QUERENCIA | HONG JISOO
querencia - (n.) a place from which one’s strength is drawn, where one feels at home; the place where you are your most authentic self.
You honestly dont even know how you never noticed. Out of literally nowhere, a guy randomly pops up, acting like your absolute dream man.
Having so many things in common with you and acting as if he’s known you, your entire whole life.
Making you think he simply appreciated every thing you were, by the way he’d capture every single little thing you’d say or do.
And just over all, instantly creating a bond with you.
Becoming your rock and support after all you had been going through at the time. Going from being a girl without a family who’d get bullied day in and out at school, to becoming someones main priority, their everything, made you fall instantly in love.
He would always be ready to hear you out on whatever matter need it be. Taking you out for ice cream every time you’d tell him you were feeling anxious or upset.
Standing up for you whenever people would trash talk you over at school. Staying always by your side, making you feel accompanied always, in contrast to how you’d be alone before, and without anyone to even speak to.
In other words,he’d just succeed in making you feel like the most prized possession on the face of the earth. He made you feel like the happy and perfect heroine of a cheesy romance novel.
How he’d oh so beautifully, dedicate poems to you, or could go on hours talking about how gorgeous you were and how attached he had become to being with you, all the time.
Leaping you off of your feet, every single time he’d flash you that smile of his.
Only after a mere month of knowing each other, he had declared his everlasting love for you in front of the entire lunch, letting people all around know someone finally cared and loved you at last.
For you however, at that moment, the timing was perfect. You thought you weren’t rushed into things at all, feeling like you knew him inside and out and wanted to be able to call him yours as soon as possible.
A few months after and you had both graduated, making you start work, in order to get enough money for college.When you started your job you began becoming busier than ever and yet he’d still be there.
No matter at what time you’d finish whether it was one in the afternoon or one in the morning, he couldn’t care less and would instantly be at your home waiting for you, always a small gift in hand.
At some point, you were even ready to jump out and marry him if he asked the question. Thinking you were both madly in love and that the sooner you were married, the better.
Your new made co workers, would always tell you how surreal he acted. How they wished they had someone like him in their lives.
Others, would tell you things were going far too fast. That nothing good would have ever come out of a relationship that was built on overnight.
But you brushed them off, because you couldn’t explain the butterflies going on in your stomach every time he’d look at you or simply talked to you.
Or even the feeling you’d get every time you’d wake up and see him there laying beside you, hands wrapped around your waist. You couldn’t trust those people you would tell yourself, those who’d say It was far too good to happen truthfully.
You would just call them jealous, you’d say they just wanted to break your special bond, so they’d talk and talk to make you question his love for you.
Oh how awfully wrong were you. He had succeeded, definitely, but not in being the best man in the world, or being the perfect boyfriend. He had succeeded in stealing your heart, with the cruelest of intentions behind it.
You found out one day, when you overheard him talking on the phone.
“Its almost been a year, how long do you think I’m going to keep this act up? Its been fun and all but I have a life I need to attend to, my actual life, away from here. One where I don’t need to pretend I’m in ‘love’ with a random girl you paid me to be with. Plus she’s getting extremely annoying. Im through with this act. I’ll just leave soon, without a word. She’ll be crushed as you wanted, so I’m done here.”
You can’t even begin to describe the pain you felt in your heart in that moment. Your entire body felt completely and utterly numb.
Your boyfriend, had been paid from the very start to be with you. To somehow leave you in the end broken.
You wanted to go over there and slap him until your hands would feel like falling off, punch him, scream at him. Ask him why he’d ever hurt you.
But you couldn’t, you couldn’t even comprehend why someone would be so heartless enough as to do what he, and the person he was on the phone with, did to you.
You waited, until he left, and then you waited even more for the perfect timing, to somehow get back what little dignity you had left.
You somehow during that week, discovered who had set this all up. You had gotten his phone while he was on the shower and had looked through his messages, hidden within all of his texts was one with the rich obnoxious guy who had bullied you, all throughout high school.
The same guy who supposedly, your ‘boyfriend’ had helped you stand up to. You could have never imagined them being friends or even talking to eachother.
Scrolling through the messages however, you noticed they were awfully close and saw how they’d talk abut you, making you seem literally even less valuable than trash.
You waited two more days, seeing as you still needed to overthink a plan perfect enough to pay for what they had done to you, most importantly, what he had done.
Today, is finally the day you’re getting you’re revenge on Jisoo.
You carefully stand up from the bed, looking to your right side at the bathroom door, making sure he’s still showering, in order to not get yourself caught. You softly move onto the closet, the place where you had seen him store his money in, whenever he’d think you were asleep.
Standing up on your tippy toes, you grab onto the top shelfs black and get a shining gold shoe box, opening it to reveal what you could guess is easily more than fifty thousand dollars, you quietly gasp, as you never thought there’d be this much money hidden in here.
You quickly grab the money, and head on over to your bed, where underneath, a big suit case is hidden. You’ve been preparing the suit case with all your must have items.
So far, you had a bundle of clothing, bathroom care items, your makeup bag and a few perfumes. You throw the money inside and make sure to cover it up with a t-shirt as you lock the suit case and grab your car keys which were by the kitchen, rapidly going to your car, you ended up grabbing the suit case by its handle, and throwing it on the back seat.
You then make your way inside. Only to be greeted by an amused Jisoo, whom sat at the kitchen table, looking at you questionably as he seems to be surprised you were up and hadn’t told him you were doing something so early as you’d always tell him even the silliest of things just to keep him in the know.
“You thought you had me all figured out didnt you?” you say, as you move toward him, looking up at him with nothing other than despise in your eyes.
“You know, I always thought you were perfect. But now looking back, I realize ever since the very start you were far too ‘perfect’ to be even begin to be real. I literally feel so stupid for all the time that I gave you, all the time I lost, oh my god.” you say as you chuckle bitterly.
“What are you talking about?”
“Are seriously acting oblivious right now? Im talking about you, getting paid to fuck me over. Thats what I’m talking about you insensible piece of shit” you say as you slap him across the face, making the sound echo throwout the apartment.
he suddenly grabs your wrist, and looks at you deeply, with an expression so cold, that it sickens you to your stomach.
“Sweetheart, you just made the plan fail. I knew I should have left a long time ago, with my money. But now, now.. don’t act so strong, we both know you definitely aren’t. I’ve seen you at your weakest points, I’ve seen how truly weak you can be love, theres simply no lying to me.”
he snickers as he holds you closer, smirking coldly almost as if he’s enjoyed the entire time hurting you over and over again.
You can’t help but feel hate for this man standing in front of you. If accepting to do what he’s done, doesn’t make him a terrible enough person, the words he speaks reveal his true colors, making him seem like the biggest asshole on the planet.
“Thats where you’re wrong. Sure you have seen me at my lowest points. But that itself doesn’t define me to be weak, it simply shows I was too strong for too long. Aside from that, id like to let you know, that yes, maybe you did waste the last year of my life. But you should know, I did get my payback, ‘love’ and now, it is me who feels terribly sorry for you, seeing that after this, you wont even have money to go on. I hope one day you come to realize that you are the absolute definition of scum. Oh, and one more thing. Don’t. Ever. Question what I’m cable of, again.”
you say as you pull yourself out of his grip and strike him by kicking his leg, which ended up making him fall onto the floor, as you rapidly sprint toward the door, slamming it open and making your way to your car.
Opening the drivers door, you quickly get in and slam shut the door, you then push your key into ignition and lock all the doors, as you see him running out the house, screaming for his money.
When you drive off, you end up seeing him, sprinting far back behind you, trying to catch up desperately.
Making your way into the highway, you turn on the radio, to try and help you clear your mind, in order to think of where you’ll be going next, now that you don’t live in that apartment after this. However one things for sure…
For now, no other man will get to be your everything so easily. As of right now, you’ll be your own rock, you’ll be your own home.