shits*

The Butlers

Context: the group consists of myself (Tiefling Rogue), a Half-Elf Warlock, a Drow Elf Bard, and a Half-Orc Fighter. We are currently in combat with some corrupt town guards; three of them, plus the guard captain. Now during this fight, the following all happen:

  • I take a page from Assassin’s Creed, climbing a building before the fight begins and just taking shots at them with my crossbow, constantly passing stealth checks to avoid being seen, and I eventually kill one guard by rolling maximum damage with a bonus
  • Our Fighter, due to having a total AC of 19, tanks every single hit while dueling with the captain, and eventually does enough damage that the captain takes himself out with a nat 1 by accidentally hitting himself in the head with the hilt of his own sword
  • Our Warlock casts spells from a distance, before eventually using Witch Bolt - which he refers to as “Emperor Palpatine lightning hands” - to outright disintegrate a guard
  • Our Bard keeps casting Vicious Mockery to make the guards shoot at him rather than run for reinforcements, casts plenty of buffs and debuffs, and also rolls a nat 20 to get himself back up immediately after being knocked prone
  • During all this, the Bard is the only one on our team to take any damage, and any attempts to send the guards for reinforcements (which was apparently supposed to be the primary difficulty of this battle) are consistently thwarted by Vicious Mockery, well-aimed crossbow bolts, Thaumaturgy distractions, and nat 20 counters to disengagement attempts

One guard remains, already damaged, and he freezes up after witnessing all this, screaming at us, “What are you guys?!

It’s my turn, and I see my chance. I successfully roll to jump off the rooftop, causing the guy to look up at me as I jump down, land right on him, and hold my dagger to his throat when he’s on the ground prone. I then proclaim…

“We are the Butlers. Because we clean up.”

Our Warlock, without missing a beat: “I facepalm in response.”

And thus I slit that guard’s throat to the sound of my allies laughing. My attempts to get the group officially named “The Butlers” have been moderately unsuccessful, but I will not give in.

dan & phil playlist04: 18 - one direction

“we took a chance, god knows we tried, yet all along, i knew we’d be fine…i have loved you since we were eighteen, long before we both thought the same thing, to be loved and to be in love”

(suggested by anonymous)

Playing a Exalted game. Our group is traveling to  a major city when on an isolated spot of road we find the path completely blocked by a ‘fallen’ tree that was obviously cut recently. Knowing this scenario from a thousand RPGs we prepare. My Lunar transformed into her Deadly Beastman form, The Dawn caste draws his sword, the Night caste his bow. 

Our Eclipse, however just goes and stand on the tree and shouts: Ho Bandits! Please come out so we may negotiate your continued existence!

sometimes the guards at arkham won’t put up with eddie constantly chattering with the inmate across from him so he steals a pen and starts writing messages on whatever he can to get responses

example: makes a ridiculously complex riddle and holds it up for jonathan to look at but jonathan just rolls his eyes at him and goes back to reading his book. 5 minutes later he hears aggressive tapping and looks up and ed just shoves his hand against the glass and this is what he sees