’re a jerk. If you must drink some alcohol, buy a cheapo bottle of wine (Aldi does a banging white for £3.89 a bottle wayoooo) and roll around on the floor of your own house.

9) Sell all your stuff. I’m almost 100% sure that if you have a job, and you at one point lived with your parents, you will have stuff in your home now that you don’t need. I have a pair of Urbanears headphones 2 feet away from me right now that I got as a gift and I know I won’t use. No one watches DVDs anymore, so Music Magpie those dinosaurs. Don’t forget about that stuff. Sell it. Sell the shit out of it. 

10) I know I’m going back to the whole food shopping thing, but I think most of the time this is the only thing in our lives that we can really control how much we spend. Gonna get it all out of my system now, ready? Make a list of what you’re going to buy a stick to it. Try to buy ingredients that can be used across multiple meals. Take tinned soup to work for lunch instead of spending £8 a day on disappointing sandwiches in Pret. Cut out meat as much as you can. SLOW COOKERS ARE YOUR FRIENDS! I know we’re trying to save money here, not spend it, but buy ‘A Girl Called Jack’ by Jack Monroe and it will show you how to eat on fuck all money without eating supernoodles for 3 meals a day. I recommend the mixed bean goulash, it will give you the farts but it tastes awesome. If you do find yourself in Tesco in an emergency, take a stroll past the reduced isle. Best reduced stuff to get is always meat (put it in the freezer) and cheese. I have at least 2 loaves of bread from the reduced section in my freezer right now that cost me 6p each. FROZEN FOOD IS GOOD, ESPECIALLY VEGETABLES.

11) Change all your suppliers. Electricity. Gas. Internet. Whatever. Go to uswitch and do it. It’s really not that hard. Okay, internet is a fucking faff but gas and electric are not. You might already have the best deal but you wont know until you look so go look. 

12) Loyalty points are the bomb. Get a card for every god damn shop you’ve ever been in. It doesn’t cost you anything, so start saving up those bad boy points now. When I first moved into my flat, I bought all my home essentials (milk, clingfilm, washing up liquid etc etc) all on my Nectar points and what would have been a £70 shop was fucking FREEEE.

13) Lastly, before you buy anything, stop and ask yourself, “do I actually need this thing?” You already know the answer. You know it. You already know it. No. You fucking don’t. You don’t need that thing. I was in Wilkinsons like 2 weeks ago and I almost bought a new roasting dish because the one I already had was “too big”. How the fuck can a roasting dish be too big? So your food is a bit more spread out, big fucking deal. There, you see? I just saved myself £6 for a piece of shit I didn’t need. You don’t need those shoes. You don’t need a limited edition bluray copy of Blade Runner with director’s cut . You don’t need a new ironing board cover with Batman on it. You. Don’t. Fucking. Need. It.