shits pants i want this game


Here’s some of the most amazing and invaluable advice you’ll most-likely ever get from one of my good colleagues and legends in comics/gaming, creator JOE MADUREIRA. It’s what i’ve been preaching to you aspiring artists since i arrived on DA, but i think his POV says it perfectly:




Believe it or not there is a difference. I’m not usually a soapbox type guy, I don’t like instructing people, and I think I’m a terrible teacher. But hey, it’s Friday and I’m in a strange mood. So here goes:

I’ve noticed that a good number of my fans happen to be aspiring artists themselves. This is for all you guys. I get asked constantly: "Where should I go to school?” “What classes should I take?” “What should I study for anatomy?” “What pencils and paper do you use?” “Should I be working digitally now instead of traditionally?” “How do I fix my poses? Learn composition? Perspective?” “When am I going to develop my own style?” “Who were your influences?” “Teach me how to draw hands!” The list goes on…

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Here’s the deal. All of that stuff *is* important, and it may nudge you in the right direction. A lot of it you will discover for yourself. What works best for one person doesn’t work for another. That’s the beauty of art. It’s personal. It’s discovery. DON’T WORRY ABOUT ALL THAT CRAP!

Instead I’m going to answer the questions that you *SHOULD* be asking, but aren’t. These are things that have only recently occurred to me, after doing this for 20+ years. These things seem so obvious, but apparently they elude a lot of people, because I am surprised at how many ridiculously talented artists are ‘failing’ professionally. Or just unhappy. The beauty of what I’m about to tell you is that it doesn’t matter what field you’re in or what your art style is.

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In no particular order:

1) DO WHAT YOU LOVE. If you are passionate about what you’re doing, it shows. If you’re having fun, it shows. If you’re bored, IT SHOWS. Some guys are able to work on stuff they have zero interest in, and still pull off great work, but I find that when I do this my motivation takes a huge hit. And Motivation is key. Money is not a great motivator. It’s temporary like everything else. And honestly, I’ve gotten paid the most money for some of the shittiest work I have ever done. That may sound awesome, but it’s not. And here’s why…

2) You MUST stay Excited and Motivated. Have you noticed that there are days you can’t draw a god damned thing? And some days you feel like you can draw anything? It’s 4am but you don’t notice because you are in the ZONE. Your hand is racing ahead of your mind and you can do no wrong?! Maybe it’s some new paper you got. Or a new program you’ve been wanting to try out. Or you just found some amazing shit on DeviantArt, or watched some movie that just makes you want to run straight to your board. This relates to the above because while it is possible to involve yourself in projects you aren’t excited about—maybe you need the cash, or think it will look good on your resume, whatever it is—it’s not going to last. You need to stay fresh. Expose yourself to new things. New techniques. You should be getting tired of your own shit on a fairly regular basis. Otherwise other people will.

3) Check your Ego. If you think you’re the shit, you’re already doomed. You may be really, really good at what you do, but there’s someone better. Sorry. There’s always plenty to learn, even for us old dogs. So when I meet young upstarts who have this sense of entitlement, or a know-it-all attitude, I just have to laugh. Some of the biggest egos I’ve ever witnessed were from people who have accomplished the least. Meanwhile, most guys who are supremely talented AND successful, and have EARNED the RIGHT to have an ego and throw their weight around, don’t. Why is that? It’s because…

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4) RELATIONSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT. This may be one of the biggest lessons I’ve had to learn. Early on, I didn’t value my relationships with people. Creatively or otherwise. I felt like I didn’t need anyone’s help and I could figure everything out on my own. Let’s face it, many of us become artists because we are reclusive, social misfits. We’d rather stay inside and draw shit than go outside and play. We like to live inside our own minds. Why not?! It’s awesome in there! And sometimes we don’t want to let other people in. But like I said—you can’t do it alone. I can honestly say that as much as I try to stay current, as much as I try to push my work and draw kick ass shit that will excite people, I would not be where I am today if it weren’t for all the other people I’ve met and learned from along the way. Guys who pulled strings for me. Took risks on me. Believed I was the right guy for the job. You need to manage your relationships. You need to network, and meet people. Drawing comics is still a pretty good place for reclusive types—but if you want to work in big studios—Making games, Films, animation, basically any other type of job on the planet, you’d better start making some connections. Be likeable. Be professional. That doesn’t mean be an opportunistic ladder climber. Fake people lose in the end. Be yourself, but be professional. It’s no secret that when people are hiring, our first instinct is to bring in people we know. It’s human nature. I don’t like unknowns, even if their portfolio is awesome. If we have a mutual connection, if they have great things to say about you, you’re in. If you have AMAZING artwork to show, and I call your last employer and they tell me what a pain in the ass you are to work with, you’re done. Talent and skill only get you so far. I am literally amazed at how often I meet guys that are total assholes and think they are going to get anywhere.

5) Here’s the BIG ONE. The greatest obstacle you will ever have to overcome IS YOURSELF. And the Fear that you are creating in your own head. Stay positive. Stop defeating yourself. There are artists I know that are so damn good they make me pee my pants. I look up to these mofos. I study their shit and I want to draw like them. And they are almost NEVER working on their DREAM project. And—big surprise, they aren’t happy in their job. “Why NOT?! WTF is WRONG WITH YOU?!” is usually my reaction. And the answer is almost always “The market isn’t great right now” “Other stories/games/comics like mine don’t do very well” “The shit that’s hot right now is nothing like mine, It’s just going to fail.” “I’m not sure I’m good enough.” “I need the money.” “Too Risky.” “I tried it before and failed. ” It doesn’t matter what words they use, they are afraid for one reason or another. I know. I’ve been there.

But here’s the deal. YOU NEED TO TAKE RISKS. Guess what? YOU ARE MOST LIKELY GOING TO FAIL. If you want it—REALLY want it, that won’t stop you. You will learn A LOT. My good friend Tim constantly jokes about how I jump out of planes without a parachute and worry about the landing on the way down. You may think that I’m lucky, that it’s easy for me to say because I’m already successful, that I’m in a different situation than you all are. But it’s not true. Risk is risk, no matter what level you’re at. If you’re already successful, you just take even bigger risks. But they never go away. Everything in life is Risk vs. Reward. Not just in your career. LIFE. You’d better get used to it.

I didn’t know what the hell I was doing when I got into comics. I left the #1 selling book at the time ( Uncanny X-men ) to work on Battle Chasers during a time when 'Conan’ was about the only fantasy comic people knew. And no one was buying it. I wanted to work in games, so I started a game company. I had NO IDEA WTF I was doing. I just wanted it, really bad. We tanked. It failed. No big surprise. But the people I worked with got hired elsewhere and rehired me. I started ANOTHER game Company. We had 4 people and a dream, and some publishers wouldn’t even meet with us, because their 'next gen console’ teams had 90+ people on them. I literally got hung up on. “Stick to handheld games, it’s smaller, maybe you can handle that…” one MAJOR publisher told us. I don’t blame them. But we didn’t let it stop us. Thank god we didn’t listen to them. Vigil was born. Darksiders happened, AND we got to make a sequel. It stands shoulder to shoulder with the best games in the industry, and the most elite and experienced game dev studios in the world. How is that possible?!!! Hardly any of us had even worked on a console game before. I’ll be honest, I was thinking we would fail the whole time. I just didn’t care. If I had to play the odds on this one, I’d bet against us.

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Why am I telling you all this shit? This is not me patting myself on the back. It’s just stuff that has somehow only dawned on me recently when it’s been staring me in the face for so long. I feel like I need to wake you guys up!!! I’ve been limiting myself. I’ve gotten afraid. I’ve taken less risks. I saw my career going places I didn’t want to go. I wasn’t happy and I wasn’t excited. And I’ve realized, that all that stuff I just talked about is the reason I am where I am today. Not because I have a manga style, or I draw cool hands, or there’s energy in my drawings, or all the other things people rattle off to me. There are other guys that do all that same shit, and do it better. And amazingly, those same guys constantly tell me “Man, I wish I could do what you are doing.” “SO DO IT!!!!!” PLEASE listen to me—because I want you guys to make it. I want to look to one of you people for inspiration some day when it’s 2am and I need to keep drawing. Stop worrying about all the other stuff—the pencils, the paper, the anatomy, all that shit. It will only get you so far. You’ve already got most of what you need. I hope this helps some people. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all the support over the years. You are all one of the greatest motivating forces in my life and my career. Sappy but true. Ok, let’s go draw some shit!!!“

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How season 7 of Game of Thones should have been:

After the lords are questioning Jon’s decisions- 

Arya: Hey Sansa wtf why didn’t you totally go crazy on those dudes for questioning Jon. Like we should kill them. 

Sansa: Yo chill little sis. Remember when Robb killed Karstark and then everything went to shit. That’s not how we can play things. 

Arya: Oh shit you right. By the way I totally don’t trust Littlefinger. He’s a bitch. 

Sansa: Totally agree, but we need a reason before we can take him out. 

Arya: Yeah I guess and you know we should really talk about the shit we went though to better understand each other. 

Sansa: Great idea, sis!  Now let’s go see Ghost bc he’s still here and everyone wants him in the show. 

Girls go play with Ghost bc I know y’all have the budget for it. 

After Littlefinger leads Arya to Sansa’s letter- 

Arya: Girl, did you tell Littlefinger to hide this letter you wrote to Robb when you were being held hostage by the Lannisters and dad was a prisoner and it clearly sounds like that bitch Cersei. 

Sansa: Whaaaaaat!?! No, why? 

Arya: Bc he totally wanted me to find it and I think he’s trying to use it to turn us against each other, which is dumb bc you were a child and it was a scary situation. Also the tv version of my character spent the better part of season 2 as Tywin Lannisters servant. Ya know cause we were all just trying to survive. 

Sansa: Woah crazy, but also what a stupid plan, Littlfinger is better than this. We should ask Bran about this bc he hasn’t really participated in anything for awhile. 

Later on with Bran -

Sansa: Bran we need your help.

Bran: emotionless I’m the three-eyed raven.

Sansa and Arya: We know.

Sansa: So wtf is Littlefinger up to. 

Bran: Confirms everything the girls thought and tells them about how the dude basically started all the shit. 

Arya: Cool thanks B. I’m gonna go kill him now.

Sansa: Ok sis have fun!

-high fives all around- 

Bran: goes back to staring at the wall or something.

Daenerys after Yara is taken captive - 

Dany: I’m going to get Yara bc we’re allies and thats what allies do. Also while I’m there I think I’ll burn all of Euron Greyjoys ships and kill him bc Idk him yet but I already hate him. 

Everyone: Omg yas!! He’s literally the worst. 

Jon at Eastwatch with the squad - 

Jon: Before we actually go on this super dangerous wight hunt I’m gonna write Sansa and see what she thinks about this whole trip. 

Sansa’s response to letter talking about wight hunt- 

Sansa: Dude, Cersei will never help anyone don’t even try. This is way more dangerous and will probably be pointless. All y’all need to come chill at Winterfell. Bring the Sandor Clegane I really want to see him and Arya said for Gendry to get his ass over her bc ya know reunion time!!! Also Bran wanted me to tell you not to have sex with anyone until he can talk to you first, he’ll explain when you get here just keep it in your pants for now. 

No useless sister fighting. Bran does some productive shit for once. Everyone goes to Winterfell. Euron’s fleet is destroyed. My beautiful Yara is saved. Sansan and Gendrya reunions actually happen.  NIGHT KING DOES NOT GET A DRAGON. 

Why do customers think employees is hiding information/stock from them?? Like I don’t understand what they think we gain from it. Especially with this interaction I had with a customer on Saturday:

Customer: *comes over to me from the $2 clearance rail where it clearly says END OF RANGE with some pants* Hey, do you have anymore of these $2 pants?

Me: No, those are end of range. Those ones and whatever is left on the rail are the only ones left.

Customer: in the entire store?

Me: Yeah, none left. That’s why they’re discounted to $2.

Customer: Oh, okay. *leaves*

Customer: *comes back to me not even FIVE MINUTES LATER but just with the pants folded differently in his cart* Hey, do you have anymore of these pants?

Me: *double checks tag to see their original location* These are from sportswear. If you want more pants similar to these, then you should check there.

Customer: *grins as if he’s won a game or some shit* So you DO have more of these $2 pants!!

Me: No, we don’t. They’re end of range, these are the only ones left like this. I said we have SIMILAR pants at the sportswear section if you want more.

Customer: But they’ll be $2?

Me: No. Because those won’t be end of range and therefore not discounted.

Customer: But you said they’re similar!

Me: They’re still an entirely different product…that’s still in stock…that means they’re still full price.

He eventually gave up and just settled for the pants he had.

an oddly extensive list of aph bulgaria headcanons
  • his human name is Stephan Borisov. he was “born” around the seventh century.
  • he comes off as cool and aloof but he’s usually screaming on the inside
  • he’s a pretty heavy smoker. he tried to quit in the 30s but he started again in the 60s
  • we’ve all heard the yoghurt thing. but he’s so smug about it you can’t even imagine. do you think this is a game? think again, motherfucker
    • “wow, is that yoghurt? did you know that i invented that?”
    • the same thing goes for the cyrillic alphabet. them baby slavs ain’t got shit on him
  • he literally never wears shirts when he’s home alone. ask him why and you’ll get a halfhearted shrug
  • he is, objectively, the most fashionable nation in the balkans. are you wearing leather pants, romania?
  • he finds all of the nordics to be very attractive.
  • the younger nations tend to look up to him. meanwhile, he panics in a corner
    • what if they want to talk to me? what if i mentions something weird?
    • probably smiles awkwardly when small children stare at him. the fucker waves too. stop being so cute
  • he tries so hard to be a good person
    • his heart’s in the right place. his, morals, however…
  • he sleeps face down. it’s honestly a miracle that he hasn’t suffocated yet.
  • he looks to be in his mid to late twenties. yeah, he’s younger than england (23), but dude he had two empires. get on his level.
  • half the year he looks like vanilla ice cream, and the other half he’s tan af
  • his eyes are so green man they’re so fucking green
  • he’s not as well muscled as Actual Confirmed Bears™ Russia and Turkey but he’s still got the bod
  • he doesn’t really have all that many relationships outside of the balkans because this is europe. it’s hard to keep friends when everyone’s attacking someone else.
  • and relationships inside the balkans are…complicated
  • he and romania are “pals”, but they’re the type of “pals” who will fuck and then sleep on opposite sides of the bed
    • basically they’re dating but they’re both such dicks that they can’t be bothered to be nice to each other
  • he and hungary are like siblings. they hate each other, but in a friendly way
  • stephan would willingly throw serbia out a window, but will also defend him to the death.
    • it’s complicated
  • he’d rather not talk about turkey. they’ve got so many years of history. both good and bad (sorry, bad and bad), that’s it’s very hard to define whatever they’ve got. rn they nod at each other in a friendly way on smoke breaks and try very hard not to punch the other
    • it doesn’t work all that well
  • greece? who’s greece? i don’t know him?
  • all of the balkans band together to protect moldova. he’s so small and cute. u can’t touch him.
    • half the time they’re the ones scarring him with their weird fucking antics.
    • no, stephan, you can’t smoke when the kid’s in the room
  • outside of the balkans? he probably gets along with all of the former soviet bloc nations pretty well, though this is more out of a feeling of mutual sympathy than from actually liking them
  • his relationship with russia is just “stay the fuck away from me and i won’t kick your ass”
    • (he can’t kick russia’s ass)
  • honestly? he’s an awkward nerd who used to have an empire but just wants to eat yoghurt and watch anime nowadays
    • kids are too wild these days. back in my day we used to hit each other with sharp objects and fall asleep in trees

Prompt: from @outside-the-government - SO JO. What about the Enterprise is docked at Yorktown for a while for routine maintenance or something, and in that time, Starfleet wants to do an outreach program to the youth on the base, so they’re invited to come aboard and tour through the departments, do a day of like… shadowing around someone in the division they’re interested in. Reader and Bones are in charge of impressionable young minds in the med bay.
Word Count: 2106
Author’s Note: Bones wanted nothing to do with those kids, and only wanted to get into the reader’s knickers. Redirecting him was nearly impossible.

“Are you out of your corn-fed mind?” Leonard’s voice exploded across the MedBay. You glanced up, knowing Captain Kirk had said or done something to set him off. “No. Absolutely not! It’s a violation of privacy to my patients, and these are medical professionals, not babysitters. Let the rugrats clutter up the bridge, I’m not having them in my Medbay!”

You perked up, intrigued. If your Leonard McCoy translation guide was working properly, it sounded like Kirk was trying to add MedBay to the Yorktown student’s open house on the Enterprise. Without much success. “They aren’t rugrats, Bones. They’re all nearly finished school, and are considering their options. They need exposure to medical personnel. How else will the Medical Corp continue to grow?” Kirk’s voice had that persuasive tone that Leonard rarely was able to deny.

“It’s a privacy violation, Jim, plain and -”

“Each student signs a confidentiality agreement, just like the staff do. They’ve done this on the Pasteur for years,” Kirk interrupted. “Without any problems.”

“If I didn’t have a choice, why did you even ask?” Leonard grumbled. Kirk clapped him on the shoulder and winked in your direction. You quickly looked back down at your charting, trying to look like you hadn’t been eavesdropping.

“I knew you’d see to reason, Bones,” Kirk laughed. “This is a good looking medical crew, you know. You’ll probably recruit quite a few if you just smile a little.” You looked back up and caught Captain Kirk watching you. He winked again and you felt the colour rise in your cheeks. “Get Y/L/N to help you plan it, that will pull in a few more.”

You threw a roll of cling at Kirk as he headed out of MedBay, leaving you with Leonard.

“We could kill him, you know, and no one would ever know,” Leonard grumbled. “He’s allergic to damn near everything.”

“Sweet of him to suggest we’ll recruit people based on our looks though,” you laughed. “You, I understand. Had I not already been med-track, I would have considered a switch after taking one look at you.”

Leonard raised an eyebrow, but you had the pleasure of watching him flush a little. You enjoyed working with McCoy. He was dry, witty, and probably the best doctor you’d ever had the pleasure of working under. The fact that he was also a little hesitant around women was endearing in the extreme, and you loved to tease him by flirting. He never quite knew how to take your comments, which gave you the rare joy of seeing him without an clever retort.

“You’re the goddamn poster child for the ‘fleet, Y/N,” he shot back. “You make those damn impractical uniforms look incredible.”

It was your turn to be speechless, but only for a moment. He wanted to play a game, he would get a game. “Not as incredible as your ass in those pants,” you retorted before you realized what was coming out of your mouth. You felt your face heat up and broke eye contact with him before he started laughing. “Shit, I will, uh, be over in the clean hold. Doing inventory. Do you think I could strangle myself if I wove cling into a rope?”

“You’re even prettier when you’re flustered,” he laughed as you retreated. Using the same practiced defense tactic you’d used with Kirk, you lobbed a roll of cling at him as you retreated.

Keep reading


Hello, Love bugs!

Dan X Reader

Warnings- swears.

Someone requested playing a scary video game with Dan but damned if I can’t find the original ask.

Dan had been trying to convince you to play a scary game with him on the gaming channel for the last two weeks. He was sure it would make for a great video. You, on the other hand, thought it was a terrible idea. Who in their right mind would want to watch the two of you shit your pants while playing a game? 

“One last chance before I go play without you. Are you sure you don’t want to come and at least watch?” You shook your head no at Dan.

Keep reading

And Then I Knew- Assassins Want Brett || Brett Talbot (Part Three)

Originally posted by theawesomedashing


Warning(s): curse words and mentions of death

Word Count: 1,720

A/N: I relate to title of chapter bc damn i want Brett too

“So, the Walcott family were first, or at least the first that we know of. Sean, his brother, and their parents. They were killed by a professional assassin, which we know is called The Mute. A military tomahawk is his weapon of choice, but The Mute was killed by Peter after he tried to blow up Derek. Demarco, he delivered a keg to the party at Lydia’s lake house and then got decapitated outside his car” Stiles informed us all.

Argent looked at Scott after thinking for a while, “Did his scent tell you anything?”. Scott nodded, “Definitely a werewolf, I think he was part of a pack”. Argent sighed, “ If he was, they’ll be looking for him”.

I decided to speak up, “That’s not it. Last night, a woman named Carrie was killed”. “It’s a dead pool, a hit list for all the supernatural creatures in Beacon Hills” Scott added. Lydia pursed her lips, “Only problem is, this is part of the list. The rest has to be decoded and I have to try to figure it out”.

“Scott, let’s go talk to my dad” Stiles suggested and Scott agreed. “Wait, Stiles. Can we drop (Y/N) off to school? I can’t have her miss school” Scott questioned. I groaned, “Really Scott?”. He laughed, “Yes really, look, Isaac is in Paris but if he was here he’d do the same thing”.

The popular duo dropped me off to school and I walked in and met Liam and Mason by their lockers. “Hey guys” I greeted. “Hey (Y/N)” they greeted back. “Tonight is the scrimmage right?” Mason asked, I nodded, “Yeah”. Mason sighed, “Do you guys know what school you’re going up against?” He asked again. Liam and I looked at each other and shrugged, “Devenford Prep aka Liam’s old school” Mason answered.

Liam, Mason, and I stood and watched as the Devenford Prep lacrosse team file out of the bus with their bags in hand. As soon as a tall blonde got off, Liam went up to him. “Wait! Liam! No, no, no” Mason exclaimed and he looked at me to help him,”Why are you worried?” I asked and Mason ignored my question and pulled me over with him. “Brett!” Liam called.

I walked over with Mason towards Liam and the boy whose name I now know as Brett. “I just wanted to say…Have a good game” Liam panted. Brett and his friends started laughing, “That’s cute, Liam. Is that what they told you to say in Anger Management? Apologize and everything’s fine? You demolished Coach’s car”. 

“I paid for it” Liam countered. “Yeah you’re going to pay for it. We’re gonna break you in half out there and it’ll be all your fault” Brett sneered. Scott and Stiles quickly ran over, “Oh shit. Whoa, let’s go Liam” Scott said while trying to drag Liam away.

I looked at Mason who looked at me, “Well, we are just going to go” Mason told Brett. Mason started to walk away and I stood there, “(Y/N)! Come on!”. I looked back and looked at Brett, “Um, good luck out on the field tonight” I said. “Thanks, see you around, I’ll make sure to look in the bleacher for you” Brett winked and before I could correct him, Mason came back and dragged me away.

I picked up my phone as it began to rang, I looked to see Isaac was calling me. “Hey Isaac!” I exclaimed, “Today’s your first game?” He asked. “Technically scrimmage but that works too” I corrected while giggling. I watched as Scott and Stiles drag off an angry Liam, “Hey Isaac, I love you and all but I have to go, Scott and Stiles might need me” I rushed. Isaac sighed, “Alright! Good luck! Call me later?”. “Definitely” I answered and he hung up.

I jogged towards the locker room to see Scott and Stiles holding Liam under the shower head. “The car you smashed, I thought you said it was your teacher’s” Scott spoke. Liam looked up at me, “He was also my coach, I got a couple red cards”.

Stiles snorted, “A couple my ass”. I decided to butt in, “Liam what happened after that?” I asked. “They sent me to a psychologist for an evaluation” He answered. “And…” I dragged on. 

“It’s called Intermittent Explosive Disorder” Liam added. Stiles huffed, “Good job Scott! You gave a teenager who has I.E.D. the bite!”.

“Did they give you anything?” Scott questioned hoping the answer would be yes, but Liam didn’t answer. “Let me guess, you don’t take them” Stiles spoke and Liam nodded, “I can’t play lacrosse if I do, they make me sleepy”.

“You can’t play. We think whoever killed Demarco, the guy who delivered the keg, is on the team” Scott told both Liam and I. “If it helps, I know who paid for the keg” Liam spoke up.

“Nervous Kira?” I asked as I walked up to her, “Me? Pft, no. Okay maybe” She answered and I laughed. “Don’t be, I think you’ll do great” I encouraged and she smiled. I looked to see Scott coming, “I’ll let you be, your lover boy is coming this way” I informed and walked towards Mason and Liam.

“I don’t care if he’s a foot taller than me, I can take him” Liam muttered, “Yeah, totally” Mason added. I stood between the two and followed their gaze, my eyes landing on Brett.

“What do you two think you’re doing?” Liam asked both Mason and I. Mason scoffed, “What? Us? We are totally agreeing with you duh” and I nodded.

“You guys think he’s hot don’t you?” Liam glared and Mason and I both answered. “No” Mason spoke, “Yes” I answered. The two boys looked at me, “What? Thought you guys would know by now that I can be very blunt sometimes” I added.

Liam sighed, “He wants to destroy me”, Mason looked at me, “You can definitely take him, then give him to (Y/N). I’d say me, but she needs some Brett in her life more than I do”.

Coach blew his whistle, “No, no, no. Just go out there and kick there smug prep asses”.

Liam looked at me and laughed at what Mason said a few seconds ago, “How is that funny?” I asked. “Cause he’s right, plus I think Brett needs you in his life” He answered. Mason looked at me, “He’s totally staring right now, he definitely wants you in his life” and the two boys laughed while I rolled my eyes, “Idiots” I mumbled.

Coach blew his whistle and Liam and I threw our helmets on, “McCall get your ass on the field! Mini Lahey and Dunbar! You too!”. Scott looked panicked, “Coach as the captain I say Liam stays out, his leg still hurts”.

Coach laughed, “He said he’s fine, he’s playing”.

We all sighed and ran onto the field, Scott stopped all of us. “Kira keep an eye on Garrett” He commanded, “(Y/N), you and I will look after Liam” and we both nodded.

“I’ll try to play” Stiles commented.

“McCall! Stilinski! Lahey! Dunbar! Get in there!” Coach shouted.

Scott and I ran up to Brett, “Brett! I know you guys feel like you owe Liam some payback for what he did but could you just hold off for one night? Trust me. One night” Scott begged.

Brett nodded, “I can do that” and Scott was relieved, “Really?” he asked. “No” Brett answered.

Coach blew the whistle and we got into our positions, I looked at Kira and she nodded as she kept her eye on Garrett. Scott looked at me and Liam, “Don’t worry, I got this, I’m helping you look out for him” I whispered enough for Scott to hear.

The buzzer went off indicating the game started, Scott ran with the ball and tossed it to me. I quickly ran and saw the Devenford Prep team coming after me, I turned around and saw Brett coming at me from the side. I looked over to see Stiles and threw the ball to him while knocking Brett out of the way. “Oh, it’s on” Brett snickered as I ran off.

Stiles panicked knowing he was going to get tackled and threw the ball and Kira caught it. “Kira! Run!” Stiles exclaimed, “Kira! Pass it!” Coach screamed. 

The crowd cheered as she threw in into the net, “Yukimura! Get over here! You’re benched” Coach yelled.

The goalie threw the ball back and Liam caught it, I had an open space and no one was around, I nodded as Liam looked at me and he threw it to me and I caught it. I looked to see Brett running right after me, guess he couldn’t handle it the first time when I pushed him out of the way because he was getting competitive really quick.

I ran to pass the ball and watched as Liam came running over too. The three of us crashed and groaned, but Brett was the one in pain.

“How hard did you hit him?” Scott asked, Liam and I looked at each other, “I didn’t. He hit me” Liam answered. “Close your eyes” Scott commanded Liam, I looked to see Brett screaming. 

They took him away and Scott inspected Liam, “Are you cut?” He asked. “No” Liam simply answered. “Then he missed” Scott spoke, which caused us to give him a confused look, “He was aiming for you”.

“I talked to Coach, I’m out for the rest of the game. (Y/N) too” Liam informed all of us. “What? Why am I out?” I asked confused. “Because he thinks you and I hurt Brett” Liam answered.

“Something doesn’t feel right” Scott added.

I looked up to see Stiles walking towards us, “Lydia broke another third of the list” He informed.

“Am I on it?” Liam questioned worriedly.

“No, but someone else is” Stiles answered.

I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion for a few seconds and finally understood. I got up and ran towards the locker room, where they had taken Brett.

“Where are you going?!” Scott yelled, “Bathroom” I lied.

Scott, the others, and I all had it wrong the whole time. We thought the assassins were after Liam. But in reality they were after someone else on the field.

That someone else was Brett.

Voltage Honest Trailers: Liar

Thanks to all those who gave love to my trailers for Gangsters in Love and Enchanted in the Moonlight! The long wait is finally over! Enjoy this honest trailer!


Liar Honest Trailer:

Narrator: From the assholes that brought you games like KBTBB, EITM, and MFW in which men screw you over, comes a NEW Voltage party game where you get your own harem. Only this time…YOU get to screw over MEN!!!

Voltage Fans: What?! A badass MC with a Brain?! What is this sorcerery? 😧

Narrator: I know right?😆

(Slight Beat)

Liar: Uncover the Truth!

(Cue Liar S1 Opening Music)


In a brand new setting, you play as an all new MC.

A stylish, young, tough as nails, city woman in her late twenties who is good at her job and desires to get married.

MC: “My ideal man is out there, and I’m going to find him!“😏

Narrator: Only in reality, she’s a lying, hypocritical slob from the countryside who is wasting her talent to possibly becoming a badass lawyer, cop, or a better detective than Batman, as she tortures herself by working as a wedding planner while she watches left and right as all her co workers get hitched.

Ayumi: “I’m getting married!“😄💍


MC: “It’s really pathetic that I, a wedding planner, is here at a matchmaking party…"😓

Narrator: Following an ugly breakup with her cheating ex boyfriend, MC stands her ground and has her sights set on finding a new man!

…Only to really reveal that she is, in fact, a gold digging thot seeking an oh so perfect man that sounds more glorified than a Gary Stu from a fanfiction.

MC: “I want a man out of college, have an income over 10 million yen, and be five feet over eight inches! I have pretty high standards!"💁🏻

MC: "I’m not gonna settle for anything less than perfection!"😤

Narrator:…Says the country slob…😒


As you follow the guide from a gay fortune teller, you wind up at a matchmaking party where you are told the premise of the game.

Fortuneteller: "You’ll meet 10 men. But only 9 of them are no good liars.”

Narrator: After defying facts like “don’t judge a book by its cover” by turning down two ugly guys, you meet your soon to be victims, LIKE:

Haruichi Mamiya!

The president of the IT company who’s only popular within the Voltage fandom because he’s a kinder version Soryu Oh with glasses as he is secretly affiliated with the mob.

MC: “He’s with the yakuza?!"😨

Narrator: Although says to be conservative, he nearly rapes you while your sleeping in the spring break arc. Complete with an nightmare fuelish image of him slowly removing your clothes.

Haruichi: "Am I the man of your dreams?"😌

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: Sotaro Shiga!

The sexy and sexist as fuck bastard surgeon who’s been involved in two marriages.

He’s fits the MCs standards with his high income but can’t seem to get his own shit together.

Sotaro: "I don’t have a wife…who’s going to clean my room?"😭

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: Azusa Kurono!

A much cuter version of Ota Kisaki only he himself is a con artist who plays the MC like a violin.

Azusa: "Women are nothing but fake bitches to me!"😂

Narrator: Only after being exposed, he crawls back to you in his route after it is shown that he’s really a broke ass.

Azusa: "Please let me in…I’m cold…"😷

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: Keima Katagiri!

A buddy from school who peaked in college who secretly has a gambling addiction.

Keima: "Just five more minutes to turn my luck around!!"😤

Narrator: *Sighs* Aurora James would be proud…😪


Joe Yazawa!

A clearly gay fashion designer who should just date the fortuneteller.

Because while he’s with the MC, all they ever do is talk fashion.

Joe: "You are my muse!"😀

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: Itaru Yuikawa!

The apparent "Mr. Right” of the whole game.

Where in reality he is from the countryside like you, used to be ugly and unattractive, and spent a whole DECADE to change his life just so he can be the glorified man you always wanted.

Itaru: “I’ve become everything that you wanted me to be!"😄

MC: He changed his entire self for me?! What a liar!!😒

Narrator: Are you REALLY talking?!😠😧

(Slight Beat)

Kazumi Kagami!

The "liar” who was called out for being a liar for NO reason as the MC made false accusations of drug use.

Kazumi is the only man who is able to see through the MCs scheming and snooping ways.

Kazumi: “I know why you’re really here…"😏

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: Other potential liars include:

Toya Kashi

The pastry chef who should have starred in the movie: Anger Management.

Kunio Muroi!

The dipshit who hates women with Taylor Swift bodies.

And Shuto Matsuki!

The so called World famous soccer player who couldn’t make it into FIFA and has a disturbing incestuous relationship with his mama.

(Slight Beat)

Man that was a long listing…you guys still with me?


So smuggle some coins…waste your tickets, receive bad flirting advice from a thot bunny, and learn obvious life skills, beauty hacks, and common sense for women like you who struggle with life in their 20’s as you navigate through the silly chess map of an RPG, doing insane things LIKE:

Invasion of Privacy:

Liar Bunny: "Look through his bag! He could be a liar!"😤

Narrator: Stalking your crush on Instagram:

MC: "Time to do some snooping! Er…I mean, Investigating!😅”

Narrator: AND, sadistically watch as your lying victim pees their pants in the Phoenix Wright portion of the game.

Shizuo: “I’m-I’m not cheating on you!"😰

Narrator: And afterwards, play through the possible endings LIKE:

The Ending with the tragic backstory(True End):

Toya: "You cheated on ME while I was gone?!"😡

Narrator: The Ending where you suck the liars dick(Love End):

MC:"I’ll never love a mammas boy like y-!"😠

Shuto: "Let’s go to Italy!"😄

MC: "Okay!"😍

Narrator: The Ending that you instantly and sadistically watch right after you expose the liar just to feel satisfied(Scumbag End):

Woman: "You bastard!! I want a divorce!"😡

Kunio: "Oh shit…"😰

Narrator: The Ending where you can get stalked(Secret End):

Joe: "It’s Nanami! I’ve got her in my sights!"😍

Narrator: And of course the Free Bad Ending where you’re screwed over into possible debt, death, rape, kidnapping, or jail time…

(Slight Beat)

…But don’t worry, if you’re fed up with the gold digging MC, then play as the all new MC in…

(Cue Liar S2 Opening Music)

Liar: Office Deception!

A tale of stereotypical office scandals where you play as a not-so-fake, bisexual, and naturally prettier MC, who ACTUALLY keeps her room clean! And doesn’t lie about her private life.

And even with a much sexier and realistic cast, absolutely NONE of them get a lovers route because Voltage and their greedy asses still fails to give us the good shit we ask for!

(Slight Beat)

In this story, after finding out that your bff is sleeping with your loser boyfriend, you are rewarded by being sent to a team of sexy dumbasses where you become their leader to lead the team to victory!

Throughout the game, where you have to scope out both male AND female liars to find the perfect partner, you are forced to deal with things, LIKE:

😑ffice Gossip:

Female Employee: "Did Mr. Minami just say he was obsessed with her butt?"😓

Narrator: 😁ffice Harrassment!

MC: "Could you please take your hand off my butt?"😓

Narrator: And of course…😅ffice Deception:

MC: "You’re a boy aren’t you?! You lied to me to get info from the company!"😤

(Slight Beat)

Narrator: And no, before you ask, you CANNOT romance the girls!😤

Seriously, stop asking. Voltage Japan doesn’t give us what we want you know…😒

But hey, at least we are getting a Voltage anime and manga series soon, right?😃



"Harry Styles”(Azusa)🎸

“Greys in Anime”(Sotaro)😷

“Soryu Ichinomiya”(Haruchi)💸

“Cake Boss”(Toya)🎂

“Incestuous FIFA Star”(Shuto)⚽️

“The Real Scumbag”(Kunio)👹

“Poker Face”(Keima)🃏

“Cover Boy”(Joe)💄

“Writer of: The Liar Games”(Kazumi)📖

“The Perfect Match for the Perfect Liar”(Itaru)🎭

“Caitlyn Jenner”(May)👩🏻/👦🏻

“(NOT) Yusei Fudo”(Yusei)🔩

“Harry Potter”(Kohei)👓

“Follow me on Instagram!”(Shiori)📲

“90s Lesbi Barbie”(Reina)💋

“I’m Blue!(And lazy!)” (Minoru)😪

“Thirsty in my 30s”(Daikichi)💦


“Lonely Virgin”(Chisa)😔

“BETTER than Itaru!”(Keisuke)😉



"The WORST Flirting Guide Ever!”(Liar Bunny)🐰


“Pretty Little Liars” (The MCs)💄

(Slight Beat)


Hey! Here’s a fun game! Take a shot every time someone in the game says liar! 😆🍷

MC: Liar!😾

MC: Liars and cheats!😑

MC: Are they all liars?!😧

MC: These liars don’t stand a chance!😉

Kunio: You are such a liar!😒

Narrator: Nevermind…you’ll probably end up in the hospital…😓

But hey, at least you’ll get to see Sotaro!😃

Follow and comment if you want more honest trailers!

The New Night King

WARNING: S7 spoilers ahead -

I think most of the fandom is in agreement that Baelish is going to die this year.
I’ve made no bones about how irked I am about that and ruination of a great character. It appears so are other people as this season plays out (and not just LF fans… I’m seeing a lot of people wonder what the fuck happened to this smart/manipulating mastermind in this show - all coming to the conclusion of bad writing. Nice to know it isn’t just us Baelish fans seeing something wrong here)

However, IF this is how it goes down (as fucking dumb as it is and against everything this character was written to be), I want Littlefinger to turn into a White Walker. Just hear me out…

So, Arya and Sansa execute LF at the end of this season for dumbfuck reasons laid down because dumbfuck writers that forgot their own storyline. We can all agree that Baelish started it all, BUT he was not the sole reason why idiot Ned got himself killed. Many people were involved in his death, including his own clueless daughter. I still HIGHLY doubt it was Baelish behind Bran’s botched assassination attempt. That was all Joffrey trying to be a badass. Baelish might have had a hand in because of the exchange of the dagger, but I don’t think he intended the death of Cat’s son, but I digress.

Now, back to the end of this season. I’m assuming Jon will not have returned by the time Baelish dies at Arya’s hand. Will they know that they have to burn his body? Or do they just dump him somewhere without a thought? If his body isn’t burned, would it stand to reason that a big twist for next season is LF returning?
If he has to die, this would be a BADASS twist. The Night King kills and then resurrects one of Dany’s dragons (Viserion?) bringing down The Wall at the end of Season 7. I could forgive D&D (a tiny bit… I still wish my bb to live) killing him if it gave this character more to do and fuck everything up for the living. I just miss LF being the unpredictable badass he used to be. Sansa killing him would surely cure that love bug out of his system REAL fucking quick. I could see him being “burn it all the fuck down” and helping the Night King (or taking his place).

A question I have, do resurrected dead remember who they are? Would someone like Baelish be useful to the Night King (knowing Westeros and people’s weaknesses). He would know all about Winterfell, the Vale… and all the way down Westeros to Kings Landing. Would that manipulating core of Baelish still be with him even though he is dead, or the NK turns him into a White Walker rather than just a resurrected wight?

If Baelish can still remember who he was, he’s gonna want some serious fucking revenge. I’d be down with that. Even better, would be him taking over the Night King if Jon or Dany manages to ‘kill’ him with fire or dragonglass.

You think he would spare Sansa? Somehow I doubt it, but my dark Hades heart thinks that might be his only human trait left. Baelish has been painted constantly as Hades, even by GRRM (and Sansa – Persephone). What better than to turn Baelish LITERALLY into an ice cold Hades from North-of-the-Wall HELL. This could be the real King of the Ashes. Maybe the only person he doesn’t allow to be killed is Sansa.

A massive turn, and great plot twist would be that Jon or Dany kill the Night King , believing they’ve won and it’s all over….but like a good horror film, it isn’t. The guy NO ONE suspects or is threatened by (because they think he’s dead) and who has a serious axe to grind now…. Takes the throne.

OR if he doesn’t take the throne…when the end of the series looks all happy and spring has come…. All the humans are safe …the wall is being rebuilt or some shit…

We pan to the far North and the new Night King is fucking Petyr Littlefinger Baelish, with those ice blue eyes and one fucking evil grin. Shit isn’t over… it’s just begun. This frozen, dead bitch has all the time in the world. AND if Arya kills him with the Valerian dagger… MAYBE he becomes immune to dragon glass can can’t be killed by it. I could so see him in the end, holding his own dagger, stabbing his hand with it, and nothing happens…with a shit-eating grin on his face. I would pay to see THAT in god damned cinema.

I mean EVERYONE knew Jon didn’t die….not really. They KNEW he was going to come back. The fandom expects and WANTS Baelish to die. They’ll cheer and think he’s finally done. God, it would be great to have him come back and piss them all off.

I mean, COME ON! Wouldn’t that be fucking great ending? You don’t cast someone like Aidan Gillen and give him nothing to do. This man KNOWS how to be evil. Look at his creeptastic, evil mother fucker villain acting career? His beautiful face, first is beautiful….BUT he can look evil as hell. What better way to end the whole series with the bad guy that started it all…. Be at the end ready to start shit all over again??? At least you’d get the fan service happy ending they want but at the very, VERY end… a shot of the new Night King and you know this shit isn’t over because you know what kind of revenge filled, mastermind LF is.

Many of you know, I’m no fan of tidy, happy endings where all the good people are perfect and the world is safe again. I hope GRRM isn’t that kind of writer but sadly, D&D are fucking hacks and I don’t trust them one bit with writing an awesome ending with a cool twist. First, the fandom will shit it’s pants when they realize they didn’t get rid of him like they wanted. That alone would make me smile. He’s such an enigmatic character full of mystery and this would be sooo awesome to see him at the end.

If Littlefinger has to die… I want this bitch to creep on even in death and sit on his Ice Throne, and be literally King of the Ashes…of the dead at least.

Damnit, give me this script…. I’ll bloody write it. Hahahaaaa

I’m honestly tempted to get Dream Daddy just to spite everyone throwing shit at it for some data-mined cult ending that doesn’t exist.

I don’t even like dating sims.

From what I’ve seen it has great representation, which is something tumblr says it wants more of, but as soon as there’s even the smallest little problem with it they shit their pants and demonize it.

You want some data-mined non-ending to completely ruin a game for you?


But don’t run around yelling at other people that they shouldn’t enjoy it because it’s “problematic” or whatever the fuck.

It’s Everyday Squip 50 followers! (It’s Everyday Bro BMC parody)

Yup, y'all cant handle this
Y'all don’t know whats about to happen baby
BMC Gang
New jersey - pill boi
But I’m from japan tho - WHITE BOI

Its everyday day squip
And no this ain’t no trip
5 mil squips sold in 6 months
Never done before
Squipped all the competition man
Michael mell is next
Man i’m verbally harassing all these kids
No I’m not a squid
And i got jeremy too
And I’m coming with his crew
This is team 10 bitch
Who the hella flippin you
And you know ill squip them all
If they ain’t with the crew
Yeah I’m talking bout you
You begging for attention

Flirting with Jerry, too
Still wanting Pinkberry
It was 4:20 and i wanna get with Jerry
But Chloe wanted him too
dont make me tell them the truth
I know what she with Jeremy, dont even have to search
She tried to break us up, better be praying to God, CHURCH
New Jersey’s where im from
We like to chew that gum
Shoot Chloe with a gun
Pacman tatoo just for fun
Mr Reyas Bolt and Run
catch me at the play
Today is my day
Team Ten-ing every day

[Brooke and Chloe]
It’s everyday squip
It’s everyday squip
It’s everyday squip
I said it’s everyday squip

[Rich Goranski]
You know it’s Rich Goranski
And my hair stay poppin’
Yes, I can set fire
And no, I am not a pyro
Jakey is my boyfriend
And if it weren’t for the squip
Then my life would be shitty
I’ll pass it to Jakey
‘Cause you know we stay litty

Two months ago
I didn’t know your name
And now I wanna upgrade?
Bitch I’m blowin’ up
I’m only going up
Now, I’m going off
I’m never fallin’ off
Like Jeremy, who?
Michael who?
Who are you?
All these cricket balls I just hit through
Smashin girls in a month
Where were you?
Settin’ fire on my house back on hallo
You need to get your shit straight
Squippy, brought me to the top
Now we really poppin’ off
Playa 1 and Playa 2
That’s why these girls all at our door
It’s lonely at the top
So we all going
We left NJ
Now the trio’s all rollin’
It’s BMC, bitch
We back again, always first, never last
We the future, we’ll see you in the past

[Jake and Rich]
It’s everyday squip
It’s everyday squip
It’s everyday squip
I said it’s everyday squip

[Jeremy and Michael]
hold on, hold on, hold on
Can we talk about games?
We aboutta hit it.
Yes, all I want is level 9
Working on apocalypse of the damned all day long
Living in the basement
Anyone’s dream
Sending pants to my goddang dad
We have one person above
His name is Pac Man and he’s at the top.
From here we sing to you
Can I get my vetro skates?
Playa 1, Playa 2, representing  gamers
From high school to college

[Jeremy and Michael]
It’s everyday squip
It’s everyday squip
It’s everyday squip
I said it’s everyday squip

Yo, it’s Christine Canigula
The theater stay shook
These thespians up on me
I got 'em with the hook
Lemme act for ya’
And I’m talking theater
cricket is your home?
So stop calling my phone
I love play rehearsal
They buying tixs like a loan
Yeah, I act good
Is that your boy’s script?

Is that yo Rich’s fire?
Started texting, Quicken tweets
Now I’m in my flip phone zone
Yes, they all copy me
But, that’s some shitty clones
Stay in all designer clothes
And they ask me for gossip
I said it’s all petty with six bitchies
Always plug, twitter link in bio
And I will tweet ya’ll tomorrow 'cause
It’s everyday squip

Alright, so allow me to put forward a really self-indulgent idea for everyone involving the Office AU. 

After many late evenings finishing projects, after many office parties and weathering crisis’ together, you are now very good friends with CEO Noctis, the the rest of the Chocobro execs.

One day, they as really good friends of yours, decide they want you to have a great time after working so hard for the company. Like, you need a night out or something, right? Some genius Prompto decides that you need to go on a date and convinces the others of the same thing. So after some rigorous searching of their own, they set you up on a blind date with A Person.

Of course you think this is weird as hell, but you agree, you need a night out and the guys have gone through this trouble of setting up this date, so okay. You’re gonna go out for your sake, for their sake. I mean, it’ll be a good time right?

It would in fact, not be a good time.

Let me tell you all about:

That One Bad Date (‘You had ONE job, guys!’)

Originally posted by elliejoys

i.e the time the Chocobros were meant to save you from a bad date, but decided to fuck shit up for their own amusement, to establish dominance, to be shits.

Keep reading

Awkward Situations » Sam Drake

Request:  Hey sweet cheeks, I have a request for Teen Sam Drake X (fem)Reader where she unintentionally gives him a boner. Nothing NSFW but I need some more Young saammy. Excuse me for my sins

Pairing: [Teen] Sam Drake x Reader

Fandom: Uncharted

Words: 837

Originally posted by moselles

Keep reading

130lb of Ukrainian Courage (pt3)

Svetlana pulls up outside the old house and sets her cigarette in the cars ashtray. She checks her reflection in the mirror and reapplies her lipstick. She does not need to do this, the house contains two homosexuals and her son but she likes to look her best at all times and what little charm she wields over Mickey will come in handy today.

She presses the doorbell and smiles at the excited cry of ‘Mama!’ that comes from somewhere inside a moment before the door is flung open and Yevgeny crashes into her middle, hugging her tightly.

“Hello sweet one! Ah! You get bigger every day! I have missed you very much.”

Svetlana wraps her arms around him and peppers his dark hair with kisses. She had hoped the blonde hair he was born with would stick but alas, he appears to be becoming as dark and short as his father is. One cannot have everything though.


Mickey appears from the kitchen and she sees his eyes flick over her carefully made-up lips and lifted breasts, appraising but not in the least bit lustful and a twinge of something that Svetlana refuses to call regret, catches her.

“You goin’ out or something?”

“No. I dress up for myself and for my most wonderful man only.”

She smooths Yevgeny’s hair as she says this and he looks up at her with the simple adoration of small children. Mickey frowns and purses his lips

“You’ll give him a complex.”

“Two fathers? He is already complexed.”

“That doesn’t make any … you know what? Doesn’t matter. You coming in?”

Mickey is holding the door open in invitation and Svetlana is grateful. Things will go smoother if he is in a good mood and he clearly is. He looks tired but healthy, she had been worried he would get fat when he and Carrot made a nest together but if anything, he is leaner than he used to be. Most likely drinking a little less.


Svetlana detaches Yevgeny, who barrels back into the house past his Papa to resume a video game with his Dad.

“I like your shirt. Blue is a nice colour on you.”

Mickey glances down at the fitted t-shirt he is wearing and back to Svetlana. His look of patient good humour instantly replaced with watchfulness. Shit! She has played too nicely.

“Your pants look awful though. Too tight on your ass.”

His expression softens and Svetlana thinks, not for the first time, that he really is the most peculiar man she has ever encountered. Not all bad by any means, but so very strange.

“You want a coffee?”

“No, thank you. I will not stay long.”

“Hi Svet!”

Ian waves from the living room, craning his head over the back of the sofa.


She smiles and watches as Yevgeny bounces all over Ian in sudden excitement over something the blue hedgehog is doing on screen.

“I’m gonna win, Mama!”

He yells and Svetlana laughs, happy to see him so happy.

“Good luck!”

She calls and follows Mickey into the kitchen, which is always agreeably clean. A world apart from the house they shared together when Yevgeny was a baby. Terry’s house was always filthy, even when Terry wasn’t in it. Carrot is clearly a good influence in some ways.

Mickey is drumming his fingers against his leg and doing that fucking annoying thing of chewing the inner corner of his lip. Svetlana things it makes him look like a retarded chiwawa. It also probably means he has either done or is about to do, something stupid. She sets her face into a mask of readiness and folds her arms.

“What foolishness have you done?”

Mickey’s expression changes to his familiar look of long-suffering contempt for the world and Svetlana relaxes a little.

“I haven’t done shit! Why the fuck you asking me … and get that look off your face! You’re his Mom not mine.”

Mickey rolls his shoulders and scratches his upper lip with his thumb.

“Fine, you have done nothing. What is it then?”

Mickey peers over her shoulder before stepping forward furtively

“I just … I wanted to ask you if we’re … you know … if we’re properly divorced?”

His voice is low and eye contact is urgent and swift. Svetlana sighs and smiles

“Yes, you signed. I signed. We are divorced. You are planning to re-marry a new whore?”

“No … yeah … maybe. Not a whore. Don’t say anything, Okay?”

Svetlana’s eyes open wide in surprise and she claps her hands, clasping them before her chest delightedly

“You are planning a proposal for Carrot?!”

“Shhh… keep your fuckin’ voice down!”

Mickey snaps although Svetlana has in fact been whispering so low even he can barely hear her. Svet cups his anxious face fondly between her hand and kisses his lips exuberantly

“Good for you.”

“Ugh. Never do that again. Jesus.”

Mickey pulls away, roughly rubbing the lipstick from his mouth but there are two high spots of colour in his cheeks and he is clearly at least a little pleased by her reaction. Svetlana’s smile disappears as suddenly as it bloomed and she steps back from him.

“I have news that is not as good.”


Mickey is still faffing with his mouth, trying to ensure all traces of crimson have been removed and Svetlana takes advantage of his distraction, taking a deep breath before saying

“Yevegny will not be coming to stay next weekend.”

“No? Why not?”

Mickey glances up and Svetlana sighs heavily

“He is going to meet his grandfather.”

Mickey grins and raises his eyebrows in surprise

“No shit? Your Dad’s coming state side? I always kinda thought he was dead!”

Svet presses her lips together and shakes her head sharply

“Not my father. Yours. Terry is being released and he wishes to meet Yevgeny.”

She watches the colour slowly drain from Mickey’s face and the intrigued smile falter and then disappear.


The word comes out in a hushed whisper. Fear is written plainly across his features and it makes him look younger, more like the boy she first met.

Mickey stares at her for a moment and then drives his fist painfully down onto the counter top, a jagged, reflexive movement that Svetlana expected. It is good to release tension swiftly, and she knows that this is how men like Mickey tend to do it.


“OK in there?”

Ian’s voice carries back to them and the initial tug of fear in Mickey’s heart freezes into a lump of cold terror.

“Dropped something.”

His voice sounds like it’s coming from far away as he answers Ian and kicks the door shut. He closes his eyes to try and blot out the images swirling through his head.

A dusty old car pulling up outside the house …

Ian, alone and unprotected, eating cereal over the sink …

A knock at the deep blue door Ian painted so carefully…

Ian setting his breakfast aside with a cheerful expression, ready to welcome a guest, and going unsuspectingly to the door …

Svetlana lays her hand gently on top of Mickey’s fist but he snatches it away, turning his back on her and pressing the heels of his hands against his closed eyes, trying to maintain control.

“When does he get out?”

“Friday. He will come with Yevgeny and I to the park and then he will head to Canada to stay with your uncle.”


Mickey comes back to reality a little at this. Yevgeny. Terry is making a beeline straight for the kid for fuck knows what shitty reason but it sure as Hell isn’t a game of catch in the park. Mickey shakes his head tersely.

“No! Fuck no! Don’t let him near Yevgeny! Jesus, Svet.”

“Geny is his only grandson. He says he wishes to give him some money, for college.”

Despite the absolute horror churning in his brain, Mickey can’t help but laugh a little at that.

“You think you know my Dad? If you had the first clue about him, you’d know that he thinks college is for fags, pussies and clever fucks in need of a beat down. There is no way he wants Yevgeny in college.”

Svetlana flicks her hair over her shoulder and shrugs.

“He has been changing. He is older now, tired. He wants to see what family he has left.”

She is trying to make it sound as if she is cajoling him but Svetlana knows that his answer will eventually be yes. Mickey has never denied his father anything he wanted. Fuck the whore. Marry the whore. Raise a child. Whatever Terry has asked of him, Mickey has done.

The only thing strong enough to change that pattern a little is what Mickey feels for Ian, and it got him disowned by the Milkovich patriarch so irrevocably that his name is no longer allowed in Terry’s presence. Not a great loss by any imagining but Svetlana knows how much it wounds Mickey all the same. Her ex-husband would never admit it, but he is a deeply sensitive man and despite it all, he still loves his father. It is his weakness and she leans on it heavily now.

“You are dead to him, Mikhailo. You know this?”

Mickey nods, licks his bottom lip and his eyes, dark with hurt, flick away and then back to her.

“Yeah, I know.”

Svetlana notices a nerve near Mickey’s eye starting to twitch. It trembles just above the small white scar that remains from the pistol whipping Terry gave him and guilt gnaws uncomfortably at her.

Her mother was a person like Mickey, Natania Tarasov was a woman of few words but her face was a colourful story book of emotions. Each nerve seemed capable of telling all that was in her heart if people only bothered to learn her unique language.

Mickey lacks Natania’s subtlety of character and his tics are more pronounced but somehow he can be more difficult to read. Svetlana supposes it is because she never bothered to learn him. Ian did though. Ian would know that the little twitching scar is shame and regret and loss and the beginnings of another defeat to the whims of Terry Milkovich.

“Why the fuck do you want to let him see the kid anyway?”

“Family is important. So is money for college.”

Svet shrugs with her usual pragmatism. She allows a few seconds pause and then lays her final playing card

“I have told your father that if anything happens to you, he will never see Yevgeny again. He promises there will be no trouble.”

Mickey looks at her sharply, his eyes wild and full of protective fear

“I don’t give a shit about me. What about Ian?”

Svetlana suppresses a little smile and feigns nonchalance as if this is not the reaction she was waiting for.

“I can bargain for Ian too if you want me to.”

“If I …? Of course I fucking want you to! Ian is the whole fucking deal, tell that old prick to stay the fuck away from him! You hear me, bitch?”

Mickey takes a single,threatening step towards his ex-wife and then catches himself and stops, turning to grip the underside of the counter, hard, using it as an anchor. He keeps his eyes trained on her though and his gaze so furious Svetlana holds up her hands, nodding hastily. She always underestimates the pull of Carrot Boy.

“Of course. Ian will be safe. That is the deal? Geny gets money from his Grandpa and you have your Carrot?”

“There is no way this is all he wants. He doesn’t even fuckin’ like kids.”

Mickey says softly, almost to himself. He is breathing a little easier now and he makes himself let go of the counter, dimly aware that the sharp edge of the wood has raised blisters across his palms.

“It is one afternoon, Mikhailo. Then he will leave.”

Mickey rubs at the tiny quivering scar by his eye irritably. He hates it but if it is what it takes to extract a promise for Ian’s safety…

“You’ll be with him the whole time? Yevgeny, I mean.”

“Of course. Your father does not want to babysit. Only meet.”

Mickey is slowly nodding to himself. His Dad is a horrible old bastard but if Svetlana will be there … Mickey knows she would never let anything happen to Yev … and maybe she’s right. Perhaps after all this time the old man is starting to mellow a little. That’s not impossible to believe, not even for Terry. Maybe he’ll even be able to forgive Mickey a little … not that he cares but, you know, it’s his father …

“Ok. Yeah OK. But don’t leave Dad alone with Yev. He’s got a fuckin’ short temper and Yev can be a little mouthy.”

“I will stay close.”

Svetlana smiles, touched by Mickey’s obvious concern for their son.

“Alright. Can we have him Saturday night though? Ian will still wanna see him.”

Mickey is staring into the middle distance and Svetlana knows better than to try and talk to him much more when he is wound up so tightly. Terry is the stick. Mickey needs his Carrot. She lifts her purse a little higher on her shoulder.

“I will bring Yevgeny on Saturday before dinner. You’ll feed him.”


Mickey mumbles and barely notices when he is suddenly alone.


Ian finds Mickey in the kitchen. He heard him say goodbye to Yev but then he’s been so quiet, Ian wondered if he’d gone out.

“Hey! There you are! You OK?”


Mickey’s lip quirks upwards but the smile doesn’t reach his eyes which are large and dark with worry.

“You’re not. What’s wrong?”

Ian is in front of him in an instant, large hands resting on his shoulders, peering intently at him, reading him.

“Babe, what’s happened?”

Mickey drags himself back from the swirling white noise filling his head and swallows dryly. He sniffs, glances up at Ian and suddenly lunges forward and presses an urgent kiss against Ian’s mouth. It is harsh and quick and Ian doesn’t have time to respond before it is over and Mickey is moving away.

“Nothing. I’m good. Hey, listen, ah, Yev isn’t going to stay here next Friday.”

“How come?”

Ian’s lip is stinging a little where Mickey crushed it against his teeth but he ignores it. Mickey is a ball of nervous energy and it is giving Ian jitters just watching him prowl around the kitchen. It reminds Ian of how he used to move, furtive and angry, like a caged animal.

“Mickey. What’s going on?”

Ian grabs his boyfriends arm and enfolds him in a tight hug. Mickey stiffens and for a moment, Ian thinks he will push him away but slowly his arms circle Ian’s waist. When he looks up at Ian, he still a little absent but much more himself and Ian lets out the breath he has been holding.

“Tell me, Mick.”

“Svet wants to take him somewhere. It’s nothing major and I don’t want to fuckin’ argue about it with you. OK?”


Ian lets go of Mickey, giving him space, and leans back against the worktop, tucking his hands into his jeans pockets.

“She … she heard from Terry. He’s getting out and he wants to meet Yevgeny.”

Mickey looks across at Ian, eyebrows raised expectantly, his expression is defiant, almost challenging and Ian lets out a startled laugh and shakes his head, confused.

“Well fuck that! You told her that’s not happening, right?”

Mickey just keeps looking at him with the same expression and Ian feels the first stirrings of anger pushing through the shock.

“Mickey, there is no fucking way …”

“It’s his grandson, man. He just wants to see him.”

Mickey interrupts, he doesn’t want to argue about this. He doesn’t want to think too much about it. He just wants Terry to see Yevgeny and then fuck off out to Canada and never come back.

“Are you kidding me? I don’t give a fuck what he wants! He raped Mandy, he got someone else to rape you … Jesus! He tried to fucking KILL you, Mickey!”

Ian is practically beside himself with frustration and his voice bounces off the walls, the words slamming into Mickey, who pushes a hand tersely through his hair and returns the glare Ian is giving him

“Don’t be so fucking dramatic. It was a fight, no one tried to kill anyone.”

“Are you insane? What does he have to do, huh? What does the great Terry Milkovich have to do for you to see what he is?”

“I told you I don’t want to argue about this.”

Mickey shakes his head, trembling hands tapping a cigarette out of a packet and lighting it, no longer able to look at Ian, who presses on despite Mickey’s obvious discomfort.

“I can’t believe you. You are so frightened of him that you would use our son as a shield! It’s pathetic!”

Ian snaps, he doesn’t care about Mickey’s ego just now and if his words hurt then so be it! He is completely blinded by his anger. He thought the days of Mickey ducking and diving around the wrath of his father were done but here they are again and this time it is not Ian Mickey is willing to risk but Yevgeny.

“You call Svetlana and tell her there is no fucking way that evil prick is coming near our kid!”

Ian demands, sliding his cellphone across the counter top but Mickey makes no move to take  it.

“I don’t like it either but it’s one afternoon! He just wants to say hi, give him some money and maybe get a fuckin’ picture to stick on his next cell wall, I don’t know but it isn’t gonna be a big fucking deal unless you make it one.”

Mickey is trying not to lose his temper. He gets why Ian is so upset but Ian doesn’t know Terry the way Mickey does. If Svet can make him agree to leave Ian alone then fuck it, this is the best chance Mickey has of protecting him.

“It’s not happening!”

Ian roars, slamming his hand down hard enough to upset the half-finished mug of coffee beside him. Neither man pays any attention to the warm, brown liquid dripping onto the lino, they are locked in a stare off and neither is willing to blink first.

“Yes it is.”

Mickey says finally and turns to leave through the back door. He needs to leave. He’s too wound up and he doesn’t trust himself to be around anyone right now. It’s too much. He feels too hot, like he has a fever and his head is pounding.

Ian knows Mickey is about to take off and it infuriates him still further. That he thinks he can just make this decision and then fucking run away when it suits him! Fuck that! Ian knows the triggers of Mickey’s temper very well and deliberately pulls them all at once.

“Are you really still that scared little boy? Mickey Milkovich: Daddy’s little bitch! Is that what you are?”

The effect is immediate and horrible. Mickey spins around and storms toward Ian, rolling his neck from one side to the other as he moves, finally and spectacularly losing his shit.

Ian stands his ground, not giving an inch even as Mickey’s finger jabs him in the chest and he gets close enough for his hair to brush under Ian’s nose.

“I know you’re upset, but you need to watch your fuckin’ mouth.”

“Fuck you.”

Ian spits, shoving him. Mickey has planted his feet, years of fighting conditioning his movement, and he only staggers slightly before stepping back in. He can smell the faint sweetness of bath lotion on Ian’s clothes and knows that there is a steaming bath upstairs waiting for them and that it will probably go cold still waiting and the knowledge only serves to add fuel to the inferno that is quickly becoming his temper.

“This is my dad, and my kid and if I say they can fucking hang out, then guess what, bitch? It’s happening. End of fuckin’ discussion!”

Mickey’s nostrils are flaring and his jaw is clenched so hard the muscles stand out starkly but Ian doesn’t care.

“No! Yevgeny is my kid too!”

“No he fucking isn’t!”

The words are out before Mickey can stop them and the silence that echoes around them is deafening. Ian goes completely still and fixes his gaze a few inches above Mickey’s head.

“Fuck. I didn’t mean that …”

Mickey tries to touch Ian’s face, trying to make him look at him but Ian jerks his chin away and Mickey lets his hand drop.

“Ian …”

“I’m going out.”

Ian says flatly and pushes roughly past his boyfriend.

“Ian … don’t… I …”

Mickey falters, his words failing him as he watches Ian walk away. The front door slams and this time, Mickey is painfully aware that he is suddenly alone.


 3,6 comedy/semi-smut reader x jungkook please thaaaank you i live your blog
3. Show me what you can do
6.Put your fucking clothes on     

“Jungkook~” you whispered seductively against his ear, in hopes that this time he would actually respond to your teasing and by the looks of it he was very close to giving in to your needy desires.
Jungkook had been enjoying his book, when you came up to him, grabbing his knee, rubbing his arms, whispering in his ears, you were putting on a good show for him and it was very funny to see you go away with a defeated look on your face and come back moments later with a whole new plan of action to try and get him in the mood and he was in the mood for sex a long time ago but he couldn’t give in just yet, he wanted to see how far you would go to get what you wanted.
You were going crazy, if he also wanted it why was he holding back? I just didn’t make sense to you, it’s not like it was your first time doing it, hell that boy is needier than an animal in heat, were you not sexy enough, should you take out the lingerie? Maybe you just needed to take away his distractions…
The book!. If he didn’t have the book he would have nothing to distract himself.
You strutted into the living room and stood right in front of him, there’s no way he’s going to escape you now. Jungkook didn’t even budge, he was trying so hard not to look at you but, damn you even put on his favorite lingerie, you were going all out on this, but he wasn’t giving up, he had his book, the only source of distraction from his sexy girlfriend, but soon enough the book was plucked from his hands and thrown on the floor.
“Jungkook~” you cooed. He gulped so loud even you could hear it. 
“I was reading that book you know” he huffed
“Oh I know baby, but that book was distracting you from helping me” you put you legs on each side of the couch so you could straddle him, he tensed when you sat down on his lap, he could feel you getting wetter.
“What did you need help with?” he teased. Even though he could feel himself getting harder by the minute he was going to tease the hell out  of you until you begged for him.
You started to grind your hips against his, trying to create some friction and feel some relief, also giving Jungkook a hint at what you want.”Jungkook I think you know damn well what I need” you growled, pulling his face forward for a heated kiss, his lips molded perfectly with yours, he licked your lips and you pulled on his lower lip with your teeth, knowing very well that he love it, but you eventually broke the kiss for some air, you needed to get this moving or else you were going to go crazy. 
You pulled his shirt over his head and stroked his hard and toned chest down to where his pajama pants were, you palmed his cock  over his pants and he threw his head back groaning in pleasure. “ Stop teasing” he breathed.
You pulled down his pants along with his boxers  and there it stood, nice and hard he looked incredible, face fully flushed and  eyes on you. You licked the precum that was leaking from the tip, his eyes darkened.
“Be a good girl and suck me off baby, I’ll reward you” he grunted. 
“Uh, uh, uh there will be none of that” you smirked at his vulnerable state.You walked behind the couch and lowered yourself close to his ear.
“You’ve been teasing me a lot today and now you’re gonna be begging for me” you purred.
“Ha, begging? You’re out of your mind, I could have you bent over this couch and fuck you so hard you’d be begging for me” he growled.
Jungkook wasn’t one to submit to anyone and he had no plans of submitting to you.
You walked back in front of him and crossed your arms under you chest and lightly pushed up so your boobs looked even more desirable.
“Is that so, then show me what you can do” you taunted.
With that Jungkook pulled you on top of him and started nipping and biting on the top of your breasts and his hands roamed your back to take of your lacy bra, he thew that with the rest of forgotten clothes.
He swirled his tongue over you left nipple and rubbed your other nipple, you arched your back and pulled on his hair.
Jungkook stopped sucking on your boobs and laid you gently on the couch and ran his hands over the sides of your body and stopped where he felt your panties, he looked up as if he was asking for permission you nodded your head and he was about to pull them of when he hears a low whistle and some one yelling.
“Damn Kook Y/n even put on lingerie for you” Yoongi said as he picked up your lacy bra.
Jungkook sprang up and tried to cover you from the eyes of his friends.
“Woah you’re butt naked, shit dude I don’t want to see your dick  put your fucking clothes on!!” Taehyung covered his eyes.
“I’m looking for them you assholes”Jungkook huffed at his hyungs. He put on his pants and tossed you his shirt.
“Well kiddo we just came over to give you the game you lent us and to see if you wanted to go eat something but I see you’re busy so we’ll leave so you can continue your activities” Yoongi winked at you and patted Jungkook’s shoulder.
“Ughh Hyung” Jungkook groans embarrassed he got caught.
“Come on Tae let’s go get us some lamb skewers ” Yoongi said.
“Ughh I need to wash my eyes with bleach and holy water” Tae groans as he made his way out of your house.
“So… Do you want to continue?” 


“but the whole point of dating someone is to Get To Know Them!”

which is great but holy shit allos get attached way too fucking quickly so by the time you decide whether or not you’re even crushing on someone (spoiler warning it’s almost always “not”), they’re already picking china patterns and practically throwing their pants at you

srsly the reason I don’t date IRL is because I’ve already broken hearts without even dating, I don’t want to make a habit of it


anonymous asked:

Tbh I've never played a far cry game, don't know anything about the series, and previously have had very little interest in ever playing it, and I know the game might not actually "demonize" people as much as some think but tbh seeing nazis shitting their pants over this crying "UNPATRIOTIC!! TREASON!!!" is all I need to make me want to buy this game

please don’t fall or Ubisoft’s spite marketing

When a Peacock Won’t Let Them Get Near Their GF (BIG BANG)

*Don’t own the gif/s yo* (lol peacocks like ‘come closer, I dare u. This my girl now, I will fuck u up’)

Author: Taebaby

T.O.P: I think he’d find it funny for a few short minutes before he might become actually concerned. It’d be all well and good if the bird tried attacking him, but he wouldn’t want you getting hurt too

DAESUNG: I think he’d be torn between wanting to save you and being pants shitting scared of the peacock. I think in the end he would prob come up with some elaborate plan, when all he had to do was throw some food to the side and the bird would walk off lol

TAEYANG: It would would be game fucking on between Taeyang and the peacock. Several minutes and several bites on the hand later, Youngbae would walk off with his tail between his legs to get proper help

G.D.:  He’d be stuck between loving the shit out of it and having genuine concern for you. I think after having his fun, taking a few videos, he’d get down to business and try and figure out how to get you away from the peacock

SEUNGRI: I think as cool as he’d like to try and act, he would def try and fail to throw down with the peacock. No one gets between him and his lady, not even a fancy bird

The Real MVP By: Y.Black

Ok the story started junior year, fall 03’. Well wait let’s take it back even further it was Labor Day weekend 2000. I was my 13th b-day weekend. My older cousins made it their mission to get me zooted for the first time. They were successful needless to say. But the conversation while I was lifted came in to play years later, in the fall of 03’.  They asked me if I was a virgin and at the time, reluctantly I said yeah. I mean hell I was young, they were who I looked up to. Crazy how shit changes though. So, the laughed I was in my feelings like “I should have lied.”  But the older of my two cousins broke into a monologue.
Cuzzo… Say wodie  (this was the time The Hot Boys ran shit)

Originally posted by achanchui

when you start fucking you gon run across this one lil’ broad who gonna put it on ya.  I mean you probably gon be aight. But you not gonna be able to last five minutes in that pussy. Trust me I’ve been there lil woe (he thought he was Turk or B.G. understudy for real). But take it from me you gon meet her. I don’t know when or where but she gon catch your ass.

Ok so fast forward to the spring of 03’ I lose my virginity to my sister’s friend. Couldn’t tell me shit, I was 15 she was 18. I was a man that day. So, it was cool got some head and all; only thing was I didn’t climax even after intercourse. She was all concerned like “Why didn’t you cum? Was it good? What didn’t I do right?” I told she was good, it was good. That was our only encounter.

So jump to the summer I am handed my girlfriends virginity one day after practice. I was so careful and cautious, I wanted everything to be as smooth and as perfect as it could be. I mean it happened but boy however uneventful, but it happened. I took my time and she gave direction; we had no clue what we were doing. Funny thinking about it now. With all the technicalities involved I didn’t climax yet again.  I was on cloud 10 honestly. I didn’t understand that all the worrying and precaution caused me not to reach my peak. In my head I was ready to go to the valley, put me on film. I can go for an hour, I had stamina for days you hear me.  Mr. Marcus watch out lil bih, lame ass Brian Pumper clear it.

Ok so let’s move to the fall the girlfriend and I are broken up and shit but she still the homie. But I have Drama this semester, which was a mixed class mostly seniors and juniors; couple of sophomores sprinkled in. Anyways I got to act an ass every other day for two hours and that was cool. So I get close to this chick, cute red thing she was a dancer and was outgoing. I was a nerd/jock, but I was cool as shit right. So we chit chat get closer and the attraction is there. We don’t act on it for months. Now we are in December we win state for football. And now I have some time after school for a couple of weeks before baseball starts up. Christmas is a few weeks away and so I find my time after school being spent with lil mama. The attraction on grew the more time we spent. We kissed here and there a couple times the vibe was cool.

So one day she asked for a ride home. I was like “come really you don’t have to ask.” So we cruise over to her grandma’s house. She was like “you want to come in?” My ass naïve ass said “shit you got some Kool-Aid.”

Originally posted by its-happyhappy

She grabbed my hand a led me in and sat me on the couch. She went and fetched the drink and then she headed to the back to check on her grandma. She came back and we watched 106 & Park, well more like it watched us. We kissed and groped something serious. It was a whole different ball game outside the school house. Frankly she too the lead, and I wasn’t about to interject.

She unzipped my pants and put her mouth on me. I swear I should have left right then and there. She was getting it in, and I was so lost I forgot her grandma was home and frankly I didn’t care. Then she fucked the whole game up. She stopped sucking and looked me in the eye, dick still in hand and said “I love the way your dick us curved.”

Originally posted by corecustom

Nigga, I think I exhaled in that moment. She went back to sucking, while my feelings free fell right into her hands. After a few more minutes she said “I wanna feel you in me” after all she has done and confessed she could have asked for my hand in marriage I probably would have said “I Do.”

She grabbed my hand led me to the wash room and she took her pants off and she was like “let’s get it” and I was like “lets” my nerd ass.  She laid back I slipped the condom on and I was so high off of her I did something I had never done.  I kissed her kitty. I mean I felt compelled after she had praised my royal penis in such a manor. I gave it a nice long kiss before putting it in. Oh My Gawd!!!! It was completely different from my experiences beforehand, form the first stroke. It was like I had ice cream be for, but now they put chocolate syrup and sprinkles on it.

Originally posted by analsenpai

Her thang grabbed me like she didn’t have any intentions of letting me go.  On everything I love I may have gotten 20 strokes in before I started feeling funny. I started feeling a tingle in my back, my breathing was quick I couldn’t explain it, my dick started to spasm. I was really like man this feel like heaven. Oh boy then my balls got tight and wave of euphoria hit me. I lost all control, a sound left my mouth I’d never heard before. I know now it was a moan. I couldn’t stroke any longer as my dick continued to tremor inside of her.

Instantly as I came down I tried to apologize. I knew I was better than that 20 strokes. I was embarrassed yet overjoyed at the same. I confessed “Sorry, ummm I..I…I… am better than that.” She was so cool about it, she deserved an award. “It’s all good baby you given me plenty” man she still stroked my ego after I came up short. It wasn’t til the third time we smashed and I didn’t last 5 minutes that I conceded to lil mama having that killa my cousin had warned me about 3 years earlier. I spent the whole Christmas break tryna clap back, but her pussy was undefeated against ya boy. She was Money Mayweather before Money Mayweather.

Salute to lil mama, a part of me still wants redemption but she was without a doubt the truth. I don’t even have any shame anymore I just tip my hat. And she brought a nigga a fly ass Roca Wear jacket that Christmas. She was the real MVP.

Watching Little Witch Academia Episode 2 with my best friend

Didn’t post this right away cause I knew we weren’t going to watch anything this past weekend, and I didn’t want two weeks to go by without me posting anything xD We watched episodes 1 and 2 back to back after playing two hours of Injustice 2 and about two more hours of a horror game that had us shitting our pants while absolutely nothing happened. It was a very welcome distraction.

*episode starts*
Me: This one is better than the first one.
Her: Shhhh.

Her: *sees Sucy working on a potion* She must be a really powerful witch with all her potions and stuff. *keeps talking over Akko to block her out*

*Sucy: You only told us about it a hundred times last night*
Her: *chuckles* Even her friends find her annoying.

*Ursula acting in an Akko-like way (trips and falls flat on her face)*
Me: *waits for the groan*
Her: *snickers* She’s adorable.

Her: I don’t like this teacher (Finneran), she’s too bitchy. Speaking of… *Diana appears for the first time*
Me: You don’t know what you’re talking about so stop, omg.

Her: Omg, is she (Sucy) getting high on those fumes? Look her eyes are red.

Her: Diana sure likes to show off, doesn’t she?
Me: It’s called participating in class.
Her: Yeah but still.

Her: Does she (Akko) not know she has a plant on her head? *Akko keeps talking* Does she not know how to stop talking?

Her: Huh. She (Diana) seems nicer.
Me: She is.
Her: I’ll believe it when I see it.

*cuts to Ursula while Diana is talking about Chariot*
Her: Isn’t… Isn’t that Chariot though?
Me: Did the oh-so-subtle hints give it away?
Her: It’s supposed to be a secret?

Her: Shit, Diana’s friends are even worse than Diana.
Me: Diana is not bad though?
Her: Shush.

*Akko prepares to use the Shiny Rod*
Her: *sees Ursula watching* She’s gonna help, right? *Akko fails* Why isn’t she helping?? *statue moves* Oh, there we go. Wait. Was that Diana?
Me: Yep.
Her: I thought it was Chariot. Why are the blonde ones always the bitchy ones?
Me: She’s my favorite one. Her and Ursula.
Her: Not surprising.
Me: Like, by the end of the show, she’s probably the best character. And I’m being objective.
Her: I’ll judge by myself. She seems pretty full of herself so far.
Me: *thinks of how little she knows but says nothing*

Her: How much are you willing to bet that she (Akko)’ll have that card by the end of the show? I bet Diana has it.

*Diana prepares to cast/casts the revitalization spell on the tree*
Her: What is she doing? I love her voice when she casts spells. Ohh nice. *realizes something went wrong* Uh oh…

*Akko, Lotte and Sucy playing cards*
Her: She (Akko) plays the same way my sister used to play. Cheating.

*roots burst from the ground*
Her: Ohhh she (Diana) done fucked uuup.

Her: *sees the roots* What happened?
Me: It’ll be explained.
Her *sees the tree* Did she (Diana) do this?
Me: You’ll see.
Her: *sees the chrysalises* What are these?
Me: Oh my god, just watch.

*Diana hits Akko with her spell*
Her: Oh daamn, that’s not good. It was an accident, though, she (Akko) was being reckless again. 

*Akko gets up/is about to cast the papilliodya spell* 
Her: Wait, she’s okay? What happened to her “churning with magic”?

*Akko doesn’t know how to pronouce the spell*
Her: Ugh.
Me: *chuckles*
Her: Can she not read?? At least Diana can.

*butterflies come out of their chrysalises*
Her: Awww pretty. What do they do?
Me: It just said that they bring joy and hope to whoever sees them flying for the first time.
Her: No, it didn’t?
Me: Yes, it d- Or it’ll say it now… *Ursula explains the effects of the butterflies’ first flight* Oops.

*Diana tries to say it wasn’t all her who made the tree better/fails*
Her: Why didn’t she just say it was Akko? She took the credit like that, she could have just said the others helped. Why did she do that?

*episode ends*
Her: This was honestly so much better than the first one though? Probably cause she (Akko) wasn’t in it as much. I’m liking it so you can relax now. (I’m always nervous when showing her stuff cause I really want her to like them)

Not nearly as much groaning this time around so I say this episode was a big success! xD
Also, dudes. My dudes! I have officially reached 200 followers, omg thank you so much! If these posts end up being my legacy in the LWA fandom, then so be it :P 

Sia watches LWA