shoggie

Shoggy forgive me for I have sinned.

I’ve got a track list for my stripper playlist. The playlist itself isn’t ready yet, I had to go to class (Japanese gerunds can go die in a hole). It’s going to be a YouTube playlist, though. 8tracks is being annoying.

Rantep Paranormal AU
  • Shoggy:
  • ...Rantep AU where Nyarla is a poltergeist and Carter is a paranormal investigator
  • Sade:
  • OH
  • OOOHHHHH
  • YEESSSSS
  • Shoggy:
  • Carter's investigation team consists of Richard and Harley and they practically live in a huge old shitty van
  • Sade:
  • But is Carter the asshole type of paranormal investigator that insults the ghosts to get a reaction or the 'yes I'm a medium is there anyone here don't be afraid I'm not here to hurt you' type
  • Shoggy:
  • He's the latter
  • Harley's the first
  • Richard just holds the camera
  • Sade:
  • Ok first-that's adorable
  • But it's eVEN BETTER BC NYARLA'S PROBABLY USED TO PEOPLE BEING RUDE BACK
  • AND THIS CINNAMON ROLL COMES ALONG
  • Shoggy:
  • And he starts following Carter around because a) he's still confused about the niceness thing and b) Carter has the most ridiculous scream and Nyarla goes out of his way to get other spirits riled up so Carter will scream again
  • And Nyarla is a grade-A terror
  • We're talking bleeding walls and knife whirlwinds here
  • Sade:
  • Nyarla follows Carter home like a stray cat
  • Not because he likes him! Of course not!
  • Shoggy:
  • It's not like he finds him CUTE or anything
  • He's just an easy target and it's fun to make him scream
  • That's all
  • Sade:
  • He just wants Carter to go insane to one-up Yog-Sothoth, who thinks that a slow burn haunting is better in the long run
  • Shoggy:
  • He ends up being treated like the team mascot
  • Sade:
  • Omg yes
  • Shoggy:
  • They get another freaky picture of him and they laugh and roll their eyes
  • "There he goes again."
  • "What an attention whore."
  • *loud banging on the van*
  • "Oh hush. You know it's true."
  • Sade:
  • I'm dying
  • Shoggy:
  • When the haunting first starts, though, they're all scared shitless
  • Sade:
  • And when Nyarla finally gets the juice to manifest and Carter's just like 'fuck he's hot'
  • Oh yeah, I mean who wouldn't be?
  • Shoggy:
  • The first hint they get that something's following Carter is when Richard's playing around with an old camera and snaps a few pictures of Carter and right behind him in the photo is this HUGE BLACK SHADOW
  • Sade:
  • And at first they try to pass it off as natural phenomena but Pickman draws the line at bleeding walls
  • Shoggy:
  • They try to exorcise him
  • It does not go well
  • Sade:
  • Rude
  • Especially since the better-known exorcisms are Christian/Catholic and Nyarla would be a Khemetic of some kind if he's Egyptian
  • Shoggy:
  • There's a DEMON following Carter around throwing knives whenever he's bored
  • They're gonna try SOMETHING
  • Sade:
  • They do it and the next day 'nice try' is carved into the countertop
  • Shoggy:
  • And there's a dead pig's head at the foot of Carter's bed
  • Sade:
  • Harley and Pickman make themselves scarce the rest of that day until Carter calls, frantic, saying that something invisible has picked up his kitten and is playing with it in midair
  • Shoggy:
  • It'll be weeks before the poor man gets to sleep again
  • Sade:
  • His older cats (bc you know he's a Crazy Cat Carter) are either terrified or spitting mad at whatever it is
  • Poor guy
  • Shoggy:
  • He just straight-up passes out during an investigation because he's so worn out
  • Sade:
  • And the ghost in question (a sweet old lady) gives Nyarla the dressing-down of his afterlife
  • "Young man, you CAN'T haunt him until he dies, there's a little thing called ETIQUETTE"
  • Shoggy:
  • "What do you think is going to happen if he dies and finds out YOU were the one who killed him?"
  • Sade:
  • "That is not the way you treat your loved ones! DON'T GIVE ME THAT, I've seen how you look at him!"
  • Shoggy:
  • When they actually are a couple, consensual possession is definitely a thing
  • Sade:
  • YES
  • The first time Nyarla can't stop himself from doing the 'stop hitting yourself' thing once but only once
  • Carter keeps him out for at least a month after that until they build up trust again
  • Shoggy:
  • What a jerk
  • I've also decided that his name was Nathan
  • Everyone calls him Nat
  • Sade:
  • NO BUT WHAT IF HE WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS THAT WEARS REALLY THICK EYELINER AND SAYS 'CALL ME DARK'NESS DEMENTIA RAVEN WRAY'
  • Shoggy:
  • Naaaaaaah
  • He was from the 1800s
  • And heavily involved in the occult
  • Sade:
  • AND EVERYONE ASSUMES HE'S ACTUALLY SOME ANCIENT EGYPTIAN GUY--like really really pharaoh ancient--BUT HE'S JUST SOME SCHMUCK WHO GOT IN TOO FAR WITH THE WRONG PEOPLE
  • Shoggy:
  • "So were you around when they built the pyramids?"
  • "Nah."
  • Sade:
  • "I was hanging out in Italy with the Romans, that's way cooler"
  • Like he's trying to impress the cutie and I just ughhhh
  • Shoggy:
  • *was actually a servant for some old racist bastard and died trying to get a demon to kill him*
  • Sade:
  • He ended up getting possessed by the demon by mistake which killed him and now he's wandering around looking for the demon so he can get his body back
  • And die properly
  • Shoggy:
  • Oh no
  • You made it sad
  • Sade:
  • But then the ghostbuster squad exorcizes the demon and Nat goes back in his body and gets to grow old with Carter bc the demon was keeping it young
  • Shoggy:
  • It's less sad now
  • Sade:
  • Just imagine-the ghostbuster squad showing Nat modern food
  • Shoggy:
  • "HOW CAN YOU EAT SO MUCH?"
  • Sade:
  • He's SEEN those things, sure, but he couldn't taste when he was a ghost so he just scarfs it down until Carter... teaches him how to savor it
  • Shoggy:
  • Nat trying to figure out how to use a phone
  • Sade:
  • Nat sending Carter Dad Texts at first
  • Until he gets the hang of it
  • And then he sends entire messages ENTIRELY in cryptic emoji
  • Bc he can't just write everything in Latin in the age of google translate
  • Shoggy:
  • God help us all when he discovers Vine
  • His whole account is him tormenting the team
  • Sade:
  • Summonings for the vine
  • Shoggy:
  • OH BOY
  • I'M SURE EDGY TEENAGERS WON'T SCREW THAT UP
  • Sade:
  • Carter makes him put up 'behind the scenes' videos on his YouTube page reverse-engineering the magic
  • Until some bored college kids who are too smart for their own good try to do the science-y bit to recreate the trick and they realize he's just told them how to set up a Rube Goldberg machine or something
  • Shoggy:
  • Pffffft
  • Nosy kids
  • Sade:
  • And people start spreading Chuck Norris-like rumors
  • Shoggy:
  • Oh boy
  • Like he needed the ego boost
  • Sade:
  • Carter refuses to answer/acknowledge any of that apart from the 'sure, Jan' gif
  • Shoggy:
  • When Nat's still a ghost and starts wrecking things in Carter's house Carter just stands there with the most unimpressed expression on his face
  • Sade:
  • "Are you done?"
  • Shoggy:
  • "Are you having fun?"
  • Sade:
  • *dodges five knives (plastic bc Carter's gotten rid of the metal silverware by now) with a completely deadpan expression*
  • Shoggy:
  • *sighs and starts scrubbing the bloody handprints off of his mirrors*
  • Sade:
  • He doesn't even blink when Nyarla makes an outline around him in the wall behind with knives and forks
  • Shoggy:
  • Poor thing
  • He's been through hell
  • Sade:
  • But back out stronger+a cute boyfriend