shitty family at times

In times of stress, I think of breasts.
—  Actual thing I said to my parents

Family gatherings were typically a time of celebration, especially when exceedingly close friends were thrown into the mix. Of course, the festivities revolved around Molly and her accomplishments over yet another year at Hogwarts, pushing any thoughts of Lucy to the back of everyone’s more or less intoxicated minds. Due to the lack of attention bestowed upon her, the younger Weasley girl was able to snag a few bottles of whatever the hell everyone was drinking and trudge up to her room. She was maybe ¾ finished with the first bottle when her door creaked open to reveal a rather sheepish looking Trevor. “Well, hello there,” Lucy shot him a wry smile as she took another gulp.

notafuckintoad-bottom

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A few months ago, I was going through a really shitty time (finances, family illness, my depression deepening) and my wonderful bestie darkfrog24 sent me a plate of delicious cookies and treats for my cats. No prompting, just thinking of me and wanting to give me encouragement to get through. It made me cry which was weird while eating incredibly delicious cookies. I don’t think I ever really said thank you to her so here: thank you for your gift, it got me through a bad time and made me smile even now.

Today was an extremely hard day for many reasons. After several bouts of crying and this overwhelming hopelessness sinking me down, I texted my bestie tasseomancer who not only listened but decided I needed coffee. Being as we’re a few states away from each other, she sent me a gift card to Starbucks via email. I can’t say how much I cried when I got it. Now I’m in a frappuccino and cookie feeling the love. Thank you so much for your love and support.

I am so blessed with my besties and while I still can’t figure out how I deserve them, I am so happy they’re in my life.

You don't need to read I just need to get this off my chest.

I’m already so fucking homesick. I’m spending 3 weeks in Canada but I just wanna be in my own bed and with my own friends back home in California. I really don’t care to be here. And my bed is tiny. It’s smaller than a twin. My phone doesn’t really work here and neither does Netflix. I can’t watch one tree hill. I can’t drive my piece of crap car and I can’t go to certain places or hope to see certain people while around town. It’s raining here right now and I just want to go home where it never rains. Oh and the food is different here. I want to go and spend a day with the people I care about. I want to not be only surrounded by family who make me feel shitty and worthless 98.9% of the time. What I really want right now is my own pillow and my own comfy bed. It’s too humid to sleep and it hurts to breathe. And I want to see a certain person but I can’t now and I don’t know if I ever will again. I’m not sure how these next few weeks will go but I know that I’ll be finishing a lot of books and dreaming of home.

there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel robbed of one of those ‘sneaking over to a friend’s house at night’ kind of friendships, or one where my friend would just follow me home after school and just always kind of be there, ever-present and chill to do whatever, whenever

but nah I got my shitty house and my shitty family and a home that none of my friends ever wanted to come anywhere near, so I had to be the kid that went to hang out with other people and if they didn’t want me there or their parents told me to fuck off I got to spend months at a time just

alone with my shitty, abusive family

frowns loudly

Andrew Jackson Jihad and chain smoking kind of night 😘

But also even though my life may be kind of mess and there are more messes to come, I’m feeling pretty good about myself. I gotta give myself more credit every once and a while and sit back and think about what I’ve got, the good friends and relationships I have, and the fact that I have a home and money and a family that loves me. The shitty times in life try to take that away from you but you can’t forget that no matter what life will always go on and things will always work one way or another.

      welp today was EVENTFUL but besides that

             HAPPY FREEDOM DAY USA!

almost every time i stay at my family’s house something goes wrong, ahhh im so fucking pissed. then i end up making myself feel worse because i don’t have any friends to vent to..

im honestly in such a horrible mood i just slept for 5 hours to avoid talking to anyone, im starting to feel attraction for my ex again which is BEYOND silly, noah isn’t answering me and idk why (hes busy, i get it. but its literally been 3 days), my whole body hurts and idk why, im BEYOND sexually frustrated but too pissed off to fuck anyone or communicate with anyone. i keep crying. i havent taken my lexapro in 4 days but i havent had money to refill my prescription.

im just so over everything right now, i dont want to be here working this shitty 9-5 surrounded by the shitty inhabitants of this shitty town and my family saying how shitty i am all the time for my shitty opinions and shitty non-heterosexualness fuck off fuck off FUCK OFF FUCK OFF. 

I hate being in Texas. And I hate being at home. And I hate a lot of things right now. I really just want to fucking be in Arizona finally. At least I’ll get away from all my fucking problems. I fucking hate how shitty I feel all the time with my family. I shouldn’t feel so unwelcomed in a place that’s supposed to be considered home. I don’t go back to my moms until fucking July 12th and then I don’t leave for Arizona until July 31st. This fucking sucks. Being home makes me feel so sad bc of Nick and my mom can make me feel so worthless sometimes. And in Texas I feel like a fucking guest in a place that’s supposed to be home. My stepmom is fucking planning on changing mine and my sisters room to a guest bedroom. A FUCKING GUEST BEDROOM. Like are you kidding me???? She says “well you and your sister probably won’t be coming together probably ever again so one of you can sleep o mr he couch and another on the guest bed” like the fuck??? This is supposed to be my fucking house too and I’m being kicked out? I just HATE being in Texas. The only reason I ever come to Texas is for my little sister but even she doesn’t care that much. It’s like we’re completely irrelevant to everyone here and all that matters is my little sister. She’s a little brat. I love her but she’s spoiled as shit and put on such a high pedestal when the daughter that’s the FIRST to go to college basically gets talked down to because I’m going to a school out of state. Like what the fuck. I fucking hate everything right now. I just I can’t deal with everyone.

Guys guys guys

Please please please make a will. Not now, but whenever you get older like 60 or so. And make sure your parents and grandparents make their wills (but be respectful and reasonable when you bring it up).
I ask this because my uncle passed away last year and he didn’t make his will but he had close to $22 grand in savings that he left to my family but we aren’t going to get it for a while because the law is horrible.
It’ll be a really shitty time for your family if you don’t so just keep it in mind please.