💪Shoplifting😫🛍 Protip 💵

Step 1: go to ur local Walmrt

Step 2: go to th sports + outdoors aisle

Step 3: locate the weights

Step 4: pick them all up one by one

Step 5: put them all back (one by one)

Step 6: leave the store

Step 7: never come back


  • tumblr: shoplifting as a means of survival should not be a punishable offence
  • me: yes true it should be handled by social security services without police involvement because avoiding death is not a crime and-
  • tumblr: i should be able to just fucking take sephora makeup from the shop shelves scot-free because communism
  • me: you know what nevermind i hope you get arrested

I work at Walmart. This week we had to let three associates go because over the course of our last two quarters our losses due to theft more than doubled, and we need to cut costs in the departments these associates worked in. All three of these associates have children; two of them are single parents. If you make a habit of shoplifting from stores because “the company makes billions every year so they can handle a few hundred dollars in losses,” think about that, and think about the lives you’re ruining. We lose our jobs when you do what you do. Don’t pretend it doesn’t affect us.

Statements that shouldn't be controversial but are because tumblr is fucked up:

“Pedophillia is bad”

“Skin color largely doesn’t determine how someone is as a person”

“Violence against people for political reasons is messed up”

“Terrorism, in any form, is never justified”

“Shoplifting is bad”

“Men and women deserve to be treated equally under the law”

“Abuse, no matter who the perpetrator is or who the victim is, is never justified”

“Racism is bad, no matter what race it’s against”

“You can be friends with someone of differing political views”

For the record

People stealing food/ necessities because they need to survive in our shithole of a government: Zero judgment, I’m incredibly sorry you’re in this situation, do what you need to do to survive.

People stealing designer clothes and makeup because you don’t want to pay for it and you “enjoy the rush”: Absolute assholes, grow the fuck up and stop pretending what you’re doing is a “hobby”.


Tumblr: Sometimes homeless people shoplift to make ends meet. If you see a homeless person taking something from a grocery store, it may be more moral to look the other way so they can eat.

Me: That doesn’t seem unreasonable.

Tumblr: I had to steal all this makeup from Sephora to resist capitalism! We live in an unjust system that forces me to pay for things other people had to make! Stop harassing me, I’m a minor!


The “Lifting” fandom.

I have sympathy for people who steal NECESSITIES.

Food. Medicine. Toiletries. 

And even then- dollar tree. Dollar Tree has literally saved my life so many times. THey have almost everything. toothbrushes/toothpaste, frozen goods, canned goods, jugs of water– even some [off-brand] over the counter medicines. They even have pregnancy tests [yep!]

They have children’s toys, household cleaners…

I’m not going to say there’s “no excuse”; but as a card-carrying broke bitch let me tell you– help isn’t always easy to get, but its there. Goodwill and the salvation army have clothes. You can get 3 months of food stamps if you’re unemployed but able to work. The salvation army will let ANYONE come and eat at 6pm so long as you have an ID, no questions asked. 

But the thing that really annoys me is– you’re not even in need. 

You’re taking these luxury items just because you’re bored or think you’re being edgy and radical and you REALLY want that name-brand thing; and when you get caught– oh man here come the crocodile tears

Man I know I’m old now, because here I am lecturing kids about how not-cool it is to steal just because. 

This site is a cancerous percolating stew of dog guts. Examples:

-people who have convinced themselves that shoplifting $500 of makeup is justified
-people who think they’re literally dragons
-people who think white people should all die
-people who think obesity is healthy
-people who would kill each other over headcanons
-people who think meat-eaters are the creation of fucking lucifer
-“witches” who think reading about spells online and buying bath bombs is actual Paganism
-people who think eating disorders are fat-shaming

But the scariest thing is that all these people think that we must conform to their beliefs or we’re considered oppressive.

Shoplifting fandom should have its own convention. Imagine: Little booths of merchandise and art which they can use to practice their lifting skills, panels about lifting techniques and things like avoiding the law, cosplay contest using only stolen items, karaoke with songs like “I Fought the Law” and "The  Internationale”, lessons on communism, brochures about the best lawyers in the country, video game corner where you can play a pirated copy of “Thief”…

And at the end of the con, everyone gets arrested!

Someone drove off without paying for their meal. Guess who has to pay for it? Me. They stole about what I make in an hour.

I don’t care if you think it’s justified or if you think the corporation deserves it or the managers are mean or whatever stupid reason you steal. It’s shitty and the people who pay are the employees, not the guys at corporate and not the CEO.

Pay for your fucking shit.


amazon.com sells lift kits! i repeat, amazon.com sells bundles of lift kits to make your shoplifting experience even better! i bought one of these and i can’t wait for it to come in the mail - it’ll come way more faster than your standard hook and magnet from aliexpress and i GUARANTEE that you’ll get away with lifting at a much cleaner rate if you use this bad boy. can’t wait to try it out and lift some cute stuff with it~

want to commit felonies but don’t want to wait for your shipment from china?? then stop by amazon.com now and pick up these snazzy lift kits - like what i did!

happy lifting! ❤️