shit's-deep

how is it that all of lucretia’s one liners in moonlighting always the funniest fucking shit 

  • “oh you’re so deep in the test, you are knee-deep in test town”
  • “i particularly liked when you ripped the arms off that poor helpless robot” 
  • “here’s the problem: they just run right off the goddamn thing”
  • “goddammit we love domes around here”
  • “yes, it’s that we very quickly cut your hand off and get the bracer off, but then we attach the hand back and it’s like, not a big deal”
  • “are there any non terrible questions”
me being (very) brutally honest with the signs

Aries- You’re such a goddamn hothead all the goddamn time. Not everyone likes to be constantly doing something every second of every day. You get angry with people for the smallest and most trivial reasons but god forbid someone take a dig at you. You’re such a hypocrite and it’s annoying as fuck. You act like an edgy teenager that’s constantly throwing a tantrum. You also boss people around and expect everyone to just follow your lead and if they don’t, you get pissed at them for having a mind of their own. You seriously need to take a look at your life and stop seeing everything as a fucking challenge that’s rigged against you. My god, I get tired just being in your presence. 

Taurus- You’re a lazy fuck and way too materialistic and possessive. You literally have no desire to do anything because you love to sit on your ass. You take “treat yourself” to a whole new level and not in a healthy way whatsoever. It seems like every chance you get you cause arguments and then you contradict whatever the other person is saying just because you can’t look at anything from a different point of view. Even if you get to the point where you realize you’re in the wrong and the other person is right, you’ll just continue to argue for the sake of arguing and god forbid your ego take even the slightest blow. It’s irritating as shit like you really think you know best when in reality you’re just a stubborn bitch. What a bore.

Gemini- Look, I know you guys get a lot of flak. But take this into consideration…… it’s because most if not all of it is FUCKING TRUE. You have so many different personalities I don’t know which one is even real. You gossip 24/7 and flip-flop between who you talk to and who you talk about. You’re completely unreliable and unpredictable and also clingy as fuck. Seriously, I feel like I can’t get away from you. I just want to go to the bathroom, I don’t need to hear the story right now about how Sarah said that Dylan said that Kimberly found a sock in the dryer that wasn’t hers. Literally no one cares. Another thing that you do is once you get tired of someone, you just throw them away like garbage. (Also Trump is a gemini, and I know you guys can’t control that but like come on. Of course he’s a gemini.)

Cancer- You really need to stop being so whiny or I’m actually going to lose it. Everyone has problems so stop acting like such a victim all the goddamn time. You’re so moody all the time and you act like a small child that needs to have their diaper changed. You also cling onto people as soon as you meet them and cry if someone doesn’t answer your text within 5 fucking minutes. Don’t you have your own life to live? Oh wait, I forgot you spend every second in a dark room and refuse to come outside unless it’s to answer the door because you ordered shitty takeout. You consider changing your clothes adventurous and honestly it’s so boring. Introverted doesn’t even describe you, you’re more like a complete hermit (CRAB. HA!)

Leo- Hey leo, wow, are you actually reading this? I’m kind of shocked because I never thought you’d ever stop looking at yourself in the mirror. Seriously, you’re probably the most vain sign out of all of us. So much so that if someone criticizes you in even the smallest way, you get so offended and act like you’ve been shot in the chest. You think so highly of yourself, and while it’s great to have confidence, you take it to the next level, which is extreme arrogance. You love to have the conversation focused around you. You’re the type of friend that if someone is telling you about their problem or just their day in general, you’ll interrupt them and start talking about yourself and it’s DAMN ANNOYING. How do you still have friends?

Virgo- I’m gonna tell you right now, you’re not as perfect as you think you are. You’re so quick to critique other people that you write them off as not good enough before even getting to know them. You’re the type of person that would tell their friend that they were breathing too loudly. For fucks sake, you’re such an over analyzing pedant it makes me want to slap you in the face with my fucking asymmetrical hand. Your pessimism is damn near blinding, I probably wouldn’t want to hang around you for more than 10 minutes or you’d make me feel self conscious about how I fucking walk or some shit. You can’t take or make a joke. You’re skeptical about everything and you’re completely inflexible. You like to think of yourself as an intellectual but really you’re stuck up, narrow minded and someone I constantly find myself rolling my eyes at.

Libra- You are manipulative as shit. You’ll tell someone they look good without even looking up from your phone. You lie all the time and don’t really give a fuck if you hurt other people’s feelings because you really only look out for yourself. You’re also a huge fucking coward. When your friends need you to have their back and actually be there for them, you run and hide and say, “Oh sorry I just didn’t want to get involved!”. What a lame fucking excuse for ditching your friend in their time of need. You’re also extremely indecisive to the point where it’ll take you 3 hours just to choose where you want to go eat. It’s tiring as fuck. Just MAKE A CHOICE FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE. Have your own fucking opinion. You’re like a goddamn sheep.

Scorpio- Why the FUCK are you so aggressive for no fucking reason? You manipulate people just for the fun of it. You get jealous so easily and usually you don’t even have a reason to be jealous. You just are. It’s pathetic. You like to think that you’re so cool and mysterious but in reality people just see you as a moody and brooding asshole that no one really wants to bother getting to know. I mean, why would they? What’s the point? Every time someone even tries to get close to you, you completely brush them off and act like you don’t care about them because keeping your “mystifying” aura is soo important to you. And if you do let someone in, you treat them like they’re your possession and it’s creepy as hell. You obsess over them and you want to control them. God forbid they hang out with someone that isn’t you and then you resent them for no goddamn reason other than having a life of their own. Do me a favor scorpio and don’t talk to me.

Sagittarius- Honestly if a sag is reading this, you’re just straight up getting a taste of your own medicine. You’re tactless as shit and it makes me not want to be around you, ever. You’re inconsiderate of others and impatient with everyone. If someone isn’t moving up to your standards you will become agitated and aggressive and then you take it out on the person. You constantly need to be doing something else because your attention span lasts about 2 fucking seconds. You act like an 8 year old. You’re also really superficial. You don’t bother getting to know the deeper layers of a person because, like I said, you’re impatient and also just plain lazy. You take people for granted and are careless when handling the feelings of people closest to you. You’re also a really self-obsessed know-it-all. Go climb a fucking tree, sag.

Capricorn- Four words. Lighten. The fuck. Up. You are by far the most power-hungry of all the signs. You take everything so completely seriously that I don’t even know if you understand what “fun” even is. You always have to have two feet on the ground at all times and you can never ever be spontaneous and it’s so fucking dull. You’re conservative and disdainful nature can be so overbearing at times that even your friends need to get away from you. That is, if you have friends. You’re a complete pessimist so who knows if anyone can actually tolerate that. You constantly have to be the most successful person in a room, and you make sure you reach this level of success through abusive and controlling behavior towards the people around you. Your selfishness grosses me out.

Aquarius- I asked you what time it was. I didn’t ask you if I was afraid of time passing or the fact that it’s a manmade construct. For fucks sake, just shut the fuck up about this deep shit for once. I don’t want to contemplate how large the universe really is at fuckin 8:30 am on a Monday. You’re rebellious even when it doesn’t matter and honestly all it does is piss people off. You’re constantly trying to deviate from the norm that you make the same fucking mistakes that other people already made, but you don’t fucking learn from other people’s mistakes because you always have to go your own way. Maybe listen to other people for once? You’re the most detached sign out of all of them and you hurt people by acting aloof all the fucking time but you don’t care because you chalk it up to “this is who I am!!! I need my freedom!!!!”. You need to actually think about how your actions affect people you care about because if you don’t, you’re REALLY gonna end up alone and you won’t be able to do a damn thing about it. 

Pisces- You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself all the time and get it through your head that you’re not always the damn victim. You don’t take responsibility for your actions and you always find a way to blame it on someone else because you’re NEVER in the wrong, are you? Poor little pisces. You’re not as innocent as you want everyone to believe. You’re constantly daydreaming and it becomes really annoying when I’m trying to talk to you and you just completely zone out because you love living in your little imaginary world. You’re the WORST at solving your own problems and conflicts because instead of dealing with them you just avoid it all together and end up leaving the mess for someone else to clean up. You’re really nosy- you love to get in other people’s business. But you don’t go to the person directly, you have to be sneaky about it and gather rumors from other people. You’re also very over-sensitive. Out of all the signs, you’re by far the most likely to respond to this post saying how this isn’t true and that I’m just a “big fat meany!!!” and then add a bunch of angry/crying emojis.


(disclaimer: Don’t worry, I don’t really hate your sign (unless you’re a  * * * * * * … lmao). This was just for fun and I know it’s harsh. Don’t take it too personally. You’re an individual and ultimately you determine who you really are. Except for you, * * * * * * . Fuck you.) 

the war repackage concept: exo sitting around the strategy table like the one in monster looking all beaten n bruised n arguing amongst themselves out of frustration bc they losing this war. they’re in deep shit n they don’t know how to get out of it, they been tryin to think up a plan but nothing is working. the resistance is failing. too many deaths too many injuries not enough man power. they can’t sustain their forces. in the midst of the yelling the double doors swing open and the camera pans to a shot following a mans footsteps as he walks calmly to the table. silence falls and hope rises. frowns even out, junmyeon looks relieved n there’s a satisfied smirk on bbhs face. the camera pans up and zhang yixing takes the only empty seat at the table. he smiles. the healer has arrived. their wild card. it’s time to win the war.

Your tired self, the 12th house

You act like your 12th house when your tired, so here are descriptions of the 12th house when tired:

  • Aries 12th: Gets overtired to the point of having too much energy or to the point of being unable to sleep. May also get grumpy when tired and easily agitated. Can get sarcastic and satirical. Can become bossy. 
  • Taurus 12th: Just goes to sleep for a long time. They don’t do “up ‘till 4am”. They need their fucking sleep and they’re going to get it. They also can get very grumpy when tired but they honestly don’t have the energy to start anything. May like falling asleep to the sounds of Nature or silence. 
  • Gemini 12th: May like to read or journal before bed, that’s what’ll get them tired. May become really anxious or on-edge when they haven’t gotten enough sleep. Either sleeps for a solid 12 hours or for only like 2h. Thinks a lot before falling asleep. 
  • Cancer 12th: Becomes moody af when tired. They need lot of sleep or they’ll remain that way. Probably has trouble falling asleep when away from home. Falls asleep thinking about a bunch of memories, mostly good but some not so much. 
  • Leo 12th: Becomes really full of themselves when tired. Also the kind of person to suddenly start complimenting people out of nowhere when tired. Either drinks when tired or is tired from drinking, likely wine. Actually needs a decent amount of sleep tbh??
  • Virgo 12th: Likes to fall asleep at whatever time feels most natural. Can be kind of an asshole when overtired. Like Taurus, may like to fall asleep to silence or to the sounds of nature. Doesn’t really get enough sleep tbh because they’re constantly thinking about a million different things. 
  • Libra 12th: Like Leo, they may fall asleep from tiredness brought on by alcohol, likely wine. They may like to listen to music before bed and could fall asleep thinking about a bunch or romantic scenarios. Quite pleasant when they are overtired and much kinder than usual.
  • Scorpio 12th: Probably thinks about some really deep shit before falling asleep. Being Taurus’ sister sign, they also need a lot of sleep. Can be very antisocial when tired. Probably has sex or thinks about having sex when tired. 
  • Sagittarius 12th: Probably the kind of person to Google a bunch of shit when tired. Watched documentaries when tired too. Is very chill when tired tbh. Probably imagines a bunch of adventures when falling asleep. Literally gets like no sleep tho. 
  • Capricorn 12th: Becomes very serious when tired. Knows they need sleep and gets it. They need to fall asleep to either silence of white noise. They really won’t take anyone’s bullshit when they are overtired.
  • Aquarius 12th: Is honestly probably still on Tumblr at 2am. They just don’t get sleep. Probably the friend that texts you wayyy too late at night and then gets annoyed when you don’t text back because you’re asleep. Get’s very… weird when they’re overtired. 
  • Pisces 12th: Sleeps. that’s it. For if they are even the slightest bit tired, that seems like the best option. Of course when falling asleep they’re probably thinking about the universe or some song that is stuck in their head. Somehow though they’re still tired even when they’ve gotten plenty of sleep??
Nessian Lingerie Shop Headcanons

just a little something @nessiansmut and I came up with (is anyone surprised by this point?)

  • So this happens sometime after ACOWAR when Nessian still aren’t together/they haven’t accepted the mating bond but Cass is aware of it
  • Nesta is out shopping with Elain and they go in the lingerie shop in Velaris that Feyre suggested
  • Nesta would just pick out some boring plain things because she’s a practical girl
  • So she goes to try it on and the stuff doesn’t really fit right so the clerk goes to bring her the right size but instead comes back with something super hot that Elain sneakily gave to her and told her to bring it to her sister
  • And Nesta would just be like ‘no way, that’s not what I asked for. That’s a lacy see-through handkerchief you want me to try on’
  • But the shop clerk and Elain would try and convince her to try it on 
    ‘Trust me, it might not be what you asked for but it’s what you need.’ 
    ‘But there’s no point in buying this. This is lingerie for someone who’s in a relationship.’
    ‘Sometimes you can just buy nice things for yourself, Nes. Who knows, one day you might want it and not have it.’
    ‘Just buy it to wear on a rainy day and it’ll make you feel better, trust me. At least try it on and then decide.’
  • And Nesta would finally give in ‘Okay, I’ll try it on and if I get it I’ll get it for myself and no one else.’
  • She finally gets it on after struggling for a few minutes because it’s a lacy, strappy contraption and all nice lingerie is a pain to put on. And she realises it’s not the right size so she tries 5 more sets and 3 different sizes because we know Cass said she has big boobs and let’s be honest, shopping for lingerie when you have bigger boobs is the biggest pain in the ass
  • So she’s about to give up muttering to herself ‘I don’t know what Elain’s talking about with this whole lingerie thing this is so stupid’ and ‘normal people can’t possibly wear this. Why does it need so many straps this is crazy’ and she finally looks in the mirror thinking she must look ridiculous in that set too
  • But she loves it. It’s very scandalous, it’s nothing like what she’s used to from the human realm. Her body is covered in fine lace and a criss cross of red straps and it’s hugging her body perfectly
  • And without even realising she thinks about how Cass would react if he saw her in that and she lets out a bark of laughter at the mental image but then she imagines how his expression would change and his eyes would darken and slowly drag over her body and linger for just a second longer in some places
  • She flushes and realises she’s thinking of Cassian which she definitely shouldn’t be so she just gets back to trying on the lingerie and seeing if she likes it
  • Meanwhile, Cassian is training with Azriel and has no idea this is happening. Until, that is, he suddenly gets a mental image of a bit of skin, a flash of a bare calf or something and he just brushes it off and thinks he must be imagining things and continues sparring with Az
  • But when she starts thinking about him, Nesta unconsciously opens up her mental shield and starts sending stuff down the mating bond to Cass without realising it
  • So suddenly, Cass stops seeing Az and the training room around him and what he sees instead is Nesta. Nesta in a pair of deep red - as red as his siphons - lacy lingerie, hair tousled and face slightly flushed from all the dressing and undressing she’s been doing. And she’s pushing her boobs up checking to make sure nothing falls out, and adjusting the straps, completely unaware that Cass is seeing everything
  • AND THE BAT. JUST. DIES. He’s just completely frozen in shock.
  • And Nesta’s hands trail down her body to her waist, and she’s adjusting the sides of the knickers before turning around to check out the back (which is the moment when cass truly thinks he’s died and gone to heaven)
  • And Elain asks how she’s doing and Cassian would realise she’s in a shop trying stuff on and he realises that what he’s seeing is 100% real and 100% Nesta and that’s 100% what’s she’s wearing or isn’t wearing at that moment
  • Nesta just sighs and tells Elain she’s okay and she just hooks her fingers in the waistband of the underwear and starts to slowly roll it down her hips and Cassian is about to E X P L O D E
  • And that’s when Az punches him in the face and he gets pulled back to reality
  • Cassian is so angry. Because Azriel punched him. Because he was to distracted and didn’t defend himself. Because he didn’t see what Nesta was going to do next. And because his face hurts Cauldron damn him!
  • So Az asks him what’s wrong and why Cassian froze and had his guard down for so long and Cass tells him and Azriel just laughs himself hoarse. ‘I knew Elain was going shopping but I had no idea she was bringing Nesta’ and ‘If what you saw is anything like the stuff Elain was trying on, I get why you’re in deep shit brother but get it together, i was still able to fight!’
  • Cass would be running his hands across his face and through his hair and pacing trying to calm himself down “Cauldron! And I thought the night court dresses with lower necklines and no corsets were bad but this is pure torture!” 
    “Well if you’re lucky, brother, she’ll actually let you see what she got in person.”
  • Fast forward to the next day when Nesta notices the purple bruise on Cassian’s cheek and she’s like ”Did someone finally get fed up with you and your smart mouth?” and Cassian just thinks “Oh, sweetheart if you knew this was all your fault.” But he doesn’t say that. And he desperately wants to ask if she got that red lacy lingerie set but he doesn’t do that either.
  • But just a bit later Nesta does something and the neckline of her dress moves and Cass sees just the tiniest bit of red lace and and the image of Nesta in the changing room is suddenly fresh in his mind again and he has to leave and cool down before he’s decent again
The History of the RFA

*I was gonna put a keep reading but decided against it. I stop where I did because the events go differently depending on the route you take. Should I do one for each route???*

*Inspired by “The History of the World, i guess” and “The History of Japan.” Just imagine that voice reading this or it’s not gonna be as good.*

Hi, hello there, here you are. 

You’re at an apartment. But whose apartment is it? We’ll get to that later.

Knock knock, here’s a blonde girl. Who is that?

She thinks “wow I really like photography, I’m gonna go to a gallery” So she goes to a gallery.
Then she meets this guy 

Yeah that guy.
But who is that guy?

He’s a photographer and he likes her hair. So he says “wow, I really like your hair, what’s your name?”

so Rika says “Oh thanks, I like yours too, it’s a weird shade of blue. My name is Rika”

and V says “Oh wow is that you’re real name? We’re Korean, that doesn’t sound like a very Korean name unless one of your parents is foreign or maybe they just wanted to name you something foreign, y’know?” 

and so Rika says 

and V doesn’t say anything else.

Oh look now they’re dating! They’re religious people who like church. One day they’re at church.
Oh hey who’s that cherry-headed kid over there scavenging for food? 
“Oh shit,” V says, “That looks like someone who could really use our help”
Then he says:

and then the little cherry kid said

Then he says “Oh but my name is Saeyoung”

“Yes,” V whispers under his breath, “Our first great act of kindness”
So V and Rika see this kid at the church all the time after mass and bring bread for him. Yay bread.
Turns out Saeyoung’s twin brother, whose name is Saeran, is the weaker one. 

Yeah that one.
His dad’s in some deep political shit and his mom’s blackmailing his dad because his dad won’t tell the people voting for him about the kids he has so the mom threatens to tell the world if he doesn’t give her money and all she does is spend that money on alcohol

“Wow that really sucks,” V says, and comes back a few weeks later with an offering. “Hey I have an idea. How about we take you and give you a new life. You and your computer skills can get you a rad job and then we’ll take care of your brother for you. The catch is that you have to abandon him and become a completely new person.”

“Woah,” Saeyoung says. “I can’t do that, are you crazy”

“No,” V says,

“No,” Saeyoung says.

“But you should,” V says, “It’s best for him.”

“Are you sure,” Saeyoung says.

“Totally,” V says. “You just met me. Trust me though, it’s gonna go smooth.”

So Saeyoung says yes and they take him in where he’s

, converted to catholic and given the cool name “Luciel”
It’s got something to do with not wanting to be a fallen angel but let’s forget about him right now.

A few years later. Surprise! V and Rika wanna start a group together. What are they gonna do in the group?

“But wait” says Rika

“What is it?” says V

“What are we gonna call this group?” 

They have to think of something clever. Something super smart but also obvious so everybody knows their intentions. So they decide to call it

“But wait,” Rika says again, “We can’t just do this by ourselves. We need more people. I have a cousin”

“I have a childhood friend who talks to only me because other people don’t understand our rich lifestyle,” says V

“Oh hold on,” says Rika, “there’s another guy who’s really good at acting and had a pretty shitty childhood, we gotta invite him too”

“That’s pretty dank,” says V, “And my friend that I mentioned previously has an assistant that he can invite.”

“Wait, what about that kid from earlier?” says V.

They hold parties and make money that they donate and everything’s fine. Let’s go forward a little.

Knock knock. 

Who is it now??

Rika’s been struck by mental illness that’s causing her to have delusions. Well this isn’t good.

“I’ll help,” says V
So he takes her to a therapist. But she doesn’t wanna go to the therapist so she stops going to that therapist. Not that she goes to another one. She doesn’t go to a therapist at all.

“I wanna make a cult,” Rika says, “it’ll be totally chill. like a paradise, let’s do it”

“Woah,” V says, “You can’t just make a cult”

“Hey, that’s bullshit,” Rika says, “You can’t tell me what to do”
Then she jabs him in the eyes. Well, we don’t know if she jabbed him in the eyes yet. What she did to his eyes is unclear for now.

Oh no, V’s vision is deteriorating slowly over time. Now Rika’s run off to start her cult.

“Shit,” V says, “I can’t tell the RFA about this, what the hell do I do? Oh wait, I know:”

Woah. Now everyone’s heartbroken and there’s a funeral held for her. In fact, everyone’s so heartbroken that they stop holding charity parties for like two years.
Also Rika’s cousin really hates V for some reason.

Fast forward.
Ding ding. You just got a text. 

Now you’re inside a stranger’s apartment. Surprise again! Your phone suddenly opens up a random chatroom with five people talking about random stuff in their life.

Hey but wait, who are you?

Now they think you’re a hacker and you have to explain what happened and how you ended up in the apartment. You don’t know who this “Rika” or who this “V” is that they keep mentioning but whatever it probably isn’t important.

So you tell them, and they realize you can’t leave because something’s clearly weird, right? So now they’re faced with a dilemma 

Three (Harry Styles + Fionn Whitehead Smut)

You don’t know how it started. But from the moment you met Fionn, you wanted to know him. He was sweet, mysterious and there was something about him that made him different, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. You had, what you called, a “friend crush” on Fionn. He was cute, sure. But he had also become one of Harrys best friends. You had never liked one of Harrys friends as more than a friend, and you sure as hell weren’t going to start now. But as Fionn slowly inserted himself into Harrys life outside of Dunkirk, the more time you spent time with him. And the more you spent time with him, the more you were able to look into his pretty hazel eyes and bright smile. And this lead to you developing more than a “friend crush” on him. But Fionn was good at hiding his emotions, so you had no idea that the feeling was mutual. He had let it slip after one too many beers sitting poolside with Harry.

“She’s hot mate.” He slurred looking over at Harry.

“Who?”

“(y/n)” he said shamelessly.

“Oy, that’s me girl your crackin’ on.” Harry said sitting up from his slouching position in his chair.

“But you’ve got to admit, she’s hot.” Harry let a sly smirk grace his lips as his drunken thoughts drifted to his beautiful girl. As much as he wanted to be, he couldn’t be mad at Fionn. You were hot. Now that Harry thinks about it, he had noticed Fionn looking at you the way only he was supposed to. Just then, a thought drifted into Harrys head that probably shouldn’t have. Harry would normally never suggest such a thing, but the alcohol running through his veins and the image of you in his head made his better judgement lapse.

“If…” Harry starts.

“Get on with it, Harry.” Fionn said to him

“If she agrees to a threesome, would you do it?”

“You mean… you, me and her?” Fionn asks.

Harry nods and takes another swig of his beer, which is probably the last thing on earth he needs more of right now.

“I’m in.”


When Harry gets home from his morning workout, he finds you curled up in your favorite corner of your shared home. He decides to pop in, kiss your forehead and take a shower before he speaks to you. When he comes back downstairs, he now finds you sitting at the kitchen island with a cup of coffee in your hands, held out for him.

“I made your coffee, baby. Just the way you like it.” You said smiling up at him and placing a kiss to his jaw.

“Thank you love. Um…can we talk?” he nervously asked you taking a seat.

“What’s on your mind, bub?”

“You like Fionn, don’t you?” he said keeping his eyes trained on his coffee mug.

“He’s sweet. Yea I like him.”

“Do you find him attractive? Like, sexually?”

“He’s cute…Harry, where are you going with this?” you asked him confused.

It was then Harry realized that the worst you could do was laugh in his face and tell him no, which he could handle, so he just spit it out,

“Do you want to have a threesome with Fionn and I?” he said finally looking up at you.

You hesitated for a moment. Harry had always been very protective of you and very private with your sex life. So why now all of a sudden, he wants to open it up for Fionn, of all people. How did this even come about? You can’t imagine it being Fionn’s idea, he always seems so innocent and respectful. But all these questions aside, Harry wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t trust Fionn. And you did think he was attractive; beyond, actually. So, before you could talk yourself out of it, you blurted out a “Sure. Why not?”

Harrys face lit up, and he got up from the table and placed a burning kiss to your lips. “I’ll go call Fionn!” he said running down the hall, leaving you to wonder what the hell you’ve gotten yourself into.


A few nights later, there you were, in black and red lace, a silk sheer robe covering your body, waiting for Fionn to arrive at yours and Harrys home. You paced back and forth wondering how all this would play out.

“Relax, love. It’ll be fun. And if you want it to stop, just say the word.” And before you could respond to Harry, who was sitting on the end of the bed in a pair of bright red Calvin Klein boxers, the doorbell rang and it nearly made you jump out of your skin.

“I’ll get it!” you said running down the marble staircase and to the front door.

You opened the door to be greeted by a smiling Fionn, with a bottle of Rosé.

“Hi, come on in.” you said and stepped aside, letting him into your home.

“Thank you. You look stunning. I can’t believe this is actually happening.” He said nervously.

You laughed as Fionn took off his shoes at the door.

“Well believe it. Head on up to the bedroom. Go up the stairs and to the right; big white double doors, can’t miss it. Harrys waiting. I’ll get some glasses for the wine.” You said smiling at him. The wine would be helpful in loosening you up.

When you get to the bedroom, Fionn has already stripped down to his black boxers, toned arms and abs on display as well as broad shoulders. It was strange, it had been years since you’d been with anyone other than Harry. You placed the glasses down on the bedside table.

“Anyone want any wine?” you asked as you poured a glass for yourself. You were met with two “No, thank you” and you drank the whole glass in one go.

“Alright.” You said and dropped your robe revealing your lacy outfit. You didn’t know what to do, so you looked at Harry for guidance, which Fionn was already doing.

“What are you looking at me for? Have at it. My only rules are, if (y/n) says stop, stop. And Fionn- wear this.”

Harry said tossing a condom Fionns way. He nodded and you made your way over to stand between his legs, figuring Harry would join in when he was ready. You leaned down and let your lips ghost over Fionn’s, before pressing them together. The kiss was sweet, Fionn obviously testing the waters. As your tongue ran over his bottom lip to deepen the kiss, your hands pressed onto his shoulders to push him back onto the bed. You climbed on top of him, lining your aching core up with his hard cock, grinding on him like you would Harry. He let out a moan in your mouth, and gripped your hips hard. His hips bucked up to get more from you and this caused you to bite down on his full bottom lip and whimper out his name. It felt so strange, saying a name in bed that wasn’t Harry. You disconnected your lips from the beautiful boys, to leave a trail of kisses down his solid body, with no tattoos in your wake. Pulling his hard cock from his tight boxers, you couldn’t help but compare him to Harry. He was slightly smaller and not as thick, and had a little more of a curve to him than Harry did. You took the plunge and wrapped your lips around him. Fionns eyes rolled back into his head and his fingers made their way to your hair as you swirled your tongue around his swollen, raspberry head.

“Fuck, you feel like velvet.” He said pulling tighter on your hair as your lips slid up and down his cock, covering him in your saliva. You licked all the way up the vein on his underside, and sucked hard on his tip causing him to let out a deep moan.

“Shit. Fuck don’t stop beautiful. Look at you, taking my cock so well.” He said. You let your tongue feel out every vein bump and ridge on him as you took him as far as you could go, your lips touching the base of his cock, his tip hitting the back of your throat. He let out a whimper and bucked up his hips harder, causing you to choke around his thick length and pull back. He was covered in your spit and you could tell he was close. But you wanted him inside you. So, you made your way back up his body pressing your lips to his mouth in a breathless, hard kiss.

“I want you inside me Fionn. Want your big cock inside my tight pussy. It’s so wet for you baby.”

Fionn let out a breath you didn’t know he was holding, and before you knew it, you were on your back, looking up at the pretty boy. It was now his turn to cover you in kisses. He took off your bra, and his lips wrapped around your nipple and sucked on the hard nub. He did the same for the other as one of his long slender fingers made its way into your soaked panties and slipped itself inside you. It was your hips that were now bucking up into him, his finger pumping in and out of you and his lips pressing hot, open mouthed kisses to your neck.

“Your pussy is so fucking tight baby. Shit and you’re so wet for me. I’ve got to taste you.” And with that, his fingers left your body, only to pull your panties down your shaking legs. He threw them over his shoulder, and leaned down to press open mouthed kisses to the inside of your thighs. You took this moment to look over at Harry, who you’d forgotten about until now. His boxers were off his body and on the floor next to his feet, as his hand dragged slowly up his hard, red cock. The sight alone, made you let out a whimper as Fionns soft, warm, wet tongue ran itself up your dripping center.  

“Enjoying yourself there, love?” Harry asked you.

And before you could even respond, Fionns lips wrapped around your clit and gave it a hard suck.

“Fuck, Fionn!” you moaned as you bucked your hips up to get more of his mouth. He kissed all the way down you, before his tongue slipped inside you, fucking you expertly. That, mixed with the slow circles he was rubbing on your clit, and the sight of Harry tugging on his oozing cock made your orgasm rip through you. Your toes curled, your back arched and your hips bucked. Fionns tongue was still fucking you, as your vision went white.

“Oh, my god, Fionn fuck baby.” You had a frim grip on his hair as you enjoyed the aftershocks of your high, his thumb still on your clit, his tongue still feeling your velvety, throbbing walls.

When you opened your eyes, you were met with a smiling Fionn, with a mix of his spit and your juices covering the bottom half of his face. He pressed a kiss to your forehead and then said,

“I think someone else wants some of your attention as well.” And he nodded towards Harry who was standing on the side of the bed. You smiled up at your beautiful boy, and for the first time tonight, you kissed a familiar pair of warm, plump lips. You and Harry got lost in your passionate kiss, and you only broke it because of the sound of Fionn tearing a condom open and rolling it on.

“C’mere baby girl.” Fionn said and he pulled you away from Harry and pushed a hand on your back to make you kneel down, your ass touching the tip of Fionns cock, your nose nearly touching Harrys. Fionn wasted no time pushing inside you, you both letting out a loud moan at the feeling. You felt full, to the brim actually. And you knew it wouldn’t take long for Fionn to make you cum, your pussy feeling like silk against his thick cock. Your lips wasted no time wrapping around Harry, him almost doubling over at the feeling of your lips. You couldn’t hold Harrys hips like you normally would, having to keep yourself up, due to Fionn basically pounding  you from behind.

“Fuck my mouth baby.” You said looking up at Harry. He nodded and guided his cock inside your mouth, fucking your mouth at the same pace Fionn was fucking your pussy. The three of you were moaning messes, getting turned on by not only the feeling but also by the atmosphere. You moaned around Harrys cock when Fionn hit that little spot inside you that made you squirm. You squeezed around him as he let out an animalistic growl, driving his length into you hard, causing you to take all of Harrys length into your mouth. Spit was dripping down your chin and onto the bed, your arousal dripping down your thighs. You could feel both Harry and Fionn twitch inside you, just as Fionns fingers began to rub harshly at your clit. This caused your second orgasm of the evening, your jaw going slack and moaning around Harrys cock. He pulled his cock from your mouth and let his hand harshly jerk himself off, his cum painting your face as your name and a string of profanities falling from his lips. You got so caught up in Harry that you didn’t realize Fionn was also cumming inside the condom that covered him. Fionn moaned your name and collapsed onto the bed behind you, and you laid down beside him as he caught his breath.

You moved over to make room for Harry, and as soon as he was in reach, you pressed your lips to his in a hot kiss. He pulled away, admiring the sight of you fucked out, his cum dripping all over your face. He brought a finger up to your cheek, swiping a thick drop of cum off your skin, holding it up to your lips to suck at. You did, sucking on his fingers, just as you did his cock moments ago. You giggled, pressing another kiss to Harrys lips, before he wiped the rest of his cum off your face with a tissue.

“You ok?” he asked you sweetly.

“Great. You?”

“Great.”

You both looked over at Fionn.

“Fionn, you alright man?” Harry asked

“Never better.”

The Dwarvish Incident

Our party consists of: Erelore, a kenku barbarian; Balasar, a dragonborn warlock; and me, Varis, a half-elf fighter 5/cleric 1. We are infiltrating the Cult of the Dragon. Balasar is killing some people in another room.

DM: As you open the door to the kitchen, you see a dwarf, cooking food.

Erelore: I say hello and ask him where we can find Rezmir.

DM: He looks at you and says something in Dwarvish.

Me: I speak Dwarvish!

DM: He says “I don’t speak Common.”

Me: I will communicate with him in Dwarvish. *clears throat* Gold gold gold, jewels beards gold, proud warrior race, dug too deep.

2

so im watching the vcr from the wings tour footage released today and i pause so i can read what the wall says behind jungkook bc bighit always puts rly deep shit on the walls in the background but its. a fucking spongebob quote ???
the one that says “I was born with glass bones and paper skin At night, I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep” ??????

anonymous asked:

Please write a short fic about tony catching peter drinking i would die omg

“Hey, Peter,” 


He froze, eyes widening as he heard the all-too-familiar sound of expensive leather brogues scuffing along the floor a few meters from him, and he turned quickly, brow furrowed into a deep V as he watched Tony wander up to him, all smiles and casual posture, hands buried in the pockets of his grease-stained jeans. He looked like he’d come straight from the workshop, stopping only to throw on a leather jacket along the way.

Why he was here at all, however, made no sense at all.

“T- Mr Stark,” Peter said, trying to communicate with him through eyebrow movements alone. If it turned out that he had to suit up and help out somewhere, he was pretty fucked, considering the fact he’d had a bit to drink at the party he’d been invited to.

Well. He said ‘a bit’. It was possibly more accurate to say ‘a fucking shit-ton’, but whatever.

Tony looked at him blankly, before shooting another smile toward the circle of people who were stood around Peter and staring quite blatantly at the both of them. “Hello, ladies and gentlemen, I’m afraid I have to take Mr Parker away. He’s an intern at Stark Industries, you know how it is. Lots of work, yadda yadda, okay bye,”

And before Peter could even open his mouth, Tony had grabbed him by the arm and snatched the solo cup out of his hand almost angrily, pulling him away from the group of people and through the crowds of rowdy teenagers that littered the huge house.

“Uh, Mr Stark, wha’dd’ya want me for, exactly?” Peter asked, speaking loudly above the blaring music and wincing at how slurred his voice came out.

It had been a weird month, okay. He was just trying it out. 

Tony paused, and Peter saw him purse his lips even tighter before beginning to walk again, guiding Peter through the crowds and holding him tight as he stumbled a little.

“Hey, Parker, leaving so soon?” Flash called out from somewhere to his left, and Peter stopped turning to face him as the other boy wandered toward them. “We haven’t even begun yet, Jesus, are you a pussy or what-”

“Kid,” and suddenly Tony had let go, spinning around and walking up to Flash, who seemed to suddenly recognise who exactly Tony was, because his eyes went hilariously wide and he stumbled backward a few steps. Peter snorted involuntarily, and he saw Tony turn briefly, before shaking his head and looking back to Flash, “it seems like you’re having an absolute ball here, but I’m gonna say something and I’m only going to say it once.”

Tony looked down at Flash, eyes harsh as he drew a little closer. “Leave. Peter. Out of it. Do you understand? He is not here for you to manipulate, not here for you to bully into trying out crazy shit for your amusement-”

“Tony, what the fuck,” Peter blurted, frowning and stepping forward, more than a little put out. He’d only just managed to get accepted by Flash and all the other popular kids, and Tony was just going in, ruining it all, “you’re not my dad- don’t tell me or my friends what I can and can’t do.”

Tony turned, eyebrows raised. “Friends?” He snorted, shaking his head and walking over to Peter once more, taking him by the arm. “You haven’t called in with Aunt May for two days now,” he hissed into Peter’s ear, “she’s worried sick. You are coming with me, right now.”

“No ‘m not,” Peter pushed his hand off, looking over at Tony in anger. “You are fucking….embarrassing me…. in fron’ of my friends-”

“They are not your friends!” Tony snarled, pulling his arm again, “your friends are all currently at home, worrying their asses off because this is not like you, Peter, and they didn’t know what to fucking do, so they ended up calling me. Now you will fucking follow me out of this goddamn place right now, or I am hauling you out.”

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