shit-gays-say

2

Can I just say I really hate it when younger gays say shit like this? Do y'all even know how hard it was for us barely even 10 years ago??? That coming out meant career suicide and ostracization??? Even today it can cost you your livelihood or even your life???

Like, I’m not that old and I remember back even to the waning years of the AIDS crisis. That wasn’t that long ago.

Please stop giving older members of our community shit for not being Out and Proud since Stonewall.

my father gives a lecture on the power of good pussy

meanwhile, I smack my dry mouth practicing Darren’s width, 
for whom I must make my jaw a legend if I want him to call me
again. I make myself a wet absence of light, almost pussy with the
lamp off & no cellphone glow. I’ve been mustering my way up to
Darren. Before him, Michael. Before Michael, Kendrall. Before that,
God knows who. Before my memory ends, there was me, playing
contortionist in the basement, my body a fucked-up crescent moon,
grandma upstairs cooking something with too much salt, & my
tongue finally reaching the sweet slit, a first kiss all my own. At
this point, my father is explaining what good pussy is & ain’t & gets
mistaken for, how good pastors turn foolhearted nigga at a whiff of
uncrossed legs, how it can make a man ditch a woman with clean
up his mess or give it a name & raise it. But I know what my mouth
is & ain’t & what I try to make it. I try my best to vanish my teeth,
make my mouth soft & warm & almost named Kim. Darren, who
say he ain’t gay, say shit, nigga & shake & rattle & roll his pants
back up. He say it damn near feels like a woman & don’t look me
in my eye. He pounds my fist when he leaves like we just finished
playing horse. I know I should let my daddy finish, but I want to
tell him I already know what my mouth can do. That the slick he
preaching ’bout is a language I’ve practiced in the dark. He say only
good pussy can make a man lose his religion. I say I have heard
Darren speak in tongues, I say my mouth is a shiny, new god.

- Danez Smith

Gay shit Ohm says ft. Gorillaphent, Cartoonz, and Bryce

☆Gorilla:*Forgot his armor* “I’ll come…I’ll come get it.”

Ohm:~“I’ll come!” *moans*

☆Cartoonz:“Everyone has a hidden talent!”

Bryce:“What’s your hidden talent?”

Ohm:“Deep throat.”

☆Ohm:“You know what Cartoonz”

Cartoonz:“What?”

Ohm:“Your forever my girl♡”

☆Cartoonz:“I’ll be for real with you, that was a tiny bit gay, but it was the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Gorilla:“Ohm rides gay all day!”

Cartoonz:“I’m not even mad, I might actually be gay now.”

Ohm:“See it’s that easy~”

☆Bryce:“We’re gonna take it!!”

Everyone:“Yeah!!”

Ohm:“Take it up the butt!”

anonymous asked:

could you write some boyf riends from be more chill? maybe with jeremy and michael's first kiss?

i saw this ask earlier and was like. true and canon but also I Need To Write This

-

“Jeremy, dude, no offense, but you’re making way too big a deal outta this.”

Michael’s controller follows Jeremy’s onto the floor, and with a look cross between amused and fondly annoyed he watches as Jeremy, in the most dramatic way possible, flops off of the beanbag chair and splays out haphazardly on the floor.

Michael,” he whines, looking forlornly towards his best friend, and it takes everything within Michael to stifle a laugh, “this is totally a reasonable response.”

“You just screwed our chance for a high score because you’ve never been kissed.”

Jeremy stills for a moment before launching back into his tirade. “We’re sophomores, man! I’m sixteen and not so much as a peck! You know some dudes have been getting laid for, like, years now!”

“Some dudes have also been abusing drugs – don’t look at me like that, it’s not like I shoot heroin – and racketing up criminal records for years. Look at me; I’m sixteen, same as you, never been kissed, same as you, and I’m fine. You’re just being a baby.”

Jeremy squeaks indignantly, crossing his arms. “You’re just a weirdo. My reaction to this is perfectly normal.”

Michael lays a hand over his heart in mock-offense. “This is ridiculous, your crazy kiss-horny hormones are making you turn on your bestest buddy. This ends now.” Pulling himself onto his knees, Michael makes his way over to Jeremy and stops in front of him. Jeremy peers up at him curiously.

“You’re makin’ such a big deal outta your first kiss? Just kiss me, man, get it the hell over with.” He takes Jeremy’s lack of jumping away as a good sign.

“W-Wh – I – Michael?”

Michael, feigning disinterest, shrugs and sits back on his knees. “I’ll never get a second of peace if you don’t get your stupid kiss soon. Just get it over with, y’know?”

Jeremy props himself up on an elbow, staring down his friend quizzically. “You want me to kiss you.” He pauses. “That’s kinda gay.”

A dude kissing another dude, no shit it’s gay! Michael doesn’t say that. He just flashes Jeremy a reassuring smile and shrugs again.

“If it’s just for practice, and no one knows, is it really?” The angle is awkward, up on his knees, but Michael digs his hands into his pockets. “It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me, dude, but I’m kinda sick of listening to you whine about this and messing with our game.”

Jeremy seems to consider for a moment, and Michael has to suppress his smile as his friend flushes bright red and looks shyly up. “You’re serious? This isn’t just a joke?”

“Super serious, man.” He lets the smile onto his face anyway, and at least hopes it’s reassuring. “So?”

Squirming under Michael’s look, Jeremy mutters, “so how do we wanna do this?” and it takes everything in Michael not to pump his fist into the air and whoop in delight.

Figuring he should take the lead, Michael sits a few inches from Jeremy and half turns so he’s facing him. “Just sit? Like this? And…” He waits for Jeremy to sit up and mirror his stance before cautiously laying his hand over Jeremy’s.

“People who kiss sometimes do this, right?”

“How the hell would I know?”

They both laugh a little awkwardly, but neither pulls away. Michael hopes his hand isn’t too sweaty. 

“What should I do with my other hand?” Jeremy blurts, flapping the extremity uncomfortably. Michael shrugs.

“Just, like…whatever feels right, I guess?” Jeremy nods his assent and inches his head forwards slightly.

“You ready?” Michael asks, moving forwards so his forehead touches Jeremy’s. His friend nods, Adam’s apple bobbing, and before the knot in his stomach can tighten anymore he surges the rest of the way forward and catches Jeremy’s lips with his.

And it’s…warm. And wet. Michael thinks, distantly, that a kiss shouldn’t be so spitty, especially when they aren’t using tongue, but Jeremy cups a hand around Michael’s neck and makes a tiny little noise and who cares if it’s a little gross I’m kissing Jeremy.

Michael’s free hand finds Jeremy’s hip and angles him closer, just as Jeremy’s thumb softly swipes across his pulse point and fuck, it’s gross but it’s good, and Michael can’t help but linger when Jeremy begins to pull away.

Realizing what he’s doing, he pulls back abruptly, grimacing at the spit trail that connects his and Jeremy’s mouths even when they’re half a foot apart. Flushing bright red, he removes his hand from Jeremy’s hip and swipes under his lips, breaking the string of spit.

That was kind of incredible. “That was kind of gross,” he says with a laugh as Jeremy pulls his hand away from Michael’s neck. Neither of them move to pull their interlocked hands away.

“We can never tell anyone about that,” Jeremy agrees quickly, face brighter red than Michael has ever seen. He can’t help but swell with pride at the fact that he did that.

“I’m kinda glad I didn’t do that with a girl,” Jeremy continues, finally pulling his hand away. “I’m kinda awful at it.”

Michael sends a cartoonish wink in his best friend’s direction.

“Hey, you can practice with me anytime!”

The punch in the arm he receives is worth the noise of affirmation Jeremy makes.

Heal Boners

Context: Happened in Warhammer 40k but I’ll translate into D&D terms as necessary to avoid confusion. Our sniper was badly wounded after a tough fight and my character, a biomancer, was the only other one with any healing ability.

Biomancer: “Hold still, I’m gonna try to heal that wound.”

Me: *rolls what is essentially a Nat 2 or so, healing more HP than the sniper even has*

DM: “You heal him so completely that he now has a boner.”

Biomancer: “Oh Gods why???” *becomes flustered and skedaddles the fuck outta there, questioning his sexuality*

Sniper: “Uhh… Thanks…?”

DM (OOC): “Are your characters gay for each other now?”

Both Players (OOC): “Maybe.”

Context: This happened after basically every fight for the rest of the game. The heal boners never happened to anyone other than the sniper. The biomancer did end up figuring out he was gay.

anonymous asked:

I have a crush on a girl but Im not sure if shes into girls??

Honestly this is where being a girl comes in handy, you could practically grab her tit and everyone would think you were just friends. Just casually bring up some gay shit and then say something like “oh so are you straight?” if she says yes well sorry my pal you’re in love with a het and if she says no fucking nyoom into her dm’s. Or if you don’t have crippling anxiety like me just go “yoyoyo ya gay???” 

-admin PA

Stupid things people say to bisexuals

- But you look more straight.
- But you look more gay.
- You can choose between like..everyone. I’m so jelaous.
- Have you ever had a threesome?
- Do you want a threesome?
- Is it that you can’t decide?
- Are you doing it for attention?
- But you have a boyfriend, so you’re straight now, right?
- Now you have a girlfriend, you must be gay now?
- So you like..everyone?
- It’s kind of slutty.

hey if youre not aromantic or asexual dont say anything about being aro or ace or aroace. dont say anything. cis people dont get to say shit about trans people, straight people dont get to say shit about gay people, dont say shit about aro and ace people if you arent aro and/or ace

like i get we make you uncomfortable i get you think were straights in disguise or something but i dont care what you think be polite keep your mouth shut

guess what i just played

Tungle Hell - A masterpost

“Oh, you feel attracted to dicks? That’s so good! You only like vaginas? You transphobic piece of shit.”

"I’m so gay” - Says a bisexual.

“I’m so qweer” - Say the straights who have never been called slurs and wanna so bad to be oppressed.

“We belong in the LGBT community we’re asexual/aromantic/demisexual/other make-up shit that doesn’t even exist outside Tumblr.” - Say the straights because apparently not wanting to fuck someone and not liking romance is a sexual orientation now.

“We, "non offending” pedophiles, belong in the LGBT community because the LGBT community is about celebrating the bizarre! We “non offending” pedophiles are not pedophiles, just mentally ill people, we need help. We don’t sexualize children, we just jerk off to hentai child porn. We’re not harming anybody, child molesters are the REAL villains!”

*Some kid with a Steven Universe icon* - I’m non-binary because I used makeup once/cut my hair short once.

“The K in LGBTQKIA refers to kink. We are qweer and a minority and we belong in the LGBT community!” - Say men who want to be oppressed because they enjoy beating women.

“Language changes all the time! For example, I’m a lesbian who’s actually bisexual. I suck dick everyday and that’s valid!”

“Honestly terfs are so dangerous, they all killed thousands of transwomen and if you don’t agree suck on my dick and die you fucking terf!”

“If you only like someone with a certain genitalia, you’re reducing people to their genitals, like *SURPRISE SURPRISE* misogynists!”

“There are way more ways to have sex than to use your genitalia!”, “If you’re lesbian you’re attracted to women, not genitals!” - Say the rape apologists and homophobes desguising as liberals because apparently people feel attracted to pronouns and gender identity nowadays and not SEX.

In the most Fran episode ever, I want to compare my ability to come up with cutesy gay shit to say to me gf with the far superior abilities of one of my gfs and her gf, specifically through paraphrasing an apocryphal quotw from mao about Enver Hoxha

My boyfriend said I ruined him

Now let me explain, he’s a hood nigga with mainly hood nigga mentalities.

I.e. I ain’t with that gay shit, saying tr**ny, “dikes and trans* are the same” etc.

But he’s always had an open mind, people around him just didn’t challenge him to think differently.
Then this nigga met me. I got nothing but mouth & I’m extremely vocal about my stances on MANY topics, especially being a Pansexual Black woman… I’ve educated him on trans issues, catcalling, and after a while got him to understand why using gay as an insult was harmful to gay people. Though he doesn’t agree, I explained to him why it’s still harmful when white people use the n word. I’m never trying to change him just challenging what he knows, and thinks he knows, as a black man in America. His perception of life will always be different from mine but I work to make him see the world through other people’s eyes, trans, nonblack, nonstraight, nonbinary etc.

Anyway now when this nigga hear some ignorant shit he be ready to jump on people’s case FOR lgbtqia people. He challenges their thinking patterns even when they brush him off. It’s funny because I learned a long time ago to bite my tongue because I’m not wasting my energy arguing with people who’s minds I can’t change.

Babe: you ruined me
Me: wym
Babe: I’m always arguing with niggas now cuz they always saying some dumb shit and they just don’t KNOW. But I know because you taught me and now I have to tell them lol.
Me: aweeee baby