Who am i?

i am the best and worst thing that could ever happen to you. to people that dont know me i could be considered scum or asshole maybee alright. to people that know me but dont talk to me, they think im scum but im not. for the people that actually know….they love me. honestly? i am one of the most kind, caring, generous, helpful person there could be. if anyone has family problems or personal im the first to put them aside and talk about it just because i care. if someone needs help with physical labor or even just to get something idk ill do it to be a good person. i try really hard to be a good person, i do. and it sucks because i get shit for it. to my ‘friends’-you people must be the luckiest fuckers ever. you get to be smoked up on hundreds of dollars are weed for nothing, givin molly basically for nothing, everything is just givin too not because i feel intitled to give you something, just bcause iwant to be a nice person and take care of my friends. now some of these 'friends’ would go a little too far are steal. ive had people steal money, drugs, watches, bbguns, lighters lol, basically anything they could take without me entirely noticing, oh but i do. That really pisses me off because i give them so much and yet they steal from me. theyre taking my kindness for granted.       moving on…people that got to know me, physically loved me and hated me by the end. sigh. i am the kind of guy that can get you to like me. im good with words..or atleast i use to be before i did drugs, if i can make you feel good about yourself now or hold up a conversation now thats fucking amazing. but yeah people that physically/mentally love me, hate me. ive been in many relationships before but only 2 were real and this past one was as real as it gets. about 3 years of dating, all through high school basically. and end. i am an asshole. i can manipulate people to stay or to leave. i use things against people. i ditch people. i make people want to harm themselves. i do a lot of fucked up shit. or atleast i USE too.      I dont do those things anymore. a couple months ago i realized that this life is bullshit and everyone is fake. to get around the fake you have to realize that nothing matters. ok grades matter. but friends? they dont matter. the people you meet unless they are fucking god to you they dont matter. ive learned you cant trust anyone. the people you thought that could be your bestfriend? nope theyre your worst enemy. everyone you use to see, youll probably never see again. because they dont care about you and never did. theyre just people in this life. there will always be people. bascially in my opinion jobs dont matter. like yes you have to support yourself obviosly but i would honestly just rather be dead. im realistic but very negative. personally, everyone lives just to die so why not do some exciting shit, live life to the fullest while you can and then just say fuck it. living life is supose to be the fun part, but if youre busting your ass trying to work to find happiness then its not worth it. a spouse. thats a good reason to stay alive and happy. if ya got one great. me personally relationships are wonderful dont get me wrong but with everything put into there and getting your heart ripped about and being fucked over and then boys are players and girls are sluts..nah i dont fuck with that shit. me its one boy one girl they get married and live happilly ever after. i know it doesnt work like that but i want a girl that i was her first and last for everything and someone that was my bestfriend before it and i knew everything about, someone that i could relate with about anything. someone i could talk to about anything. someone that i could just stare into their eyes all day just because i love them so much. i dont want someone trashy. i want my bestfriend. and if that isnt happening then to me its not worth it. where was i? happiness or something? idk. well i think i should get to who am i? before that i think ill tell you somewhat what i think of myself. everyones natural response is to say oh no dont say that or youre not..but it does nothing.      so what do i think of myself? hmm lets start at complete fucking worthless piece of shit. im the antichrist. im horrible. a fucking asshole. a liar. a cheater. a trader. a manipulater. i am the worst possible person you could meet. i think my parents fucking hate me and i can see why, i am the worst son i call my mother a cunt almost everyday. im an aitheist so i FUCK GOD. i think im a waste of life. a failure at everything. worthless. i dont know anyone that would want me. i disgust myself with everything i do. …honestly i dont even know what else to say. but i really really fucking hate myself, my actions, everything ive done in life. everything about my traits, how i look, how i dress, how i act i hate hate hate it all. i hate myself and cant help it.

but why does that matter? what i think about myself? remember when i said i was a good person?

i hate myself so much and think im such a waste. i want to make other people feel like theyre not. i want to make other people feel better about themselves because i dont. i want to be a better person so other people become better. when i started changing my veiws and doing this and that. i saw that some of my friends wanted to do the same. i want too teach people to enjoy everything meanwhile im here hating it. honestly me changing myself and views and everything i can say thats its working. i had TWO of my bestfriends talk to me one on one and say they want to be like me. they told me im their inspiration. they said everything i did was just amazing because i was so kind and always patient and did EVERYTHING i could for them. i was there hero basically. and that made me feel really good. that made me feel like ive achomplished something actually good for once.

so who am i? hello my name is bill. i may seem scummy if youve ever heard of me but trust me im not. i will be the best person to you if you are to me. NEVER fuck me over because i hold grudges. overall if you ever need anything ill be here for you. if i ever let you down or fucked you over im truely sorry. but talk to me about it and i promise ill make it better. this is who i really am. this is me