shits*

(You Gotta) Party for Your Right (To Fight!)

(Context: Our party is focused on making alliances among small colonies to help us combat the intrusive inquisition of our old country. While the more polite party members and I were talking to the paladin leader of the elf colony, the super chaotic swashbuckler and slayer, who would be recognized by the paladin’s right hand men for their prior offenses, were left to their own devices.)

Swashbuckler: I guess I’ll put my skills as a revolutionary to use, and go to the barracks to try and rile up the elf soldiers to join our cause.

Fighter: You can just kick in the door, carrying in a ton of booze, and say, “Hey! Who here hates the inquisition?!”, and just start a huge kegger!

(After enough joking, we come to realize that actually is the best plan we have, and the DM rolls with it. The two kick in the door with 500 gp worth of booze, enough to get the entire barracks absolutely wasted. They then proceed to absolutely ACE their knowledge (local) rolls.)

DM: Alright, you’ve found the people who hate the inquisition, are really drunk, and are charismatic enough to get their buddies to join up. Now, roll Diplomacy to convince them to stand by you against your common enemy.

Swashbuckler: Do we get a bonus for the booze? We paid a lot for it, we better get a bonus for it.

DM: Yes you do. Since you found just the right people, and brought so much booze, add… add a +5 for each 100 gold you spent on tonight’s drinks.

(After rolling a FORTY-SEVEN, none of us can stop laughing as the DM describes the party to end them all:)

DM: The morning after, you remember flashes of what happened last night: Word spread across the entire barracks that this party was going down, and everyone joined in the fun. You remember the slayer dancing on the table with an elf twice his height, you remember bonding with your new buddies over just how much you hate the inquisition, you remember getting into a fistfight with one guy, and then sobbing in each other’s arms: “I love you, man!”, “I love you as much as me bloody musket!”. Then you all sang drinking songs about fighting the inquisition together and kicking them all in the taint. This was the night of your life.

Me: (Still laughing) We picked the right people for this! You were the right people for this job!