shoot it into my veins

Please Destroy Me

I’m no masochist
But it’d save us all a lot of time

I’m tired
Sleeplessly sleeping on a antique floral print sofa
Walking in worn down canvas shoes
Worn down everything
Limping
Across uneven sidewalks

Everyone I know’s angry
Everyone saying
‘I’m not angry’
Screaming
‘I’m not angry’
Sound waves shoot through my veins
Into my gut
If you want to hear me say I’m defeated
I’m defeated

I have nothing
Metaphorically
Literally
No sad songs
No four chord progression
Whatever
Just call my dad
And tell him I might need a ride home later

I’ve been hacked
Torn to bits
Rewired
Pulverized into a protein supplement
I want to say bad things
Scream back at those who scream at me
But I have no voice
I walk ahead
With my head pointed at my feet
My eyes watering
My spine crooked
Hands shaking

100 people scream at me in unison
And I melt away

* ( ; verse names — masterlist of ideas !

out of personal necessity, i’ve decided to collect a ton of possible verse names for future ships of mine. most of these are from random songs by various artists, but some might be popular phrases/quotes or products of my imagination, and they are in alpahbetic order. feel free to take whichever your want, but please like/reblog if you found this helpful. there are currently 123 names on this list (UPDATES ON JANUARY 4TH, +123

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The Cuckoo Bird: A “Shatter Me” Fanfiction

Summary: Warner and Juliette are starting to put the world back together, piece by piece, and while preparing for a celebration, Juliette decides to wear something special to surprise him.

Ship: Warnette

Rating: T

Word Count: 2,617

A/N: This fic takes place after the Shatter Me series, so if you haven’t read it all the way through, I would avoid this.

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somewhere between smoking bowls in the middle school bathroom and shooting heroin into my veins, i’ve aquired a deep dark sadness. one that can only be filled with a needle, a spoon, and a trip to the moon. take me away.

Chapter 17: Feyre’s Nightmare (Rhys POV)

A little one-shot of Rhys saving Feyre from her nightmare after she meets the Night Court squad for the first time in ACOMAF. So happy to be writing fic again after a long week off! I take zero credit for the dialogue and ideas behind this scene. Those belong 100% to Sarah J. Maas.

Pebbles

I awoke with a jolt, a sort of frenzy shooting through my veins like flying through wind in a storm built on emotions all clamoring over one another for supremacy until at long last cold, miserable agony claimed victory. It was worse than fear. It was terror. And it was precisely how Feyre was feeling in that exact moment.

Feyre.

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The Bond

AN: Firstly, I’d like to give a quick shoutout to @sarahviehmann, whose messages this afternoon inspired me to power through this, after about a month of picking at it. Secondly, the fic: This shows the moments immediately after the bond between Rhys and Feyre snaps into lace, from Rhys’s point of view. I hope you enjoy it!

“Well, good-bye for now,” I said, rolling my neck as if we hadn’t been talking about anything important at all.

I needed to return to Velaris.

I bowed at the waist, my eyes still half-searching hers. She was safe, she was fine, I’d see her again soon—

A bolt of energy, warm and electric, shot straight through my body as I began to winnow away. Light filled my eyes and something invisible tugged in my chest, turned, and then clicked into place, as if someone had slipped a key between my ribs and finally found the lock it belonged to.

An invisible bridge shuddered into place inside of me, in the furthest reaches of my mind, my heart, my soul.

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i orbit in my own solar system
i am my own moon
my own stars. my body
exists beyond your galaxy


space is cold
and empty. all stars
will eventually put
themselves out. it is sudden
and very painful.
like pinching the wick
with your fingers. i want to
swallow nebulae,
shoot up stardust, fill
my veins
with celestial gas
so maybe
i won’t
feel it
                                   this time.

—  an astronaut drops his newborn son, k.o

call off the search for your soul
for just one more night
embrace your shattered shadows
the ones that whisper your name
warp my conscience
shoot something colder
than the blood that flows within
through my veins
maybe it’s all in my head
maybe

-m

“All wound up
On the edge
Terrified

Sleep disturbed
Restless mind
Petrified

Bouts of fear
Permeate
All I see

Heightening
Nervousness
Threatens me

I am paralyzed
So afraid to die

Caught off guard
Warning signs
Never show

Tension strikes
Choking me
Worries grow

Why do I feel so numb
Is it something to do with where I come from
Should this be fight or flight
I don’t know why I’m constantly so uptight

Rapid heartbeat pounding through my chest
Agitated body in distress
I feel like I’m in danger
Daily life is strangled by my stress

A stifling surge
Shooting through all my veins
Extreme apprehension
Suddenly I’m insane

Lost all hope for redemption
A grave situation desperate at best

Why do I feel so numb
Is it something to do with where I come from
Should this be fight or flight
I don’t know why I’m constantly reeling

Helpless hysteria
A false sense of urgency
Trapped in my phobia
Possessed by anxiety

Run
Try to hide
Overwhelmed by this complex delirium

Helpless hysteria
A false sense of urgency
Trapped in my phobia
Possessed by anxiety

Run
Try to hide
Overwhelmed by this complex delirium”

Distracted

So I’m back to writing! I started this before my final exams but had to shelf it once the end of my academic semester approached. Here is your fic request anon!

anonymous asked:

can you do #22 (for the fan fiction thing) about Feyre and Rhys?? and make it super steamy??? like super, super steamy???? like, pterodactyl screech every word steamy????? tank u <3

First sentence writing prompt: 22. “What do you mean by leaving?” 

Word count - 1.5k

Rated M

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otp tags (fall out boy edition)
  • otp: all the ways you make my stomach turn
  • otp: am i more than you bargained for yet?
  • otp: anything you say can and will be held against you
  • otp: bruises on your thighs like my fingerprints
  • otp: burn a little brighter tonight
  • otp: condemned from the start
  • otp: dance alone to the beat of your heart
  • otp: do you got room for one more troubled soul?
  • otp: don't breathe life into a monster
  • otp: don't pretend you ever forgot about me
  • otp: don't stop until your heart goes numb
  • otp: don't take love off the table yet
  • otp: get me out of my mind and get you out of those clothes
  • otp: go on pick your poison
  • otp: happily ever after below the waist
  • otp: have you ever wanted to disappear?
  • otp: here to collect your heart
  • otp: hoped for your name on the ouija board
  • otp: hot to the touch cold on the inside
  • otp: how heartwarming it is inside your skin
  • otp: i bit off more than i could chew
  • otp: i don't care what you think as long as it's about me
  • otp: i don't feel a thing for you
  • otp: i don't just want to be a footnote in someone else's happiness
  • otp: i got your love letters corrected the grammar and sent them back
  • otp: i hope your lips will taste of me forever
  • otp: i just need enough of you to dull the pain
  • otp: i love everything about you that hurts
  • otp: i need your broken promises
  • otp: i only appeared so i can fade away
  • otp: i only want sympathy in the form of you crawling into bed with me
  • otp: i said i'd never miss you but i guess you never know
  • otp: i shot true romance in the head
  • otp: i try to picture me without you but i can't
  • otp: i want to hate you half as much as i hate myself
  • otp: i want to make you as lonely as me
  • otp: i wish i dreamt in the shape of your mouth
  • otp: i wish i'd known how much you loved me
  • otp: i'll save the middle finger for you
  • otp: i'll take your heart served up in two ways
  • otp: i'm about to make your heart beat in reverse
  • otp: i'm coming apart at the seams
  • otp: i'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet
  • otp: i'm in the details with the devil
  • otp: i'm just a problem that doesn't want to be solved
  • otp: i'm just dreaming of tearing you apart
  • otp: i'm the best worst thing that's ever happened to you
  • otp: i'm two quarters and a heart down
  • otp: i've got a sunset in my veins
  • otp: i've never seen a heart i couldn't break
  • otp: if they knew how misery loved me
  • otp: if you are the shores i am the waves
  • otp: it doesn't matter how you feel
  • otp: it's our time now if you want it to be
  • otp: it's time for me to fall apart
  • otp: just a notch in your bedpost
  • otp: kick drum beating in my chest
  • otp: let me tear you to pieces
  • otp: let your body get a tolerance
  • otp: let's meet in the purgatory of my hips
  • otp: like a moth getting trapped in the light
  • otp: love never wanted me but i took it anyway
  • otp: make it easy say i never mattered
  • otp: make june feel like september
  • otp: maybe i'm a piece of art
  • otp: my conscience called in sick again
  • otp: my heart is a grenade and you pulled the pin
  • otp: nothing comes as easy as you
  • otp: now you're just a problem for someone else to fix
  • otp: one foot in your bedroom one foot out the door
  • otp: out of every miscalculation you have got to be my favorite
  • otp: pawnshop heart trading up
  • otp: put your venom in me
  • otp: remember me as i was not as i am
  • otp: say my name and his in the same breath
  • otp: seasons change but people don't
  • otp: setting fire to the sky
  • otp: shoot the sunshine into my veins
  • otp: should have left our love in the gutter where we found it
  • otp: something makes my chest stir
  • otp: strike a match and i'll burn you to the ground
  • otp: take our tears and put them on ice
  • otp: teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way
  • otp: the best of us can find happiness in misery
  • otp: the best part of believe is the lie
  • otp: the home wrecker with the heart of gold
  • otp: the lies just won't stop slipping
  • otp: the person that you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger
  • otp: the rhythm of the rain keeps time
  • otp: the sweetness never lasts
  • otp: the truth catches up with us eventually
  • otp: there's chemicals keeping us together
  • otp: this is the road to ruin
  • otp: trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday
  • otp: trying to forget everything that isn't you
  • otp: turn off the lights and turn off the shyness
  • otp: we do it in the dark with smiles on our faces
  • otp: we don't fight fair
  • otp: we never stood a chance
  • otp: we only do it for the scars and stories
  • otp: we walk the plank on a sinking ship
  • otp: we're friends when you're on your knees
  • otp: we're the beginning of the end
  • otp: we're the things that love destroys
  • otp: we've been doomed from the start
  • otp: welcome to the demolition derby that is my heart
  • otp: when they made me they broke the mold
  • otp: wherever i go trouble seems to follow
  • otp: why can you read me like no one else can?
  • otp: would you mind if i sat next to you and watched you smile?
  • otp: you and i were fireworks that went off too soon
  • otp: you are my favorite what if
  • otp: you are the dreamer and we are the dream
  • otp: you can get what you want but it's never enough
  • otp: you can wear the crown but you're no princess
  • otp: you get scared when you look at me
  • otp: you got me all fucked up on love
  • otp: you were my versailles at night
  • otp: you were the last good thing
  • otp: you were the song stuck in my head
  • otp: you wouldn't know a good thing if it came up and slit your throat
  • otp: you're appealing to emotions that i simply do not have
  • otp: you're the only place that feels like home
  • otp: your best kept secret and biggest mistake
  • otp: you’re the antidote to everything except for me
2

Imagine #144 Let’s pretend (Pt.1)

I was getting ready to go to a party in Barcelona, it’s been long since me and my friends went out, and I was excited to finally get drunk and enjoy the night. We came on vacation, since one of our friends moved about a month ago so we came to see how she is doing in Spain.

“Ready?” I asked once I finished my make up and went to take my dress.

“Like never before!” my best friend shout from the bathroom, while we laughed and decided to take a shot of tequila before getting out.

“By the way you need to find a guy tonight!” I was the only one single, nothing new.

“Look at her, you are smoking hot!” my friend said. I was wearing a tight red dress and hills.

I ignored their comments; I was okay with my life as it was. I did not need any guy in my life at the moment, I was enjoying life.

Then we finally got in the taxi and drove to the club our friend always went to. It was nice, many people were around and we immediately made our way to the bar.

“To us!” we shouted and took another shot.

We started dancing and it was amazing, until a cute guy started talking to me and took me to get me a drink. We talked but I was annoyed, he was too much in to himself and I knew he was only going to use me if I let him. Therefore, I said I’ll go to my friends and walked away.

“What’s going on here?” I asked confused as I noticed my friends talking with some guys.

“We’re going to a private party.”

“What?” I looked shocked, since I was always the one who was overthinking everything and thought of every bad situation that could happen.

“Relax, they seem fine.” My best friend tried to calm me.

“Seem. I need another shoot.” I said as I walked to the bar and got myself another shoot of tequila and I could feel alcohol in my veins.

“Let’s go!” suddenly my friend grabbed my hand and walked me out of the bar with two guys.

“Where the fuck are we going?” I asked almost falling as I tripped.

“Trust us, you will be surprised.” The boy said as he made us sit in his car.

I had no other choice than do as my friends did and get inside.

“So? Who are you?” I asked annoyed.

“I’m Gil and he’s Jo.”

“And where are you taking us? I swear to God if you try to do anything to us I will fight you! Both of you!” I said threatening them, but it was not working, they were all laughing at me for being too drunk.

“I promise, we are not like this.” Jo said.

Finally, we arrived and I found myself in front of a giant house. Someone very rich was living there because I never saw a house as big as this one in real life.

“Is here the king or what?” I asked and then followed them to the entrance. When we walked inside there was quite a few people inside and the music was playing loudly.

Then I noticed the two guy went to talk with a guy that I recognized in a second. Neymar Jr.

The famous footballer, of course who else could live in a house like this. However, I did not like him as much as other Brazilians did. I admit he was hot and stuff, but that was the point. To me he seemed too much of a fuckboy.

“Seriously, did you see him?” I asked my friends who were already fangirling over him.

“Hell yeah, but hey we need to act normally, everyone stop freaking out!”

“Yeah…” I looked at her annoyed, since she was the first one doing it.

Then he walked our way with Jo and Gil.

“Hey girls, everything okay?” he asked and smiled as he greeted us and we presented ourselves.

Then we walked where all the others were, of course, we seemed stupid, no one knew us and I just wanted to go back in the bar and dance.

“Can we go back?” I asked once Neymar walked away.

“Why? We are in Neymar’s house, can you imagine!”

“So? We are strangers, no one knows us and we seem stupid.”

“Oh relax.”

I rolled my eyes and walked away hoping to find the bathroom.

“Are you looking for something?” I heard Neymar behind me.

“The bathroom.”

“It’s upstairs on the left. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yes.” I said and walked away angry that we had to come here instead of having fun as we planned.

Once I walked out I noticed my two friends dancing with some other people, of course since they were taken they did not let any other guy touch them but they were still having fun.

I then decided to go out on fresh air, because I suddenly started to feel sick.

“Is it so annoying inside?”

“I’d rather stay at the bar.” I said once Neymar sit next to me on the ground.

“Oh, I’m bad at parties then.”

“Maybe yes.”

“Why are you acting so annoying?”

“No one said you need to make me company.”

“I’m not going to. I was going to go get some food.”

“If you are going can you buy me a hamburger, I’m starving.”

Then he started laughing as if I said the best joke of the year, “you hate me, but you want me to buy you food?”

“God you’re annoying.”

“Go buy it yourself.” He said and walked to the car.

“Take me at least.”

“I consider myself a kind and nice guy, so I’ll let you come.”

We got inside and then drove to the first fast food we saw. Before entering, he took a hoodie from the back of the seat.

“Wear this, try to cover yourself.” He said and then walked out.

“Right, you can’t be seen with a girl under your standard.”

“You don’t know me at all, but do as you want.” He did not wait for me and walked inside. I followed him as soon as I put on his hoodie.

Of course, the staff working there recognized him and all took photos of him, then looked at me confused. I did not realize I was wearing hills and a dress, and I came with him.

“What do you want?” he asked me as he made his order.

“I’ll buy it myself.”

“Okay then.” He said and paid his order and walked inside the car not waiting for me.

When I got back in his car, we drove all the way in silence.

“Where were you?” my best friend attacked me.

“Went to get myself some food.”

“You should have told me you idiot!”

Then I sit on the sofa and ate my food. The others were still drinking and enjoying, some of them were eating.

“How are you?” a guy came sit next to me.

“Better now, you?”

“I’m good, you do not seem to be enjoying” he smiled at me, he seemed a cool guy, kind.

“It’s not a party I usually go to that’s all.”

“I’m Rafael, but you can call me Rafinha or just Rafa.”

“Wait, you are a footballer to?” I knew I heard his name before.

“Yes I am…?” he waited for me to say my name.

“(y/n).”

“How come you came here all the way from Brazil?”

“I came to visit for a week my friend, I’m still waiting to finish university and come here also.”

“That’s nice, it’s amazing here.”

“I think it’s better for me to go back home.” I said as I felt really sick, that hamburger made me feel worse than I expected.

“You girls need a ride?” he asked as we both stood up.

“Um, I don’t know. Probably.” I felt bad, since I knew he was going to offer to drive and I did not want to use him.

“Girls. I feel sick, can we leave?” I asked them, just when they walked to me.

“Yeah we should go home.”

“I can drive you home; don’t need to call a taxi.”

“No, it’s fine really.” I said hoping he would let us go alone.

“I have to take you either way, it’s Neymar’s house and it’s better no one sees you here.”

“Right…” I said and took my purse and coat as we all walked to the door and waited Rafinha to say bye to Neymar, who walked to us.

“Leaving?” he asked looking at us.

“Yes, thank you so much for having us it was amazing.” One of my friends smiled and both of them hugged him.

“It’s no problem; just don’t spread the words please.”

“No worries.” My best friend smiled.

“Can we go now?” I said annoyed, because I knew the second I would come back home I would throw up.

“No one is forcing you to stay.” Neymar said, making me even more annoyed.

“Bye.” I rolled my eyes and walked outside, as the others followed.

“You should have been nicer (y/n)” my best friend said once we got inside.

“Well it’s not like he invited us, their friends did, plus I had a better time at the bar and it’s not like we will ever see him again.”

“You can be such a bitch when you are drunk.” My friend said as Rafinha laughed driving us.

We finally arrived in front of her apartment.

“Thank you for taking us home.” I said and walked out to get in bed as fast as I could.

When we were finally inside, I went in the bathroom to clean myself, when suddenly I heard my best friend running towards me, “(y/n)…” she said with a voice that was not promising anything good.

“What?” I asked when she walked inside.

“You’re fucked…” she said and then showed me her phone, where there were two photos of me and Neymar in the first one we were in the fast food then in the second one it was me walking in to his car, where my face could be seen really good.

“New flame for the Brazilian football superstar?”

The second I saw the photos I turned around to the toilet and threw up. What did I get in to now?

I started using when I was 12, by the age of 36 I was shooting up methadone between my toes as the majority of my veins had collapsed. I have not felt like using for years but that is not everyone’s experience. Recovery doesn’t make you immune from life. After nine years clean I held my dead son in my arms. For the life of me I could not figure out how shooting heroin would bring him back. That wasn’t ok but I am ok. Using doesn’t fix anything.
—  Damien, 13 years clean, On Addiction
They fucked me up, but I don’t ever wanna tell you just how bad. I won’t even now, don’t even want to think those things in your direction. But I will tell you — mostly because God willing you’ll never see these — I will tell you that when you first came for me I thought, hand to the Lord, that I was finally dead. And then I figured it was just another trick. They did that, made me think you were there. They’d shoot me up with something, and after I felt it slide through my veins under my skin I would see you, or I’d hear you, and I’d say your name the way I used to. You know what I mean — that nickname you hated, the one I still sometimes say just to rile you up because you’re amazing when I piss you off, your face all red like that, something about the fact that I can get your heart going.

But that name, I’d say it over and over. Up until I realized that they were back to their old drill, asking how’s that feel, does it hurt when I cut here? How about the sole of his foot next? And then I’d go back to it, name, rank, serial number. You wouldn’t believe all the German I learned on that table. It was a God damn language lesson.

And now I’m trekking around with you, killing anyone who’s got a swastika on and looks at you wrong, and I’ll tell you, my feet bled for three days straight after you came to get me, and I didn’t once feel a thing.

It’s like this. You were the best at mythology when we were kids, and I remember one day we were reading about Icarus. And you remember this, I know you do, but I’m going to tell you the story again anyway. Icarus made wings out of wax to escape a prison. But when he was outside for the first time in years there was the sun hanging up in the sky above him and he thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He flew closer and closer and his wings started to melt, but he didn’t give a good goddamn. He kept flying up until he couldn’t fly anymore, and his eyes were probably burning, and his skin was probably burning, but still he didn’t care. And then his wings melted all the way and he fell miles and miles into the ocean and brained himself on a rock, that poor stupid asshole. And I’ll tell you what: I’m no better. I’m no fucking better.
—  Bucky’s second letter to Steve in The Thirteen Letters