shitty-allies

Rocknaldo is a great lesson on allyship

Its not the most exciting episode, but it had a really good point that I think is really relevant to our current times. Ronaldo likes and accepts the crystal gems, and just like shitty allies to irl marginalized communities he thinks this means he should get special treatment, or a reward for being so tolerant, or get to be included in their community. And just like a typical shitty ally, he starts talking over the people in that community, believing he knows more than they do about their group and problems, and knows it better.

And then Steven pointed out that, being open and accepting doesnt mean letting yourself be pushed around, and that it’s important to call out people who make you feel bad, even if they are coming to you with ‘good’ intentions. Honestly especially so, because allies *are* important, but not to the point that it causes harm among your community. You shouldn’t tolerate or settle for something that makes you feel bad just because it comes from good intentions.

And while we didnt see inside the pamphlet, I liked that they pointed out one of the best ways to be an ally, which is educating yourself, taking criticism and then using your position of power to educate others so it doesn’t fall on the backs of the group who is marginalized.

Really great episode crewniverse!

dear anti-racist white allies, stop othering yourself from white people. stop pretending you aren’t “that” white person. you are that white person. most likely, the majority of your friends are white. most likely, you appropriate aave. most likely, you still accidentally drop the n-word when singing along to the latest radio hiphop hit. most likely, you will get just the slightest bit uncomfortable around men of color at night. most likely, you have said something in the past month that relies on a racial stereotype. most likely, your attraction to poc has shades of exotification. most likely, your interest in poc cultures can border on cultural appropriation.

i know because those are all things i occasionally find myself guilty of, and it’s not okay.

stop forgetting that a huge part of being an ally is identifying what you do wrong, checking your privilege, and trying your hardest to overcome it so as not to perpetuate those harmful behaviors. being an ally is not about getting social justice points. being an ally is not about a warm fuzzy feeling for helping those less privileged than you. being an an ally is not about being superior to people in your privilege group. being an ally is about helping destroy the privilege you live in and it is just as internal as it is external.

“It’s genetic, which is science.”

I keep considering taking the ridiculous shit that makes carol’s children gay out of the bot because there are some pretty uncomfortable conversations in there as a result, but at the same time this can be a pretty good illustration of how many “allies” are determined to lean on the fucking “born this way”/DNA/evopsych horseshit. I’m torn.

Bonus dipshit who just learned the word “supercilious”:

Allies, listen up...

Allies make mistakes. White allies make mistakes in discussions about racism. Men make mistakes in discussions about Feminism. Straight people inadvertently say terrible things in discussions about gay rights. So on and so on.
You know what? Thats okay. Thats expected. What separates the GOOD allies from the shitty allies is how you take criticism for the shitty things you accidentally say in discussions that arent about you. 


Shut up. Listen. Acknowledge your mistake if you wanna. And then KEEP listening.
DO NOT throw a big-ass tantrum and cry about how people are ganging up on you and how you’re “not allowed to have a different opinion”. Because you’re making a discussion thats not about you ALL about your feelings. Thats a shitty ally. Don’t be a shitty ally. Because most shitty allies arent allies at all.

spring cleaning, pals

unfollow me if you’re

- Regular Shitty (racist/homophobic/transphobic/ableist/etc)

- A terf, which fits into the above but I especially wanna single out

- Bad Ally Shitty (self-professed “yaoi fangirls”/other fetishizaton, “light it up blue” autism $peaks supporters, “I don’t see race/gender/etc,” AllLivesMatter, I can’t think of more examples but. yknow)

- Ship Shitty (ship incest, age gaps, abusers x their victims, etc, I really just can’t stand this shit)

- I’ll probably add onto this later but that should do the trick for now

anonymous asked:

Hey recently I posted on facebook about the petition to legally recognise non binary people, and this guy, who I vaguely know but not well, asked me in the comments what my sexuality and gender identity were. Bearing in mind that I've only come out to two people close to me and my facebook friends are a myriad of family, friends and relative strangers, I messaged him to say that I wasn't comfortable with publicly broadcasting it (continued in following ask)

(continued) to which he responded that I “shouldn’t be ashamed” and “should just be more comfortable”. (He’s a straight cis male btw, if that makes a difference). I didn’t tell him anything anyway but it just made me feel so awful about myself. I’m not ashamed to be non binary but it’s more complicated than that… Now I feel that I’m somehow letting down the queer community and making it seem like a bad thing by not coming out. What do you think?

I think that guy sounds like an asshole. He’s the one who should feel bad, not you.

Let me list each mistake that this jerk made:

  1. He asked you a question about your gender and sexuality without your permission.
  2. He asked you a highly personal question even though he was not a very close friend.
  3. He asked you that question in a public space where you could have been endangered for answering.
  4. When you declined to answer, he told you that your choice was wrong.
  5. He argued with you about a choice that only you have the authority to make.
  6. He made a big assumption about your feelings and needs that was presumptuous, unfounded and invasive.
  7. He made you feel bad about yourself for making a reasonable choice that was none of his business.
  8. He claimed to be supportive of queer people but he was actually being hurtful.
  9. He believed that his mental image of what an “out, proud queer person” is, should take precedence over the actual desires and choices of a queer person.

Everything wrong with this scenario is his fault. He is the very prototype of a shitty ally. His actions would still have been wrong even if he were queer, but the fact that he is a straight cis person makes it extra nasty. This is because he has none of the personal experience or vested interest that would give his opinions on queer matters weight or meaning. It is horrible for a straight cis person to tell queer people how we ought to feel or how we should manage our lives. He doesn’t know shit.

It’s easy for privileged people to underestimate the danger and emotional magnitude of oppressed people’s experiences. Your acquaintance, like many straight cis people, is clueless about the numerous reasons why you might not want to come out to everyone on the planet. Instead, he made an assumption about your feelings and motivations that he had no right to make.

Your gender and orientation are your business, and your business alone. You do not have to come out or do activism work at all, and you certainly don’t have to do it at the expense of your own safety or mental health. You are a human being, not a perpetual activism robot, and your personal worries and needs are important.

If you want to come out, or do more for the queer movement, that’s great. But it is not required. You are not letting queer people down by taking care of yourself. The only way you would be letting people down would be if you actively tried to hinder other people’s efforts to make things better. You have done nothing wrong and there is no need for you to feel bad.

i’m too tired to write up a good smart post about why i fucking love interrobang, but listen. it’s a podcast by travis mcelroy and tybee diskin, and it’s basically them getting real about their lives in a freeform conversation, from relationship and sex stuff to death, navigating being a respectful ally online, shitty jobs and childhood stories and basically anything else. they literally start out every ep with a straight-up trigger warning for listeners and the whole tone of the show is just unflaggingly sincere, honest and kindhearted.

if you took the vibe of when mbmbam occasionally gets real for a question and sustained it for a show, that’s getting close. interrobang always goes for the sincere answer over a goof, but it works because they couch almost every new subject in stories and anecdotes rather than ranting about the idea of a thing and it manages to be incredibly cathartic at some point in almost every episode. and i mean, there are still plenty of goofs, don’t get it twisted

also, tybee is bi, which comes up about as much as trav being a straight married person does, but when it does, i usually find it incredibly relatable, esp the coming to it in your 20s aspect of her experience. It’s just not a point of view i get to hear enough in my podcast diet and i really value it

also they give each other nicknames at the top of each episode omfg you guys it’s real cute. just listen. i started with the episode “from jealousy to platonic friendship” and if you need a place to dip in, that’ll do you fine

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT ACE PEOPLE ARE IN THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT ARO PEOPLE ARE IN THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT CISGENDER ACES ARE IN THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT HETEROSEXUAL AROS ARE IN THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT YOU CAN BE CISGENDER AND HETEROSEXUAL AND STILL BE AROMANTIC

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT YOU CAN BE CISGENDER AND HETERO-ROMANTIC AND BE ASEXUAL

FRIENDLY FUCKING REMINDER THAT THE A IN LGBTQIA COMMUNITY, SINCE WE ALL WANT TO BE POLITICALLY CORRECT, STANDS FOR ASEXUAL, AROMANTIC AND AGENDER

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT ASEXUAL AND AROMANTIC ARE VALID, AND YOU’RE A SHITTY ALLY/LGBTQ MEMBER IF YOU DON’T ACCEPT THEM 

Watch on omgcpvines.tumblr.com

shitty: i’m an lgbt ally and this is a safe space *does some shit with his nunchucks*

A friend of mine showed me Blood Stone when it aired, and she said it was a metaphor for Fake Geek Boys in the fandom, always trying to Mansplain SU to fans.

But like?? I feel it’s a metaphor for bigotry + shitty ass allies who overstep their boundaries and victimize themselves when someone tries to call them out on it and they only want to be a part of the cause because they get something out of it (like a platform) not because they actually care….

yo i feel like a fucking twat reblogging/liking stuff that is about LGBTA+ or BLM etc bc I feel like a shitty “ally”/making it about me being a “great person” but i hope you all know i’m completely behind you.

Literally how shitty of an ally/how blinded by your fucking privilege do you have to be to have the damn audacity to claim that “both candidates are horrible!” Or that “this election is such a joke haha” like shut the hell up. Any Muslim, woman, gay person, Mexican, trans person, black person, poor person (basically any oppressed group) in your life will tell you: this election isn’t a fucking joke. It’s terrifying. Pull your head out of your straight white cis rich male ass and realize that this election isn’t something to take lightly. Hillary is infinitely better than trump for so many fucking people. Be a better ally to the marginalized groups in your life and wake the fuck up.