shitty yeh but i needed it

anonymous asked:

Can you do a Stella Carlin where both of you like each other a lot but are too shy to do anything. So one day there's a huge rain storm and the electricity is out, and it's really dark, and everyone has to sleep in the cafeteria. When nobody notices, Stella pulls you somewhere private and you guys start making out. Thanks in advance!

It had been a shitty day from the moment I had woken up. They had given me some new inmate that had arrived the night before and hadn’t been given a proper tour of the prison, leaving me to that annoying task. The showers had ran cold by the time I had finished, leaving me to bath in the freezing cold. And now, a storm had hit, making the lights flicker and putting everyone in a bad mood.

“I hate this kind of weather,” I grumbled, running my fingers through my knotty hair, attempting to brush the knots out without needing to find my brush.

“Yeh, it’s really fucking shitty,” Piper sighed, brushing her wet hair out, somehow managing to hit me with droplets of water, even though we were at opposite ends of the bench.

“I swear if the power goes out, I’m gonna jump out a window,” I huffed, hoisting myself up on the bench and swinging my legs childishly, watching her continue to prepare herself for bed. As if on queue, the lights in the bathroom started flicking, before finally going out a moment later. “You’ve got to be kidding me…”

“Alright ladies, everyone out of the bathroom!” one of the new part time officers came storming into the bathroom, waving her baton in the doorway, glaring at anyone who passed her. “Go to your cubes and get your things, we’re all bunking in the cafeteria!” All the girls let out a loud groan, clutching their towels tighter around their bodies, not wanting to let anything slip, despite a majority of them being into girls anyway.

“This is ridiculous,” I sighed, picking up my discarded towel and toiletries and following the girls towards our cubes, cringing at the sheer darkness of the prison.

“Well atleast this way you’ll get to spend the night with your favourite person…” Piper winked, her eyes wandering to the opposite side of the room where Stella was stood, laughing at something with another inmate, a flash of jealousy rushing through me. “I don’t care how dark it is, if I see your two heads get close to one another, I’ll give you both shit for the rest of your time here…”

“Ok mum,” I rolled my eyes, picking up my mattress and rolling it as best I could, tucking it under my arm, along with some food, a pillow and a book to keep myself entertained. “Let’s just hurry up and go… I want to get a good spot.”

Stella POV

I threw my mattress onto the cold, hard cafeteria floor, looking around at the sheer amount of girls who had gathered into the small area. There were obviously designated areas for each ‘squad’, and Morello had somehow managed to score one of the back corners, giving us all ultimate privacy.

“Alright, who’s bright idea was it to all sleep in here,” Piper huffed, stepping over another inmate and throwing her things onto the floor, crossing her arms over her chest. “Do they realise that we could all die of suffocation?”

“I’d rather that than drowning to death,” Y/N piped up, dropping her mattress next to mine and collapsing onto it, nudging me with her elbow. “You’re my designated cuddle buddy for tonight.” I simply nodded, letting her scoot over so our heads were resting against each others, my arm itching to go around her, but refraining for fear of it being too forward and too in public.

“You’re two are so cute together,” Morello sighed, patting both of our legs softly, making me roll my eyes at her forward comment. “Don’t be sassy with me… We all know you like each other..”

“No we don’t!” We both stated at the same time, blushing at our synchronisation.

“We’re just good friends,” Y/N mumbled, looking down at her hands that were resting in her lap, making me frown slightly at her comment.

“Stella doesn’t look too happy about that,” Piper raised a brow at me, kicking my leg softly. “You have a thing for my baby?”

“Your baby?” Y/N chuckled, lifting her head back up to stare at her friend with a confused look. “I was kidding about the whole mum thing, ya know.”

“I take it quite seriously,” Piper shot me a deadly look, shaking her pointer finger at me. “You treat my baby good, ya hear? If she comes crying to me, I’ll kill you myself…”

“Piper, shut up and go to sleep,” Y/N rolled her eyes, manoeuvring herself so she was lying on her mattress with her head in my lap, my hands automatically running themselves through her hair. “That feels nice…”

“Don’t go to sleep,” I mumbled, tugging on her hair softly, raising a brow when she bit her lip slightly. “You have to stay awake to entertain me…”

“Entertain yourself,” she scoffed playfully, moaning softly when I tugged on her hair a bit harder than before, her bright eyes staring up at me through her lashes, almost challenging me to continue.

“Never knew you were the kinky type…” I chuckled, watching her blush at my comment.

“There’s quite a bit that you don’t know about me…” she muttered softly, her eyes wandering over towards the doorway into the cafeteria. I followed her gaze, noticing a majority of the room was either asleep or reading, with most of the guards slouched against the walls, completely knocked out. I pushed Y/N off my lap, scrambling to my feet and pulling her up with me, tugging her along behind me, tiptoeing across the inmates sprawled across the floor, thankful for the darkness that was keeping us hidden.

Y/N POV

“Where the hell are we going?” I whispered, just narrowly dodging stepping on one of the inmates, following the frantic girl towards the abandoned and completely dark hallways. “Stella, we’re going to get caught!”

“Shh,” she shushed me, jiggling doorknobs as she walked down the hallway, finally finding an open room and pushing me inside, closing the door behind us and locking it.

“What are we-” I was cut off by her lips connecting with my own, her arms wrapped around my waist, my own coming to wrap around her neck. I tilted my head to the side slightly, almost collapsing at the feel of her soft lips against my own, her arms being the only thing keeping me upright. The kisses became more frantic, her hands sliding down my back until they were resting just below my bum, lifting me onto the table, standing in-between my open legs. She pulled away from my lips, her hands coming up to cup my cheeks, placing soft kisses all over my face.

“I’ve waited so long to do that,” she breathed out, raising a brow when I hooked my fingers into the waistband of her pants, tugging her even closer to me. “What are you doing?”

“Sit on me,” I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her onto my lap so she was straddling me, my hands down resting on her ass.

“I thought you meant something else when you told me to sit on you,” she pouted, making me roll my eyes. “But I guess this is ok…”

“That comes later,” I winked, giving her a cheeky grin, cooing when a soft flush spread across her cheeks, obviously not expecting my forward comment. “But for now, I just wanna make out with you…”

“How romantic…”

Chapter 2 Aria Part 1.

Trigger warning: Sexual assault, domestic abuse. Please call the 1−800−799−7233 if you have suffered from any abuse.

In the next upcoming months Aria and Harry reconnected. Her album was to be released soon but she longed to go back to the days she sang background for the band.

Laying in bed she remembered the day Liam and Harry got into a fight over whose part she will sing along with and somehow she managed to appease them both. It was the first time Harry truly noticed her as he tells it to people.

It was currently 10pm in New York  which meant it was 3am in Manchester where Harry was working on his album. Aria was supposed to be asleep instead her mind raced filled with anxiety she couldn’t relax instead her thoughts took her to the worst possible outcomes for performance the next day. To help pass time she texted him

Aria: I miss you big head lol😚😙😋

Aria: I can’t sleep😣😣😓😓☹

Aria: I wish I could call you but you’re sleeping beauty and you definitely need 6 hours of sleep at least or youll be evil lol 😴😴😴

Aria: Remember the time i made you stay up for 24 hours and you were grumpy the whole day and I had to make it up 😉😂

Aria: I have to perform tomorrow. I don’t want to. I’d  much rather go back to the good old days where no one knew I existed

Aria: I still laugh at the memories of you falling on stage…. clumsy prince

Aria: I’m gonna have diarrhea tomorrow theres no  way I’m gonna survive

Aria: Sorry TMI 🙊

Aria: Since I cant bug you you’ll wake up to like 20 texts. 😜

Aria: she sent picture of her sleeping with the teddy bear he got her 2 years ago

Aria: Me and Mr. H miss you

Aria: I had to give him surgery awhile back. Roxy the little shit ripped his eye out. I almost cried 😢😢😢

Aria: Imagine me a grown woman crying over a stuffed animal. 😂😭😭😭

Aria: I went into panic mode!! That was not a contingency I planned for she just bit his eye and yanked it out! Then she starts running with it! In her mouth! Chewing it!  I never truly knew what panic was till that moment!😲😲😲

Aria: Damn dog😒😒😒

Aria: Arent you supposed to be up running? It’s 3

Aria: I miss you again

Aria: I don’t want to perform Harry

Aria: Will you be disappointed in me if I quit?

Aria: Will you call when you wake up?

When Harry woke up at 5am his time he read the texts laughing she was definitely panicking her nerves were getting to her because she was a chatter box.

He called her via Skype

Her computer facing her she raised up hearing the call she clicked the mouse before falling back in bed.

“Aria” he said watching her move around

“Yes”

“I see Roxy is around Mr.H” he said noticing the dog by her side  

“Yes she was on 1 month probation after she did that”

He chuckled

“It’s not funny” she said sitting up

“Yeh ok?”

“No” she said looking down  

“Yeh’ll do good!”

“I don’t like performing in front of people”

“Yeh did when we went on tour”

“Yes but no one knew it was me”

He sighed

“I have to perform for the executives at 9. Practiced my ranges”

“Don’t strain your voice”

“I know… what are you doing today besides calming my nerves”

“Just tha'nd recording”

“You’re working on your 3rd album?”

“Yes”

She smiled “you have great bed head”

He laughed “are yeh not sleepy?”

“I am I keep jerking in my sleep”

“Just relax poppet”

“I’m trying”

“I have to go for my run”

“Ok i’ll call you when I get done”

“Ok” he said blowing a kiss

She caught it.

Harry: How’d it go? He asked when she didn’t call by the end of the day he wondered how things went

Aria: 😭😭😭😭😭😖😓

Harry called her

Harry: Pick up poppet

Aria: No 😭😢

Harry: howd it go

Aria: ‘need more practice’

Aria: Tommy said ‘on a scale of 1-10. 1 being pretty bad  and 10 being the worst performance ever that was a 7.’ 😭😭😭 I can’t do this

Harry:😒😒 drop him he’s a shitty manager

Harry: Pick up poppet please

She took a deep breath before answering his call

“Hey” she said

“Where are you?”

“At home”  her voice broke

“Aww pet”

“I can’t do this Harry”

“I think yeh need another manager”

She sniffed “I wish you were here”

“I’ll be there soon pet”

She remained silent

“Wanna tell me what happened?”

“My voice  shook the whole time….sang off key sounded like shit”

“It’s alright Aria”

“It’s not,” her voice was soft. “I’m not made for this.”

“Aria yeh are” he stressed

She sighed “how was your day”

“It was wonderful recorded 3 songs”

“Good”

“My album is done will you listen to it?”

He paused “i don’ kno’ if i should.” He was hesitant. In the past she depended so much on his opinion he got frustrated with the search of approval from him.

“Ok fair enough i’ll have Mr. H listen to it”

He remained silent

“Maybe i can do like a Sia thing but cover my whole body be in dungeon somewhere”

He was still quiet

“Ok Harry good night.” She said ending the call. She knew him too well he was asleep.

As she sat aimlessly looking at the ceiling she contemplated all the different things she could do to put an end to her contract. Get sick with a virus, purposely damage her larynx, car accident etc. When Harry awoke at 3am his time he called her she stared at the phone contemplating whether she would swipe right or left. The screen went dark she thanked the gods for not making her make that decision.

At 10 in the morning she found herself in the studio listening to Thomas or Tommy berate her

“ARIA! Im talking to you!” he said snapping her out of her thoughts

“Sorry” she cowered away

“WHY” he paused “why didn’t you perform like you did in this video? you were so good then what is it now?” he was showing her a video of her singing at a local jazz bar. There were only 10 people, people she would never meet this was different this was executives and produces people who had the power to build or destroy her career with one move.

“I dont know im just nervous”

“ABOUT WHAT? WE HAVE DONE EVERYTHING UNDER THE SUN TO GET YOU TO NOT BE NERVOUS? SO WHAT ARE YOU NERVOUS ABOUT NOW?

“EVERYTHING!” She argued back before looking at her phone Harry had called her 5 times already.

Harry: Aria are you ok ive called you multiple times

She recorded Tommy

He hit the wall beside her “YO YOU A FUCKING EMBARRASSMENT IT’S A WASTE OF TALENT YOU HAVE. I GOT A 10 YEAR OLD WHO WOULD KILL TO BE IN YOUR SPOT!” He walked away from her “…SO YOURE TELLING ME YOURE GONNA LET SOME 10 YEAR OLD OUT DO YOU? DO WE NEED TO MAKE YOU SING NAKED NEXT TIME?”

She spoke softly “Im sorry I can’t Tommy”

“DONT TOMMY ME! TELL ME YOU CANT! YOU JUST DONT WANT TO!  YOU KNOW HOW HARD I HAVE WORKED FOR YOU! YOU OWE ME THIS!”

She sat silently and hit the send button

Harry: get up and walk away. He texted feeling his anger rise if he was there his fist would be connecting with Tommy’s jaw

Aria: I cant

Harry: Aria get up and walk away

Aria: he’s blocking the door.

She remained quiet waiting for the vent session to be over.

“You have a show tomorrow Chicago Bulls so get ready. Ya ass aint making a fool out of me again”
She nodded leaving the studio. She ignored Harry for the rest of the day working on her vocals. She sat at home working on her ranges.

“You sound good Ria” her grandmother said cooking

“Thanks Grandma”

“Whats wrong?” she noticed her behavior

“Tommy screamed at me… told me lots of things i was an embarrassment to him… grandma i don’t know if i can do this”

“Youre too good dont let him ruin you!”

“I know”

Her phone lit up it was Harry texting her.

Harry: can you call me please

She stood up and went to her room to call him

“Aria” he said looking at her on the camera

“Hey” she said getting comfortable on the bed. Her eyes were puffy her nose was red. “How was your day?”

“Good.. are yeh ok?”

“I’m ok” she sighed

“Wha’ happened with Tommy”

“Have to perform tomorrow”

He tilted his head in confusion

“Yea”

“Don’ wan yeh to be sad pet”

“I’m ok Harry. Me and Mr. H will be tough” she joked

He chuckled “I’ll be there soon so save some luvin for me yea?”
“No you dont get any”

“Wha’? Why?” he smiled

“Well see me and Mr. H have a bond even you can’t break. I have been there with him through thick and thin” her eyes welled up “and he wont” her voice started to break “and he wont let me down and i won’t do the same to him… sorry i dont mean to cry”

“Aria dont cry pet”

She chuckled wiping her tears “I don’t even know why im crying Harry thats the problem. With Mr. H i know i cant let him down"

“You never let me down" he spoke softly 

“I have, i know that, but im trying not to.”

He sighed not knowing what to say. She was always too hard on herself. Her worst critic never letting up on her imperfections. “ ‘M gonna go to bed” he mumbled

“K good night” she said before ending the call

The next day she walked onto the court her hands shaking getting ready to sing the national anthem. Tommy had softened his tone but his words were still harsh. She found herself panicking 30 minutes prior, hunched over with a paper bag to her mouth. The cameras flashed she brought the microphone to her mouth. She closed her eyes imagined she was at home. When the song was done people jumped to their feet cheering her on. She thanked them and rushed off court. It was one of her best performances.

“WHOO!“ Tommy cheered “THAT WAS IT! THAT’S WHAT YOU DO!… You sounded so good. Thats what you do in front of the execs don’t worry about them you got this Aria!”

She smiled taking a deep breath in she wanted to leave there was no celebration for her this only meant the inevitable an album release and a music career.

“Thanks Tommy can i go home now?”

“Nah lets go party!”
“I really dont want to”

“Look its for your image just one drink” he begged

“Ok” she sighed as they made their way to club she texted Harry

Aria: I think i did ok everyone is happy

Aria: Going to the club with Tommy

Aria: Text you when i get home

It was supposed to be the club but they pulled up to his house, there was a party going on

“Tommy i thought you said club” she said giving him a look

“I know but house parties are fun!”

She shook her head this was her first time in his house “I’m not”

“Please just one drink you promised”

“Fine one drink and i’m done”

An hour passed one drink turned to two and two turned to three she thought. Her head was spinning, Tommy was being too friendly, he was groping her in places he shouldn’t have. When she tried to leave his grip on her wrist tightened when she fought back he put her arm behind her making her face the crowd as he dry humped her from behind. When he dragged her to the bathroom she used the opportunity to escape.

“Come on!” he stressed in a playful tone licking her neck forcing her against the wall

“No stop”  she said weak from the concoction she was never a light weight so this was not the norm for her
He hit her thigh “I said come on!” his thigh wedged between hers his tone changed he was being forceful

“Stop Tommy” she tried to fight him off

He held her hands above her with one hand while the other groped her body “You know you want this dick, Harry can’t do you like me”

“Please” she begun to cry she was too weak

Abruptly the door swung open. The man looked at Aria’s face “Yooo chill!”

“I’m not doing nothing” he said stepping away from her with his hands up

She quickly maneuvered from him he reached out for her but her arms were too quick on her way out she fell to the floor. Only managing to stand up and rush up the steps she found a room and locked herself in it. Quickly she dialed Harry’s number forgetting he wasn’t in the US, when she remembered she called her grandmother

“Aria do you know what time it is? im asleep!”

“Grandma please come get me” she sobbed on the phone

“Whats wrong?” she sensed the urgency

“He almost raped me i dont know whats wrong with me”

“You stay there i’m calling the cops”

“NO! please”

“Where are you?”

“Tommy’s house on 3rd bellavue house with all the cars”

“Stay where you are I’m coming!”

It felt like eternity waiting for her grandmother. She was finding herself waking up from an unconscious ous state every 5 minutes. She was fighting to stay awake.
Her phone rang 4 times before she awoke

“Hello? Hello? Aria!?”

“….Grandma?”

“Where are you? You tell me now or i’m coming in with my shot gun!”

“I’m coming don’t” she said weak

Slowly she stood up her legs felt like jello, she opened the door and walked to the staircase  held onto the railing with a death grip the party was dying down. She saw him at the corner of her eye he was mingling slowly she walked down the steps trying her best to  not draw any attention to herself.  When she got to the bottom of the stairwell. The door seemed so far away there were so many people in the way she tried to quickly move around them

“Aria? Is that you?” she heard his voice

“ARIA! I’m calling you!” fear took over she was pushing people out of the way, when she reached the door she opened it and collapsed her grandmother already standing outside her car ran towards her

“Aria” he spoke in her ear as pulled her up. She winced away

“YOU GET AWAY FROM HER!” her grandmother threatened

“I’m just trying to help her out”

“YOU TOUCH HER I’LL BLOW YOUR WHOLE FACE OFF!”

His temper rose “CALM THE FUCK DOWN OLD BITCH!”
“I GOT YOUR BITCH TOUCH HER AGAIN AND YOU WON’T HAVE A DICK”
She whimpered standing up

“Aria are you ok?” she spoke to her helping her up

She limped to the car her ankle sprained

When they got to the house it took her grandmother 10 minutes to wake her up

“Oh thank God! Aria what did you drink?”

“I don’t know” she said turning her head away from her

“Let’s get you in the house”

She slumped on the couch her grandmother close by the whole night.

The next morning she woke up with a splitting migraine confused about what happened

She groaned her memory was hazy, she remembered drinking a blue motorcycle and Tommy being aggressive she remembered him walking her to the bathroom his smile on his face his eyes telling her something else

“Oh mi nieta you’re awake!”

Her voice raspy “Grandma what happened?”

“Thomas tried to rape you!”

She thought “No… what?”

“Aria you called me you couldn’t even stand! you need to call the cops i think you were drugged”

“He what?” she sat up needing to piece things together

She picked up her phone there were texts from Tommy

Tommy: i hope you had fun i had too much to drink

Tommy: im sorry about what i did I love you😗 Aria i would never hurt you i was just fucked up
Tommy: shit you were too,

Tommy: grinding on me i miss read the signals, you know that right? You know how i get when im fucked up

Tommy: tell your g ma to chill i was fucked up too shit you were too

Tommy: call me when you get this

Miranda: 😁😀YAY bestfriend you did good!

Her mind tried to remember what happened but it couldn’t dnt her wrist was bruised, she rubbed it to sooth the pain.

“Aria you need to call the cops!”

She shook her head “I don’t”

“Well freshen up clear your head”

“How’d i get home?” she looked around

“I came to get you! that rapist was trying to pull you back in”

She stood up and fell to the ground

“Ahh!”  She grimaced  grabbing her swollen ankle

“I think you sprained it” her grandmother picked up her foot “here put it up let me get some ice”

In the bathroom she undressed she noticed bruises on her neck, her thighs and knees when the skirt fell she covered herself with her hands, she had no underwear, she could not remember what happened to it. In shower she tried the best she could to remember she couldn’t. But she also knew something wasn’t right. she scrubbed hard feeling dirty. She felt a sick feeling from the pit of her stomach she hunched over unable to stop it. She vomited.  

In her sleep it came to her in a flash

She saw herself drinking her drink.That nauseous feeling intensified

“I gotta go I don’t feel good.” she steadied herself by holding his shoulders

“No stay” he rubbed her sides

She shook her head “I’m leaving”

“I said stay” he insisted pulling her back, her back to him he breathed on her neck. She moved her neck  away “Mmmm you have a nice ass” he said before smacking it

She shot up in cold sweats her head pounding was it true? Did he really do that?

She looked at her phone there were texts from Harry. He sent her a screenshot from the tabloid the caption “Looks like you and Thomas had fun, you did great! I watched it! what a way to celebrate😂😋” the picture her hair on her face with one arm behind it looked like they were in the middle of a dance. Her wrist ached as if it had a memory of the pain that was inflicted upon it. Harry was oblivious to the dark truth. feeling nauseous she jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Rising slowly she cried looking at herself in the mirror.She blamed herself she should have known better. She should have been more careful.

Picking up her phone there was another message from Harry

Miranda: Bitch call me you look lit😂😜

Miranda: Umm that picture doesnt look right call me 🙁😕😞

Harry: call me when you wake up pet I miss your voice😗.

She snatched her laptop from the floor quickly she searched flights to Manchester leaving the next day. She was willing to pay any price once she got the confirmation email she hopped off the bed and three clothes into her suitcase

Her grandmother walked into her room “Where you going you can’t leave!”

“Manchester”

“Are you going to tell him

“I can’t even remember what happened! if it happened will he believe me?”

“Aria he can’t get away with what he did! now I don’t know how the music industry works but that man cant walk away from what he did to you!”

“I know mimi”

“So call the cops”

“I..” she looked to the bathroom

Her grandmother stressed her point “tell him.. Harry will know what to do…. have you talked to him?”

She shook her head

“I’m not going to let this go”

“I know”

“How’s your head?”

“Pounding”

“Well relax I will finish packing for you”

The next day she found herself in Chicago O’hare limping around she hadn’t told Harry about her plan to stop by.

Tommy: You haven’t called are you ok

Tommy: just call me or send a text to tell me your ok

She felt sick looking at the texts holding onto Mr.H she walked around till her flight departure time. When she landed at 2pm she made a beeline for his condo.

She knocked in the door she quickly wiped away her tears

“Yea yea!”  she heard his voice through the door

He stood confused for a second before his face  lit up

“Poppet! Wha’re yeh doing here?“ he asked lifting her into a tight embrace

“I missed you” she confessed

“Yeh  should have told me!”

“I just did!” she said forcing a smile

He leaned down to kiss her she could only manage a few kisses it was killing her.

“What do I owe this delightful surprise?” she shrugged walking in

“Hey” she greeted his band

“ARIAAA!”

She smiled

“Yeh should have told me really” he said pulling her down on his lap. “ ‘M flying to London tomorrow family time”

“Oh” she said looking down

“Yeh’ll come with me?”

She nodded

“Wha’ happened to your foot?” Weezer asked  

“I fell… heels”

“All that partying yeh ‘nd Thomas did” Harry commented “yeh never texted by the way”

She swallowed hard smiling at him “sorry forgot”

He raised his eyebrow

“So what are you up to today?” she asked

“Last recording session are yeh ok?” he noted her pale complexion

“Yea, just cold”

“Yea we gotta go mate” Stevie said noticing the time

“Oh shit! Yeh want to come?” he said standing up

She shook her head

“Jet lag?”

She nodded

He leaned down placing his forehead on heres “Ok well yeh kno’ where the food is. Don' eat all my bananas. I’ll be back ok?”

She forced a smile fighting the tears “yes”

“Are yeh sure you’re ok?”

She hated that he could read her like  an open book

“Yes” she said kissing him

“One more” he said biting his lip

She wrapped her arm around his neck. It took all the energy she had to put passion into the kiss

“Oi!  we gotta go.” Stevie said

As the  day turned to night she sat crying on the couch. She checked her emails wanting to tell her grandmother she was safe. Her heart dropped seeing Tommy’s name on the list she hesitated to open it. When she did it was a picture of her in the airport the title read Aria party girl rushed to Manchester to see Harry. The caption read Rumor is he called her screaming mad about the picture of her and manager Tommy G. His email: Im fucking calling you and you in UK? We got sessions you better be back by Tuesday. She felt sick to her stomach they couldn’t be more wrong. Sleep finally seeped in after hours of laying awake. Her memory flashed through her dreams

“Come on” he says grabbing her hand he had a goofy smile on his face  pulling her towards the dance floor

“No Tommy” she tries to resist

He pulled harder making her collapse into him “damn baby! I didn’t know you wanted it  like that?” he chuckled

“Stop” she pushes away from him

His hands grab her ass he is holding her in place as he rubs his nose on her neck “you gonna feel so good on my dick”

She sat up immediately tears flooded out of her eyes this couldn’t be happening she thought. She got off the couch and went to  lay in bed. A migraine already thumping through her brain she lay in bed when she heard the door open she turned on  her side pretending to be asleep.

Harry quietly took of his clothes and retreated to the bathroom. She could hear him humming behind the water. When he got in bed he cradled behind her kissing her cheek before falling asleep. As she begun to get sleepy she prayed she wouldn’t wake up from a nightmare. In  the morning her prayers were answered she softly  got out of bed and got ready. Harry woke up an hour later.

“Wha’ do yeh want for breakfast pet?”

“Nothing this is fine”

“ ‘Re yeh sure? you’ve been pushing around the cereal for 5 minutes”  she was in a daze she didn’t notice

She shook her head “it’s fine I promise” she lied

He grabbed her hand “Ok are yeh sure? cuz i’ll get yeh anything yeh want”

“I promise” she said forcing the spoon in her mouth.

When they got to his mother’s house she was greeted with love

“Aria come in we have missed yeh oh I always knew yeh two would get back together!” Anne hugged her

She smiled

“Aria!” Gemma greeted her “finally someone we like… no love

“When are yeh goin to marry her Harry?”Anne asked

“Oh muuum” he fussed

“ ‘M just saying she took yeh back it’s a sign”  

Gemma chimed in “Yea no one wants yeh but her so yeh need to be in your knees”

“These’re strangers not my family I don’ kno’ wha’ alien planet they come from” he joked causing them to laugh

Gemma grabbed her hand dragging her away from Harry “We have to catch up that dress at the wedding to die for where did you get it?”

“Michael Castello designed it”

There was a lot of catching up to do which Aria gladly agreed to do anything to take her mind off that night

At dinner she sat once again pushing her food

“Do yeh want something else?” Harry whispered

“No!” she got scared “this is fine!” she put a mouthful in her mouth

He gave a look she was definitely being strange. She had no appetite there was a raging migraine  she was trying to calm down. After yawns went around the room after dinner every one retreated to their rooms

“Ok off it pet what’s  the problem?” He asked while they lay in bed. He was trying to find out what was wrong with her

She spoke softly “Nothing”

“No there’s something big show comin’ up?”

“No just thinking”

“About?”

She shook her head and smiled

“Yeh don’ wan’ to talk ‘bout it?”

She shook her head

“Ok” he looked down at her holding Mr.H  “You’ve been holding him awfully tight can’ yeh hold me like tha’ too?” He joked

“No you might break” she teased

“Wha’?”

“You might break” she held back her smile

“Are yeh saying I’m weak?” He asked towering her

“……..Yes”

“Yeh wanna test tha’ theory?” he asked before  kissing her deeply his kisses made her forget momentarily but when he started grabbing  her thighs and kissing her neck is when her mind refused to let it go. She froze eyes shut tight. He noticed the tension in her body he raised up to look at her

“Aria wha’s wrong?”

“Nothing”

“You’re stiff as a board look at me” she opened  her eyes “wha’s wrong?”

She sighed “I can’t…. not tonight”

He huffed “ok” he gave her sweet kisses

“Sorry”

“Don’ be luv is just sex…  I can take care of  myself” he said winking

She giggled “Perv”

“Hey only for yeh”

“I guess I should feel special”

At night her prayers were not answered. Her mind took her back to that night

She looks around people are dancing she doesn’t know where she’s going but Tommy is pulling her towards it.The bathroom door is kicked open and he pushes her inside

“Stop it Tommy” she says trying to walk passed him. He closes the door with his foot. He charges  towards her stuffing his tongue in her mouth. She pushes him away and slaps him. His hand is immediately around her neck his eyes cold and dark he pushes her against the wall. “bitch ill kill you matter of fact” his other hand loosens his belt

“please” she begs clawing at his arm he pulls out his penis, “you know you want this dick" he jams his knee into her thighs forcing them open. “shut up.” He reaches up her skirt to rip off her underwear. He pulls hard making her body jerk forward before the fabric gives way. "Harry cant do you like me" He gets closer kissing her neck she tries pushing him off he places both arms above her head holding them by the hands he reaches between her thighs she’s crying “please” she begs. He stops and looks at her he licks his hand before he palms her vagina. He moans “you wet already, just how i like it”

She shot up from her sleep in a cold sweat immediately she ran to the toilet a violent vomiting spree was to begin.

Harry groaned “Aria?” he turned to his side to confirm she wasn’t there

“Aria” he called sitting up hearing the vile noise. Slowly he got out of bed and walked towards the bathroom. He knelt down beside her rubbing her back

“Something yeh ate?” he offers explanation

She nods in agreement

When she’s done her hands are shaking she can barely wash her face. She was pale as if she saw a ghost

“Wha’s wrong?” he asked noticing  her expression

She turned around with tears in her eyes if he only knew

“Shhh it was just a dream” he sooths her hugging her tight.

But it wasn’t was it? Tommy really did those things. The reality was setting in.

In the morning she continues to rub Harry’s arm unable to fall asleep she lay awake against his chest

During breakfast she checked her phone

Tommy: Where the fuck are you at

Tommy: you think it’s funny you fucking with my career

Aria: I need more time please

Miranda: so you really gonna ignore me your bff?

Mimi(grandmother): Aria have you told him

Aria: Not yet I will soon I promise

As Gemma and Aria shopped around she tried her best to act natural.

“Are yeh ok?” Gemma asked during lunch Aria even though trying her best was very distant

“Yea!” she said putting on a happy face

“Sure? yeh look pale”

She smiled “Yea lack of sun” she joked

“Tell Harry he owes you a vacation”

She smiled Gemma her biggest advocate always made Harry go out of his way for her “Only if you come too!”

“You know it!”  

As the day wound down she hopped the night would be gentle on her she couldn’t wake up from another nightmare.

“Did you see this?” Harry laughed showing her a picture of her crawling up the stairs. Who would possibly take that picture and furthermore insinuate she was going to have sex with Tommy?

She smiled

“Yeh were having fun weren’t yeh?”

She remained silent

“But ’m glad yeh ‘nd Tommy handled your differences” he said falling asleep

She melted into his chest not wanting to remember anything

The next day she Aria, Anne, and Gemma decided to clean up then treat themselves to dinner. She got multiple texts during the day. People were asking her about the picture.

Miranda: uh you need to call me NOW! i know your ass didnt fuck tommy

Miranda: you disappeared to Manchester whats up☹

Miranda: ARIA what did Tommy do to you? Why did Mimi call me crying???😭😭

Aria: i can’t talk about it Miranda, not now

Mimi: have you told him

Aria: not yet Mimi

Mimi: im not playing do it or  I will

Aria: ok ok

~With Harry~

“Whoa Harry have you seen this?” Weezer asked

“Wha’?”

“Look” he looked at the heading Tommy G accused of sexual assault 2 victims have come forward the caption: ‘Both victims claim it happened in his house we will keep you posted’

He frowned “he didn't” he paused to think  remembering the dirty glances he gave women

“I gotta find out more” Weezer said scrolling through his phone

As the day went on he couldn’t help but think about it. It gnawed at him this was her manager, someone who was close to her.

“Oh shit! Now they are saying one of the girls was assaulted the night he partied with Aria”

Harry tried to shake it off. “no he couln’ have”

Stevie rushed to him“Harry have you seen?”

“Yea” not wanting to be bothered by it

“No look!” Stevie said shoving the phone at him 

Harry looked at him before grabbing the phone he read the words ‘A witness has stepped forward caught him in the act.’ As he read the details his heart rate picked up ‘…. walked in  on him with his female artist.’ Tommy only managed Aria and another female artist who was absent that night

“Have yeh talked to Aria maybe its someone else” they tried to reason

“Did she tell you anything?” Gigi asked

He looked at them “no she would tell me”

When the day ended even Gemma got notifications on social media people were tagging her on the posts. Aria’s phone was buzzing nonstop.

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: dont ignore me im your best friend,…. thunder buddies for life

Miranda: Aria

Miranda: did it happen?

“Aria wha’s this?” Gemma asked showing her the article.  Her heart sank reading the article Tommy was getting charged with sexual assault. Two victims identified one had yet to come forward.  She was the remaining piece.

She shook her head “its nothing”

“They’re saying you’re the other woman is it true?”

“Other woman for what?” Anne asked taking the phone from Gemma’s hand

As Harry rushed to his mother’s house he thought to himself those pictures that were taken, she did look uncomfortable in Tommy’s embrace. The bruised wrist she explained away seemed to be the one he was holding behind her back. She also never got that drunk in public so it was strange that she got that drunk, even when she got drunk she was never that sloppy, falling all over the place hair in her face.

As Aria tried to convince Gemma and Anne that wasn’t her her phone lit up

Miranda: Shit is hitting the fan I hope you told him

Tommy: you bitch

Mimi: hope you told him  

Aria felt her breathing hitch

“Aria this sounds like yeh!” Gemma said reading more articles

“It’s not” she whispered

Harry rushed through the kitchen door he walked in “Aria” he called

She smiled at him but stopped soon after his face was one she couldnt read ”….yes” she answered warily

“Yeh promise to tell me the truth?” it was supposed to be a statement but came out as a question

“Yes anything” she half smiled

“Wha’s wrong Harold?” his mother asked noticing his expression

He paused before speaking standing across from her. His eyes burrowing into her soul. “Wha’ happened that night at Tommy’s house?”

She looked down. Her nightmare was coming to life. It seemed forever when she heard her name being called.

“Aria” Harry called his eyes were becoming more bewildered by the second, her silence was confirming his gut instincts. She looked up at him before looking down. Pulling at her sleeves occupying her hands. She was losing the battle on holding back her tears. It wasn’t long before he called again.

“Aria… I asked yeh a question” his voice assertive he walked closer to her searching for her eyes. His breathing uneven. He needed her to tell him nothing happened. Everyone was looking at her waiting for an answer.

“ARIA!” he screamed in frustration. He startled them.

“Oi! Wha’s going on in here?” His dad asked walking in

The tears won they poured out of her eyes

“Aria tell me wha’ happened!” anger spewed in his voice

“Harold!” his mother scolded in a whisper

“Oh my god!” Gemma said in shock

The whole room came to the realization something dark happened that night. Her behavior made sense now the lack of appetite,the pale look on her face, the vomiting, the insomnia, the night mares.  

Aria” he whispered she had yet to speak. He needed her to say it was a joke. That there was no way it happened.

She looked up at him with tears rolling down her face, her hands were shaking pulling on her sleeve  “please don’t make me go back to that night” she spoke softly

“Oh!” Anne grabbed her chest “yeh poor thing” Anne immediately rushed to her side and held her in a tight embrace.

“Harry he didn’…. did he?” Gemma looked at him hoping he could offer up a reason

He squatted down. Holding his head. There were no longer butterflies in his stomach from fear of the truth. Fear was replaced with anger which started from his chest and radiated out  “ ’M GONNA KILL HIM!” He said standing up

“Oi! Stop that!”

“Dad not right now!” He paced the floor “…. That BASTARD put his hands on yeh? im going to kill him!

“CALM DOWN HAROLD!” His father said grabbing his shoulders

Aria sobbed in the background. He should have known something was wrong. Her eyes told him something was wrong they were filled with sorrow. He pushed passed his father going outside.

“Oi! come back’ere!” His father chased after him

Gemma knelt down next to her crying and hugging her “Im so sorry Aria”

About the IT fandom - Why I regret my attempts to be a part of it

Okay this is going to be really shitty and boohoo-ish :( But I need to write it. Dunno if I’ll post here though. If I post it, I’m not sure I’ll keep it a lot of time here,  (<<<<<yeh I posted it lol)
because I’m sure I’m going to regret it. And with their new tumblr system, nobody will read this shit, so it will depressed me more. So I’ll erase it.

I’ve never really been into a fandom. I mean I already crushed on characters etc, but I never had the desire to talk about it with other people like me.
Probably because the shows I love are already over and I’m always late when it comes to discover something.

But with IT, it was different, I saw it in october, and I saw that there was a big fandom about it. I though it was so cool, and I wonder what it could be to be a part of a fandom.
Soo I gave it a try. I started searching for cool Penny tumblrs; and; since I felt that the ambiance was cool; I quickly tried to adapt myself, like participate to the whole thing.
I loved the fics, even if I thought they didn’t match with Pennywise’s personnality, but I didn’t care, I just loved to read people ideas.
(I wanted to start writing a fic that I though would be realistic, and I did it.)
I loved looking at the pictures and the gifs they shared.
I was here, in the shadows, switching from blogs to blogs absorbing all the great content.
And, by looking more carefully, I noticed that people were looking for interactions with their readers. (via asks for example)
Aaaand that’s when the troubles started. (for me)
Being a curious person who like to interact with others (BUT I lack of self confidence and have a tendency to talk a lot while being nervous)
I though it would be fun to talk with people !

UMM yes. I thought. * ZOOM on my eyes + dramatic music *

So I started to ask things to people, submit ideas for their blogs, annnnd, that’s all. But. Litteraly. Like I never get feedbacks or answers.

I thought for the firsts blogs “oh that’s a little bit rude to ignore someone when you’re asking for ideas”, but I was like “anyway that’s not so important”.
Being sensitive, (like really too much, my heart is so easily breakable :/) deep inside of me, I still felt hurt to get ignored by different people. It was really new for me.

But I kept reading their blog because I though it was interesting. And it felt good to see people having (almost) the same desires.
I was searching for new blogs and new fics, imagines, headcanons or whathever.

Sometimes I get my silly questions answered, and it felt good. I even chatted a bit with one or two people, and this is when I really started to feel bad.
That was the first time of my life that I had the feeling to be uninteresting.
Even in conversations, people ignored me. And that shocked me, because I have a lot of online friends, and when I speak with someone online, I always end up being friends with them. (I am very sociable and open minded)
And here, nothing, just ignorance.

Wow. I started really feel bad, as I was seing my favorite blog owners saying “feel free to ask, I’ll answer !” “Ask please, I’m bored”, and I was like
“OKAY I have questions !” aaand I asked them. NO ANSWERS. Shit ! What is wrong with me? I make people run away from me? Did I said something wrong??

I saw people telling that the fandom was great, they were making a lot of friends, like, the fandom changed their life.
Heh, same for me, but the opposite ^^ (it doesn’t changed my life but still)
It had me more depressed than before.

For the record, I am in a depression phase, my car is broke, I can’t hang with my friends, I feel alone, I work at home, anyway, I need to interact with other human beings. I thought that maybe being part of a fandom and meeting people would feel great, but shit, it made it worse ! I’m even more sad than before.

Trying to be a part of the IT fandom was a very bad idea for me.
My blog is not Pennywise-focused, because I’m clearly not in font of him, like, I don’t really really have the same desires than most of people.
I will keep posting things about it, because it inspires me. But I don’t know if it’s sane for me.

I see people saying “IT FANDOM IS DYING”, and I was like “Noooo we can’t let it die !”

The time had run, and I was still feeling sad, but, a new emotion came out, anger. I started telling to myself “of course it dies, how do you want a fandom to lives when you see a character 10 minutes in a movie. And what a character! He only wants to EAT and SLEEP”.
So of course it’s interesting to try to make him discoverd new things like cuddles, and SEEEEEEEEEEEEX
Yes, sex. Sex is fine of course, but there are so many things to do with an ancient shapeshifting being that was here before humanity appears.
A sex-based fandom can’t stay a lot of time.. (no judgements, sex is great too)
So I started thinking that offering people other things that beside sex, there were other things to do with him, could participate to the rescue of the fandom.
But I just get ignored. Again. So now I just think Fuck off, I don’t give a shit about the IT fandom anymore.

I know it’s a negative point of view, but I really need to write it. Maybe I’ll have balls and I’ll ask some blogs to read it. Maybe. I don’t know.

very sorry about the nerd spam lately (video games + D&D etc) but when I’m stressed and have almost no free time, I go straight to geeky shit whenever I have a break during the day because it helps a lot, so it’s all that’s on my mind (and blog) lately (apart from what’s stressing me out).

I know it’s not content you’re used to (at least not that much haha) and it can be off-putting or annoying so you can always blacklist “overwatch”, “video games”, “D&D”, or “critical role” if you are tired of nerdy posts; and “personal” if you want to avoid my personal rants about personal shit (they have been numerous lately) :)

anonymous asked:

hi this is a very urgent question and you are very mature and smart so Raychel I need u to help me I'm starting to fall in love real hard and I desesperately don't want to bc they're not gonna love me back and there's too many complications it's a long story but pls help me stop it (pls don't say anything like "love is nice!!!11!" Bc sometimes it's wrong AND THIS IS ONE OF THOSE so yeh pls)

Hey, lovely. Unfortunately unrequited love is just one of those shitty realities that comes along with human emotions and is something that most people have to deal with at some point in their life. Love can be nice, but it can also be a little fucking bitch. But, despite what we’re told, it isn’t the be-all and end-all of happiness.
I know how much it sucks to want someone who doesn’t want you (as do most people, I’m sure) and it’s probably gonna hurt like hell for a while, but as far as I know there’s no magic way to stop it. One thing you can try though is looking for flaws in the person. When you’re first falling for them it’s easy to overlook the issues that tend to become a more prevalent issue later in a relationship. Try pick up on any personality traits, habits, or views that would annoy you if you weren’t blinded by your feelings for them.
Alternatively, you could try taking some time away from them. It’s never really worked for me, but a lot of people say that space and time apart makes feelings fade, so you could try that if you have control over being around them.
Otherwise, your best bet is just finding acceptance. It won’t be easy because there’s always that little voice in our heads that says *maybe* something will happen, but accepting that it’s not is paramount to moving on. Be honest with how you feel, maybe tell the person (if you can) and get a solid answer to stop the nagging what-ifs. Acknowledge your feelings but don’t let them control you or stop you taking other opportunities. Know that there are other people out there who will reciprocate what you’re feeling now and, even if there weren’t, that you don’t need someone else to complete you.

Pushing your sleeves up your arms, you got down onto your knees before reaching into the water bucket, pulling out the sopping wet cloth and tossing it down on the ground. Your manager had asked for you to stay a little longer and lock up for the night, and you had nothing better to do, obviously. Harry and Kendall had left about an hour and a bit ago without as much as a goodbye. You expected to be ignored by Kendall, but Harry? All he did was give you a pitiful look before leading Kendall out. You sniffled and reached up to wipe at your eyes with the back of your wrists, leaning back on your heels as you did so. It was nearing midnight, and you were already exhausted from the events of the day - You felt your eyelids growing heavy as you continued to scrub at the dirty tiles. 

“Don’t forget to turn the fans and the lights off before you leave, Y/N.” You looked up to see your manager slipping into her coat, tossing the keys onto the countertop afterwards. “And take out the trash.” 

“Mhm. Have a nice night, boss.” You mustered a smile, looking back down at the ground as you heard the front door slam shut. Hopefully staying in late would boost your salary a little.. 

12:08am. Your fingers were already growing wrinkly, and you could practically feel blisters forming at how hard you were scrubbing the dirty grills. You had finished mopping, wiping, and waxing the floors, so you decided to move on to something else. Cleaning the entire diner wouldn’t be such a bad idea - Plus, your manager would be very impressed with you! Your head whipped up when you heard the jingling of the bell by the front door, you were pretty sure the flashing neon ‘Closed’ sign would have sent the intended message. Some of these customers were ridiculous - They always thought that just because the lights were turned on meant that the restaurant was still up and running.

“I’m sorry, we’re closed for the night!” You chirped from the kitchen, not even bothering to look up from the grill. You were used to having people wander in in the wee hours of the morning when you were still cleaning. Usually they only wanted a drink,  “I mean, I’m not sure how you missed the blinding ‘Closed’ sign, or the fact that all the chairs are on top of the table for cleaning..” You hummed, wiping your hands down on your shirt before stepping out. “But if you want a cup of coffee or tea, I can certainly get that to go for you.” You looked up at the customer, smile dropping when you realized who exactly had walked in. 

“Y/N, we need to talk.. I need to talk.” Harry cleared his throat, scratching the back of his neck. 

“In case you haven’t noticed - We’re closed.” You stated bluntly, feeling your eyes already beginning to well up with tears - Why were you being so sensitive all of a sudden? “Get out.” 

“Y/N, please..” Harry trailed off, letting out a sigh when you continued to give him the cold shoulder while wiping down the coffee-stained countertops. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I lied t’ yeh, I’m sorry I came here with Kendall, and I’m sorry I’ve genuinely been a shitty person.” There was a moment of silence, as if Harry was waiting for you to respond. 

“Are you expecting me to automatically forgive you after that half-assed apology?” You scoffed, tossing the cloth aside and beginning to focus on refilling the ketchup bottles. You were mad! You were mad at Harry, you weren’t very happy with Kendall, but most of all? God, you were mad at yourself. Why did you ever think you’d have a chance with Harry? The most you’d be with him was friends, and you just needed to accept that. I’m over him. I’m over him! What am I saying? There’s no sense in pretending.. I’ll never get over him. 

“I.. I don’ know wha’ t’ say..” 

“Good. That means you can help yourself to the exit.” You pointed towards the door, Harry’s eyebrows furrowing in frustration. 

“Will you stop being so.. so stubborn fo’ one fuckin’ second and just listen to me, Y/N?! I’m sorry, alright? You’re one o’ my best mates and it’s jus’.. I didn’t know how to react when I found out how yeh felt about me, and I didn’t wanna have this conversation with yeh cos I hate seein’ yeh upset!” Harry growled, sitting down on one of the stools as he glared at you, eyes immediately softening when you stayed quiet. You knew what was coming. “Y/N, I don’ know what else t’ say besides I’m sorry. I jus’..You know I love yeh - but not in tha’ way..” 

“I know.” You murmured, picking at a loose string hanging from your shirt before shaking your head. “I know.” 

You couldn’t wait forever for Harry to come around. 

+

gif isn’t mine!

unfortunately this is the final part to that mini series :’( not a very happy ending but i figured i’d switch it up a bit compared to how my other mini series usually ends!