shitty-allies

okay, i was in the car with my sisters (who are both cishet), and one of them asked, “how lgbt friendly is our town?”

i responded immediately with, “not at all,” at the same time my other sister responded with, “well, it’s not *that* friendly.”

i was asked by both of them as to why i was insisting that no, our town (which is extremely small and can be summed up by the school, btw) is not lgbt friendly. i told them that so many kids threw around the f and d slurs, as well as calling people gay as an insult, and also, they make those “did you just assume my gender/i identify as an attack helicopter” jokes. keep in mind, i’m genderfluid and a lesbian, so yeah, these things are both *pretty* harmful to me. (granted, i’m not out to my family, so them not listening to what i had to say wasn’t (too much of) a problem, but that’s not the point.)

my other sister, who said that our town was *kind of* lgbt friendly, said, “well, yeah, but you’re going to find that in every school. what i mean is that no one - or at least most people - is going to get turned away for being gay.”

and you know what?

no.

throwing around homophobic and lesphobic slurs and making homophobic and transphobic jokes is not “lgbt friendly,” no matter how normal it is. these things harm lgbt kids (i.e., me), and drive anyone who wants to come out further into the closet. i’m out as a lesbian to all my friends, but i would never dream of coming out as genderfluid to them, and you know why? it’s because they laughed at (not even made - laughed at) those “did you just assume my gender?” jokes. i’m fucking petrified of being myself around others because of these jokes. (goddamn jokes).

so no, our town is not lgbt friendly. i don’t give a shit that *most* people won’t get kicked out of their homes for being gay. as long as gay, trans, and nonbinary kids are being ostracized and pushed into the closet, our town is not lgbt friendly.

if you aren’t lgbt, you need to hold yourself to *way* higher standards than you are now. just because you wouldn’t kill your friend for being gay doesn’t mean you’re a good ally. if you throw around slurs (yes, even jokingly), if you call people gay as an insult, or if you make any of the “attack helicopter” jokes, you’re a shitty ally and an even shittier human.

(yes, cishets can reblog this - in fact, it’s encouraged.)

Rocknaldo is a great lesson on allyship

Its not the most exciting episode, but it had a really good point that I think is really relevant to our current times. Ronaldo likes and accepts the crystal gems, and just like shitty allies to irl marginalized communities he thinks this means he should get special treatment, or a reward for being so tolerant, or get to be included in their community. And just like a typical shitty ally, he starts talking over the people in that community, believing he knows more than they do about their group and problems, and knows it better.

And then Steven pointed out that, being open and accepting doesnt mean letting yourself be pushed around, and that it’s important to call out people who make you feel bad, even if they are coming to you with ‘good’ intentions. Honestly especially so, because allies *are* important, but not to the point that it causes harm among your community. You shouldn’t tolerate or settle for something that makes you feel bad just because it comes from good intentions.

And while we didnt see inside the pamphlet, I liked that they pointed out one of the best ways to be an ally, which is educating yourself, taking criticism and then using your position of power to educate others so it doesn’t fall on the backs of the group who is marginalized.

Really great episode crewniverse!

dear anti-racist white allies, stop othering yourself from white people. stop pretending you aren’t “that” white person. you are that white person. most likely, the majority of your friends are white. most likely, you appropriate aave. most likely, you still accidentally drop the n-word when singing along to the latest radio hiphop hit. most likely, you will get just the slightest bit uncomfortable around men of color at night. most likely, you have said something in the past month that relies on a racial stereotype. most likely, your attraction to poc has shades of exotification. most likely, your interest in poc cultures can border on cultural appropriation.

i know because those are all things i occasionally find myself guilty of, and it’s not okay.

stop forgetting that a huge part of being an ally is identifying what you do wrong, checking your privilege, and trying your hardest to overcome it so as not to perpetuate those harmful behaviors. being an ally is not about getting social justice points. being an ally is not about a warm fuzzy feeling for helping those less privileged than you. being an an ally is not about being superior to people in your privilege group. being an ally is about helping destroy the privilege you live in and it is just as internal as it is external.

one week since u looked at me

James and LIly fight and it’s 100% the other person’s fault, and everyone is just a little bit unhinged. 

3371 Words

For @expressopatronum​, who requested a jily fic based on the Barenaked Ladies song. :D


tues.

James Potter to M8S B4 D8S: well. Fuck.

James Potter: im broken up

James Potter: literally

James Potter: and metaphorically

James Potter: and every other kind of shitty ally tbh

James Potter: hello?????

James Potter: im in Crisis here

Peter Pettigrew: we know, mate. You ok?

James Potter: how??

Peter Pettigrew: well…

James Potter: she texted u???

Remus Lupin: she texted me

Peter Pettigrew: then he told us

Remus Lupin: wtf, Prongs

James Potter: u believe her???

Remus Lupin: didn’t say that, mate. Just a weird situation, yeah??

James Potter: Weird = shitty, then yea. her fault tho for being so dramatic!! And do u arseholes have a group chat w/out me???

Sirius Black: nah. y would we do smth like that to u prongs. go chill @ mine. AND i for one am being a good mate and withholding judgment. (except on evans cos shes clearly at fault here)

James Potter: damn straight she is. 100%!!! and im already @ urs, actually. where r u tho?

Sirius Black: alcohol

James Potter: Good Man

Remus Lupin: I’m getting pizza

James Potter: don’t bother?? never eating again

James Potter: PS no more talking to evans unless its for espionage

Peter Pettigrew: this should be fun

 - - -

 James Potter to Not Lovely Lily: ready for ur apology, like, whenever, babe

James Potter: no?

James Potter: sirius’s sofa is super fucking cosy, btw

James Potter: PS whatever the current differences between us, pls dont stoop so low as to eat Mums biscuits

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To be quite honest, if you’re one of those “I don’t owe you an explanation, use google” queers/sjw, I can’t help but wonder if you realize how fucking privileged you are.

How privileged do you have to be to be able to afford telling a potential ally (or at least less bigoted) to go fuck themselves when they ask you a question.

And there’s a H U G E difference between telling an obvious sealioner to crawl up their own ass and tearing down someone asking a genuine question.

Can they use google? Yes. But for whatever reason they’ve decided to ask you. Maybe its out of convenience, maybe they want your specific opinion/perspective, maybe they’re just too lazy or don’t really care enough to do their own research.

Either way, you are being presented the opportunity to teach someone something important, and you’re throwing that away. You’re telling them, and anyone who sees your comment, that you don’t actually care about changing anyone’s opinion on queer folk.

Whether you like it or not, aggression chases off allies. Because ‘open minded’ people become 'non bigoted’ people become shitty allies become kinda ok allies and so on and so forth. And frankly, I’d rather have a shitty ally who’s support is conditional who can maybe learn to be less shitty, than a douche bag that’s decided to continue being a douchebag forever because some trans person couldn’t be fucked to decline politely.

You don’t have to educate every single person that asks you a question. But don’t shut them down and tell them to use google.

A simple “I’m not up for explaining it right now, maybe later/maybe someone else can explain it” will suffice.

“Go use google I don’t owe you shit 🙃🙃🙃” isn’t gonna get you anywhere and its such a shitty, privileged response.

If the other person isn’t be rude, its fucking childish to respond to them with that kind of attitude.

If you’re actively putting out posts about queerness and putting yourself in the public eye as a queer activist-

If you self identify. As a queer activist. And then refuse to offer education to cishets. You’re not an activist, you’re just an angry minority.

“It’s genetic, which is science.”

I keep considering taking the ridiculous shit that makes carol’s children gay out of the bot because there are some pretty uncomfortable conversations in there as a result, but at the same time this can be a pretty good illustration of how many “allies” are determined to lean on the fucking “born this way”/DNA/evopsych horseshit. I’m torn.

Bonus dipshit who just learned the word “supercilious”:

youtube

ASAP Fables: The Lion and His Privilege 

Don’t be a shitty ally.

Allies, listen up...

Allies make mistakes. White allies make mistakes in discussions about racism. Men make mistakes in discussions about Feminism. Straight people inadvertently say terrible things in discussions about gay rights. So on and so on.
You know what? Thats okay. Thats expected. What separates the GOOD allies from the shitty allies is how you take criticism for the shitty things you accidentally say in discussions that arent about you. 


Shut up. Listen. Acknowledge your mistake if you wanna. And then KEEP listening.
DO NOT throw a big-ass tantrum and cry about how people are ganging up on you and how you’re “not allowed to have a different opinion”. Because you’re making a discussion thats not about you ALL about your feelings. Thats a shitty ally. Don’t be a shitty ally. Because most shitty allies arent allies at all.

klaine-run-the-world  asked:

"But my friend gave him the sticker!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 darrenbuttisagoodbutt is more worried about your blogs than about Darren looking like a shitty ally.

Right?  I cannot tell you how many people regularly stalk my blog, as in multiple hits per day, that are “PR Believers.” If you want to believe the BS that is fine, but don’t stalk my blog or the blogs of my friends.  And the fact that you do speaks volumes.

And stop being so naive. Darren is not obligated to wear everything a person gives to him. And he is not stupid. People really fail time and again to remember he is an incredibly intelligent and socially aware man.

He is well aware of what wearing that sticker, while waiving a pride flag, on a float at the Pride Parade, meant. And I have never seen him look more joyful and free.